每一個家庭在表達贊揚時都有其獨特的習慣及規(guī)定。在一個家庭中右莱，贊揚可能會持續(xù)很久蚜锨，如同含在嘴里的特大號糖球，甜蜜而實在隧出。在另一個家庭中踏志，贊揚的甜度停留時間極短，很快就了無蹤影胀瞪，讓人不得一絲舒心针余。也許一個人會因為贊揚而立刻情緒高漲饲鄙，另一個人則可能如坐針氈，反問：“他們是真心的嗎圆雁？”“他們現(xiàn)在還滿意嗎忍级？”這很可能都是因為他們的家庭在表達時使用了不同的方式。
每個家庭對責備也有獨特的技巧及規(guī)定伪朽。在一些人家里轴咱，責備的存活期很短，很快就會被贊揚淹沒烈涮。而在另一個人家里朴肺，責備會被永遠銘刻在家庭記錄里，不斷地被翻出來坚洽，提醒家庭成員他們有卑鄙的品質(zhì)戈稿。一個人也許會把責備當作優(yōu)點，滿不在乎：“這樣的錯誰都會犯的呀讶舰“暗粒”另一個人也許會跳起來分辯：“那不是我的錯！”或“我才不在乎你的看法跳昼“慵祝”而第三個人則可能會立即被自責吞噬：“是的，全是我的錯鹅颊。我總是這樣敷存，一切都是我的錯∨猜裕”這些截然不同的反應历帚，都關乎家庭對責備的給予和表達，它們能從嬰兒期一直延續(xù)到中年時期杠娱。
#Translation#
EACH FAMILYHAS unique habits and rules for praise. In one family, praise is long lasting, as solid and sweet as a giant gumball rolling on one’s tongue. In another family, praise’s sweetness dissolves quickly, leaving no trace and offering no satisfaction. When one person responds to praise with a rush of pride, while another feels anxious and wonders, “Did they really mean it?” and “Are they still pleased?” it is likely that their families expressed praise in very different ways.
Each family also has unique practices and rules about blame. In some families, blame is short-lived, quickly overridden by praise. In another, blame is set down indelibly in the family record, frequently referenced as an enduring measure of low worth. One person takes blame in his or her stride, shrugging it off: “It was a mistake anyone could make.” Another bristles defensively, “It wasn’t my fault,” or “Your view doesn’t matter to me.” A third is immediately flooded with self-abuse: “Yes, I really messed up; I always do that; it’s all my fault.” Such very different responses are linked to the ways blame is meted out and expressed within our families, from infancy through midlife.
