前面三篇文章我寫了關于愛的力量详炬，對夢想與現(xiàn)實的探討叹哭，以及我在職業(yè)生涯里的“向前一步”俗批。這一篇文章是關于懷孕生子的話題。
2015年我寫了篇英文文章秘蛔，“媽呀陨亡，我懷孕了傍衡！”(附在中文版后面）登在領英網(wǎng)上后收到很多積極的反饋。文章寫的是自己懷二胎時的真實故事负蠕，希望以此給職場的女性朋友一些鼓勵蛙埂，也給上司們一些啟發(fā)。
今天再發(fā)這篇文章并不是為了響應國家的二胎政策遮糖，也不是為了號召大家都去生孩子绣的。不過畢竟生兒育女是人生大事，初入職場的年輕女性肯定會遲早面臨類似的問題：我應該何時開始懷孕當媽媽呢止吁？懷孕會影響我的職業(yè)規(guī)劃嗎被辑？懷孕了我怎么樣告訴老板？
希望這篇文章拋磚引玉敬惦，也能給碰到類似問題的朋友們一些啟發(fā)和思考盼理。
原文及中文如下：
“媽呀，我懷孕了俄删！”
寫下這個標題時宏怔，我自己都笑了。心想一旦這標題發(fā)到朋友圈畴椰，不知會收到多少祝賀和疑問呢臊诊。
也許有人會說，你在想什么靶敝抓艳？瘋了？
好吧帚戳，別激動玷或，我沒懷孕。何況我又不是什么網(wǎng)紅影星片任，即使真懷孕了也不應是什么大驚小怪的事情偏友。
不過玩笑歸玩笑，（當時）我發(fā)這篇文章前对供，在網(wǎng)上搜索了一下與這個標題相關的信息位他。可以肯定的是产场，不管用哪個搜索引擎鹅髓，搜到的結果都與工作、職場京景、女性事業(yè)發(fā)展迈勋、管理培訓這類話題基本不搭界。
做為一個職業(yè)女性醋粟，如果你以和對待家人一樣的方式對老板和同事大聲宣告自己懷孕了靡菇，那你一定是搭錯了哪根筋重归。
我想這理由是不言自明的吧。
在此厦凤，我以自己的親身經(jīng)歷鼻吮，試圖淺析每一位步入職場的女性朋友遲早必須回答的難題：
1. 什么時候最適合生孩子？
2. 孕期和產(chǎn)假會影響職場發(fā)展嗎较鼓？
這是沒有簡單的答案的椎木。
我就從自己當年在美國懷二胎并如何告訴我的老板的故事著手寫。
首先得說博烂，我非常喜歡我那時的老板喬·普拉卡香椎。而且說起喬，凡是和他共過事或他手下的人都會同意我的看法：喬是一個非常棒的老板禽篱！在我的職業(yè)生涯中畜伐，我從來沒見過任何一個比喬更加以實際行動真正地培養(yǎng)下屬，并不斷為下屬（包括女性下屬和我本人）創(chuàng)造機會的美國老板躺率。當年我在喬的大部門任職時玛界，他全權負責新業(yè)務發(fā)展，產(chǎn)品管理悼吱，市場和銷售四個核心部門慎框，而其中包括我在內(nèi)三位總監(jiān)是女性。另外后添，喬的部門當時還有四名女性高級經(jīng)理笨枯。喬主持開會時，經(jīng)常都是他和銷售總監(jiān)阿爾被身邊強大的紅顏包圍遇西。本來銷售部門壓力就大馅精，在這種情況下，阿爾基本上是常年在開心卻高壓的環(huán)境中工作努溃。
大家可能知道硫嘶，美國的法律規(guī)定用人單位需要在聘用阻问、提升梧税、待遇等各方面公平對待少數(shù)族裔和女性，有關單位會對這些規(guī)定的執(zhí)行定期進行審核称近，所以我們的人事部門每年也會對公司管理者進行培訓和內(nèi)審第队。每次人事總監(jiān)來給我們對此項法規(guī)培訓時，我們都會拿喬開心找樂刨秆，也會相互提醒要手下留情別把阿爾給氣走了凳谦。順便說一句題外話，可以毫不夸張地說衡未，阿爾是公司尸执、甚至我們行業(yè)里（包括客戶）所有女性的男神家凯。
當時喬的大部門在我們?nèi)竞蘸沼忻３艘驗閱痰穆毼缓筒块T重要性如失，另一個特殊的原因就是绊诲，喬的部門不管任何時候，總是有一個以上的女性骨干在懷孕或休產(chǎn)假褪贵。
2003年春天掂之，我們在墨西哥的坎昆召開年度銷售大會。當時我正在和喬討論年度產(chǎn)品預算脆丁、價格政策等關鍵話題世舰，他突然有點緊張地看著我，笑著說槽卫，“湘?zhèn)ジ梗衲晡覀兊每茨懔恕Ｄ阒赖纳辜校琒裆馒，M，J三個都懷孕了丐怯∨绾茫”
當時我管著北美地區(qū)幾億美元業(yè)務的產(chǎn)品戰(zhàn)略包括產(chǎn)品定價。這幾位懷孕的女性分別是新業(yè)務發(fā)展總監(jiān)读跷，一名商務經(jīng)理和一名資深大客戶經(jīng)理梗搅。
我當然向喬保證自己義不容辭，一定全力以赴地支持他效览。
那時无切，我絕對沒有膽量去告訴他，其實我也已經(jīng)有孕在身丐枉！
可憐的喬哆键，我想，如果當場告訴他我也懷孕的消息瘦锹，也許他挺得住籍嘹，但是萬一給他在墨西哥搞出個心臟病來，那我的責任可大了弯院！
不用說辱士，銷售會結束后的那個周末我坐立不安。其實那時我不但懷孕了听绳，而且還在盤算著要辭職呢颂碘。當時我已經(jīng)在瑞士羅氏維生素公司工作快十年，可是那年它被荷蘭帝斯曼集團收購了椅挣。我想我正好可以辭職重新開始头岔，也可以結束那時正兩地分居的家庭生活塔拳。
接下來的周一我一大早就進了公司,等在喬的辦公室門外。一般都早到的喬見到我有些吃驚峡竣。他一邊開門蝙斜，我一邊毫不客氣地跟著他進去。不等他開口澎胡，我就說孕荠，“早安，喬攻谁！我要告訴你一件事情：我也懷孕了稚伍！”
說完我如釋重負。我現(xiàn)在還記得喬臉上瞬間的驚訝戚宦，他公文包掉地上的聲音个曙，以及隨之而來他的擁抱。
“哇受楼！恭喜你垦搬！我真為你高興！”
