我是一個矛盾的人露久，雖然工作一直是和數(shù)據(jù)打交道，但是在錢方面我是一如既往的迷糊，從來不知道自己帳戶里有多少錢饶深。我一貫是只要知道帳戶里的錢夠用就行了。打完電話專門查了一下賬戶里的錢逛拱，原來賬戶里的錢比我想象的多呀敌厘，稍稍竊喜了一下。大概算算朽合，寄一半的錢回去俱两，如果沒有意外饱狂，應該能夠爸媽這兩年的費用了。
晚上我把自己鎖在房間里宪彩，拉上窗簾休讳，坐床上抱著電腦寫信。極力克制著心里的悲傷和憤怒尿孔，盡量讓語氣顯得平和衍腥。再傷心再憤怒又有什么用，我是在對著一堵墻說話纳猫。當寫到爸媽的病情的時候，我還是抑制不住的崩潰了竹捉。這么久以來芜辕，我一直刻意避免去想，去看郵件块差，每每想到侵续，心里都是撕心裂肺的疼，忍不住的淚水憨闰。我丟開電腦状蜗，讓淚水肆意的流淌。一封郵件鹉动，我寫了三個小時轧坎，該說的我都說了，該做的我都做了泽示，從現(xiàn)在開始缸血，我所做的一切都是為了我的家人，我是為了家人而活械筛，而他不再是我的家人捎泻。
自從決定走這一步的時候，我就開始用英文寫所有的郵件埋哟，主要是為了以后走程序方便笆豁。再回來看這封3年前的信，盡管已經(jīng)滄海桑田赤赊，還是難以抑制的會有情緒波動闯狱。最多的還是心疼那時的自己，感嘆時間是治愈一切傷痛的良藥砍鸠。
我把信的原文放在這里扩氢，這封信應該就是一切結(jié)束的開始吧。
It’s been more than one year since you left home. I don’t know where you are; I don’t know what and how you are doing; I don’t know even if the person who is reading this email is really you, since I don't have your phone number, nor your address or your where about. I have neither heard your voice nor saw your face since you left one year ago up to now. It is a very unusual situation in today's time with so many advanced and convenient communication methods everywhere. It is not a way that a husband supposed to do to his wife and his family. I asked the same questions so many times and never get any answer from you. I honestly couldn’t think of any reason that you would disappear like this, I hope it’s not you are doing something dodgy.
I have to say, the past 13 months has been the hardest time of my life. I don’t know if you ever imaged how hard it is for me to live with this kind of stressful situation, handling everything in my life without you, my husband, my other half of our family. I often feel so tired, helpless and hopeless. Our family that I was once so proud of is falling apart because of your action. Without any warning, I lost almost everything in my life which I was so cherished and so certain of – the home, the husband and everything else associated with it. After all this time, I am still trying very hard to keep all the broken pieces together, or you can say basically just surviving for the pieces in my life which still matters to me. If you still remember before you took off, we have discussed how we were going to support my parents when my dad was diagnosed with kidney failure and my mum still recovering from lung cancer operation. Last month when I went back to China to take care of my parents and found they were in very difficult situation. My dad has to go to hospital three times a week for renal dialysis while waiting for the kidney transplant. He was very weak and anaemic. My mom has weekly injection to prevent the recurrence of her lung cancer. They had been trying very hard to manage everything by themselves and always told me don't worry about them, take care of myself and my own family. They never told me their true health condition until I was in China and found out they were in such difficult and helpless condition. I was shocked and felt guilty that I haven’t been there for them when they were in need of help. I am the only child of them, they raised me up with unconditional love and always supported me, even when they are in such difficult time, they still tried hard not to burden me. I had hoped you would be here with me and go through this difficult time with me. Well, it seems never going to happen. You leave me with no choice other than to be strong and make decision myself just as the other decisions I have made for the past year. I am going to do everything I could, use all the resources I have to hold on the only family I have left in this world for as long as I can, as best as I can.
I really hope you have a very good reason to be absent at this time ... hope to really hear you soon. Christmas is coming, will you be home by then or you will just remain disappear forever? The least you can do is give me an honest answer!
V
