3.21 翻譯練習(xí)

他還以畫作為科舉升官的一種考試，每年以詩詞做題目世吨，刺激出許多新的創(chuàng)意佳畫。如題目為“深山藏古寺”呻征，許多人畫深山寺院飛檐耘婚，但得第一名的沒有畫任何房屋，只畫了一個和尚在山溪挑水陆赋。另題為沐祷，“踏花歸來馬蹄香”，得第一名的沒有畫任何花卉奏甫，只畫了一人騎馬戈轿，有蝴蝶飛繞馬蹄間，凡此等等阵子。這些都極大地刺激了中國畫意境的發(fā)展思杯。

我的譯文：He set paintings as a form of imperial examination and advancement. Every year, the topics of paintings came from poems, which created many great artworks. For example, a great many of people drew cornices of temples in remote mountains to show ancient temples in remote mountains, the subject. However, the champion never drew any houses. Instead, he only drew a monk collecting water beside a stream. Likewise, the champion never drew any flowers to show the fragrance of flowers attached to horses' hooves after an outing in spring. Instead, he drew a man riding a horse, while butterflies ?flying between its hooves. These exams has improved the development of the Chinese paintings' artistic conception enormously.

夏神點評&學(xué)習(xí)筆記：

（1）advancement
我的譯文：He set paintings as a form of imperial examination and advancement.
這里的 advancement的確可以表達職位的晉升，地位的提升挠进。但是色乾！前面是要加詞語的，比如social领突，career暖璧。我的譯分析：文中，前面有imperial 君旦，看上去像是在說皇室晉升……這在現(xiàn)實中其實不可能澎办。
我的更正：He set paintings as a form of imperial examination and career advancement.

（2）the subject
我的譯文：Every year, the topics of paintings came from poems, which created many great artworks. For example, a great many of people drew cornices of temples in remote mountains to show ancient temples in remote mountains, the subject.
分析：這里句尾加the subject，顯得句子比較啰唆金砍，并無必要局蚀。
我的更正：Every year, the topics of paintings came from poems, which created many great artworks. For example, a great many of people drew cornices of temples in remote mountains to show ancient temples in remote mountains, the subject.

（3）houses
我的譯文：However, the champion never drew any houses. Instead, he only drew a monk collecting water beside a stream.
分析：這里用house并不準(zhǔn)確！
我的更正：However, the champion never drew any buildings. Instead, he only drew a monk collecting water beside a stream.

（4）attach
我的譯文：Likewise, the champion never drew any flowers to show the fragrance of flowers attached to horses' hooves after an outing in spring.
分析：這里用attach不準(zhǔn)確恕稠，這個詞含義是to fasten or connect one object to another 系琅绅；綁；貼鹅巍；固定千扶；連接；附上骆捧，并不符合香味縈繞的狀態(tài)澎羞。
我的更正：Likewise, the champion never drew any flowers to show the fragrance of flowers lingered on horses' hooves after an outing in spring.（根據(jù)朗文在線詞典，linger是不及物動詞敛苇，表示to continue to exist, be noticeable etc for longer than is usual or desirable煤痕。）

（5）between
我的譯文：Instead, he drew a man riding a horse, while butterflies ?flying between its hooves.
分析：這里用between也不對。因為其含義是 in or through the place that seprates two things, people, or places。然而摆碉，馬是四蹄。
我的更正：Instead, he drew a man riding a horse, while butterflies ?flying among its hooves.（根據(jù)朗文在線詞典脓豪，among表示in or through the middle of a group of people or things巷帝。此外，關(guān)于between和among的區(qū)分：To talk about position, use among if there are more than two people or things around someone or something, and between if there is just one person or thing on each side. After words such as 'relationship' or 'difference', use between, even when there are more than two people or things.）

（6）conception
我的譯文：These exams has improved the development of the Chinese paintings' artistic conception enormously.
分析：意境用conception不準(zhǔn)確扫夜。
（暫無更好糾正）

群里小伙伴們的練習(xí)解析整理：

He even set painting as one of the imperial competitive examinations in which poems were offered as questions and inspired many masterpieces with new innovations. For example there once was a question which was extracted from a poetry "the ancient temple hidden in deep mountains" and many candidates presented temple buildings among the mountains while the winner of the examination drew nothing about temples but only a monk carrying water nearby a mountain stream. In another examination with the question "fragrance around horse hoofs after an excursion in flowery fields" the first place winner didn't draw any flowers but only a man riding on a horse with several butterflies flying around the horse's hoofs. There were many other examples and all of these stimulated the development of Chinese paintings' ?artistic conception greatly.

