離開上海去日本之前在wordpress開了一個小眾博客蛔趴，雖然有著一個月一篇文的野心嚣崭，堅持了五六篇后也懶散下來，不過對于我來說宾尚，碼字比看心理醫(yī)生還有效丙笋，所以繼續(xù)不溫不火的寫著谢澈。
我是在四月份結束日本生活回到重慶的，一年前去日本時我的目標很明確御板，放縱六個月锥忿，好好沖刺語言，大半年之后找工作怠肋，安定下來敬鬓，順其自然結個婚，不能自然就四五年后再從長計議笙各。但過去一年里家里大大小小出了不少事兒钉答，我爸只干干脆脆的丟了三個字“你自私”！為了維持我和這臺永久牌ATM的關系酪惭，年初回家時立了保證書希痴，畫押（震得墻都裂了）。
周圍的朋友都說對比中國目前越來越冷的家庭觀春感，我這一舉動是大孝砌创，但提到日本的父母與子女關系，那是真的冰霜鲫懒。我的那位快七十仍在教書的日文老師嫩实，自曝和她女兒同住屋檐下卻是二十年沒有真正交流；另一位三十歲時髦活潑的日本女性友人窥岩，大學離家后維持著和家人一年僅僅一通電話的頻率甲献。這不是特例，而是日本的普遍社會現狀颂翼。相反國內個個看似酷到不行的朋友晃洒，每年都牽著爸媽東走走西晃晃，在日本人看來應該反而是騷擾了彼此吧朦乏。
日本最基本的生活原則就是“不要給別人添麻煩”球及。去銀行申請開戶，如果對自己的日文沒有足夠的信心呻疹，那請你叫上日文好的朋友吃引，否則就會給銀行的工作人員“添麻煩”，耽誤所有人的時間刽锤。去失物招領處取回遺忘在地鐵里的錢包時镊尺，除了謝謝，你還得說對不起并思，給你添麻煩了-- 不光麻煩了那位撿到你錢包送過來的人庐氮，還麻煩了這位幫你保管的朋友。電影正片看完之后你得傻傻的耐心的靜靜的坐到整個演職人員名單宋彼，主題曲弄砍，插曲颅筋，贊助商全部播放完畢之后才可起身走人，不然又是給別人“添麻煩”的行為输枯。日本的文化里，即使是父母也是別人占贫，相比中國家庭四個老人圍著孫子孫女轉的情況桃熄，在日本要請老人幫忙帶小孩，那也就是一件“給別人添麻煩”的事型奥。大概是崇尚集體主義的日本人年輕時沒有太多自己的時間瞳收，現在好不容易退休解放了，怎么能被第三代綁架呢厢汹？所以日本的老人們生活都非常繁忙螟深，有的直到80歲還在繼續(xù)工作（老齡化問題使日本60歲退休后老人仍可繼續(xù)少量的工作），有的熱衷于園藝烫葬，嚴謹的安排著根據不同植物生長周期的作戰(zhàn)表界弧，有的就流連于小鋼珠和居酒屋瀟灑人生了，反正也不用擔心兒子女兒的學費生活費搭综，因為那都得孩子們自己打工賺垢箕。
我和我爸的關系一度也是這樣不聞不問，小時候家里窮兑巾，我們全家三口和二伯全家三口以及爺爺奶奶条获，8個人一起住在一個80平方米不到的地方，那時候跑來跑去也并不覺得擁擠蒋歌。全家以八路軍爺爺為中心進行著食不言寢不語的軍事化生活帅掘，導致劉家的小孩全部都是挨打挨過來的。由于爸爸忙著掙錢堂油，一年到頭也看不到幾眼修档，能記住的都是被教訓的時刻。記憶的高潮就是反叛期的我称诗，一度被我爸一根筋的認定有了早戀的苗頭萍悴，早戀就要扼殺！隱約感覺那段時間有人跟蹤了我兩個禮拜寓免，但那時諜戰(zhàn)片沒現在這么普遍癣诱，所以見識少的我完全沒有還手的機會，只能祈禱著考上最遠的大學袜香，離家撕予。不過真走了之后，我也有過由于想家躲在宿舍廁所里嚎啕大哭的經歷蜈首，心也隨之軟了下來实抡。大概是大三回家過年時欠母，發(fā)現老爸開始喜歡追憶往事，眼里閃的光除了柔也還是柔吆寨，這應該就是人開始變老的時候吧（如果你的口頭禪也變成了赏淌，你還記得我們以前...... hello 老人）！加上受到太多洋片和洋文學“愛要及時說出口”的影響啄清，我開始大踏步向爸媽靠近六水，主動匯報，主動分享辣卒，我爸還在男朋友的問題上對我諄諄教誨掷贾，一針見血的指出不能只找?guī)浀模蚧@球打得好的荣茫。我還是奔著臉蛋去了想帅。
爸媽退休后我非常義正嚴辭的督促他們多學習，多栽花種草啡莉，趁著能走多嘗試新的挑戰(zhàn)港准。我這人對自己不嚴格，對身邊親近的人反而非常嚴苛咧欣。我爸在我的嘮叨下火了叉趣，野心爆棚的趕往鄉(xiāng)下一心一意的搞什么夢想農場，有豬有鴨该押，還要打造自釀酒窖疗杉，已經差不多快兩個月沒看到他；我媽則選擇沉迷于書的海洋——網絡穿越小說蚕礼，把每個男主角都幻想成陳偉霆烟具，活得比我還少女。
看看父母奠蹬，想想一晃過了1/3的我的人生朝聋，腦海中飄過一篇去年讀過的文章，想要跟大家分享囤躁。大意就是如果我們能幸運的活到90歲冀痕，一生的時間用圖形表示出來，按年看是這樣：
按月看是這樣（每一橫行代表36個月狸演，3年）：
按天看就是這樣（每兩行一年言蛇，每段十年）：
