4

Authenticity

真實(shí)

1.It is one of the ironies of love that it is easiest confidently to seduce those to whom we are least attracted. My feelings for Chloe meant I lost any belief in my own worthiness. Who could I be next to her? Was it not the greatest honour for her to have agreed to this dinner, to have dressed so elegantly ('Is this all right?' she'd asked in the car on the way to the restaurant, 'It had better be, because I'm not changing a sixth time'), let alone that she might be willing to respond kindly to some of the things that might fall (if ever I recovered my tongue) from my unworthy lips? 我們自信能不費(fèi)吹灰之力碗短，即可征服我們最不在意的人，但欲望中包含的鄭重成分阻止了愛情游戲所需要的漫不經(jīng)心么鹤，而且從心上人身上發(fā)現(xiàn)的完美所產(chǎn)生的吸引力诀浪，又會(huì)引發(fā)我們的自卑感棋返，這些真是愛情中令人啼笑皆非的事情。我對克洛艾的愛戀意味著我不再能看到自身的價(jià)值笋妥。在她身邊懊昨，我會(huì)是誰？她同意去吃晚飯春宣，打扮得那么優(yōu)雅（“這樣穿行嗎酵颁？”她在車上問，“但愿不錯(cuò)月帝，因?yàn)槲叶紦Q了五套衣服了”）躏惋，更不用說還會(huì)愿意回答我一些毫無價(jià)值的話語（如果我的舌頭還能轉(zhuǎn)動(dòng)的話），這些于我而言嚷辅，難道不是最大的榮耀簿姨？

2.It was Friday night and Chloe and I were seated at a corner table of Les Liaisons Dangereuses, a French restaurant that had recently opened at the end of the Fulham Road. There could have been no more appropriate setting for Chloe's beauty. The chandeliers threw soft shadows across her face, the light green walls matched her light green eyes. And yet, as though struck dumb by the angel that faced me across the table, I lost all capacity either to think or speak and could only silently draw invisible patterns on the starched white tablecloth and take unnecessary sips of bubbled water from a large glass goblet.那是在星期五的晚上，克洛艾和我坐在一家名叫危險(xiǎn)的關(guān)系的餐館角落的一張桌子旁簸搞。這是一家新開的法國餐館扁位，位于富爾漢街的盡頭。再?zèng)]有其他地方比這兒的環(huán)境更能襯托克洛艾的美麗：枝形吊燈的柔和燈影映在她的臉上趁俊，墻壁的淡綠色正如她淡綠色的眼眸域仇。我似乎被坐在桌子對面的天使驚呆了，發(fā)現(xiàn)（就在一陣熱烈的交談之后的幾分鐘）自己失去了一切思考或表達(dá)的能力寺擂，只能默不作聲地瞧著漿過的白色臺(tái)布暇务，機(jī)械地啜飲著一只很大的高腳杯里面冒泡的水。

3.My sense of inferiority bred a need to take on a personality that was not my own, a seducing self that would respond to every demand and suggestion made by my exalted companion. Love forced me to look at myself as though through Chloe's imagined eyes. 'Who could I become to please her?' I wondered. I did not tell flagrant lies, I simply attempted to anticipate everything I believed she might want to hear.因?yàn)楦兄阶员罢恚倚枰@得一種自己本身并不具有的個(gè)性：一種為了吸引對方而去迎合心上人的需求的自我垦细。愛情是不是在譴責(zé)我失去了自我？也許不是永久地失去挡逼，但是括改，嚴(yán)格說來，至少在眼下這個(gè)階段確實(shí)如此家坎。意欲吸引她的想法使我不斷向自己發(fā)問：什么可以吸引她叹谁？而不是：什么吸引我？我會(huì)問：她怎樣看待我的領(lǐng)帶乘盖？而不是：我認(rèn)為自己的領(lǐng)帶怎么樣焰檩？愛情迫使我以心上人的眼光來觀察自己。不是問：我是誰订框？而是問：對于她來說析苫，我是誰？在思考這些問題時(shí)穿扳，我的自我不但束手無策衩侥，而且毫無信心，失去主見矛物。

失去主見不一定就是可恥的欺騙或夸示茫死。它只是在預(yù)先考慮克洛艾可能想要的每一樣?xùn)|西，以便我可以迎合對方的興趣履羞。

'Would you like some wine?' I asked her.

'I don't know, would you like wine?' she asked back.

'I really don't mind, if you feel like it,' I replied.

'It's as you please, whatever you want,' she continued.

'Either way is fine with me.'

'I agree.'

