17

Contractions

攣縮

1. Though questions of reality and falsehood in this area are notorious for resisting scrutiny and systematic analysis, after our return from Spain I began to suspect ?without quite being able to look at the evidence in the face ?that Chloe had started to simulate all or some of her orgasms.起初我難以想象一個(gè)持續(xù)3.2秒的諾言會(huì)和諧地存在于一個(gè)由八個(gè)0.8秒的攣縮組成的序列之中芦缰，而最初的兩個(gè)0.8和最后的兩個(gè)0.8（共3.2秒）是真實(shí)的映之。想象這個(gè)序列全部是真實(shí)的，或全部是虛假的要容易得多喉脖，但是一個(gè)真實(shí)-虛假-真實(shí)的模式顯得有悖常理，而且沒(méi)有必要叉弦。這個(gè)等式或是錯(cuò)誤或是正確摹恨，二者必居其一。也許我應(yīng)該拋開(kāi)表象卓练，尋找心理方面的解釋隘蝎。然而不論原因是什么，不論解釋處于哪個(gè)層次襟企，我都開(kāi)始發(fā)現(xiàn)克洛艾（自我們從西班牙回來(lái)之后）開(kāi)始假裝或部分假裝高潮的到來(lái)嘱么。

2. Her customary behaviour was replaced by an exaggerated activity apparently designed to divert me from her lack of genuine involvement in the process. The change was not accompanied by any obvious sign of uninterest. Indeed, lovemaking as a whole became more passionate. Not only was it performed more often, it was also performed in different positions and at different hours of the day, it was more turbulent, there were screams, even crying, the gestures closer to anger than the gentleness normally associated with the act.她用夸張的動(dòng)作代替了一貫的攣縮次數(shù)，可能是為了不讓我知道她在做愛(ài)過(guò)程中沒(méi)有真正投入顽悼。如果我過(guò)于關(guān)注有無(wú)高潮曼振，這不是因?yàn)閿伩s對(duì)每個(gè)人都很重要（有證據(jù)表明快感與痙攣次數(shù)無(wú)關(guān)）几迄，只是因?yàn)閿伩s對(duì)于一個(gè)女人（她過(guò)去喜歡一次又一次的攣縮）來(lái)說(shuō)是一個(gè)意味深長(zhǎng)的標(biāo)志，標(biāo)志她更可能移情別戀了冰评。

攣縮次數(shù)的減少并沒(méi)有與明顯的厭倦做愛(ài)同時(shí)到來(lái)映胁。從某種程度上說(shuō)，這時(shí)做愛(ài)反而有了更多的熱情甲雅。不僅做的更加頻繁解孙，而且會(huì)不斷變換地點(diǎn)，選擇不同的時(shí)間抛人，更為激情澎湃弛姜，伴隨著尖叫，甚至嘶喊妖枚，動(dòng)作幾近狂野廷臼。與平常溫文爾雅的方式相比，更近于憤怒绝页。這里面包含著什么中剩？我不能確定。只是這足以說(shuō)明疑心產(chǎn)生了抒寂。

3. What should have been said to Chloe was eventually shared with a great male friend instead.我本就忘與克洛艾交談的話卻與一個(gè)男性朋友講了起來(lái)结啼。

'I don't know what's happening, Will, sex simply isn't what it used to be.'“我不知道是怎么回事，威爾屈芜，性愛(ài)變味了郊愧。”

'Don't worry, it goes in phases, you can't expect it to be high octane every time. Not even I expect that.'“別擔(dān)心井佑，性愛(ài)是有階段性的属铁，你別想次次都如登仙境」蹋”

'I just feel something else is wrong, I don't know what, but in the months since we came back from Spain, I've been noticing stuff. And I don't mean only in the bedroom, that's just a kind of symptom. I mean everywhere.'“沒(méi)有焦蘑，我只是覺(jué)得別的什么不太對(duì)勁，又說(shuō)不清楚盒发。自我們從西班牙回來(lái)后的這幾個(gè)月里例嘱，我已經(jīng)注意到一些苗頭，不只是在臥室里宁舰，那只是一種征兆拼卵。我是說(shuō)它無(wú)所不在÷瑁”

'Like?'“比方說(shuō)腋腮？”