我毫不懷疑喬是真心為我高興艳汽。但是憑我對喬的了解猴贰，他也一定在想，“現(xiàn)在我怎么辦河狐？誰來干活懊兹啤？”
為了讓喬安心馋艺，我們坐下來聊了一下我和另外幾位準媽媽的大致時間表以及一些工作安排栅干。關于辭職的事情我卻是過了三個月才提的。
接下來的幾個月我工作夜以繼日捐祠，似乎被一種雙重的責任感和緊迫感所驅(qū)動碱鳞，我有使不完的力氣。同時我也覺得自豪和快樂踱蛀。
當我終于鼓足勇氣窿给，告訴喬我準備辭職，休完產(chǎn)假后不回來工作時星岗，喬很明確地說我那樣的想法非常愚蠢填大。他的理由很簡單戒洼，”你怎么知道你休完產(chǎn)假后就真地想呆在家里呢俏橘？遞個辭職報告還不容易，辭了再想回來可就不同了圈浇。而且現(xiàn)在處于公司兼并后的整合時間寥掐，你正好放心休息靴寂，公司的事情什么都不要操心≌僭牛” （值得注意的是百炬，很多女性都會為懷孕生產(chǎn)期間不能150%的為公司付出覺得內(nèi)疚，有時候情愿辭職也不愿意與公司談談條件污它。）
后來知道剖踊，喬其實比我自己更了解我的職業(yè)抱負。因有了喬的指點衫贬，我沒有遞上辭呈德澈。后來，我確實是從新澤西搬去了休斯頓生孩子固惯。但是公司給了我一個新的工作機會梆造，我可以在家里上班，作美國南部大客戶經(jīng)理葬毫。雖然那份工作讓我降了職位镇辉，我也很愿意，因為我打心眼里就一直覺得跟客戶打交道是最能練就本事的工作贴捡。所以我說我的職業(yè)生涯不是一條直線忽肛，也沒走過捷徑，但我很高興自己有那段寶貴的客戶經(jīng)驗烂斋。后來我很快又被公司升為負責日化產(chǎn)品的副總裁麻裁，并進入到公司在北美地區(qū)的核心管理層。我至今都非常感謝喬在關鍵時刻給了我最有力的支持源祈。
很多人問我怎么平衡工作和生活煎源。我不喜歡這個問題。對我而言香缺，工作是人生的一個重要組成部分手销。如果工作時間不算生活，那不就是說工作=折壽嗎图张？我們怎么可能把生活分割成吃飯锋拖、睡覺、走路祸轮、戀愛兽埃、交配、生子适袜、工作呢柄错？生活本身是奇妙的組合。有些事情我們能施加影響甚至完全掌控，有些事情我們無能為力售貌。我每天能做到的就是把每個日子都過好给猾、過到極致，包括我們工作的時間颂跨。
回想起來敢伸，我一直覺得自己非常幸運。我養(yǎng)育了一對讓我驕傲的兒女恒削，當然池颈，這一路也有艱辛，也有很多人幫我钓丰，但我同時也能在職場上不斷取得進步饶辙，每天學到新的東西、交到很多朋友斑粱。
我說我很幸運弃揽，但是運氣不只是偶然的邂逅。我始終認為则北，我們都可以為自己創(chuàng)造運氣矿微，但前提是要有變得幸運的強烈欲望。我們一旦有了這樣或那樣的夢想尚揣，除了要相信自己的運氣涌矢，最重要的還是努力再努力，然后運氣就來了快骗。
現(xiàn)在我再回到寫這篇文章的初衷娜庇，我希望告訴那些為了懷一胎或二胎而倍受困擾的女性：如果當媽媽是你人生一個重要的愿望和計劃，那就不要與懷孕的機會失之交臂方篮。勇敢地面對自己的大肚子名秀，勇敢地面對你的老板、你的下屬和所有相干或不相干的人藕溅。懷孕的最好時機就是當你看著別的嬰兒停步不前匕得，想入非非的時候。一旦你想做媽媽了巾表，其它理性的顧慮都可以暫時拋開汁掠。畢竟相對而言，懷孕是更有時效性的集币，事業(yè)的有效期卻可以隨著生命的延長而延長考阱。
作為女性，我們被造化賦予了神奇神圣的使命- 孕育生命鞠苟，延續(xù)生命乞榨，讓生命超越自我秽之、穿越時空并無限靠近永恒 - 這是女性本身的偉大之處、值得驕傲的資本姜凄。因此，我還有一個很鮮明的觀點趾访，我從不認為懷孕是女人作出的犧牲态秧；懷孕也不是什么毛病，我們千萬別因為懷孕把自己搞得太嬌氣了扼鞋。至今為止申鱼，我仍然覺得我的兩次懷孕都屬于我人生最重要，最特殊云头，最美麗捐友，最值得回憶的經(jīng)歷。
最后溃槐，我想對男性以及女性上司們說：我期待看到大家都像我當年的老板喬那樣來支持身邊的女性匣砖。我相信大家同意，雖然科技越來越發(fā)達昏滴，但目前我們的世界還是需要女性愿意懷孕生子的猴鲫，所以我們也有責任讓處在這個特殊時期的女性在工作環(huán)境中感覺舒服自然，更不應該讓她們承受任何形式的歧視谣殊。
更何況拂共，其實懷孕待產(chǎn)、產(chǎn)后的女性也是非常高效的姻几。最近刷屏的五孩兒成功媽媽宜狐、三孩兒成功媽媽有不少。雖然我沒有科學證據(jù)蛇捌，但是我相信很多快樂的媽媽們都會同意這個觀點抚恒。
或許你的故事也可以幫到很多人呢，歡迎你也來分享络拌。
- 湘?zhèn)?
2015年6月
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"OMG, I AM Pregnant!"
I laughed as I wrote down the title, wondering how many congratulations I might get in my mailbox tomorrow.
Some might even say, what are you thinking, crazy woman!
Okay, calm down. Before the rumor goes viral (I meant in my company; I am not Kim Kardashian, whose name popped up immediately when I googled the title), I promise I am still mostly sane, and I am not pregnant.