夏神解析：
文章翻譯不錯楞泼。但是“飛檐”一詞是不能省譯的。因為題目是深山藏古寺笤闯。畫師肯定不會去畫山中寺廟的全貌……畢竟題目有個藏字嘛堕阔！通行做法肯定是畫建筑物（最高）的一部分，那么就是飛檐了颗味。您的譯文容易讓讀者誤解為畫師畫了山中的寺廟建筑……

我的思考：
（1）升官：此譯文省譯了“科舉升官”中的“升官”一詞超陆。科舉是中國古代通過考試選拔官吏的制度浦马，因此“科舉”和“升官”意思相近时呀，可以省譯其中一個詞。
（2）extract：這個詞用得很好晶默，值得借鑒谨娜。通過朗文在線詞典，extract表示to take information or a short piece of writing from a book磺陡。
（3）around：around表示surrounding or on all sides of something or someone趴梢，用于表述在馬蹄間飛舞的蝴蝶，并無不妥币他。

He even set painting as a part of imperial examination and took poem as the topic that stimulated many new creative works. For example, the title"historic temple hide in deep mountains", the first prize ?painted only a bronze carrying water in ravine stream rather than deep mountains, temples and cornices ?painted by other students. Another title was"return after enjoying flowers, aroma surrounding the horseshoes", the champion selected flowers instead of many butterflies flying around the hooves while a man was riding on the horse. ?By this way,all of them stimulate the artistic conception development of Chinese painting greatly.

夏神解析：
總體翻譯很好坞靶。但是譯文中的"the champion selected flowers instead of many butterflies flying around the hooves while a man was riding on the horse"需要再斟酌。

我的思考：
（1）bronze：bronze是“青銅”的意思圆丹，不應(yīng)該選用這個詞滩愁。應(yīng)該改為monk。
（2）aroma：aroma意為a strong pleasant smell 芳香辫封。
（3）selecte flowers instead of many butterflies flying around the hooves：整體看起來有點奇怪硝枉。首先原文寫的是第一名的畫家畫了蝴蝶在馬蹄間飛舞，而這里變成了用花替代了蝴蝶倦微。其次妻味，flying around...這里是修飾前文的，在這句話里欣福，變成了flowers flying around...责球。

He even set painting as one of the imperial and promotion examinations, where poems were cited as questions, thus inspiring a lot of creative works. For instance, when there was a question that an ancient temple was hidden in mountains, though many took mountains and cornices of a temple into their paintings, the winner didn't draw anything above but a monk carrying water nearby a stream in mountains. Another example is that when requested to draw according to an extraction from a poem that horse hoofs were with fragrance after trampling over flowers to return, the winner didn't draw any flower but a man riding on a horse with its hoofs surrounded by butterflies. There were still more examples, and all these exceedingly stimulate the development of Chinese painting's artistic conception.

夏神解析：
建議多查閱詞典再進行翻譯。像此文中的“trample”，是to step heavily on something, so that you crush it with your feet雏逾，用于此處嘉裤，稍欠詩意。宜查閱“踏花”的意思栖博，再進行翻譯屑宠。

He even set painting as one form of imperial examination ( a cadre-election system in ancient China) ,with poetry as the subjects every year, stimulating many ingenious paintings. For example, the subject was Old Temple Hidden in Deep Mountains, most candidates draw deep mountain and the cornice of temple, but there was no building on the paper of the winner, only a monk carrying the water from the mountain stream. Another title was Horseshoe Scented with Flowers after Spring Outing, the winner only presented a man riding a horse, with a few butterfies flying around horse hoofs without a flower, and so on. What he did above have substantially promoted the artistic conception’s development of Chinese painting.