'Well, nothing I could put a finger on directly. All right, here's one thing I remember. She likes a different cereal than me, but because I spend a lot of time at her place, she usually buys the kind of cereal I like so we can have breakfast together. Then all of a sudden last week, she stops buying it, and says it's too expensive. I don't want to come to any conclusions, I'm just noticing.'“嗯，一下子也說(shuō)不上來(lái)。喏即寡，我記得有這樣一件事徊哑。克洛區(qū)喜歡的那種麥片與我喜歡的不同聪富，但是因?yàn)槲液芏鄷r(shí)候都待在她那兒实柠，所以她通常都買(mǎi)我喜歡吃的那種，這樣我們就能在一起吃早餐善涨。但是窒盐，上個(gè)星期，她突然不買(mǎi)了钢拧，說(shuō)太貴了蟹漓。我不想從中得出什么結(jié)論，只是注意到這一點(diǎn)變化源内∑狭＃”

4. Will and I were standing in the reception area of our office. A cocktail party was in progress to celebrate the firm's twentieth birthday. I had brought Chloe with me, for whom this was a first chance to see my work-space.威爾和我站在辦公樓的接待廳，慶祝公司成立二十周年的雞尾酒會(huì)正在舉行膜钓。我把克洛艾帶來(lái)了嗽交，這是她第一次看到我工作的地方。

'Why does Will have so many more commissions than you?' Chloe asked Will and me after wandering around the exhibits.“為什么威爾的任務(wù)要比你多得多颂斜？”在看了一圈展覽品之后夫壁， 克洛艾這樣問(wèn)威爾和我。

'You answer that one, Will.'“你回答她吧沃疮，威爾盒让。”

'That's because real geniuses always have a hard time getting their work accepted,' answered Will, cancelling out what might have been a compliment through exaggeration.“那是因?yàn)檎嬲奶觳趴傄?jīng)歷一個(gè)艱難的時(shí)期才能讓人們接受他們的成果司蔬，”威爾寬厚地說(shuō)邑茄。

'Your designs are brilliant,' Chloe told him, 'I've never seen anything so inventive, especially for office projects. The use of materials is just incredible, and the way you've managed to integrate the brick and metal so well. Couldn't you do things like that?' Chloe asked me.“你的設(shè)計(jì)真是太杰出了，”克洛艾對(duì)他說(shuō)俊啼，“我從沒(méi)看到過(guò)這么富有創(chuàng)意的設(shè)計(jì)肺缕，特別是那些辦公大樓項(xiàng)目。材料的使用真是不可思議授帕，你的設(shè)計(jì)把磚的金屬結(jié)合得太好了你難道不能也這樣做嗎同木？”克洛艾問(wèn)我。

'I'm working on a number of ideas, but my style is very different, I work with different materials.'“我正在考慮很多想法豪墅，但我的風(fēng)格不同泉手，我用的材料也不同∨计鳎”

'Well, I think Will's work is great, incredible in fact. I'm so glad I came to see it.'“那么，我認(rèn)為威你的成果太偉大了，簡(jiǎn)直是不可思議屏轰。我真高興今天來(lái)觀看颊郎。”

'Chloe, it's great to hear you say so,' answered Will.“克洛艾霎苗，你能這樣說(shuō)姆吭，真是太好了，”威爾答道唁盏。

'I'm so impressed, your work is exactly the kind of thing I'm interested in and I think it's such a pity that more architects don't do what you're trying to do. I imagine it can't be easy.'“你給我的印象太深刻了内狸，你設(shè)計(jì)的正是我感興趣的東西。我認(rèn)為那么多設(shè)計(jì)師沒(méi)有像你那樣去做真是太遺憾了厘擂。我猜一定很難吧昆淡。”

'It's not that easy, but I've always been taught to go with the things I believe in. I build the houses that make me feel real, and then the people who live in them end up absorbing a kind of energy from them.'“確實(shí)不太容易刽严，但以前老師教導(dǎo)我要相信自己的判斷昂灵。 我只建造那些讓我自己感覺(jué)真實(shí)的房子，然后住在里面的人們才會(huì)從中吸取一種能量舞萄≌２梗”

'I think I see what you mean.'“我想我懂你的意思〉古В”

