以下內(nèi)容翻譯自一封美國(guó)媽媽寫(xiě)給女兒的信：
To my two young daughters:
寫(xiě)給我兩個(gè)年輕的女兒：
One day that will come all too soon, your father and I will have to reconcile with the fact that you're going to date and, eventually, settle down. When that time comes, we hope you choose a romantic partner (man or woman, doesn't matter to us) who makes you happy — someone who is kind, honest and respectful (and more, but we'll get to that shortly). Interestingly, when you pick that partner, you will have very little understanding of exactly what it means to spend the rest of your life with someone. In some ways, the cliche is right: It's a leap of faith.
我們知道有一天，你們的爸爸和我終將接受現(xiàn)實(shí)酒唉，你們會(huì)出去和男孩子約會(huì)旱眯，并最終建立屬于自己的家庭比吭。當(dāng)那一天來(lái)臨刺覆，我們真心希望你們可以選擇一位浪漫的人生伴侶严肪。男人 or 女人史煎，對(duì)我們來(lái)說(shuō)并不重要谦屑，重要的是他or她可以讓你們幸福，并且是一位善良篇梭，誠(chéng)實(shí)和值得尊重的（當(dāng)然還有一些品質(zhì)氢橙，但不要著急，我們接下來(lái)就會(huì)講到）恬偷。有意思的是悍手，往往當(dāng)你們選擇那位伴侶的時(shí)候，你們可能并不清楚你們接下來(lái)的人生中你都將與之為伴袍患。從某種角度來(lái)說(shuō)坦康，老話說(shuō)得對(duì)：這一步是天降神跡，雖然前途茫茫不可知诡延，卻憑借著強(qiáng)大的信心邁了出去滞欠。
As a culture, we spend hours upon hours developing academic knowledge, building physical fitness, deciding where to go to college or learning about finances. But we spend very little, if any, time teaching young people how to make the most important decision of their lives. Because that's what it is — your choice of life partner will affect the quality of your life much, much more than where you go to college, what you do for a living or where you make your home.
作為一種文化，我們花費(fèi)大量的時(shí)間來(lái)學(xué)習(xí)學(xué)術(shù)知識(shí)肆良，健身筛璧，決定讀哪一所大學(xué)或者是學(xué)習(xí)理財(cái)。然而惹恃，我們卻用了極少的時(shí)間甚至是沒(méi)有去教會(huì)年輕的一代如何去做出他們?nèi)松凶钪匾臎Q定夭谤。是的，確實(shí)如此巫糙，你選擇的人生伴侶會(huì)很大程度上影響你的生活質(zhì)量朗儒，其影響程度遠(yuǎn)大于你去哪兒讀書(shū)，以什么謀生和在哪兒建造你的家。
Grandma and Papa (my parents) celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary this year, and two sets of aunts and uncles are celebrating their 20th and 30th anniversaries. Your father and I aren't quite that far along at 12 years, but we are very happily married, and those relatives would tell you the same. (Though to be fair, they would tell you this even if they weren't, as would a lot of people, which only adds to the lack of education on the subject.) So when it comes to choosing a life partner and sticking together, I like to think we have some excellent examples around us.
外婆和外公今年剛剛慶祝了他們40周年結(jié)婚紀(jì)念日醉锄，另外兩對(duì)嬸嬸和叔叔們今年剛剛迎來(lái)了他們的20周年和30周年紀(jì)念日疲牵。相比而言，你們的爸爸和我還沒(méi)有那么長(zhǎng)榆鼠，只有十二年纲爸，然而我們的結(jié)合對(duì)彼此來(lái)說(shuō)都非常的幸福，而那些親人們也會(huì)這樣告訴你們妆够。（雖然识啦，也許有一些人的實(shí)際情況并非如此，卻依然會(huì)這樣對(duì)你們說(shuō)）神妹。當(dāng)談?wù)撽P(guān)于選擇伴侶和相伴度日的話題颓哮，我想我們身邊確實(shí)有一些很好的例子。
I'm no expert on love or relationships; I only know what I know through experience as I've watched partnerships around me succeed or fail. So armed with that knowledge, here are eight things I hope you'll consider when choosing your life partner.
我本人并不是一個(gè)愛(ài)情或者親密關(guān)系的專家鸵荠；我只是通過(guò)我身邊的那些或成功或失敗的伴侶的例子來(lái)學(xué)習(xí)到我所知的知識(shí)冕茅。根據(jù)這些知識(shí)，我希望你們?cè)谶x擇的時(shí)候可以考慮下面的八點(diǎn)蛹找。
1. Have the biggies in common.Do you share the same desires when it comes to having kids or not? At least two of your relatives got divorced because the answer to this question was no. Do you have similar attitudes toward religion or spirituality? Do you agree about general personal finance practices — debt payments, savings, splurge purchases? Lastly, and don't underestimate the weight of this one, as it has had a huge impact on your parents' marriage: When it comes to spending time with each other's families (holidays, vacations) and taking care of aging parents, are you in agreement on what's reasonable?