夏神解析：
行文非常流暢，并且英文很地道仇让，還在必要之處加了解析典奉。翻譯得非常精彩！

我的思考：
（1）scent：scent可以作名詞或者動詞丧叽，作動詞時卫玖，意為to give a particular smell to something 使充滿...的氣味；發(fā)出氣味踊淳。
（2）Spring Outing：“踏花”假瞬，又作“蹋花”嚣崭，意為游春笨触、踏青。因此可以譯為“春天出游”雹舀。

細心的小伙伴發(fā)現(xiàn)芦劣，“the subject was Old Temple Hidden in Deep Mountains, most candidates draw deep mountain and the cornice of temple, but there was no building on the paper of the winner”，這一句中時態(tài)并不一致说榆。應(yīng)該寫成“the subject was Old Temple Hidden in Deep Mountains, most candidates draw drew deep mountain and the cornice of temple, but there was no building on the paper of the winner”虚吟。

另外，小伙伴們繼續(xù)提問签财，可以用逗號把這么長的分句都串在一起嗎串慰？夏神表示，可以譯文修改為唱蒸，“For example, the subject was Old Temple Hidden in Deep Mountains. While most candidates drew deep mountain and the cornice of temple, but there was no building on the paper of the winner, only a monk carrying the water from the mountain stream the winner drew no temple in his work, but a monk fetching water from the mountain stream.”邦鲫。這樣做，譯文更有現(xiàn)場感神汹。

He also applied drawing to a kind of test of imperial examination and used poems as titles, ?stimulating ?the emergence of many new original masterpieces. Take the title "ancient temple hiding in deep mountains" as an example, the great majority answered with eaves of ancient temple there, but the champion drew no houses but just a monk who is carrying water in mountain stream. For another one titled with " the house's hooves turned fragrant after speeding with flowers underfoot", the person ranking first also drew no flowers but merely a man who is riding with butterflies circling around the horse's hooves, etc. All of these greatly stimulated the development of the traditional Chinese paintings' artistic conception.

夏神解析：
首先庆捺，不宜使用apply to。Apply to雖然有“應(yīng)用”的意思屁魏，但這種應(yīng)用滔以、運用通常是指運用某種技術(shù)。而原文是指將作畫設(shè)置為科舉科目氓拼，是一種機制建設(shè)你画，而不是運用……宜改用make或者set抵碟。其次，a kind of test of imperial examination坏匪，此處的a kind of顯得中式英語拟逮，宜去掉。另外适滓，new與original語義重復(fù)唱歧，masterpiece含義太過。再者粒竖，“the great majority answered with eaves of ancient temple there”，there放在句末不太流暢几于，如欲指代深山蕊苗，宜改為in the mountain……還有，answer沿彭、houses朽砰、in the stream、speeding with flowers underfoot喉刘、conception等用法也不妥當(dāng)瞧柔。

He also added painting to the Civil Service Examination System, chose poetry as topics each year. That stimulated many imaginative paintings. For example, in the topic “Old temples hidden in the mountains”, many examinees painted mountains, temples and cornices, but the best one painted a monk fetching water beside a mountain brook without any building. In another topic “Coming back with fragrant horseshoe after passing the flower covered road”, the champion did not paint a single flower but a man riding a horse, and the butterflies fluttering around the horseshoe. All these things greatly improved the artistic conception in Chinese painting.

夏神解析：
整體很好。第一句處理成公務(wù)員考試太現(xiàn)代了……不符合語境睦裳。踏花……一句對原文理解不當(dāng)造锅。查一下詩句典故，可以參考其他同學(xué)廉邑，用Spring Outing這種表述哥蔚。flutter一詞用的很好。請繼續(xù)努力蛛蒙！

我的思考：
（1）flutter：根據(jù)朗文在線詞典糙箍，flutter表示if a bird or insect flutters, or if it flutters its wings, it flies by moving its wings lightly up and down。非常形象生動牵祟。

He even took paintings as an exam of Imperial examination and promotion. Every year he took poetries to be a topic, having stimulated many new excellent and creative paintings. For example, one topic 'An ancient temple hidden in a remote mountain '. Many people drawn remote mountain, temple and highest building , but the one who got the first prize did not draw any buildings, just drawn a monk carrying water from the hill stream. Another topic ' Going back and smelling the fragrance from hooks ?of horse.The champion did not draw any flowers but draw a man riding horse with butterflies flying around the horse's hooks. There were many similar examples, all ?dramatically ?stimulated the development of Chinese paintings' artistic conception.