But jokes aside, before posting this essay, I did google the title, and found pages and pages of search results. You can be sure of one thing: this topic is not visibly displayed on any websites focusing on job search, professional networking, women's career advancement, management training, or executive coaching.
As a professional woman, you must be quite crazy to announce your pregnancy in your work place in the same way you would proudly announce it to your family and friends.
Do I have to explain why?
With my own story, I try to scratch the surface of the daunting questions that every professional woman entering the workforce might face one day:
1. When is a good time for having a baby?
2. Will my pregnancy / motherhood affect my career development?
There are no simple answers to these questions.
I still remember how I informed my then-boss Joe LaPlaca when I was pregnant with my son.
I must say I loved Joe! Everyone that worked for Joe or with Joe would agree with me: What a great man! What a fantastic boss! In my entire career, I could not think of anybody who did more to take real actions to develop people and support women's career development including mine.
I recall that at one point, Joe had three women directors and four women managers in his team of new business development, commercial management, and marketing & sales. We often had meetings with seven women, plus him, and a male sales director. Once or twice a year, our HR manager would come to train us hiring managers on Equal Employment Opportunity and Affirmative Action. As you can imagine, our only two men in the room and the seven women always enjoyed the great time of winking, laughing, and teasing each other--especially directed toward our boss Joe.
There was one unique situation that Joe, more than anyone else in our company, had to deal with: At any given time, one or more of these seven women would be pregnant!
In spring 2003, at our annual sales meeting that took place in Cancun, Mexico, Joe and I were going through our budgets and stuff, and he leaned to me with a nervous smile: "Xiangwei, you've got to help me a lot in these coming months! As you know, S, M, and J are all expecting."
