《快樂只是堅持和一種意志而已》

我從來不曾相信快樂這回事。作為一個焦慮的人，我從來更看重心情的平和橄妆。但過去的一個月，我發(fā)現我不小心碰上了快樂祈坠，而這里是我所學到的：這其實并不關乎美好結局害碾，或者人們是怎么對待你∩饩校快樂其實是種不能妥協(xié)慌随、費盡心思才能得到的生活方式。

我在2014年確診患有乳腺癌后，我有很多東西讓我不快樂：失去乳房阁猜，我的頭發(fā)丸逸，也可能失去我的生育能力，以及我整整一年的生命剃袍。但疾病把所有的事情都聚焦到了一點黄刚。世界上只有兩種狀態(tài)：活著，或者另一種民效。當面臨的是另一種狀態(tài)憔维，前者就顯得美妙極了，不管境況有多糟糕研铆。

這個經驗教會了我埋同，即便有那么多東西我們不能控制，“快樂”是一件你可以控制的事棵红⌒琢蓿快樂不是一種感覺，而是一種取向逆甜。這是一種主動的虱肄，生活的法則，用百萬種微小的方式交煞，去堅持著度過屎一樣的境遇咏窿。沒錯，這個方式意味著素征，在沒有真的感受到快樂之前集嵌，你要花很多時候假裝快樂。但那才是最重要的一部分御毅。

用一個公式讓自己感到快樂根欧，這可能聽起來有點反直覺。但我們不能控制其他的人和事端蛆，甚至我們自己對人生種種遭遇的反應和情緒都會變凤粗。所以，要用紀律今豆，策略嫌拣，和刻意來控制你能控制的。

- 希望是可以被管理的

我有意地選擇相信愛呆躲，盡管不時我會覺得拒絕和失望無窮無盡异逐。我決定這周二會是有史以來最好的周二，盡管我吃的抗癌藥已經讓我整整六個月沒法在晚上睡著了插掂。我試著每天跑步应役，因為——不管它是否有益健康或者消耗卡路里——我知道我跑完后會感覺好一些。

- 改變可以是策略上的

我也并不是頑固不化燥筷，畢竟生活的唯一常態(tài)就是箩祥，不論好壞，它永遠不是你期待的那樣肆氓。通過愿意改變自己想要的袍祖、想成為的，你才能穿行于生活的不可預知里谢揪。

20出頭時蕉陋，我把大部分的社交能量花在了與男性社交上，所有的這些關系都比我想象得短暫拨扶。大概25歲凳鬓，我有意地做出了決定，要和女性有更好的關系患民。如今缩举，我收獲了我的獎勵。許許多多新的匹颤、重要的人們進入了我的生活仅孩，而且，一些我曾以為并不重要的人印蓖，在我生活中占據了重要得多的角色辽慕。盡管我從未找到我的伴侶，我認為我同樣可以獲得一個充實的生活赦肃，通過熱愛身邊這群美妙的人們：我的朋友溅蛉。

- 樂趣可以意味著不當那個最受歡迎的人

對快樂的追求有時會誤導人；它遮蔽了你內心的聲音他宛，你細微的動力船侧，也遮蔽了你從同輩和父母期待里看清自己的能力。把期待放在一旁堕汞，趕緊的勺爱，這樣你就能做你真正喜歡的事。

尤其對女性來說讯检，被社會壓力和集體期待馴服去做「應該做的」琐鲁，實在是太容易了。周五晚上我大多去健身房或者獨自看電影人灼，而不是去約會或者喝酒围段。我學著去評估自己大大小小的選擇，去確保我正在做的是我真正想做的投放。為此感到舒服和自信奈泪，即便你的選擇不酷或者不受歡迎。這對每日的滿足很有幫助。

這需要一點時間去找到那個訊號涝桅，那個告訴你「什么是真正重要」的訊號拜姿。但這個訊號，值得你跟隨冯遂。

英文原文：

In your 30s, you’ll discover happiness is just persistence and sheer will

I’ve never believed in happiness. As an anxious person, I’ve always valued peace more. But last month, it occurred to me that I’d stumbled upon happiness anyway, and here’s what I learned in doing so: It’s not about good endings or how people treat you. Happiness is an uncompromising, calculated approach to life.

After I was diagnosed with breast cancer early in 2014, I had a lot to be unhappy about: losing my breasts, my hair, possibly my fertility, and what felt like a year of my life. But the illness put things into sharp focus. There were really only two states of being: alive or not. When faced with the latter, the former felt fantastic, no matter the conditions.

The experience taught me that, despite all of the circumstances in life we can’t control, “happiness” is one thing you can. Happiness is not a feeling, but an orientation. It is an active approach to life, in a million small ways, that insists on persevering through shitty circumstances. Sure, this approach means that much of the time, you’re faking happiness before you feel it. But that’s when it’s most important.

It may sound counter-intuitive to have a formula for feeling good. But we can’t control other people or events, and even our emotions and reactions to life’s vicissitudes are variable. So be disciplined, strategic, and deliberate with what you can control.

- Hope can be disciplined

I choose to believe in love in spite of what, at times, has felt like endless rejection and disappointment. I decide that this Tuesday will be the best Tuesday ever, even though the medicine I have to take to prevent a recurrence of cancer has prevented me from sleeping through the night for nearly six months now. I try to run every day because, regardless of the health benefits, or the calories burned, I know that I will feel better for just having done it.

- Change can be strategic

But I’m not inflexible—after all, the only constant thing in life is that it’s never what you expect it to be—both bad and good. Navigate that unpredictability by being willing to change course from what you think you want or need.

In my early 20s, I spent the majority of my social energy focused on relationships with men, all of which were more fleeting than I had hoped. Around the age of 25, I made a concerted effort to cultivate better relationships with women. Now I’m reaping the rewards. A multitude of new and important people have entered my life—and often, the people I had expected to be minor players have taken on significant roles. Even if I never find a partner, I think I could be fulfilled spending my life loving this amazing cast of characters I call my friends.

- Fun can mean being the unpopular one

The pursuit of happiness can be misleading; it clouds your inner voice, your nuanced motivations, and ability to see yourself as an individual distinct from your parents and peers. Toss it aside, swiftly, so that you can do what you really enjoy.

It’s all too easy, especially for women, to be swayed by social pressures and the hold of the collective “shoulds.” Most Friday nights I go to the gym or see a movie by myself instead of going on dates or out for happy hours. I have learned to take stock of my choices, big and small, to make sure I’m doing exactly what I want. Feeling comfortable and confident about that, even when your choice is uncool or unpopular goes a long way in daily contentment.

It takes a little while to locate that signal, the one that tells you what really matters to you. But it’s a signal worth following.