100 Intimate Moments
100個(gè)親密瞬間
Get Naked! Gain Confidence!
暴露自己望众！尋找自信寝杖！
“The verb ‘intimate’ means to make known or to reveal. Genuine intimacy in human relationships requires dialogue, transparency, vulnerability and reciprocity.”But where do we begin?
“動(dòng)詞”親密“意味著公開(kāi)或揭露引矩。 人類關(guān)系中真正的親密關(guān)系需要對(duì)話薄坏，公開(kāi)兄渺，脆弱性和互惠缝龄。” 但我們從哪里開(kāi)始呢挂谍？
In an effort to increase intimacy in the relationships in my own life, I have spearheaded one of the most terrifying but transformative projects I have ever been associated with.
為了增加我自己生活中的關(guān)系的親密度叔壤，我?guī)ь^展開(kāi)了一個(gè)至今我參與過(guò)的最可怕但是極具變革性的項(xiàng)目。
I realized with dismay that somewhere along the path of ‘growing up’ I had lost the ability to reveal myself, make myself vulnerable. I want to be playful, courageous and connected in my life, but it is difficult when wearing a rigid shell of self-protection.
我悲傷地意識(shí)到在“成長(zhǎng)”之路上某一個(gè)地方口叙，我已經(jīng)喪失了揭露自己的能力炼绘，喪失了暴露自己弱點(diǎn)的能力。我想要在生活中成為一個(gè)幽默庐扫、勇敢而又與他人聯(lián)系緊密的人饭望，但如果總是裹著堅(jiān)硬的自我保護(hù)殼，這是很難實(shí)現(xiàn)的形庭。
In a courageous attempt to challenge myself to leave this mask-wearing-comfort zone, I have pledged to have 100?Intimate Moments?to add more emotional depth and connection to conversations. Here are the ground rules:
因此我開(kāi)始了一次挑戰(zhàn)自我的勇敢嘗試--離開(kāi)這個(gè)帶著面具的安樂(lè)區(qū)：我發(fā)誓要?jiǎng)?chuàng)造100個(gè)親密瞬間來(lái)增加對(duì)話中的情感深度和聯(lián)系。以下是一些基本規(guī)則：
1. Confidentiality.
2. 60 minutes together in an undisturbed place (can be video conference).
3. We are sober, present and willing to get uncomfortable.
4. I go first.
1. 完全信任他人厌漂；
2. 無(wú)打擾空間中一起待60分鐘（也可以是視頻會(huì)議）萨醒；
3. 保持冷靜在一起并且愿意接受令人不自在的情況；
4. 保持主動(dòng)苇倡。
I am a third of the way through the challenge, with 30 conversations below my belt, and I cannot say, the conversations get any easier. Every single one has me terrified beforehand. Sometimes I am so afraid, I feel physically ill. But my desire for more spontaneity and increased connection in my life makes me take the plunge into the pool of suspense over and over again.
目前這項(xiàng)挑戰(zhàn)我已經(jīng)完成三分之一了富纸，已經(jīng)有過(guò)30次這樣的對(duì)話囤踩，但我不能說(shuō)，交談變得簡(jiǎn)單了晓褪。之前每個(gè)人都讓我感到害怕堵漱。有時(shí)甚至怕到感覺(jué)身體都不舒服。但我對(duì)生活自主性和更緊密聯(lián)系的追求讓我一次次愿意跳入這片焦慮之海里涣仿。
It is one thing to coach?people, where my focus lies 100% on the client and their vulnerabilities, blockages and dreams; it is another thing entirely to open myself up. In these?Intimate Moments,?I share parts of myself that I’d rather hide, parts for which I might get judged, misunderstood or rejected. This has been my single biggest fear throughout the process: “What if the relationship ends over this?” “Good riddance!” you might think, but the danger feels real. Fear has a way of feeling disproportionally more substantial than the threat that triggered it in the first place.