Well, these pregnant ladies were our top account manager, commercial manager, and new business development director, respectively. And I was the commercial director overseeing pricing and product strategies for multi-hundred-million dollar businesses.
I assured Joe, as usual, that I would do my very best to help out!
At that moment, I chickened out of telling him that I was three months pregnant myself!
Poor guy, I thought to myself, he might be able to handle the news, but I'd better not take the chance of giving him a heart attack in Cancun.
Needless to say, I spent my weekend restlessly. Not only was I pregnant, but I was thinking about quitting my job!! The company division in which I had worked for 10 years (Roche Vitamins) had just been acquired by DSM (my current employer). I thought it was going to be the perfect timing to start a new life after my maternity leave.
On the coming Monday, I got to work early and waited right at the door of Joe's office.
Joe was normally always one of the earliest people in the office. He was obviously surprised to see me greeting him at his door.
I walked in, and together with my "Good Morning, Joe!" I said immediately, "I have something to tell you; I am pregnant too!"
What a sense of relief as I broke the news! I will never forget the shock on Joe's face, the sound of his briefcase hitting the floor, and his big warm hug that followed right after.
"Wow!! Congratulations!! I am so happy for you!"
I have not the slightest doubt that he was genuinely happy for me.
But knowing Joe, he must have been thinking: What am I going to do now?
We then sat down, talked about my timing, and chatted some more. I did not bring up the topic of quitting until three months later.
As promised, in the months that followed, I worked incredibly hard with a strong sense of intensity and urgency. I wanted to get everything done and organized before my leave. By the way, as I already know now, we can never get everything done in life. But I was fired up. I was happy and proud.
As it turned out, Joe seemed to know my professional ambitions better than I did. When I told him I was thinking of not coming back to work after my maternity leave, he basically told me I was stupid not to wait and see how I would feel afterwards. He actually told me that my timing was perfect, because we were going through the integration of two companies anyway! Quitting is easy! Once you quit, to come back will be so much harder. (Let's take a pause here. How many bosses out there would put our employees at ease like Joe did for me! On the other hand, we women often feel guilty for taking time off, for not being able to give 150%, and we quit instead of negotiating!)
I planned to quit my job at that time also because I wanted to move and join households with my then-husband who lived in another city.
But thanks to Joe, I never submitted my resignation. Six months later, after I moved and delivered my son in Houston, I was offered a sales job that allowed me to work from home!--My career path was not a straight line, and I made no shortcuts, good or bad--that's another story for another time!
I often get bombarded with the question, how to balance work and life. I don't mind being asked, but I don't really like the meaning behind it at all. Work is a part of life. Otherwise, our lives would be immediately shortened by the years we work! How can we separate these integral parts of our lives into pieces such as sleeping, eating, dating, mating, laboring, and working! Life is a beautiful mystery all together, there are things in life we can shape, things we can influence, and things we have no control over. All we have to do is cherish life and live to our fullest, even when we are working!
When I think back, I just feel lucky that it all worked out for me: I have been able to raise two wonderful children while advancing myself professionally.
Yes, we always need luck! But luck is seldom totally random. Luck is often like a wonderful dish made of many ingredients cooked in the right way at the right time. To get lucky, we must first work on getting the ingredients that will bring us luck! We can create our own luck. But it first starts with the strong desire to get lucky.
Now, back to my original intention for writing this essay, I wish to tell those women that are still troubled and concerned about their (future) pregnancy: Be brave to embrace pregnancy and motherhood if this is part of your life plan. The best time to get pregnant is when your heart yearns to be a mother! Be brave to tell your boss, too.
On the other hand, I must also say that getting pregnant is not a sacrifice. At least not for me. I still feel that my two pregnancies are the most important, memorable, and special periods of my life! As women, we are blessed to be able to experience something so unique in its true meaning and beauty: nurturing life, connecting and reaching beyond our own time! Maybe it's worth another blog, but I think having the victim mentality will neither create luck nor get us anywhere.
Finally, to male (and female) bosses, colleagues: I wish that you can all be the supportive Joe in your work place! I am sure you'd all agree that we need women to have children, or our world will be in trouble! So, we must help our women feel at ease at work before, during, and after their pregnancy!
The good news is that pregnant women tend to have incredibly high productivity. I have no scientific evidence except my own experience to support the claim. I am sure Joe would agree with me too.
...............
If you liked my story and found it helpful to you, your family, your friend, or your company, please click the share button so that more people could benefit from it. Not only that, imagine the signal you'd send to your employees if you shared your thoughts on this publicly on LinkedIn.
And of course, I feel already rewarded because of your time and your encouragement!
Thank you!!
Xiangwei
June 7, 2015