'You'd see better if we were out in California. I was working on a project in Monterey, and I mean, there you'd really get a sense of what you can do by using different kinds of stone as well as some steel and aluminium, and working with the landscape instead of against it.'“要是我們?nèi)ゼ永Ｄ醽喅怕荩銜?huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)那兒的還要好。我曾經(jīng)在蒙特雷設(shè)計(jì)過(guò)一個(gè)項(xiàng)目崎弃，我是說(shuō)实蓬，在那兒你才會(huì)真正感覺(jué)到用各種不同的石頭、鋼材吊履，以及鋁材可以建造出什么樣的建筑安皱，你的設(shè)計(jì)會(huì)與整個(gè)風(fēng)景融為一體，而不是破壞它艇炎∽靡粒”

5. It is part of good manners not to question the criteria responsible for eliciting another's love. The dream is that one has not been loved for criteria at all, but rather for who one is, an ontological status beyond properties or attributes. From within love, as within wealth, a taboo surrounds the means of acquiring and sustaining affection or property. Only poverty, either of love or money, leads one to question the system - perhaps the reason why lovers do not make great revolutionaries.不詢問(wèn)他人的愛(ài)情標(biāo)準(zhǔn)是一種良好的風(fēng)度。理想的愛(ài)情是缀踪，不因一個(gè)人符合標(biāo)準(zhǔn)而產(chǎn)生愛(ài)戀居砖，而只是愛(ài)上一個(gè)人钾腺，無(wú)關(guān)財(cái)產(chǎn)和身體地位的本位的人书聚。愛(ài)情如同財(cái)富一樣毙驯，忌諱人們探詢是如何獲得并保持感情/財(cái)產(chǎn)的窄刘。只有當(dāng)愛(ài)情漸逝蛤虐，才會(huì)使人質(zhì)疑這種理想狀態(tài)是不是存在——可能這也是情人們不敢做出決斷的原因墩弯。

6. Passing an unfortunate woman in the street one day, Chloe had asked me, 'Would you have loved me if I'd had an enormous birthmark on my face like she does?' The yearning is that the answer be 'yes' ?an answer that would place love above the mundane surfaces of the body, or more particularly, its cruel unchangeable ones. I will love you not just for your wit and talent and beauty, but simply because you are you, with no strings attached. I love you for who you are deep in your soul, not for the colour of your eyes or the length of your legs or size of your chequebook. The longing is that the lover admire us stripped of our external assets, appreciating the essence of our being without accomplishments, ready to repeat the unconditional love said to exist in some parts between parent and child. The real self is what one can freely choose to be, and if a birthmark arises on our forehead or age withers us or recession bankrupts us, then we must be excused for accidents that have damaged what is only our surface. And even if we are beautiful and rich, then we do not wish to be loved on account of these things, for they may fail us, and with them, love. I would prefer you to compliment me on my brain than on my face, but if you must, then I would rather you comment on my smile (motor- and muscle-controlled) than on my nose (static and tissue-based). The desire is that I be loved even if I lose everything: leaving nothing but 'me', this mysterious 'me' taken to be the self at its weakest, most vulnerable point.有一天零远，我們?cè)诮稚峡吹揭焕恍业呐诵鸱病？寺灏?dāng)時(shí)問(wèn)我說(shuō)：“如果我的臉上像她那樣有那么一大塊胎記內(nèi)外還會(huì)愛(ài)我嗎咒精？”她渴望的答案是“會(huì)”——一個(gè)把愛(ài)置于身體的世俗外表之上的答案镶柱，或者更確切地說(shuō)，置于它殘酷的模叙、不可改變的外表之上的答案歇拆。我愛(ài)你，不是因?yàn)槟愕穆敺f范咨、才干和美麗故觅，只因?yàn)槟憔褪悄悖瑳](méi)有任何附帶條件渠啊；我愛(ài)你输吏，愛(ài)的是你靈魂深處的那個(gè)你，而不是你眼睛的顏色昭抒，你腿的長(zhǎng)短评也，或你支票簿的厚薄。我們渴望心上人欣賞的是我們的本質(zhì)灭返，而不是外在條件帶給我們的光環(huán)盗迟；我們渴望心上人樂(lè)意去重復(fù)那據(jù)說(shuō)存在于父母和子女之間的無(wú)條件的愛(ài)。我們能夠選擇的只有真實(shí)的自我熙含，如果胎記長(zhǎng)在我們的前額罚缕，如果歲月讓我們?nèi)找婵蓍拢绻?jīng)濟(jì)衰退讓我們一貧如洗怎静，這些不幸的事物摧毀的只是外表邮弹，我們應(yīng)該得到諒解。即使我們美麗動(dòng)人蚓聘，富甲天下腌乡，但我們也許不會(huì)獲得真愛(ài)。我更愿意你稱贊我的頭腦夜牡，而不是我的臉蛋与纽，但如果你執(zhí)意這樣做，那么我更愿意你評(píng)價(jià)我的微笑（富于運(yùn)動(dòng)塘装，肌肉控制）急迂，而不是我的鼻子（靜止不動(dòng)，都是組織）蹦肴。我們渴望永遠(yuǎn)被愛(ài)僚碎，即使我們一無(wú)所有：只剩下“我”，這神秘的“我”在最脆弱阴幌、最易受傷的時(shí)刻還原為最真實(shí)的自我勺阐。