訓(xùn)練別人是一方面勤庐，在這方面我的注意力100%全放在客戶和他們的弱點(diǎn)、自我封閉以及夢(mèng)想上好港；另一方面就是完全打開(kāi)自己的心扉愉镰。在這些親密瞬間，我甚至?xí)窒砦以?jīng)深埋內(nèi)心的秘密钧汹，那些會(huì)招致批評(píng)丈探、誤解甚至拒絕（交往）的秘密。而這也成為其中唯一也最大的令我感到恐懼的地方：“要是這段交往因?yàn)檫@個(gè)就此結(jié)束怎么辦拔莱？”“終于甩掉包袱了碗降！”你可能這樣想，但那種恐懼感實(shí)在太真實(shí)塘秦。相比于開(kāi)始時(shí)引發(fā)恐懼的威脅感讼渊，恐懼本身有種不成比例的占據(jù)你的大腦的能力。
Last week I had an?Intimate Moment?with a person whom I have known and loved for a long time. Yet there is something I had never shared with her, a fear of mine I have never expressed. Ahead of our conversation, I feel anxious. There seems to be a lot at stake with this person. What if this is a part of me that is unacceptable to her? I’m having palpitations, battling until the last moment whether to really bring this up or come up with a less intense, less vulnerable version for this conversation. I tell her, quickly, before I change my mind:
“I love you. I’m afraid I will lose you to your new husband.” As I say it a part of me silently comments: “You sound so needy, now you will lose her, you should play it cool. You are being selfish.”
上周我和一位相識(shí)已久并深愛(ài)的朋友有了一次“親密瞬間”嗤形。但我說(shuō)了一些我從未提起過(guò)的事情--我從未表達(dá)過(guò)的恐懼精偿。在我們對(duì)話前，我感到很焦慮赋兵。這位朋友似乎有很多疑惑笔咽，要是我心底的事對(duì)她來(lái)說(shuō)是不可接受的怎么辦？我心臟立即猛烈加速霹期，直到最后一刻叶组，我還一直在糾結(jié)是否要說(shuō)出口或者聊聊緩和一點(diǎn)沒(méi)這么大風(fēng)險(xiǎn)的話題。很快历造，我說(shuō)出來(lái)了甩十，在我改變主意前：
“我愛(ài)你，我怕又把你輸給了你的新丈夫吭产÷录啵”當(dāng)我說(shuō)出口，心里就有一個(gè)聲音想起：“你聽(tīng)起來(lái)好可憐臣淤，現(xiàn)在你就要失去她了橄霉，你應(yīng)該換個(gè)酷點(diǎn)的方式。你太自私了邑蒋⌒辗洌”
Her reply is prompt: “I’m so glad you are telling me. I had the same thoughts about us. I’m afraid our relationship will change and that I will lose you as a friend.”
她回答得很干脆：“你能對(duì)我說(shuō)出來(lái)真是太好了按厘，其實(shí)我對(duì)你也有同樣的感覺(jué)。現(xiàn)在恐怕我們的關(guān)系要變了钱慢，我要失去一個(gè)作為‘朋友’的你了逮京。”
The space between us transforms instantly. It feels healing. There is an incredibly strong sense of connection. There is even more love and less doubt between us. I feel closer to her than ever?—?even though I did not think that was possible.
我們之間的距離立刻就拉近了束莫。這感覺(jué)很治愈懒棉，我感到一股強(qiáng)大到不可置信的“聯(lián)系感”。我們之間仿佛頓時(shí)充滿了愛(ài)而沒(méi)了猜疑麦箍。我感到和她前所未有的親近--我從未敢想過(guò)的親近漓藕。
Whilst I felt there was a lot at stake with my friend,?Intimate Moments?with random people are just as petrifying. Take this very successful tech entrepreneur I met at a sporting event. I told him about the project and he said “I’m in.” When I tried to go a little beyond the surface at the sports event, he immediately went back into his safe zone. He became extremely intellectual, tried to impress me with random facts, a common defense mechanism I see both in clients and myself when conversations become uncomfortable. (There are plenty of others, including changing the topic, cracking a joke, feeling tired, mentioning sudden physical pain or physically leaving the situation altogether.)
和朋友在一起的時(shí)候會(huì)有這種危險(xiǎn)的感覺(jué)，實(shí)際上和其他人在一起的“親密瞬間”也同樣令人害怕挟裂。拿這位我在一次運(yùn)動(dòng)會(huì)上遇到的成功的科技企業(yè)家來(lái)說(shuō)享钞， 我跟他說(shuō)了我的這個(gè)項(xiàng)目，他也愉快地加入了诀蓉。 然而當(dāng)我在運(yùn)動(dòng)會(huì)上想聊得深入一點(diǎn)時(shí)栗竖，他立刻躲回了自己的安全區(qū)。當(dāng)對(duì)話變得不舒服渠啤，他變得極其理智狐肢，試圖用一些常識(shí)來(lái)搪塞我，這是一種常見(jiàn)的防范機(jī)制沥曹，我和我的客戶都有份名。（防范機(jī)制還有其他類型如：轉(zhuǎn)換話題，開(kāi)個(gè)玩笑妓美，感到疲勞僵腺，借口自己身體上突然不適或直接離開(kāi)等）
This person clearly is very intelligent, experienced, educated and successful. How do I initiate an?Intimate Moment?with HIM, when even the prospect of a little more depth triggers such a strong defense? When the time approaches, again, dread…to the point of actually wanting to cancel the call. How am I going to be able to go deep with a perfect stranger? Why make myself vulnerable in this situation? What if he says something that completely catches me off guard and I won’t know how to respond? (Something that happens often) What if we go into awkward silences for really long periods of time? (This too, is a regular occurrence.) I vow not to bridge silence with superficial chit-chat or any other form of diversion to distract from uncomfortable moments.