“想喝點(diǎn)酒嗎峦萎？”我問她屡久。

“不知道，你呢爱榔？”她反過來問我被环。

“如果你想喝一點(diǎn)，我真的不在意详幽，”我答道筛欢。

“隨便你，你要什么都行唇聘，”她繼續(xù)說版姑。

“我也隨便〕倮桑”

“好剥险。”

'So should we have it or not?'

'Well, I don't think I'll have any,' ventured Chloe.

'You're right, I don't feel like any either,' I concurred.

'Let's not have wine, then,' she concluded.

'Great, so we'll just stick with the water.'

“那我們是要還是不要谎亩？”

“嗯炒嘲，我想我不要，”克洛艾大膽地說匈庭。

“聽你的夫凸，我也不想要什么，”我贊同說阱持。

“那我們就不要酒吧夭拌，”她作出決定。

“完全可以衷咽，我們就喝水鸽扁。”

盡管保持真實(shí)的自我需要一個(gè)先決條件镶骗，即桶现，能夠不受他人的影響而獲得穩(wěn)定的個(gè)性，但那個(gè)夜晚還是讓自我不再真實(shí)鼎姊，而是根據(jù)克洛艾的喜好來自我定位骡和、自我調(diào)整。她對男人的期待是什么相寇？我應(yīng)該根據(jù)什么品味和取向來調(diào)整自己的表現(xiàn)慰于？如果認(rèn)為保持真實(shí)的自我是個(gè)人道德的基本標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，那么愛的誘惑讓我在道德考驗(yàn)中一敗涂地唤衫∑旁克洛艾頭頂上方的廣告招牌上陳列著一排排的酒，看上去味道不錯(cuò)佳励。我為什么要掩飾自己想要喝的真實(shí)想法休里？因?yàn)榕c克洛艾只想喝礦泉水的要求相比蛆挫，如果我選擇酒，那么我的選擇似乎會(huì)顯得很不恰當(dāng)份帐，而且粗俗璃吧。為了迎合她楣导，我分裂成兩半废境，一半是真實(shí)的（想要喝酒）自我，一半是虛假的（想要喝水）自我筒繁。

4.The first course arrived, arranged on plates with the symmetry of a formal French garden.第一道菜來了噩凹。菜肴擺放得極其精致，就像地道的法國花園那樣一絲不茍毡咏。

'It looks too beautiful to touch,' said Chloe (how I knew the feeling), 'I've never eaten grilled scallops like this before.' We began to eat. The only sound was that of cutlery against china. There seemed to be nothing to say. Chloe had been my only thought for too long, but the one thought that at this moment I could not share with her.“太美了驮宴，簡直不忍心吃它，”克洛艾說（我亦有同感）呕缭，“我從來沒吃過這么好的煎金槍魚堵泽。”

我們開始用餐恢总，惟一的響聲是刀叉碰到瓷餐具的聲音迎罗。似乎沒什么要說的：這么久以來，克洛艾是我唯一的念想片仿，但此刻纹安，這念想又如何能與她分享？

Silence was damning. A silence with an unattractive person implies they are the boring one. A silence with an attractive one immediately renders it certain you are the tedious party.沉默是致命的指責(zé)砂豌。與毫無魅力的人共處時(shí)厢岂，沉默暗示對方令人厭煩；面對仰慕不已的對象時(shí)阳距，沉默不語會(huì)讓你相信塔粒，正是你自己了無意趣。

5. Silence and clumsiness could of course be taken as rather pitiful proof of desire. It being easy enough to seduce someone towards whom one feels indifferent, the clumsiest seducers could generously be deemed the most genuine. Not to find the right words is paradoxically often the best proof that the right words are meant. In that other Liaisons Dangereuses, the Marquise de Merteuil faults the Vicomte de Valmont for writing love letters that are too perfect, too logical to be the words of a true lover, whose thoughts will be disjointed and for whom the fine phrase will always elude. Real desire lacks articulacy ?but how willingly I would at that moment have swapped my constipation for the Vicomte's loquacity.沉默和笨拙也許可以得到諒解筐摘，可當(dāng)作心懷仰慕的證據(jù)卒茬。一個(gè)人完全可以收放自如地吸引自己毫不在意的人，而最笨拙的人則可被認(rèn)為是最真誠的蓄拣，拙于言辭反而可以證明其真情實(shí)意（如果能用語言表達(dá)出來的話）扬虚。在小說《危險(xiǎn)的關(guān)系》里，梅特伊侯爵夫人寫信給瓦爾蒙子爵球恤，指出子爵的失誤：他的情書過于完美無缺辜昵，過于邏輯嚴(yán)謹(jǐn)，不像真愛之士的心聲咽斧。胸懷真愛的人堪置，思緒凌亂躬存，無法雕飾華麗的辭藻舀锨。語言在愛情面前無法自制岭洲，錯(cuò)誤百出，因而欲望往往言辭樸拙（但那一刻我多么情愿把我的語塞換作瓦爾蒙子爵的辭采）坎匿。