Do you love me enough that I may be weak with you? Everyone loves strength, but Do you love me for my weakness? That is the real test. Do you love me stripped of everything that might be lost, for only the things I will have for ever? 你能愛(ài)我之深以至于我可以裸露我的脆弱嗎卷中？人人都喜歡強(qiáng)壯有力，但你能愛(ài)虛弱無(wú)力的我嗎皆看？那才是真正的考驗(yàn)仓坞。你會(huì)愛(ài)上那個(gè)剝離了一切外在條件背零，只剩下最本質(zhì)內(nèi)涵的我嗎腰吟？

6.That evening at the architectural office, I first began to sense Chloe slipping away from me, losing admiration for my work and beginning to question my value in relation to other men. Because I was tired, and Chloe and Will were not, I went home and they chose to go on to the West End for a drink. Chloe told me she'd call as soon as she got home, but by eleven o'clock, I decided to call her. The answerphone replied, as it did when I called again at two thirty that morning. The urge was to confess my anxieties into the machine, but to formulate them seemed to bring them closer into existence, dragging a suspicion into the realm of accusation and counter-accusation. Perhaps it was nothing - or at least everything: I preferred to imagine her in an accident than playing truant with Will. I called the police at four in the morning, and asked them in the most responsible tone a man drunk on vodka may adopt, if they had not seen evidence, perhaps a mutilated body or wrecked Volkswagen, of my angel in a short green skirt and black jacket, last seen in an office near the Barbican. No, sir, no such sighting had been made, was she a relative or just a friend? Could I wait till morning, and contact the station again then? 在辦公樓的那個(gè)晚上，我第一次感受到克洛艾在消然地與我分離徙瓶，不再欣賞我的工作毛雇，開(kāi)始把我和別的男人比較，質(zhì)疑我的價(jià)值侦镇。我累了灵疮，但克洛艾和威爾卻興致盎然，我便回家了壳繁，他們一起去西區(qū)喝酒震捣。克洛艾說(shuō)闹炉，她一到家就給我打電話蒿赢，但是到十一點(diǎn)鐘時(shí)，我決定給她打渣触。只有電話錄音答復(fù)我羡棵。凌晨?jī)牲c(diǎn)半時(shí)同樣如此。這種迫切的心情把我的焦慮通過(guò)電話機(jī)表露出來(lái)嗅钻，但是系統(tǒng)地闡述似乎讓它們更接近事實(shí)皂冰，把懷疑帶進(jìn)指責(zé)與反指責(zé)的領(lǐng)域。也許什么事也沒(méi)有——或什么事都有养篓，我更愿意想象她是出了什么事故秃流，而不是正在與威爾尋歡作樂(lè)。凌晨四點(diǎn)時(shí)柳弄，我給警察局打了電話舶胀，我喝了太多伏特加酒，醉醺醺的语御，但我還是極力用最正常的聲音詢問(wèn)他們峻贮，有沒(méi)有撞傷的人或撞毀的大眾車(chē)，有沒(méi)有我那穿著綠色短裙和黑色夾克的天使的蹤跡应闯，我最后看到她是在巴比肯附近的辦公樓里纤控。沒(méi)有，先生碉纺，沒(méi)有這種事故發(fā)生船万，她是你的親戚還僅是一個(gè)朋友刻撒？能不能等到早上再和警察局聯(lián)系一下？

