Have you ever witnessed somebody who is soconfident and fluent in conversations that it’s actually really impressive? Howdo they do it?
We all know people who are beloved byeveryone and seem able to make friends wherever they go. Some regard them withadmiration tinged with a bit of envy, then shrug their shoulders and figurethose people are just born with that special “something”. It might besurprising to learn that being popular is a skill that can be learned like anyother.
Just as you wouldn’t expect to wake up onemorning knowing how to play the piano, the key to success in making friends issetting goals and developing a game plan. Use these seven tips as the frameworkon which you build your skill set.
1.Be interested, not interesting
A widespread misconception is that popularpeople are the ones talking about their latest promotion or exciting vacationthey took or wild party they attended. Hearing the occasional interesting storyis fine, but most people become bored or resentful listening to theseblow-by-blow accounts. It’s far more effective to take a genuine interest inthe lives of others and get them talking about themselves. And remember that noword sounds as magical as one’s own name. Addressing people by name makes themfeel special.
2.Be positive –but not too positive
Think about people you’ve known who expectthe worst from everyone and everything and aren’t shy about speaking up. Notmuch fun to be around, are they? This doesn’t mean you have to be constantlyspreading false rays of sunshine. That’s nearly as annoying as eternalpessimism. Have a clear-eyed and honest attitude and people will come to valueyour opinions as trustworthy.
3.Be charitable to others
Gossiping about friends and co-workers maygain you an audience, but it’s superficial and temporary. Those who indulgetheir pettier instincts trashing others aren’t the ones you want in yourcircle. Eventually even those people will realize that you’re just as likely tobe talking about them in the same way and they’ll steer clear. It alsotranslates as weakness and insecurity, trying to build yourself up by tearingothers down. Take the high road and you’ll be seen as fair-minded.
4.Be helpful and dependable
If someone you know needs assistance thatyou’re able to provide with a minimum of inconvenience, offer it. The key termhere is “minimum of inconvenience”. Doing favors for others that involve moretime and trouble than they would for the person themselves comes across asdesperation. Giving aid when you’re truly in a position to do so communicates asincere interest in the welfare of others. As a side note, be sure to follow upon any commitments you make. The damage to your reputation is doubly harsh ifpeople can’t count on your word.
5.Be a “matchmaker”
If you’re heading to the movies with afriend, invite another film-loving pal to come along. Love sports?Assemble agroup to attend the big game. Spearhead gatherings at your home or a fun venuesuch as a wine bar, inviting at least a few people who are new to the group.Keeping your social network interconnected has a circular effect where you’reperceived as having many friends, thereby gaining you even more. Don’t forgetyour manners during impromptu meetings, either. When out with a friend, manypeople make the mistake of failing to introduce them to others they mayencounter. By doing so you run the risk of coming off as socially inept at bestand rude or uncaring at worst.
6.Be your (best) self
Yes, it’s a cliche you’ve heard a millionand one times, but ideas become cliches by standing the test of time.Insincerity is a huge turn-off and no matter how great of an actor you are, thepretense will catch up with you. The most attractive people, both physicallyand mentally, are the ones who are clearly comfortable in their own skin.Accepting and embracing your own unique qualities radiates a healthy confidencethat’s magnetic to others.
7.Be self-aware
Periodically step outside yourself toevaluate how you come across to others. Don’t mistake this for being overlyconcerned with their opinions of you. Taking stock of the image you projectshows a healthy respect for yourself as well as for them. Another factor toconsider is your body language. You may not even realize that you’re wearing aperpetual frown or creating a stand-offish posture with crossed arms and lackof eye contact. It’s a simple concept, but it can make a big difference withhow comfortable people feel around you.
As you work on developing your socialskills, keep in mind that these tips center around the saying, “To have afriend, be a friend.” If you let that advice guide your actions, you’ll developthat charisma that makes people want to be around you while also staying trueto your own values and principles.