6. I had to find out more about Chloe, for how could I abandon my true self unless I knew what false self to adopt? But the patience and intelligence required to fathom someone else went far beyond the capacities of my anxious, infatuated mind. I behaved like a reductive social psychologist, eager to press my companion into simple categories, unwilling to apply the care of a novelist to capturing the subtleties of human nature. Over the first course, I blundered with heavy-handed, interview-like questions: What do you like to read? ('Joyce, Henry James, Cosmo if there's time'), Do you like your job? ('All jobs are pretty crap, don't you think?'), What country would you live in if you could live anywhere? ('I'm fine here, anywhere where I don't have to change the plug for my hairdryer'), What do you like to do on weekends? ('Go to the movies on Saturday, on Sunday, stock up on chocolate for getting depressed with in the evening').既然想要吸引克洛艾盾剩，那么關(guān)鍵在于對她要有更多的了解。如果尚不知該采納哪種虛假的自我替蔬，我又怎能拋棄真正的自我告私？但這實(shí)非易事，了解一個(gè)人需要長久的體察和破譯承桥，從萬千言語和動(dòng)作中梳理出完整的性格驻粟。不幸的是，其所必需的耐心和睿智卻不為我這焦慮不安凶异、情迷昏沉的頭腦所有蜀撑。我如同一個(gè)持簡化論的社會(huì)心理學(xué)家一樣行事，急于將人置于簡單的定義之中剩彬，卻不愿像小說家一樣酷麦，用細(xì)膩的手法去捕捉人類天性中的多種質(zhì)素。用完第一道菜襟衰，我慌亂地問了幾個(gè)笨拙的贴铜、 采訪式的問題： 你喜歡讀什么書？（“喬伊斯瀑晒、亨利·詹姆斯绍坝，如果有時(shí)間，還看一看《時(shí)尚》雜志苔悦⌒郑”）你喜歡你的工作嗎？（“你不認(rèn)為世上所有的工作都令人討厭玖详？”）如果隨便你挑把介，你會(huì)住到哪個(gè)國家去？（“這兒就挺好蟋座，只要不用換電吹風(fēng)的插頭拗踢，住哪兒我都行∠蛲危”）周末你喜歡做什么巢墅？（“周六看電影，周日買點(diǎn)巧克力，對付晚上情緒低落君纫⊙庇觯”）

7. Behind such clumsy questions (with every one I asked, I seemed to get further from knowing her) rested an impatient attempt to get to the most direct question of all, 'Who are you?' ?and hence 'Who should I be?' But my directness was doomed, and the more I practised it, the more my subject escaped through the net, letting me know what newspaper she read and music she liked, but not thereby enlightening me as to who she might really be.在這些笨拙的問題后面（每問一個(gè)，我就似乎更不了解她一些）蓄髓，我迫不及待地想提出一個(gè)最直接的問題：“你是一個(gè)怎樣的人叉庐？”（從而“我應(yīng)該做一個(gè)怎樣的人？”）但是這樣直接的提問注定會(huì)一敗涂地会喝，我越是直截了當(dāng)?shù)刈穯柖傅驮狡x我的目標(biāo)；我只能知道她喜歡看什么報(bào)紙好乐、聽什么音樂匾竿，卻不能明白她會(huì)是“一個(gè)怎樣的人”——一個(gè)使“我”消除自我的提示者瓦宜，如果有人需要它的話蔚万。

8. Chloe hated talking about herself. Perhaps her most obvious feature was a certain modesty and self-deprecation. When the conversation led her to refer to herself, it would not simply be 'I' or 'Chloe', but 'a basket-case like me'. Her self-deprecation was all the more attractive for it seemed to be free of the veiled appeals of self-pitying people, the false self-deprecation of the _I'm so stupid/No, you're not_ school.克洛艾不愿談及自己。也許她最明顯的特征就是有些謙遜羞怯临庇，慣于自我貶低反璃。每當(dāng)談話涉及這個(gè)主題時(shí)，克洛艾總是用最嚴(yán)厲的詞貶抑自己假夺。她不再稱自己為“我”或“克洛艾”淮蜈，而是“像我這樣的廢人”或“極度神經(jīng)質(zhì)的奧菲莉亞獎(jiǎng)得主”。她這樣做反而增添了吸引力已卷，因?yàn)檫@種稱呼似乎不是自哀自憐之人遮遮掩掩地訴求梧田，也不屬于“我太蠢了/不，你一點(diǎn)也不蠢”之類讓人恍然大悟的自我貶低侧蘸。