8. 'One can think problems into existence,' Chloe had told me. I dared not think, for fear of what I might find. The freedom to think involves the courage to stumble upon our demons. But the frightened mind cannot wander; I stayed tethered to my paranoia, brittle as glass. Bishop Berkeley and later Chloe had said that if one shuts one's eyes, the outer world may be said to be no more real than a dream, and now more than ever the power of illusion came to seem comforting, the urge not to look truth in the face, the urge that if only one did not think, an unpleasant truth might not exist.“胡思亂想會(huì)弄假成真耿导，”克洛艾曾經(jīng)對(duì)我說(shuō)声怔。我不敢去想，因?yàn)楹ε驴赡軙?huì)真的發(fā)現(xiàn)什么舱呻。要自由思考就要有碰上壞消息的勇氣醋火，但是受驚的思想不能邁開(kāi)思考的步伐。我擺脫自己的妄想箱吕，我如玻璃杯一般易碎芥驳。伯克利大主教和克洛艾都說(shuō)過(guò)，如果閉上眼睛茬高，外部世界不過(guò)是一場(chǎng)夢(mèng)而已兆旬。但現(xiàn)在不再僅僅是夢(mèng)。漫無(wú)邊際的幻想似乎讓人舒適怎栽，不要直面真相丽猬，如果停止思考，令人痛苦的事實(shí)可以不復(fù)存在該多好啊熏瞄。

9. Feeling implicated in her absence, guilty for my suspicions, and angry at my own guilt, I pretended to have noticed nothing when Chloe and I met at ten o'clock the following day. Yet she must have been guilty ?for why else would she have gone to her local supermarket to add to her kitchen the missing breakfast cereal to fill Weltschmertz's stomach? She accused herself not by her indifference, but by her sense of duty, a large packet of Three Cereal Golden Bran prominently placed on the window ledge.

'Is something wrong with it? Isn't that the one you like?' asked Chloe, watching me stumble over my mouthfuls.情緒因?yàn)榭寺灏膹匾刮礆w受到影響脚祟，我為自己的疑心愧疚，又為這份愧疚惱火巴刻。第二天十點(diǎn)鐘愚铡，當(dāng)克洛艾和我見(jiàn)面時(shí)，我裝作若無(wú)其事胡陪。然而她肯定心中有愧——不然為何又到附近的超市去買(mǎi)那久違了的麥片給她的少年維特做早餐沥寥？她不是用冷漠，而是用責(zé)任感來(lái)責(zé)怪自己柠座，一大包金麥片顯眼地放在窗臺(tái)上邑雅。

“怎么啦，你不是喜歡這種嗎妈经？”克洛艾見(jiàn)我囁嚅淮野，便這樣問(wèn)道。

10. She said she had stayed the night at her girlfriend Paula's house. Will and she had chatted till late in a bar in Soho, and as she'd had a bit to drink, it had seemed easier to stop off in Bloomsbury than make the journey back home to Islington. She had wanted to call me, but it would surely have woken me up. I had said I wanted to go to sleep early, so wasn't it the best thing? Why was I making that face? Did I want more milk to go with the three cereals?說(shuō)自己在一個(gè)叫寶拉的女朋友家過(guò)夜吹泡。威爾和她在索霍的酒吧回復(fù)的聊到很晚骤星。她有點(diǎn)醉了，中途覺(jué)得最好還是到布盧姆伯利歇下爆哑，而不是開(kāi)車(chē)回伊斯靈頓的家里洞难。她本想給我打電話，但肯定會(huì)把我吵醒揭朝。我曾經(jīng)說(shuō)過(guò)要早點(diǎn)睡队贱，這不是最恰當(dāng)?shù)慕杩趩嵘剑课沂裁匆獢[出那樣臉色來(lái)呢？難道我中想再要些牛奶沖麥片柱嫌？