1. 在大的方面有共同點(diǎn)姨伤。你們?cè)谑欠駬狃B(yǎng)孩子的問(wèn)題上面是否有著共同的需求？在你們的親戚當(dāng)中庸疾，至少有兩對(duì)離婚是因?yàn)檫@個(gè)問(wèn)題上面他們的回答是No. 你們對(duì)宗教或者靈性有共同的態(tài)度嗎乍楚？在個(gè)人理財(cái)上面你們的態(tài)度是否一致 - 債務(wù)償還，儲(chǔ)蓄或者購(gòu)買大件物品届慈？最后一點(diǎn)徒溪，但不要低估了這一點(diǎn)然痊，因?yàn)橹辽僭谀銈兏改傅幕橐隼锼兄艽蟮挠绊懥λ猜佟＿@個(gè)問(wèn)題就是：你們是否在花多少時(shí)間和對(duì)方的家庭成員一起度假，如何照顧年邁的父母這樣的問(wèn)題上取得了共識(shí)坏平？
2. Find the yin to your yang.Those commonalities are important, but there's something to be said for having someone who's strong where you are weak. It creates a nice balance and a natural split of responsibilities. For example, I hate dealing with companies — cable companies, banks, electric companies. But your dad doesn’t mind, and he's much better at dealing with people than I am, so he makes those calls. Meanwhile, he can't survive on just a few hours sleep, whereas I can, so I'm the one who gets up with you two and the pets during the night and on weekend mornings so he can rest. (Some people may say that scenario represents stereotypical gender roles, but we both work full-time and have responsibilities at home, so it seems fair to me.)
2.找到他or她身上的“陰性”特質(zhì)來(lái)與你的“陽(yáng)性特質(zhì)”互補(bǔ)揍拆。上面那些共同點(diǎn)的確十分重要渠概，但是我們也希望當(dāng)你們脆弱無(wú)助的時(shí)候身邊的人是堅(jiān)強(qiáng)可靠的。這里面有一個(gè)很好的平衡和自然的分工礁凡。例如說(shuō)高氮，我討厭和各種機(jī)構(gòu)公司打交道 - 電纜公司，銀行和電力公司顷牌。但是你們的爸爸不介意剪芍，并且他在和他們交涉上比我要擅長(zhǎng)多了，所以經(jīng)常是他來(lái)負(fù)責(zé)打那些電話窟蓝。但另一方面罪裹，要是你們老爸睡不夠就好像要了他的命一樣饱普，而我哪怕只有幾個(gè)小時(shí)的睡眠也沒(méi)問(wèn)題，所以一般是我在周末早上叫你們兩起床状共，帶狗狗出去溜套耕，而他可以好好的睡一覺(jué)。（有些人可能會(huì)覺(jué)得這有點(diǎn)像傳統(tǒng)的男女分工模式峡继，但我們兩都有全職工作冯袍，而且在家都有分工，所以這個(gè)對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)挺公平的）
You'll spot shared weaknesses fairly quickly. For example, when your father and I bought our two-story home with a small-but-high-maintenance yard in 2008, we were overjoyed. However, we soon realized neither one of us had any desire to take care of the yard. He grew up in high-rise condos where they didn't have a yard. And I grew up in a home where my father did all that, so I couldn't even start a lawnmower. As a result, our yard is an overgrown mess, the neighbors politely but consistently ask if they can help us clean up, and each fall I comb Craigslist for someone to come bag up all the leaves. Oh well.
當(dāng)然你們也會(huì)很快發(fā)現(xiàn)你們有一些共同的弱點(diǎn)碾牌。例如康愤，2008年你們的爸爸和我一起買了一座兩層樓小別墅，小別墅有一個(gè)小巧別致的院子舶吗。剛開(kāi)始的時(shí)候我們都很興奮征冷。然后很快我們就意識(shí)到，我們誰(shuí)都沒(méi)有興致去打理這個(gè)院子誓琼。你們的爸爸一直住在高層建筑上检激，而在我們家一直都是我爸做那些事。結(jié)果是腹侣，我們的院子里總是長(zhǎng)滿了雜草叔收，而每個(gè)秋天我都會(huì)在craigslist上找人來(lái)收拾那些落葉。哦好吧筐带。
3. Throw out the idea of perfect.Don't make a checklist — mental or otherwise — of traits your future partner must have. You can't conjure up your perfect mate and go buy said robot at Target. If you must make a list, make a list of deal-breakers: no smokers, no drug addictions, no one with a violent felony conviction. Those are healthy boundaries to set.
