譯文BY劉安娜20161009
原文作者：里奧·巴伯塔（LEO BABAUTA）
A reader wrote to me that he is frustrated with himself — he hasn’t been as compassionate to people as he’d like recently.
有位讀者給我寫信靴跛，說(shuō)對(duì)自己感到失望——他最近沒(méi)有像他希望的那樣富有同情心了缀雳。
Lots of us experience this: we’re judgmental, quick to snap at people, getting frustrated with how other people act, judging people who have different beliefs than us.
我們很多人都有這種經(jīng)歷：總帶著批判的眼光，厲聲打斷別人梢睛，對(duì)他人的反饋感到沮喪肥印，批判那些與我們持不同信念的人识椰。
The reader who wrote to me is actually aware of being judgmental — most of us don’t even realize when we’re doing it. We think we’re right to judge others, to be frustrated with them, to snap in anger.
寫信這位讀者意識(shí)到了這種批判——我們大多數(shù)人都沒(méi)意識(shí)到我們是這樣的。我們覺(jué)得自己有權(quán)評(píng)判他人深碱，有權(quán)對(duì)他們感到沮喪腹鹉，有權(quán)怒氣沖沖。
This reader, in contrast, sees the less-than-friendly actions he takes and sees that they’re not aligned with the good person he wants to be, the compassionate person he is at heart. He sees the less friendly actions and wants to change them. That is worthy of celebration.
相反地敷硅，這位讀者看到了自己不那么友好的行為功咒，意識(shí)到了這行為與他想成為的一個(gè)好人相悖，也不匹配他內(nèi)心的同情绞蹦。他觀察到了這種不友好的行為力奋，想要改變。這值得慶祝幽七。
In this primer, I’d like to talk about how to be more understanding, and then how to be mindfully compassionate on an everyday basis. Of course, I am as guilty of being judgmental and less-than-compassionate as anyone else, so I don’t want to convey the impression that I’m above anyone. I’m not!
我想淺談一下如何更富有理解力景殷，如何每天都懷有謹(jǐn)慎的同情心。當(dāng)然澡屡，我和你們一樣猿挚，也會(huì)批判別人，缺乏同情心驶鹉，所以我并非想顯得高人一等绩蜻。因?yàn)槲覜](méi)有！
That said, I think this is important: when we are judgmental, it hurts our relationships with others, and makes us frustrated and unhappy. We can dissolve all of that, and be happier and more loving with other people and ourselves.
我是說(shuō)室埋，我認(rèn)為重要的是：我們的指責(zé)傷害了和他人的關(guān)系办绝，讓我們沮喪、不開心姚淆。我們可以解決這事兒八秃，更開心，更愛(ài)他人以及自愛(ài)肉盹。
The Basics of Being Understanding
富有理解力的基礎(chǔ)
When we’re feeling frustrated with others, when we notice ourselves judging others … we can use this as a signpost that it’s time to try understanding them instead.
我們對(duì)他人失望時(shí)，我們注意到自己指責(zé)別人時(shí)……可以把這看作轉(zhuǎn)為試圖理解他人的指示牌疹尾。
We judge people all the time:
我們總是在指責(zé)：
? They are acting badly, so we’re frustrated with them他們表現(xiàn)太差上忍，所以我們很沮喪。
? They eat differently than us, so we think they’re wrong他們和我們吃的不同纳本，我們覺(jué)得他們錯(cuò)了窍蓝。
? They live differently than us, so we think they are dumb他們生活方式不同，我們覺(jué)得他們傻繁成。
? They have different political views than us, so we think they’re deluded他們的政見(jiàn)與我們不同吓笙，所以他們上當(dāng)受騙了。
? They’re overweight, poor, have a different religion, speak poorly, dress badly, are on their phones all the time, taking too many selfies, have too much sex, are too prudish, etc. etc.他們太胖了巾腕，太窮了面睛，是異教徒絮蒿，口齒不清，穿得太差叁鉴，總是講電話土涝，拍太多自拍照，滾太多床單幌墓，假正經(jīng)但壮，等等等等。
We don’t recognize all of this as being judgmental, but it is. So when we’re doing it, let’s use it as a mindfulness bell.