11. An urge accompanies epistemically stunted accounts of reality - the urge, if they are pleasant, to believe them. Like an optimistic simpleton's view of the world, Chloe's version of her evening was desirably believable, like a hot bath in which I wished to sit for ever. If she believes in it, why shouldn't I? If it's this simple for her, why should it be so complicated for me? I wished to be taken in by her story of a night spent on the floor of Paula's flat in Bloomsbury, able in that case to set aside my alternative evening (another bed, another man, unfaked pleasure). Like the voter from whom the politician's caramel promise draws a tear, I was lured by falsehood's ability to appeal to my deepest emotional yearning.一個(gè)迫切的要求伴隨著這對(duì)現(xiàn)實(shí)站不住腳的解釋產(chǎn)生了锋恬，這要求就是，如果這些解釋能讓人心情愉快编丘，那么就姑且相信吧与学。就如一個(gè)樂(lè)觀的大傻瓜眼中的世界一樣，關(guān)于那天夜晚的行蹤瘪吏，克洛艾的解釋是合人心意地可信癣防，好比一個(gè)溫暖的大浴缸蜗巧，我想永遠(yuǎn)浸泡其中掌眠。如果她自己相信，我又為何不相信幕屹？如果對(duì)她來(lái)說(shuō)簡(jiǎn)單明了蓝丙，我又為何要讓事情錯(cuò)綜復(fù)雜？我祈望自己聽(tīng)信她在布盧姆伯利的寶拉家地板上過(guò)夜的故事望拖，這樣我就能夠把另一個(gè)可供選擇的過(guò)夜方式（另一張床渺尘，另一個(gè)男人，多次的攣縮）拋在腦后说敏。就如那些被政治家們用涂著卡拉梅爾糖的承諾哄去眼淚的選民一樣鸥跟，我被那投我最深處的情感渴求所好的諾言所誘惑。

12. Therefore, as she had spent the night with Paula, had bought cereal, and all was forgiven, I felt a burst of confidence and relief, like a man awaking from a nightmare. I got up from the table and put my arms around the beloved's thick white pullover, caressing her shoulders through the wool, then bending down to kiss her neck, nibbling at her ear, feeling the familiar perfume of her skin and the brush of her hair against my face. 'Don't, not now,' said the angel. But, disbelieving, caught up in the familiar perfume of her skin and brush of hair against his face, Cupid continued to pucker his lips against her flesh. 'I said once already, not now!' repeated the angel, so that even he might hear.所以盔沫，由于她是在寶拉那兒過(guò)的夜医咨，還買(mǎi)了麥片，一切都得到了諒解架诞。于是我就像從夢(mèng)魘中醒過(guò)來(lái)的人拟淮，感到極大的自信和輕松。我從桌邊站起來(lái)谴忧，用胳膊擁住心上人穿的那件厚厚的白色套衫很泊，俯身吻她的脖頸，一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)咬她的耳朵沾谓，感受她皮膚上熟悉的香水和她的秀發(fā)輕拂我的臉委造。“不要均驶，現(xiàn)在不昏兆，”天使說(shuō)。但是辣恋，被她皮膚上熟悉的香水味和她頭發(fā)拂過(guò)臉的感覺(jué)所吸引的丘比特不相信她的話亮垫，繼續(xù)嘟著嘴親吻她模软。“我已經(jīng)說(shuō)過(guò)了饮潦，現(xiàn)在不要燃异！”天使又重復(fù)一遍，為了讓他能夠聽(tīng)見(jiàn)继蜡。

13. The pattern of the kiss had been formed during their first night together. She had placed her head beside his and, fascinated by this soft juncture between mind and body, he had begun running his lips along the curve of her neck. It had made her shudder and smile, she had played with his hand, and shut her eyes. It had become a routine between them, a signature of their intimate language. Don't, not now. Hate is the hidden script in the letter of love; its foundations are shared with its opposite. The woman seduced by her partner's way of kissing her neck, turning the pages of a book, or telling a joke watches irritation collect at precisely these points. It is as if the end of love was already contained in its beginning, the ingredients of love's collapse eerily foreshadowed by those of its creation.接吻的模式在他們的第一個(gè)夜晚就形成了回俐。她把頭放在他的旁邊，閉上眼睛稀并，為靈魂和肉體之間的這種溫軟可人的結(jié)合而神魂顛倒仅颇。他的舌頭游走在她的脖頸上，讓她渾身顫抖碘举，面露微笑忘瓦，撫弄他的手。這已成為他們的慣例引颈，是他們親密語(yǔ)言的標(biāo)志耕皮。不要，現(xiàn)在不要蝙场。憎恨隱藏在愛(ài)這個(gè)字眼中凌停，與鐘情共用一個(gè)載體。這個(gè)女人售滤，曾被愛(ài)人親吻脖頸的方式罚拟、一頁(yè)頁(yè)地翻書(shū)的動(dòng)作，或講笑話的口吻所誘惑的女人完箩，目睹惱怒也正在這些地方積聚起來(lái)赐俗。好像愛(ài)情的終結(jié)早就包含在愛(ài)情產(chǎn)生的地方，愛(ài)情破裂的因素被創(chuàng)造愛(ài)情的因素神秘地預(yù)示嗜憔。