3. 拋棄“完美”的想法今穿。不要試圖寫(xiě)一個(gè)清單來(lái)舉出所有你未來(lái)的伴侶應(yīng)該具有的特征。就像說(shuō)你不能想象一個(gè)完美的伴侶然后去Target的網(wǎng)站上去定制一個(gè)一模一樣的機(jī)器人一樣伦籍。如果你一定要寫(xiě)一個(gè)清單，請(qǐng)列出那些你不能接受的特征：不能吸煙腮出，不能是“癮”君子帖鸦，不能有暴力傾向。這些是可以設(shè)立的界限胚嘲。
4. Explore compatibility.Some say opposites attract, and that can be true as in the yin and yang mentioned above. But sometimes you need someone with whom you're just a natural fit. Are you both foodies who like to cook or dine out? Do you both have a sense of wanderlust? Are you both couch potatoes? Do you both have a passion for learning? Similarities in activity level and ambition can make for a pair (and eventually a family) that likes to do things together. Basically, do you have fun together? I've had more fun with your father than anyone else, ever. He makes me belly laugh all the time.
4.探索你們的相容性作儿。有些人認(rèn)為相反的會(huì)相互吸引，如果是像上面那樣的陰陽(yáng)互補(bǔ)也許是這樣馋劈。但是有時(shí)你需要一個(gè)人和你是自然契合的攻锰。你們是不是都是喜歡烹飪或者出外就餐的"吃貨"? 你們會(huì)不會(huì)都有某種“癖好”？你們是不是都是"沙發(fā)馬鈴薯”（長(zhǎng)時(shí)間窩在沙發(fā)上看電視的人）妓雾？你們是否對(duì)學(xué)習(xí)都有熱情娶吞？在活動(dòng)層次或者愛(ài)好層次上的相同點(diǎn)會(huì)讓一對(duì)伴侶經(jīng)常在一起做事情。關(guān)鍵是械姻，當(dāng)你兩在一起的時(shí)候妒蛇，你們是否感覺(jué)到快樂(lè)？當(dāng)我和你們的老爸在一起的時(shí)候，我比和其他任何人在一起都快樂(lè)绣夺。他一直讓我捧腹大笑吏奸。
A recent study of more than 24,000 married couples shows you will likely end up with someone similar to yourself — at least in terms of education level, height and weight, and possibly even political preference and psychiatric disorders. Australian researchers found a strong statistical correlation between people’s genetic markers for height and the actual height of their partner, and they found a weaker but still statistically significant correlation between people’s genes for BMI and actual BMI in partners, Science Magazine reports.
一個(gè)近期的關(guān)于多達(dá)24000對(duì)已婚配偶的調(diào)查顯示你最終會(huì)更愿意與一個(gè)與你相似的人相伴為生-不管是教育背景，身高體重陶耍，甚至是政治傾向和心理障礙奋蔚。澳洲的研究者在控制人們身高的遺傳因子和他們伴侶的身高之間發(fā)現(xiàn)了一個(gè)顯著的統(tǒng)計(jì)學(xué)相關(guān)性，還有控制人們體重的基因和伴侶的體重之間也存在一個(gè)稍弱一點(diǎn)但依然顯著地相關(guān)性烈钞。
5. Don't expect people to change.If your prospective future mate is a slob, don't expect them to morph into a neatnik just for you. Sure, some things can change. Maybe a bad cook can get better or someone who snores terribly can tweak a sleep routine to fix it. But ask yourself, if the quality you dislike never changed, could you still love and live with this person?
5. 不要寄希望于人們會(huì)改變旺拉。如果現(xiàn)在你的伴侶候選人是個(gè)邋遢鬼，不要期望這個(gè)家伙會(huì)因?yàn)槟阕兂梢粋€(gè)干凈的整潔蟲(chóng)棵磷。當(dāng)然了蛾狗，有些事情的確會(huì)改變。也許一個(gè)不會(huì)燒菜的人會(huì)慢慢提高廚藝仪媒，或者一個(gè)打鼾的人可以通過(guò)調(diào)整休息時(shí)間來(lái)改善沉桌。但是問(wèn)問(wèn)你自己，如果你不喜歡的這些方面一直不改變算吩，你可以依然愛(ài)著那個(gè)人并且繼續(xù)和他生活下去嗎留凭？
6. Feel as comfortable with them as you are at home.Can you be yourself around this person? I mean, really, truly yourself. Can you laugh until you snort like your mother does and not feel embarrassed? Can you express opinions that may be unpopular or contrary to theirs and not feel alienated? Can you admit that you don't know something without worry of judgement?
