在公司你好心提出建議，
卻不知為什么領(lǐng)導(dǎo)會(huì)秋后算賬。
在生活里你好心指出朋友的缺點(diǎn)司致，
卻不知為什么他從此就不再理你拆吆。
在戀愛中你好心向?qū)Ψ酵侣哆^往，
卻不知為什么他可能會(huì)離你而去脂矫。
為什么在交往中會(huì)有那么多的陷阱枣耀？
為什么好心的談話會(huì)帶來那么多的傷害？
為什么談話中的兇險(xiǎn)無處不在羹唠？
What do you do when you don't feel like it's safe to share what'son your mind?
當(dāng)你覺得談話不安全的時(shí)候你會(huì)怎么做奕枢。
你愿意坦露心扉嗎？
你愿意在交往中坦誠嗎佩微？
如果遇見這種情況你會(huì)怎么做缝彬？
你能夠識(shí)別什么時(shí)候談話是安全的？
為什么確定安全型的問題那么重要哺眯？
Once you've spotted safety problems,
you can talk about the most challenging of topics by stepping out of the content and building enough safety that
almost anything becomes discussable
Say a friend said some things to?you that most people might get upset over.?
In order for this person?to be able to deliver the delicate message,?
you must have?believed he or she cared about you,?
or about your goals andobjectives.?
That means you trusted his or her purposes so you?were willing to listen to some pretty tough feedback.
為什么交談中內(nèi)容不是最重要的谷浅？
Crucial conversations often go awry not because of the content?of the conversation,
but because others believe that the?painful and pointed content means that you have a malicious?intent.
How can they feel safe when they believe you're out to do?them harm?
Soon, every word out of your mouth is suspect.
awry [?'ra?]adj.錯(cuò)誤的；扭曲的
go awry
if something goes awry, it does not happen in the way that was planned
出岔子奶卓，出錯(cuò)
My carefully laid plans had already gone awry.
我精心制訂的計(jì)劃已經(jīng)出了岔子一疯。
The technology we depend on is going awry.
Our civilization is going up in flames.
我們賴以為生的科技正走向歧途，我們的文明正面臨著威脅夺姑。
The key is to step out of the content of the conversation.?
Don't stay stuck in what's being said.
The first condition of safety?is Mutual Purpose.
為什么目標(biāo)一致那么重要墩邀？
Mutual Purpose means that others perceive that we are working?toward a common outcome in the conversation,?
that we care?about their goals, interests, and values.?
And vice versa.?
We?believe they care about ours.?
Consequently, Mutual Purpose is?the entry condition of dialogue.?
Find a shared goal and you have?both a good reason and a healthy climate for talking.
The?second?condition of safety is Mutual Respect.
為什么相互尊重那么重要？
While it's true that there's no reason to enter a crucial conversation if you don't have Mutual Purpose,?
it's equally true that you?can't stay in the conversation if you don't maintain MutualRespect.?
Mutual Respect is the continuance condition of dialogue.
As people perceive that others don't respect them,?
the?conversation immediately becomes unsafe and dialogue comes to?a screeching halt.
Why? Because respect is like air.?
If you take it away, it's all?people can think about.?
The instant people perceive disrespect?in a conversation,?
the interaction is no longer about the original purpose-it is now about defending dignity.