14. _I said once already, not now_. There are cases of skilled doctors, experts at detecting the first signs of cancer in their patients, who will somehow ignore the growth of football-sized tumours in their own body. There are examples of people who in most walks of life are clear and rational, but who are unable to accept that one of their children has died or that their wife or husband has left them ?and will continue to believe the child has merely gone missing or the spouse will leave their new marriage for the old. The shipwrecked lover cannot accept the evidence of the wreckage, continuing to behave as though nothing had changed, in the vain hope that by ignoring the verdict of execution, death will somehow be stalled. The signs of death were everywhere waiting to be read - had I not been struck by the illiteracy pain had induced.我已經(jīng)說(shuō)過(guò)了秃励，現(xiàn)在不要。技術(shù)精湛的醫(yī)生吉捶、專家常常從最早的跡象中診斷出病人的癌癥夺鲜，然而他們有時(shí)卻忽視了自己體內(nèi)已經(jīng)長(zhǎng)到足球大的腫瘤。很多人一生多半頭腦清醒呐舔，富有理性币励，但他們卻無(wú)法接受自己的孩子的死亡，或自己妻子或丈夫離他們而去珊拼，仍然認(rèn)為孩子只是走丟了食呻，或配偶會(huì)拋卻新的婚姻，回到他們身邊。愛(ài)情遭到毀滅的情人不能接受毀滅的事實(shí)仅胞，仍然一如往日地行為處事每辟。他們徒勞地以為，忽略死刑的裁決干旧，就能阻止死亡的腳步渠欺。然而死亡的標(biāo)志隨處可見(jiàn)，等待解讀——如果痛苦還沒(méi)有使我失去解讀能力的話椎眯。

15. The victim of love's demise grows unable to locate original strategies to revive the corpse. At precisely the time when things might still have been rescued with ingenuity, fearful and hence unoriginal, I became nostalgic. Sensing Chloe drawing away, I attempted to pull her back through blind repetition of elements that had in the past cemented us. I continued with the kiss, and in the weeks thereafter, insisted that we return to cinemas and restaurants where we had spent pleasant evenings, I revisited jokes we had laughed at together, I readopted positions our bodies had once moulded.愛(ài)情滅亡的受害者無(wú)法再用原來(lái)的辦法復(fù)活愛(ài)情挠将。在一切尚可以用足智多謀進(jìn)行挽救的時(shí)刻，我變得害怕而缺乏創(chuàng)意编整，開(kāi)始懷舊舔稀。當(dāng)感受到克洛艾離我越來(lái)越遠(yuǎn)時(shí)，我盲目地去重復(fù)那些將我們牢牢聯(lián)系在一起的東西掌测，試圖挽留她内贮。我不斷吻她，接下來(lái)的幾個(gè)星期赏半，我堅(jiān)持帶她去曾度過(guò)了很多美好夜晚的電影院和餐館贺归，重復(fù)我們?cè)鵀橹黄鸫笮^(guò)的笑話，重新采取舊日歡好的體位断箫。

16. I sought comfort in the familiarity of our in-house language, the language used to ease previous conflicts, a joke designed to acknowledge and hence render inoffensive the temporary fluctuations of love.我從我們室內(nèi)語(yǔ)的熟悉感中尋找慰藉，那些語(yǔ)言以前是用于平息爭(zhēng)端的秋冰，那些赫拉克利特式的笑話是用來(lái)承認(rèn)仲义，從而使暫時(shí)的愛(ài)情波動(dòng)無(wú)傷大雅。

'Is something wrong today?' I asked one morning when Venus looked almost as pale and sad as I.“你今天有什么不對(duì)勁嗎剑勾？”一天早上埃撵，當(dāng)維納斯看上去幾乎和我一樣蒼白時(shí)，我問(wèn)她虽另。