6.當(dāng)你們和他or她相處的時(shí)候就像你在家一樣舒適。當(dāng)你在這個(gè)人周圍的時(shí)候你可以做自己?jiǎn)豳顺玻课业囊馑际前梗嬲模瞿阕约貉怪纭Ｄ憧梢源笮Φ貌活櫺蜗缶拖裨谧约簨寢屆媲耙粯佣挥X(jué)得難為情嗎求冷？你可以自由的表達(dá)也許對(duì)他們來(lái)說(shuō)并不熟悉甚至是相對(duì)的觀點(diǎn)而不會(huì)覺(jué)得被排斥嗎？你能夠不用擔(dān)心被評(píng)判的承認(rèn)自己對(duì)于一些事情所知甚少嗎/
7. Don't just love them, like them.Life partner means for the rest of your life, and hopefully that will be a loooooong time. When you're middle aged and exhausted and can't muster up the energy to party all night, will you enjoy a quiet night at home with just the two of you? Do you have long talks or conversations where you feel interested in this person and what they have to say? Do they make you laugh? This is why some people say it's good to be friends first. If you genuinely like them, I think you're more likely to keep investing in the relationship and trying to make it work, even (especially?) when it's hard.
7.不要只是愛(ài)他們窍霞，也喜歡他們匠题。人生伴侶意味著你余生，那將會(huì)是相當(dāng)長(zhǎng)的一段日子但金。當(dāng)你們已經(jīng)人到中年韭山，再也不能徹夜狂歡的時(shí)候，你是否享受你們兩安安靜靜的待在家里冷溃？你們是否可以長(zhǎng)時(shí)間來(lái)討論彼此覺(jué)得有趣的點(diǎn)或者對(duì)方說(shuō)過(guò)的話钱磅？他們是否可以讓你們哈哈大笑？這也是為什么有些人說(shuō)先當(dāng)朋友是個(gè)不錯(cuò)的主意似枕。如果你真心喜歡他們盖淡，我相信你們會(huì)很自然的去投入到關(guān)系當(dāng)中并努力使它運(yùn)作正常即便是艱難的時(shí)候。
8. Look for good partnership qualities aside from chemistry.Whether romantic, business or otherwise, these qualities make for a good partnership: empathy, integrity, honesty, reliability, stability and emotional availability. When you hit bumps along the road — and you will, whether it's a serious illness, a death in the family or job loss — a good life partner will demonstrate those qualities and help you get through it. But there's nothing like hard times to show who's loyal to you and who's not. If life hands you a lemon and your partner bails on you emotionally, it's time to reconsider your choice.
8.除了化學(xué)反應(yīng)之外菠净，也尋找那些具有良好的合作伙伴氣質(zhì)的人禁舷。不管是商業(yè)關(guān)系彪杉，親密關(guān)系還是其他，這些品質(zhì)都適用于一個(gè)好的合作伙伴：同情心牵咙，正直派近，真誠(chéng)，可靠洁桌，穩(wěn)定和不俗的情商渴丸。當(dāng)你撞到了“路沿” - 無(wú)論是疾病，失業(yè)或者親人的離去 - 一個(gè)好的人生伴侶會(huì)展現(xiàn)出以上的品質(zhì)并幫你渡過(guò)難關(guān)另凌。沒(méi)有什么時(shí)候會(huì)像艱難的時(shí)刻那樣更好的顯示出誰(shuí)忠于你谱轨，誰(shuí)不是。當(dāng)生活不盡如人意的時(shí)候而你的伴侶在你的情感方面離你而去吠谢，那么是時(shí)候重新考慮你的選擇了土童。
The decision of choosing a life partner is yours and yours alone. This is what I've learned from my own experience, and I'm just trying to share as much knowledge as I can to help you with the process. No matter whom you choose, your father and I will still love you more than anything else in the world.
選擇一個(gè)人生伴侶的決定是你的而且也只能是你的。這是我從我自己的親身經(jīng)歷中得出的工坊，并且我試圖盡可能多的把我的知識(shí)分享給你們來(lái)幫助你們献汗。不管最終你們選擇了誰(shuí)，你們的爸爸和我都會(huì)一直愛(ài)著你們超過(guò)這世間的一切王污。
Love,
愛(ài)你們的罢吃，
Mama
媽媽
