Our culture strongly inclines us to the view that genuine love must involve complete acceptance of another person – in their good and especially in their somewhat bad science.
我們文化常常告訴我們鳞仙，如果真正愛上一個人，我們一定會接受他／她的全部人格，包括他／她的優(yōu)點桥言，尤其還包括他／她的缺點熏挎。
In moments of fury with our partners, we may be tempted to dismiss their complaints against us with the cry – “Just love me as I am”.
我們有時會對自己的伴侶勃然大怒钩杰，不愿接受他們向我們提出的抱怨隧哮，反而沖對方大聲叫嚷幽勒，“愛我本來的樣子不就很好嘛羽历！”
But in truth, none of us should want to remain exactly as we are in love, and therefore, none of us should too strongly want another person to love as supposed to tolerate or simply forgive what is warped within us.
事實上焊虏，戀愛中的我們沒有誰想一成不變，因此也沒有誰應(yīng)該強烈要求另一方容忍或者哪怕只是原諒我們內(nèi)心的扭曲秕磷。
Genuine love might be defined as gently and kindly helping someone to become the best version of themselves, not accepting themselves precisely as they are.
真正的愛情可能有不一樣的定義诵闭，它就是以溫和體貼的方式幫助自己的愛人成為最好的自己，而不是一味接受他們現(xiàn)在的狀態(tài)澎嚣。
It isn’t a betrayal of love for someone to try to help us to evolve, to teach us, to become better people. In fact, it may be the highest proof of genuine commitment.
事實上疏尿，幫助我們的伴侶改變自己，或告誡他們易桃，使他們變得更優(yōu)秀褥琐，這些都不是對愛的背叛，反而可能代表了最真摯的承諾晤郑。
Unfortunately, under the sway of a romantic ideology that makes us suspicious of emotional education, most of us end up being terrible teachers and, equally, terrible students in relationships.
不幸地是敌呈，受浪漫的愛情觀影響嚼鹉，我們總是質(zhì)疑情感的教育。最后驱富，我們大部分人都會淪為愛情關(guān)系中最糟糕的老師锚赤，同樣也可能會成為最糟糕的學生。
We don’t accept the legitimacy, let alone the nobility of others’ desire to teach us and we can’t acknowledge areas where we might need to be taught.
我們無法接受他人渴望教導我們的心意褐鸥，不會認為它具有正當性线脚，更不會覺得它有多么崇高。
We rebel against the very structure of a lover’s education that would enable criticism to be molded into sensible sounding lessons and to be heard as caring attempts to rejig the more troublesome aspects of our personalities.
我們反叛來自自己的愛人的教育叫榕。這種教育讓使批評變成一種很有說服力的經(jīng)驗教訓浑侥，聽上去只是一種關(guān)愛的舉動，目的就是重新打磨讓我們性格中今人討厭的部分。
Our stance is deeply understandable. To the mother, everything about her tiny infant is delightful, they wouldn’t change even the smallest thing.
我們的立場是可以理解的。對于一個母親來說磷仰，有關(guān)她孩兒的一切都是令人滿意的资锰，她們往往不想孩子改變什么浪慌。Their baby is perfect just as it is. Our idea of love has taken this kind of attitude very much to heart.
孩子本來的樣子就很完美了。我們對愛的理解就表現(xiàn)為這種心態(tài)，并且已經(jīng)根深蒂固。It’s what we grow up thinking that love is supposed to be like.The suggestion that another person could want us to change, grow, or improve is taken as an insult to love.
于是仰税，我們長大后，也認為愛就應(yīng)該如此抽诉。如果有人建議我們改變陨簇，成長或提升自我，我們便覺得它是對愛的侮辱迹淌。
The problem is – the mother never in fact loved us just as we were, she hoped we would keep growing up.
真正的情況是河绽，母親們不愛原初的我們，她也希望我們可以一點點成長起來唉窃。
And the need to keep growing up is still there. Our bodies may be fully formed, but our psyches always have some growing up still to do.
我們?nèi)杂欣^續(xù)成長的需要耙饰。盡管我們的身體已經(jīng)發(fā)育完全，但是我們的心理永遠處于不成熟狀態(tài)句携。
We should never hold it against our lovers if they don’t love us just as we are. They’re doing something far more generous, wanting us to be a little better.
即使我們的戀人并不愛我們現(xiàn)在的自己榔幸，我們也無需認為它是一種愛的背叛允乐。他們無非就是更加寬宏大度矮嫉，想讓我們變得更好而已。