Her childhood had been awkward, but she was stoic about the matter ('I hate childhood dramatizations that make Job look like he got off lightly'). She had grown up in a financially comfortable home. Her father ('All his problems started when his parents called him Barry') had been an academic, a law professor, her mother, Claire, had for a time run a flower shop. Chloe was the middle child, a girl sandwiched between two favoured and faultless boys. When her older brother died of leukaemia shortly after her eighth birthday, her parents' grief expressed itself as anger at their daughter who, slow at school and sulky around the house, had obstinately clung to life instead of their son. She grew up guilty, filled with a sense of blame for what had happened, feelings that her mother did little to alleviate. The mother liked to pick on a person's weakest characteristics and not let go. Chloe was forever reminded of how badly she performed at school compared to her dead brother, of how gauche she was, and of how disreputable her friends were (criticisms that were not particularly true, but that grew more so with every mention). Chloe had turned to her father for affection, but the man was as closed with his emotions as he was open with his legal knowledge, which he would pedantically share with her as a substitute for warmth, until her adolescence when Chloe's frustration with him turned to anger and she openly defied him and everything he stood for (it was fortunate that I had not chosen the legal profession).她的童年缺少歡樂裁眯，但她淡然處之（“我痛恨童年的戲劇表演，因?yàn)槟抢锩娴募s伯[注釋]看起來總像是有點(diǎn)昏昏欲睡”）讳癌。她出生于一個(gè)經(jīng)濟(jì)條件良好的家庭穿稳，父親（“自他出生之日起就麻煩不斷”）是大學(xué)老師，一位法律教授晌坤，母親（克萊爾）曾一度經(jīng)營過花店逢艘。克洛艾在家里排行居中骤菠，上下各有一個(gè)備受寵愛它改、完美無缺的男孩。她八歲生日剛過商乎，她哥哥就患白血病死了央拖，父母的悲痛轉(zhuǎn)化為對女兒的惱怒：她在學(xué)校成績很差，在家脾氣又不好，居然能頑固地活下來爬泥，而他們的寶貝兒子卻不能柬讨。她在負(fù)罪感中長大，為所發(fā)生的不幸自責(zé)袍啡，但她母親卻并未設(shè)法來緩解她的痛苦踩官。母親喜歡挑剔別人的致命弱點(diǎn)，并且緊追不放——所以克洛艾永遠(yuǎn)被拿來跟死去的哥哥比較境输，指責(zé)她在學(xué)校里成績是如何不好蔗牡，她是多么不善交際，她的朋友是多么不體面（都不是與事實(shí)特別相符的批評嗅剖，然而每批評一次辩越，就似乎真實(shí)了幾分）⌒帕福克洛艾轉(zhuǎn)而向父親尋求親情黔攒，但父親感情封閉的程度，就如他對自己的法律知識(shí)的毫不保留一樣强缘。所以他非但不能給予她所需要的父愛督惰，相反，他會(huì)迂腐地向她賣弄法律知識(shí)旅掂，直到克洛艾長大赏胚，由失望轉(zhuǎn)為憤怒∩膛埃克洛艾公開反對他以及他主張的一切（幸虧我當(dāng)初沒選擇法律行業(yè)）觉阅。

9. Of past boyfriends, only hints emerged over the meal: one had worked as a motorcycle mechanic in Italy and had treated her badly, another, who she had mothered, had ended up in jail for possession of drugs. A third had been an analytical philosopher at London University ('You don't have to be Freud to see he was the daddy I never went to bed with'), a fourth a test-car driver for Rover ('To this day I can't explain that one. I think I liked his Birmingham accent'). But no clear picture was emerging, and therefore the shape of her ideal man forming in my head needed constant readjustment. There were things she praised and condemned within sentences, forcing me into frantic rewriting. At one moment she seemed to be praising emotional vulnerability, and at the next, damning it in favour of independence. Whereas honesty was at one point extolled as the supreme value, adultery was at another justified on account of the greater hypocrisy of marriage.在用餐的過程中，克洛艾只是略微提及了過去的男友：一個(gè)在意大利干摩托車修理秘车，曾經(jīng)對她很不好典勇；另一個(gè)因?yàn)閿y帶毒品被關(guān)進(jìn)監(jiān)獄，他們也就此結(jié)束鲫尊，她曾為他懷孕痴柔；還有一個(gè)是倫敦大學(xué)的精神分析學(xué)家（“你不要像弗洛伊德那樣認(rèn)為他代表著我的戀父情結(jié)，不要以為我不會(huì)與他上床”）疫向；再一個(gè)是蘭德羅弗汽車公司的試車員（“直到現(xiàn)在我都說不清為什么會(huì)看上他咳蔚，我想是我喜歡聽他的伯明翰口音”）。但是她沒有詳細(xì)地描述這些人搔驼，因此我需要在腦海里不斷地調(diào)整她理想男人的模樣谈火。在談?wù)撝兴扔匈潛P(yáng)又有批評，從而使我手忙腳亂地不斷修改我理應(yīng)表現(xiàn)的自我舌涨。她似乎一會(huì)兒稱許感情脆弱糯耍，轉(zhuǎn)而又會(huì)詛咒它，贊同精神獨(dú)立；她上一分鐘把忠誠譽(yù)為最高貴的品質(zhì)温技，在下一秒又會(huì)認(rèn)為外遇合理革为，因?yàn)榛橐龈搨巍?/p>