夏神解析：
首先深夯，第一句和第二句連用兩個take，顯得詞匯非常匱乏诺苹，宜改用其他詞語咕晋。而且，an exam of Imperial examination筝尾，顯得啰嗦捡需，第一個exam可以換成表達“科目”“項目”的單詞。其次筹淫，poetry是集合名詞站辉，是種類詞呢撞，不可數(shù)的，不可以寫為poetries饰剥。另外殊霞，第二句中“having stimulated”并不妥當(dāng)，不應(yīng)用現(xiàn)在完成時汰蓉。第四句中绷蹲，“drawn”時態(tài)錯誤，宜用一般過去時態(tài)顾孽。還有祝钢，“飛檐”一詞宜查字典后翻譯。此外若厚，first prize拦英、hill stream、conception等詞用法不準(zhǔn)確测秸。最后疤估，“踏花”一詞并未譯出。

He even brought in painting as the testing content of the annual imperial examination, and the subject of the painting was usually concerned with the artistic conception or expression of a poem. With this measure taken into the imperial examination, a lot of original paintings were created by the examinees. For example, one of the subjects was an old temple hidden in the mountain. as for this subject, most examinees produced mountains and cornices on the paper霎冯，but only one painter, who drew a monk taking water from the stream, won the first place. Another subject was houseshoe scented with flowers after spring outing. The winner drew no flowers at all, but some butterflies fluttering around the horse hoofs. The appearing of these outstanding painting works in the examinatioms greatly stimulated and promoted the developement of traditional Chinese painting's artistic conception.

夏神解析：
除了conception一詞的用法铃拇，整體很好。

He used painting as the promotion of imperial examination. Stimulating many new creative paintings by seting poetry examination questions.For example,under the title of "A hidden old temple in the remote mountains".most people painted remote mountains and old temple.However,the first examinee merely drew a monk who carried water from ?the mountain creak instead of drawing any buildings.Another title is "after stepping on the petal,the hooves is fill with potpourri when he is returning".The first examine did not draw any flowers,just drawing a person who is ridding on horseback. In addition there are else other examples like this.These all promoted the artistic conception of Chinese painting enormously.

夏神解析：
首先沈撞，在“He used painting as the promotion of imperial examination.”這一句中慷荔，用use一詞并不妥當(dāng)，將繪畫納入科舉关串，其實是創(chuàng)設(shè)一種制度拧廊，用set 或者萬能動詞make都是可以接受的。其次晋修，在“Stimulating many new creative paintings by seting poetry examination questions.”一句中吧碾，peotry用得不太好，變成了詩意的考試試題……和原文意涵有差距墓卦。還有倦春，“飛檐”一詞并未譯出。而在“However,the first examinee merely drew a monk who carried water from ?the mountain creak instead of drawing any buildings.”一句中落剪，first examinee并不能表達第一名……有第一個考試者的歧義睁本。另外，“Another title is "after stepping on the petal,the hooves is fill with potpourri when he is returning".”翻譯得不太好忠怖，有點難以理解呢堰。而otpourri這個詞的含義是 a mixture of pieces of dried flowers and leaves kept in a bowl to make a room smell pleasant 并非指戶外的花香。在下一句中凡泣，漏譯了“蝴蝶”枉疼。還有皮假，在“In addition there are else other examples like this.”一句中，else other這種譯法并不妥當(dāng)骂维，直接用other examples即可惹资。最后，conception用法不對航闺。

He even set painting as one of the imperial examination and took poems as the topic which stimulated many creative works.For example,the subject was"Old temple hidden in deep mountains". Many candidates draw cornices of temple in deep mountains, otherwise the winner drew no temple, but a monk fetching water from the mountain stream. Another question is "fragrance around horse hoofs after admiring the flowers", the champion didn't draw any flowers, but ?a man riding a horse, with butterflies surrounded horse hoofs, and so on.All this competitions exceedingly promoted the development of the artistic conception of Chinese painting.

夏神的解析：
整體做的不錯褪测。但是第一句中，用了one of 潦刃，后面名詞要用復(fù)數(shù)侮措。admire一詞用的不錯。后面的surround要用ing分詞乖杠。最后萝毛，conception用法不對。

最后特別鳴謝南下的夏天主編～

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