我們沒(méi)意識(shí)到這些全都是批評(píng)常侣，但確實(shí)是蜡饵。所以一旦我們這么說(shuō)，就當(dāng)作是思想的警鐘胳施。
Here’s what you can do when that mindfulness bell sounds:
當(dāng)思想敲警鐘時(shí)溯祸，你可以這么做：
1. Seek to understand. Instead of having an instant opinion about someone, challenge yourself to be curious instead. See if you can try to understand the person rather than thinking they’re wrong. If we are judging someone, we’re not understanding them. We have a lack of knowledge that’s causing us to be judgmental.
尋求理解。克制評(píng)價(jià)別人的沖動(dòng)巾乳，轉(zhuǎn)為訓(xùn)練自己的好奇心您没。看看你能否試著理解別人胆绊，而不是直接認(rèn)為他們錯(cuò)了氨鹏。我們批評(píng)別人時(shí)意味著我們并不理解。缺乏相關(guān)的知識(shí)導(dǎo)致我們橫加指責(zé)压状。
2. Ask how you can see the good-hearted explanation. Ask how you can explain the other person’s behavior in a good-hearted way. There’s an explanation that makes the other person seem inconsiderate, ignorant, wrong. And then there’s one that assumes the other person has good-hearted intentions. This isn’t always easy, but if someone is doing something irritating, we might assume they are just trying to be happy. When someone lashes out at you, they might be experiencing fear. We might assume this fear means they want to protect their tender hearts. There’s always a good-hearted way to explain an action, even one we might think of as evil. We don’t have to condone that action, but we can see the tender heart that lies beneath it.
自問(wèn)是否有善意的解釋仆抵。自問(wèn)他人的行為是否存在一種善意的解釋。他們的行為可能輕率种冬、愚昧镣丑、大錯(cuò)特錯(cuò)，這是一種解釋娱两。另一種解釋是別人的意圖是好的莺匠。這并不容易，但如果某個(gè)人行徑令人惱火十兢，我們也可以假設(shè)TA只是想要高高興興的趣竣。如果別人攻擊你，他們可能正經(jīng)受恐懼旱物。我們可以認(rèn)為是恐懼讓他們想要自我保護(hù)自己脆弱的心遥缕。即便是我們可能以為邪惡的行為，也能找到善意的解釋宵呛。我們并不需要寬恕那種行為单匣，但我們能看到行為背后的溫柔心靈。
3. Remember what it’s like to go through that difficulty. We have all experienced fear, frustration, anxiety, uncertainty, wanting to go away from discomfort. If we see the good-hearted intention behind the action, we can see the difficulty they’re having that goes with that intention. And we can remember what it’s like to have a similar difficulty — remember the pain, fear, frustration, anger, grief that goes with that difficulty.
記住克服困難的感覺(jué)。我們都有恐懼户秤、挫敗码秉、焦慮、不確定虎忌、想要逃離不適的感覺(jué)泡徙。如果我們能看到行為背后的好心善意，我們就能看到他們面對(duì)的困難膜蠢。我們可以記住我們面對(duì)相似困難的感覺(jué)——記住伴隨困難而來(lái)的那種痛苦堪藐、恐懼、挫敗挑围、憤怒和悲痛礁竞。
Once we start to understand the person and their actions, see the good heart behind the actions, empathize with their difficulty … we can start offering compassion.