10. The complexity of her views led to a schizophrenia in mine. The main course (duck for me, salmon for her) was a marshland sowed with mines. Did I think two people should live solely for one another? Had my childhood been difficult? Had I ever been truly in love? Was I an emotional or a cerebral person? Who had I voted for in the last election? What was my favourite colour? Did I think women were more unstable than men? Because it involves the risk of alienating those who don't agree with what one is saying, originality proved wholly beyond me.她的觀點(diǎn)是那么紛繁復(fù)雜，以至我有點(diǎn)患上了精神分裂癥舵鳞。我應(yīng)該釋放自己的哪些個(gè)性震檩？我怎樣才能不與她生分，同時(shí)不顯出令人討厭的枯燥乏味蜓堕？我們吃著一道道菜（年輕的瓦爾蒙感到一道道的障礙）抛虏。我發(fā)現(xiàn)自己試著提出一點(diǎn)想法，過后不久就會(huì)微妙地加以修正套才，使之與她的想法一致迂猴。克洛艾的每個(gè)問題都讓人心驚膽戰(zhàn)背伴，因?yàn)榇鸢覆恢挥X會(huì)包含有觸怒她的內(nèi)容沸毁。主菜（我點(diǎn)的是鴨，她點(diǎn)的是鱒魚）是一塊布滿地雷的沼澤地——我認(rèn)為兩個(gè)人應(yīng)該互相保持獨(dú)立嗎？我的童年時(shí)代苦澀嗎朴则？我曾經(jīng)真愛過嗎？感覺怎樣？我是比較感性的還是理性的认境？上次選舉我投了誰的票？我最喜歡的顏色是什么渐苏？我認(rèn)為女人沒男人情緒穩(wěn)定嗎技健？

為了避免自己的觀點(diǎn)會(huì)疏遠(yuǎn)持異見之人，我的回答沒有一點(diǎn)獨(dú)創(chuàng)性浪汪。我只是根據(jù)自己對克洛艾的判斷來調(diào)整自己的答案巴柿。如果她喜歡堅(jiān)強(qiáng)的男人，我就裝得堅(jiān)強(qiáng)死遭；如果她喜歡風(fēng)帆沖浪广恢，我就是一個(gè)風(fēng)帆沖浪運(yùn)動(dòng)員；如果她討厭下棋呀潭，我也就與象棋勢不兩立钉迷。在我看來，她對情人的看法可比作是緊身的套裝钠署，而我認(rèn)為真實(shí)的自我卻很肥胖糠聪，所以，那整個(gè)晚上似乎都是一個(gè)胖男人在努力想讓一套太小的衣服顯得合身谐鼎。我得拼命把多余的贅肉塞進(jìn)不合身的衣服里舰蟆，緊縮腰身，屏住呼吸，防止衣料撕裂身害。如果我的動(dòng)作不如往常反應(yīng)自如味悄，那么一點(diǎn)都不奇怪，一個(gè)被過瘦衣服纏身的胖男人如何能反應(yīng)自如塌鸯？他太害怕衣服裂開傍菇，不得不一動(dòng)不動(dòng)地坐在那兒，屏住呼吸界赔，禱告上天保佑這個(gè)夜晚不出大禍丢习，平安度過。愛情已讓我癱瘓淮悼。

11. Chloe was facing a different dilemma, for it was time for dessert, and though she had only one choice, she had more than one desire.

'What do you think, the chocolate or the caramel?' she asked, traces of guilt appearing on her forehead. 'Maybe you can get one and I'll get the other and then we can share.'

I felt like neither, I was not digesting properly, but that wasn't the point.