那我們能和父母在一起的剩下的時間（文章作者以自己為例，今年34歲宵距，假設高中畢業(yè)前每天與父母見面腊尚，上大學之后平均每年與父母見面10天，活到60歲時父母仍健在）
所以满哪，當我們步入大學校園時婿斥，就已經用掉了差不多93%能和父母相處的時間劝篷，現在，正消耗著臨近結束的5%的時間......心突然疼了吧民宿？把父母換成生命中其他對你重要的人再想想娇妓，兄弟姐妹，你的發(fā)小活鹰，你遠在天涯的摯友峡蟋，雖然并不是再也見不了面，只是我們和他們每次見面的時間也已經慢慢接近了最后一面的邊緣华望。
時光流逝，光陰荏苒仅乓，我們能盡力做到的也只有：
1. 定居在一個有你愛的人的城市赖舟；
2. 把更多的時間留給你認為重要的人；
3. 記住上面的插圖夸楣，好好珍惜每一次相聚的時光宾抓。
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I started a blog a year ago before my departure to Osaka. I was updating it once a month in average at the beginning, until my level of ambitious got tempered by an urge to truly embrace the comforts of Japan - I was too comfortable to write. Words have always been therapeutic for me; therefore, I am about to load and unload again...
I got back to my hometown Chongqing this April. I had immense clarity and perspective before I chose to take a sabbatical in Japan. Balance and build in rest, master the language, settle down and maybe get married; relocate to somewhere else after 4 or 5 years if I am still not married off by then. But last year was pretty rough for me and my family, lots of unpredictable changes. My dad had called me SELFISH to my face at some point which was a kick in the head - do I really want to upset my permanent ATM? NOT A CHANCE. Without any hesitation, I signed this "Moving back to Chongqing" unequal treaty.
Well, they say my act was rare given nowadays very few children in China care about their parents. Lately a survey indicates that Japan has weakest parent-child relationships among Trumpland, South Korea and China. My 60 years old Japanese teacher and his daughter stopped communicating 20 years ago despite they live under the same roof. Another stylish Japanese friend of mine, said she only calls her family once a year after leaving for college. Look around my Chinese friends, 90% of whom would make time to travel with their parents every year. Who said we don't care?