一旦我們開始理解別人和他們的行為，意識(shí)到行為背后的美好心靈杉辙，對(duì)他們的困難感同身受……我們就能同情和理解模捂。
A Simple Compassion Method
簡(jiǎn)單的激發(fā)同情心方法
If you can empathize with the other person’s difficulties, then you can offer them compassion:
如果你對(duì)他人的艱難感同身受，你就能表現(xiàn)出同情心：
? If they’re suffering pain or stress, you can simply wish for an end to that pain or stress.如果他們?cè)诮?jīng)受痛苦或壓力蜘矢，你只需盼望著快些結(jié)束狂男。
? You might also wish for them to be happy.你可以祈禱他們更快樂(lè)。
? You might even send love from your heart to theirs.從內(nèi)心向他們傳播愛(ài)品腹。
A good daily practice is compassion meditation. Try this for just a few minutes a day:
同情心冥想可以作為一項(xiàng)良好的每日練習(xí)。每天用幾分鐘做以下嘗試：
1. Simply sit still and picture yourself in pain or stress (from your actions, or from other things). Feel it in your body.保持冷靜舞吭，想象自己處于痛苦或壓力之下（出于行為泡垃，或其他什么事）。體會(huì)身體的感覺(jué)羡鸥。
2. Wish yourself happiness. Wish for an end to your difficulties. Give yourself some love.希望你自己得到幸福蔑穴。期待磨難過(guò)去。給自己一些愛(ài)惧浴。
3. Now repeat this with a loved one, picturing them in pain. Wish for an end to their difficulties, wish for their happiness, send them love.現(xiàn)在對(duì)你愛(ài)的人重復(fù)這個(gè)部分存和，想象他們處于痛苦之中≈月茫渴望他們的磨難過(guò)去哑姚，希望他們幸福，給他們一些愛(ài)芜茵。
4. Repeat the process with a good friend, a colleague, a neighbor, and a stranger.對(duì)一位好朋友重復(fù)這個(gè)過(guò)程，接著對(duì)一位同事倡蝙，一位鄰居九串，最后一位陌生人。
5. Finally, picture everyone in the world, and wish for their happiness and an end to their difficulties.最終，對(duì)全球每個(gè)人如是想象猪钮，希望他們得到幸福品山，磨難消散。
This meditation can just take a few minutes a day. It helps cultivate compassion inside of us. When you see other people struggle, you’ll notice this more often, and wish for them to have an end to that struggle. It will take awhile, but if you do this daily (or as close as you can), I believe you’ll see a difference.
這樣的冥想每天只花幾分鐘烤低。它能幫助我們培養(yǎng)內(nèi)心的同情心肘交。你會(huì)更加留意到別人的苦苦掙扎，希望他們的磨難盡早過(guò)去扑馁⊙纳耄可能會(huì)花一段時(shí)間，但如果你每天練習(xí)（或者盡可能頻繁）腻要，我相信你會(huì)看到變化的复罐。
——想法——
同情心是一種能盡量設(shè)身處地的考慮他人的感情，和同理心類似雄家，可以說(shuō)是人類獨(dú)有的感情效诅。正因?yàn)槿祟悓?duì)于同類富有同情心、同理心趟济，當(dāng)看到別人遭受不幸時(shí)乱投，盡管承受者并不是我們自己，我們也會(huì)感同身受（至少部分的）顷编，進(jìn)而戚炫，我們會(huì)向他人提供幫助」葱В靠著互助嘹悼，人類形成了更大的群體，比其他物種存活率更高（當(dāng)然层宫，這對(duì)其他物種大概也不是什么好消息）杨伙。當(dāng)然，我也并不是說(shuō)萌腿，我就比其他人強(qiáng)限匣。恰恰相反，正是因?yàn)槲乙灿兄@樣的弱點(diǎn)毁菱，我才希望注意到并改變米死。讀這篇文章的時(shí)候，我也在反省贮庞。
courser（在線學(xué)習(xí)網(wǎng)站峦筒，包含多門全球名校熱門課程）有一門很受歡迎的社會(huì)心理學(xué)課程，授課導(dǎo)師風(fēng)趣幽默窗慎，學(xué)識(shí)淵博物喷。他曾講到卤材，現(xiàn)今社會(huì)有許多問(wèn)題，我們對(duì)彼此越來(lái)越冷漠峦失，不愿意伸出援手扇丛，更有一些人傷害他人而毫無(wú)悔意，大多數(shù)事件的背后原因是同理心缺失尉辑。
不過(guò)帆精，話說(shuō)回來(lái)，同情心不是任何時(shí)候都適用的隧魄。正如老話說(shuō)卓练，可憐之人必有可恨之處。不是所有的行為背后都有善意堤器，也不是所有的艱難都是出于外界付諸的不幸昆庇，過(guò)于泛濫的同情心是一種資源浪費(fèi)和對(duì)其他人的不公平。所以文章中里奧也講到是mindfully compassionate闸溃，帶有審慎意味的憐憫整吆，富有同情心并不等同于濫好人。
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