克洛艾面對的卻是一個(gè)不同的難題咐低。到吃甜點(diǎn)的時(shí)候了，盡管只能挑選一種袜腥，她卻期望有更多的選擇见擦。

“你要哪種，巧克力的還是卡拉梅爾糖的羹令？”她問我（額頭上出現(xiàn)不安的痕跡）鲤屡，“或者你要一種，我要一種福侈，然后我們一起分酒来。”

我對這兩種都不感興趣肪凛，因?yàn)楫?dāng)時(shí)消化不良堰汉，不過真正的問題不在于此。

'I just love chocolate, don't you?' asked Chloe. 'I can't understand people who don't like chocolate. I was once going out with a guy, this guy Robert I was telling you about, and I was never really comfortable with him, but I couldn't work out why. Then one day it all became clear: he didn't like chocolate. I mean he didn't just not love it, this guy actually hated it. You could have put a bar in front of him and he wouldn't have touched it. That kind of thinking is so far removed from anything I can relate to, you know. Well, after that, you can imagine, it was clear we had to break up.'“我喜歡吃巧克力伟墙，你不喜歡嗎翘鸭？”克洛艾問我，“我不能理解那些不喜歡巧克力的人戳葵。有一次我和一個(gè)男的出去玩就乓，就是我跟你說過的那個(gè)羅伯特，我一直感覺跟他在一起不舒服拱烁，但不明白其中的緣由生蚁。后來我知道了，是因?yàn)樗幌矚g吃巧克力邻梆。我是說守伸，他不只是不愛吃，簡直是厭惡它浦妄。你用棒子逼著他尼摹，他都不會(huì)碰一下见芹。這種想法實(shí)在與我的習(xí)慣大相徑庭，你說是吧蠢涝。很顯然玄呛，自那以后，我們只能分手和二∨锹粒”

'In that case we should get both desserts and taste each other's. But which one do you prefer?'

'I don't mind,' lied Chloe.

'Really? Well if you don't mind, then I'll take the chocolate, I just can't resist it. In fact, you see the double chocolate cake at the bottom there? I think I'll order that. It looks far more chocolaty.'

'You're being seriously sinful,' said Chloe, biting her lower lip in a mixture of anticipation and shame, 'but why not? You're absolutely right. Life is short and all that.'

“既然這樣，我們兩種甜點(diǎn)都要惯吕，互相分著吃惕它。不過，你更喜歡吃哪種废登？”

“我無所謂淹魄，”克洛艾在說謊。

“真的堡距？如果你真的無所謂甲锡，我就要巧克力，我簡直太想吃了羽戒。你看見擺在那下邊的雙層巧克力蛋糕了嗎缤沦？我就點(diǎn)那個(gè)，看上去好像含有很多巧克力易稠「追希”

“你這樣就不對了，”克洛艾咬著下嘴唇缩多，表情半是期待呆奕，半是羞愧，“不過衬吆，為什么不這樣呢？這樣好绳泉。生命太短暫了逊抡。”

12. Yet again I had lied (I was beginning to hear the sounds of cocks crowing in the kitchen). I had been more or less allergic to chocolate all my life, but how could I have been honest when the love of chocolate had been so conclusively identified as a criterion of Chloe-compatibility?

然而我又一次撒謊了（我開始聽見廚房里公雞的叫聲）零酪。我一直都對巧克力有些過敏冒嫡，但是在這種情形中，愛吃巧克力如此確鑿地被認(rèn)定是與克洛艾和諧相處的首要標(biāo)準(zhǔn)四苇，我怎么還能誠實(shí)地表達(dá)自己的愿望孝凌？

然而，我的謊言卻適得其反月腋，因?yàn)檫@對我的口味和習(xí)慣的假設(shè)必然比克洛艾的口味和習(xí)慣缺少存在的合理性蟀架，而克洛艾肯定會(huì)被任何有悖于她的分歧所冒犯瓣赂。我也許應(yīng)該為自己和巧克力編造一個(gè)動(dòng)人的故事（“我最喜歡巧克力，但是醫(yī)生會(huì)診小組警告我說片拍，如果我還吃煌集，就會(huì)把命都丟掉。自此我已經(jīng)戒了三年了”）捌省，藉此我也許能得到克洛艾的許多同情——但太冒險(xiǎn)了苫纤。

我的謊言盡管無可避免，也令我羞愧難當(dāng)纲缓，但它倒給了我啟示卷拘，讓我分清兩種不同類型的謊言，為了逃避而說謊和為了被愛而說謊祝高。出于吸引他人的謊言與其他謊言有很大區(qū)別栗弟。如果我向警察謊報(bào)我的車速，這謊言的動(dòng)機(jī)非常直接：為了逃避罰款或逮捕褂策。但是為了被愛而說謊横腿，則包含了更有違常情的假設(shè)：如果我不說謊，我就不會(huì)被愛斤寂。