這位企業(yè)家顯然是個(gè)十分聰明、老練壶栋、有學(xué)問(wèn)而又成功的人物辰如。那我究竟是如何在小小嘗試就遇到如此強(qiáng)烈反抗后還開(kāi)始了我和他的“親密瞬間”呢，即便他一次一次不想再談下去贵试，我是怎樣深入了解一個(gè)徹底的陌生人的呢琉兜？ 為什么讓自己處于這種不利的地位？要是他說(shuō)了什么我防不勝防毙玻、無(wú)從回答的話怎么辦（這種事很常見(jiàn)）豌蟋？要是我們冷場(chǎng)太久怎么辦（這也同樣常見(jiàn)）？我發(fā)誓絕不會(huì)用什么膚淺的閑聊或其他形式的消遣來(lái)挽救場(chǎng)面桑滩，以免讓人從這種不舒服的情景里分心開(kāi)來(lái)夺饲。
Upon entering the conversation with him, the option of playing it safe arises again, but after sharing the initial ground rules, I tell him: “I’m surprised you are up for the challenge! Why do you want to do this?”
He responds: “Because your project sounds interesting and I’d like to support you with it.”
Pause… nothing else… nowhere to go.
一開(kāi)始說(shuō)話，他就又選擇了安全的方式施符，但說(shuō)清了基本規(guī)則之后往声，我告訴他：“你能接受挑戰(zhàn)，讓我很驚訝戳吝！ 為什么這么做浩销？”
他回答道：“因?yàn)槟愕捻?xiàng)目聽(tīng)起來(lái)很有意思，我希望盡力支持你听哭÷螅”
然后，冷場(chǎng)了……沒(méi)話可說(shuō)了陆盘。
I come up with a different question. I do not ask questions in every?Intimate Moment.?Sometimes?people already know what they want to talk about.
“What I usually hide from people is….”
To my surprise, he goes first. In an impressive and very touching manner he starts to share something he has never shared with anyone: “I feel very insecure about my background. I feel out of place, as if I don’t belong. I wish I had gone to one of the Ivy League universities.”
我提出另一個(gè)問(wèn)題普筹。我并不是每次“親密瞬間”時(shí)都問(wèn)個(gè)不停，有時(shí)客戶知道他們想聊些什么隘马。
“我通常瞞著其他人的是……”
我吃了一驚太防，他竟然先開(kāi)口了。他竟開(kāi)始動(dòng)人地分享起他從未提過(guò)的事來(lái)：“我的背景十分不堪酸员。我感到不舒服蜒车，仿佛我不屬于這個(gè)地方。我多希望是從常春藤學(xué)校走出來(lái)的啊幔嗦∧鹄ⅲ”
I sense that admitting this does not come easy to him. I feel relief, tremendous relief because I can relate to what he is sharing. I have had moments of insecurity about my background, insecurity of having grown up in an all-white environment as a mixed-race child. I have also carried the insecurity about not having gone to an Ivy League university. I share all of this with him and…the fact that I have met plenty of Ivy League graduates who, despite having been top of their class, still carry a deep-seated insecurity about their background. Some feel like they’re hiding behind a label, regret not having had the courage to go after what really matters to them, and, deep down, still question who they really are. “When I touch on anything I truly love in life, I feel safe.”, I add.
我明顯能感覺(jué)到，承認(rèn)這點(diǎn)對(duì)他來(lái)說(shuō)十分不容易邀泉。我頓時(shí)輕松了嬉挡，完全輕松了因?yàn)槲夷荏w會(huì)到他的那種感覺(jué)。我曾經(jīng)也對(duì)自己的背景感到?jīng)]有安全感汇恤，那種在白人世界里長(zhǎng)大的混種孩子的不安全感庞钢。我也因未曾就讀于常春藤院校感到自卑。我把這些感受都跟他分享了屁置，又談了我遇到過(guò)的很多常春藤畢業(yè)生焊夸，盡管是班里的尖子，仍然存在有對(duì)自己背景深深的不安全感蓝角。有些人感覺(jué)自己就像躲在一個(gè)標(biāo)簽后阱穗，遺憾自己不能提起勇氣追隨自己想要的東西，甚至懷疑自己到底是誰(shuí)使鹅、是什么揪阶？“當(dāng)我接觸到我真正愛(ài)的東西，我覺(jué)得很自在患朱，很安全鲁僚。”我又加了一句。
I remember the man at the sporting event, wearing his grown-up mask. That person felt intimidating and miles away. The person I see now, the person who talked about his insecurity, feels close. The space between us has shifted. It feels warmer, gentler, tender and soft. I see a beauty in the person before me that I couldn’t make out before. I feel a connection. I am willing to be more of myself with him. I am impressed with this man’s courage. He owes me nothing, he agreed to participate on a whim and he showed up more powerfully than I would have ever imagined.