As for Japan, DO NOT cause troubles for someone else is the ultimate rule living in this country. Don't go to the bank or post office alone if your Japanese is not good enough, you will end up causing troubles for the staff and others waiting in the line. When you go retrieving your lost item at the Lost & Found centre, besides "arigatou", an apology is also necessary since you troubled the person who found your item as well as the one who handed back to you. In Japanese schools, teaching children self control is as important as teaching academic content. You need to possess unnatural patience to "stay out of trouble" when going to a movie in Japan, no one leaves their seats until the entire credits sequence rolled up after the movie ends. In Japanese culture, parents are considered "someone else". Compared to Chinese grandparents who "lean in" holding the baby in order to help their children pursue professional goals, Japanese grandparents refused to let that baby hijack their own lives. They might keep working (labor shortages due to its shrinking population), concentrate on that gardening project which was supposed to be done 30 years ago, or chill in the pachinko place, get buzzed and happy. After all they got nothing to worry about, their kids are paying their own way through college once they turned 18.
My dad and I used to be that "indifferent". Our family of three, my uncle's family of three, plus my grandparents, eight living human beings shared an apartment of 80 square meters big. It was awesome (hurdling was the major sports in the house). We lived by the Confucianism 101: Do not speak at the feeding or sleeping time and believed in Tiger Parenting. I had to run down 4 floors one time to pick up the bun skin that I threw out after attacking the meat inside when my grandpa caught me in action… I wasn't a sharp kid. Like every other family in China at 80s, the father had to provide. I barely saw my dad when growing up since he was always out. Yet he still managed to have me followed cuz he was convinced that I fell in love with some bad boy during my teen rebellion period. It might look funny now. But I was really hurt at that time. I stopped talking him and my only wish was to stay far far away. As a matter of fact, emotional abuse is the worst kind. Some tips for today's kids, you have seen The Bourne Identity or Mission Impossible, there are many better approaches to lose a tail!
I can't remember exactly since when things started to change between dad and I. Perhaps it was around my junior year spring break, my dad somehow admitted how he felt sorry that he wasn't there for me when I needed him. I suddenly noticed a deep tenderness sparkling in his eyes. I couldn't help giving him a real hug and told him I am ok now. Yes, all those cheesy "express your love before it's too late" lines in rom-coms I had watched way more had affected me. We began to talk more and trust each other more. He even gave me advice on boyfriend - enjoy boys for who they are, not because they play basketball well or look pretty. Dah!
Since my parents got retired this year, I have successfully transformed into a hovering helicopter by rushing them to come up with a retirement plan, not only the want-to-do list, but also the detailed how-to-do agenda. I wasn't always hard on myself but I was always super hard on people closest to me. Thanks for that, my dad is cultivating his dream farm in the countryside, building up the pigsty and fixing a mini rice wine factory every day. Great, I haven't seen him for two months already. My mom? Following my advice of reading more books, she is now addicted to the time travel romance novels on the internet and obsessed with handsome young actors in the time travel TV series.
As I am writing, I thought of this article that I had read before. I think it is worth sharing here as it reminds us a very important part of life. If we can live to 90, visually it my look like this by years:
By months:
By days:
And the days of our in-person parent time (let's say you are as old as the author, 34, hypothetically having both parents alive into his 60s, and the average of his in-person parent time after leaving home for college is 10 days per year)
It turns out that when we went to university, we had already used up 93% of our in-person parent time. We are likely now enjoying the last 5% of that time. WE ARE TOWARDS THE END. Mind you, it's a similar story with our sisters, cousins, and dear always-on-the-same-thought-wave-length friends. Despite not being at the end of your life, you may very well be nearing the end of your time with some of the most important people in your life.
What we do with all these negative energy? Time is fleeting and I don't think we will all live to 90, for that reason, you may want to consider these three things:
1. Living in the same place as the people you love matters.
2. Priorities the remaining face time with people that truly matters to you.
3. Keep those charts in mind and cherish every minute when you are together.
原創(chuàng)文章，請勿隨意轉載