I had decided that attraction was synonymous with the removal of all personal characteristics, my true self being necessarily in conflict with, and unworthy of the perfections found in the beloved.這是一種態(tài)度耿焊，認(rèn)為要富有魅力就要消除個(gè)性（因此口服心服懷會(huì)事與愿違），認(rèn)為真正的自我不可避免地會(huì)與心上人的完美發(fā)生沖突（因而配不上心上人的完美）遍搞。

13. I had lied, but did Chloe like me any the more for it? Curiously, she merely expressed a certain disappointment, in view of the inferior taste of caramel, that I should have insisted so strongly on taking the chocolate ?adding in an off-hand way that a chocophile was in the end perhaps as much of a problem as a chocophobe.我說謊了罗侯，但是克洛艾就會(huì)因此更喜歡我嗎了？她會(huì)伸過手來握住我的手溪猿，或建議說我們回家钩杰，不吃甜點(diǎn)了嗎？肯定不會(huì)诊县，由于卡拉梅爾糖味道不好讲弄，她對我堅(jiān)持要巧克力表示了一定的失望，并且不假思索地加了一句：嗜好巧克力的人最終會(huì)與厭食巧克力的人一樣有麻煩依痊。

吸引是一種表演行為避除，是從自發(fā)的行為向符合觀眾要求的行為的轉(zhuǎn)變。但是就如演員必須知道觀眾的期望是什么一樣胸嘁，吸引者必須知道心上人想要聽的是什么——因此如果有確鑿的理由反對為了被愛而撒謊瓶摆，那么演員將不知道什么才能打動(dòng)和或她的觀眾。表演行為唯一正當(dāng)?shù)睦碛墒蔷哂袑?shí)效性性宏，而不出于本能群井。但是考慮到克洛艾性格的復(fù)雜，以及模仿行為的引誘力效果難測毫胜，所以不論我是誠實(shí)還是本能地行事书斜，

14. We charm by coincidence rather than design. What had Chloe done to make me fall in love with her? My feelings had as much to do with the adorable way she had asked the waiter for extra butter as they had to do with her views on politics or the dress she had carefully chosen.

我們經(jīng)常在偶爾發(fā)生而非設(shè)計(jì)好的情形之中達(dá)到目的诬辈。我們經(jīng)常在偶然發(fā)生而非設(shè)計(jì)好的情形中達(dá)到目的。這是一個(gè)令充滿實(shí)證主義和理性主義精神的吸引者沮喪的消息菩佑。因?yàn)樗嘈抛晕ㄟ^足夠的細(xì)心觀察和完全科學(xué)的研究，就能夠發(fā)現(xiàn)相愛的法則稍坯。吸引者開始行動(dòng)酬荞，希望找到愛情之鉤，把心上人鉤入谷中——一個(gè)微笑瞧哟、一個(gè)觀點(diǎn)混巧、或拿餐叉的一類方式……不幸的是，盡管人人都有愛情之鉤勤揩，但如果在吸引對方時(shí)碰巧奏效咧党，更多的也是出于偶然，而非通過算計(jì)陨亡“猓克洛艾究竟做了什么使我愛上她？我愛她向侍者要黃油時(shí)令人贊美的姿態(tài)负蠕，我愛她認(rèn)可我對海德格爾《存在與時(shí)間》一書價(jià)值的看法蛙埂。

The steps I had on occasion seen women take to seduce me were rarely the ones I had responded to. I was more likely to be attracted by tangential details that the seducer had not even been sufficiently aware of to push to the fore. I had once taken to a woman who had a trace of down on her upper lip. Normally squeamish about this, I had mysteriously been charmed by it in her case, my desire stubbornly deciding to collect there rather than around her warm smile or intelligent conversation. When I discussed my attraction with friends, I struggled to suggest that it had to do with an indefinable 'aura' - but I could not disguise to myself that I had fallen in love with a hairy upper lip. When I saw the woman again, someone must have suggested electrolysis, for the down was gone, and (despite her many qualities) my desire soon followed suit.愛情之鉤顯然不符合一切邏輯的因果法則，而具有一種極其獨(dú)特的品性遮糖。我有時(shí)會(huì)碰到一些女性有意吸引我绣的，但她們的伎倆最終并不能生效。我容易因一些全不相干或完全偶然的因素萌生愛意欲账，但那個(gè)吸引我的人卻全然不知屡江，不加以利用這富有價(jià)值的資本。曾經(jīng)有一次赛不，我愛上一個(gè)上唇微微有些絨毛的女人惩嘉。平常對這一貫很厭惡，而這次我卻奇跡般被迷倒踢故。她親切的微笑宏怔、金色的頭發(fā)或是聰慧的談吐都不及這個(gè)特征更能激發(fā)我強(qiáng)烈的情感。當(dāng)我與朋友談起自己對她的迷戀時(shí)畴椰，我努力表明是由于她身上擁有一種不可言傳的“氣質(zhì)”——但是我掩蓋不住事實(shí)上我只是愛上她毛茸茸的上唇。當(dāng)我再一次看見她時(shí)鸽粉，肯定是誰建議她用了電燙除毛斜脂，她上唇的絨毛不見了，（盡管她有許多好的品質(zhì)）我的熱情也很快隨之消退触机。