我仍記得運(yùn)動(dòng)會(huì)上那個(gè)男人冰沙，戴著他的“成人面具”侨艾。那個(gè)人拒人千里之外，令人生畏拓挥。而現(xiàn)在我面前的這個(gè)人唠梨，這個(gè)人談著他的不安全感，仿佛觸手可及侥啤。我們之間的空間仿佛變了当叭，變得溫暖、平緩而又輕柔盖灸。這個(gè)男人第一次讓我覺(jué)得很美蚁鳖。我感到我和他已經(jīng)聯(lián)系起來(lái)了。我希望把更真實(shí)的自己坦露給他看赁炎。我十分敬佩他的勇氣醉箕，他和我并沒(méi)有交情，但他一時(shí)興起同意參加我的項(xiàng)目甘邀，他就來(lái)了琅攘，并展現(xiàn)出我意料之外的勇氣。
Intimate Moments?started as a challenge to myself, but very quickly, I experienced that there is much more to the project. It has the power to transform the space between us, to facilitate a deeper sense of connection. It gives us confidence. Core-confidence, not the superficial and conditional kind that is based on achievements.
“親密瞬間” 本來(lái)是我給自己的挑戰(zhàn)松邪，但很快我意識(shí)到這個(gè)項(xiàng)目可以有更大的意義坞琴。它有能改變彼此之間距離空間的力量，有能讓彼此之間關(guān)系深化變得簡(jiǎn)單的力量逗抑。它讓我們變得更自信剧辐。真正來(lái)自心底的自信，而不是那種表面上基于獲得的成就的“條件自信”邮府。
So I added another rule:
5. Pay it forward.
Make yourself a little more vulnerable with another person in your surroundings and watch what happens. I have received astounding feedback of people who did pay their?Intimate Moment?forward and saw a transformation in their relationships with others.
鑒于此荧关，我加了這條規(guī)則：
5. 傳遞這份“親密瞬間”
向身邊一個(gè)人坦露自己真實(shí)的內(nèi)心，看看會(huì)發(fā)生什么褂傀。我已經(jīng)收到一些來(lái)自傳遞了“親密瞬間”并看到自己人際關(guān)系轉(zhuǎn)變的人的驚人反饋忍啤。
Every time ahead of an?Intimate Moment?conversation I feel like I am about to take a plunge into the ocean on a moonless night. I cannot see below the surface. I don’t know who or what else will be in there with me and I have no clue what the water will feel like.
The only way to find out is to jump.
It is terrifying, but coming out the other end always feels worth it a million times over.
每次在“親密瞬間”對(duì)話之前，我感覺(jué)自己像是要在一個(gè)沒(méi)有月光的晚上跳入大海一樣仙辟。我看不清下面有什么同波。我不知道水里會(huì)有誰(shuí)或什么東西在等著我，也不知道水感覺(jué)起來(lái)怎樣叠国。
要知道這些未檩，只有縱身一躍。
這時(shí)是很可怕的粟焊，但出來(lái)之后冤狡，卻截然不同孙蒙，讓人感覺(jué)如此受益，甚至愿意再來(lái)一千一萬(wàn)次悲雳。
I am very grateful to all the courageous individuals who have and currently are participating in100 Intimate Moments.If an?Intimate Moment?conversation is something you would like to experience, or you would like more information please reach out. We can take a first step together from there.
我感激那些參與過(guò)或正在參與“100個(gè)親密瞬間”的勇敢的人們挎峦。如果你想來(lái)體驗(yàn)一次“親密瞬間”，或者想再深入了解一下怜奖，我們隨時(shí)歡迎浑测。我們可以一起勇敢向前邁出這步。
source: A Medium Corp. 100 Intimate Moments
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翻譯水平有限，歡迎各位指正顽决，歡迎各位指正短条，歡迎各位指正！２挪ぁ茸时！