15.The Euston Road was still blocked with traffic when we made our way back towards Islington. Long before such issues could have become meaningful, we'd arranged that I would drop Chloe home, but nevertheless the dilemmas of seduction remained a weighty presence in the car. At some point in the game, the actor must risk losing his audience. However, reaching the door of 23a Liverpool Road, awed by the dangers of misreading the signs, I concluded that the moment to propose metaphorical coffee had not yet arisen.我們回伊斯靈頓時(shí)帚戳，尤思頓路的交通依然擁擠玷或。我早就想好要送克洛艾回家，但是一個(gè)兩難的問題（吻別片任，還是不吻別）沉重地壓在心頭偏友。從某些方面來說，演員要冒著失去觀眾的危險(xiǎn)对供∥凰可以通過模仿行為來迎合，但是這個(gè)游戲最終需要對方?jīng)Q定范圍产场，甚至在進(jìn)行中得冒著心上人征收我們的危險(xiǎn)鹅髓。一個(gè)吻將會(huì)改變一切，兩個(gè)人皮膚的接觸必然會(huì)不可逆轉(zhuǎn)地改變我們交往的進(jìn)程京景，結(jié)束談話語義迷離的階段窿冯，承認(rèn)潛臺(tái)詞。然而确徙，當(dāng)我們到達(dá)利物浦街23A門前時(shí)醒串，因?yàn)楹ε洛e(cuò)誤地解讀了她的意圖，我認(rèn)為提議去喝一杯富有寓意的咖啡的時(shí)機(jī)還沒有到來鄙皇。

But after such a tense and chocolate-rich meal, my stomach suddenly developed different priorities, and I was forced to ask to be allowed up to the flat. I followed Chloe up the stairs, into the living room and was directed to the bathroom. Emerging a few minutes later with my intentions unaltered, I reached for my coat and announced, with all the thoughtful authority of a man who has decided restraint would be best and fantasies entertained in weeks previous should remain just that, that I had spent a lovely evening, hoped to see her again soon and would call her after the Christmas holidays. Pleased with such maturity, I kissed her on both cheeks, wished her goodnight and turned to leave the flat.但是在吃完這樣一頓緊張而富含巧克力的晚餐之后芜赌，我的肚子突然有了一種截然相反的需求，我不得不請求進(jìn)到房間里去育苟。我跟著克洛艾上樓较鼓，進(jìn)入起居室，直奔衛(wèi)生間违柏。幾分鐘后博烂，我出來了，想法沒有改變漱竖。一個(gè)男人經(jīng)過深思熟慮禽篱，找到所有理由，決定最好還是克制自己馍惹，讓幾個(gè)星期以來的狂熱幻想埋在心底躺率。我拿起外套，對心愛的人說万矾，今晚我過得非常愉快悼吱，希望很快見到她，圣誕假期后就給她打電話良狈。滿意于如此慎重的告別后添，我吻了她的兩頰，祝她晚安薪丁，隨即轉(zhuǎn)身欲離開她的住所遇西。

16.It was therefore fortunate that Chloe was not so easily persuaded, arresting my flight by the ends of my scarf. She drew me back into the apartment, placed both arms around me and, looking me firmly in the eye with a grin she had previously reserved for the idea of chocolate, whispered, 'We're not children, you know.' And with these words, she placed her lips on mine and we embarked on one of the longer and more beautiful kisses mankind has ever known.處于這種情形中馅精，幸運(yùn)的是克洛艾不是那么容易被說服，她抓住我領(lǐng)帶的末梢粱檀，阻止了我的離去洲敢。她把我拉回房間，雙手環(huán)擁著我茄蚯，定定地看著我的眼睛压彭，先前說起巧克力時(shí)忍住的笑這時(shí)方才露出。她咧開嘴笑著第队，輕聲呢喃：“你知道哮塞，我們都不是小孩〉是”

隨著這句話忆畅，她的唇落在我的唇上，我們開始了人類歷史上最長久最美好的親吻尸执。