'Today?'“今天暂刘？”

'Yes, today, is something wrong?'“是啊，今天捂刺，怎么了谣拣？”

'No, why? Is there any reason it should be?'“沒(méi)什么，你怎么了族展？有什么原因要這樣嗎森缠？”

'I don't think so.'“沒(méi)有∫歉祝”

'So why are you asking?'“那你為什么要這樣問(wèn)贵涵？”

'I don't know. Because you're looking a bit unhappy.'“不知道。因?yàn)槟憧雌饋?lái)有點(diǎn)不高興”雒”

'Sorry for being human.'“做人真難瓷马。”

'I'm just trying to help. Out of ten today, what would you give me?'“我正在努力想辦法跨晴。我今天超過(guò)十點(diǎn)决采，你對(duì)我呢？”

'I really don't know.'“我實(shí)在不知道坟奥∈鞑t！?/p>

'Why not?'“為什么不知道？”

'I'm tired.'“我很累爱谁∩古纾”

'Just tell me.'“告訴我吧》玫校”

'I can't.'“我無(wú)法告訴你凉敲。”

'Come on, out of ten. Six? Three? Minus twelve? Plus twenty?'“求你了寺旺，超過(guò)十點(diǎn)爷抓。六點(diǎn)？三點(diǎn)阻塑？小于十二蓝撇？大于二十？”

'I don't know.'“我不知道陈莽〔巢”

'Have a guess.'“隨便說(shuō)一個(gè)吧∽吒椋”

'For Christ's sake, I don't know, leave me alone, damn it!'“看在上帝份上独柑，我不知道，讓我安靜一下私植，見(jiàn)鬼忌栅！”

17. The in-house language unravelled, it grew unfamiliar to Chloe, or rather, she feigned forgetting, so as not to admit denial. She refused complicity in the language, she played the foreigner, she began reading me against the grain, and found errors. I could not understand why things I was saying and that in the past had proved so attractive were now suddenly so irritating. I could not understand why, having not changed myself, I should now be accused of being offensive in a hundred different ways. Panicking, I embarked on an attempt to return to the golden age, asking myself, 'What had I been doing then that I perhaps am not doing now?' I became a desperate conformist to a past self that had been the object of love. What I had failed to realize was that the past self was the one now proving so annoying, and that I was therefore doing nothing but accelerating the process towards dissolution.室內(nèi)語(yǔ)行不通了，克洛艾不再熟悉它們曲稼，或者更直接地說(shuō)索绪，她假裝忘了，以此不承認(rèn)她在拒絕我躯肌。她拒絕和我在那些語(yǔ)言中心有靈犀者春；她假裝不懂我的話語(yǔ)；她開(kāi)始看我格格不入了清女，老挑我的碴钱烟。我不能理解為何我過(guò)去那么富有吸引力的話語(yǔ)突然之間開(kāi)始惹她生氣；我不能理解絲毫未變的我現(xiàn)在卻在方方面面都讓人生厭。驚慌失措的我努力尋找過(guò)去的美好時(shí)光拴袭。我問(wèn)自己：“為什么我那時(shí)做的事情現(xiàn)在不能做呢读第？”我成了不顧一切墨守成規(guī)的人，墨守那個(gè)以前是克洛艾愛(ài)戀對(duì)象的自己拥刻。我沒(méi)能意識(shí)到過(guò)去的那個(gè)我現(xiàn)在卻被證實(shí)是令人厭煩的家伙怜瞒，因而無(wú)論我做什么都只是加速愛(ài)情的崩潰。

19.I became an irritant, one who has gone beyond caring for reciprocation. I bought her books, I took her jackets to the dry cleaner's, I paid for dinner, I suggested we make a trip to Paris at Christmas time to celebrate our anniversary. But humiliation could be the only result of loving against all evidence. She could sulk me, shout at me, ignore me, tease me, trick me, hit me, kick me, and still I would not react -and thereby grew abhorrent.我成了一個(gè)厭物般哼，一個(gè)不在乎回報(bào)的人吴汪。我給她買(mǎi)書(shū)，把她的衣服送到干洗店去洗蒸眠，我吃飯時(shí)主動(dòng)買(mǎi)單漾橙，我建議圣誕節(jié)去巴黎旅行以慶祝我們的相識(shí)紀(jì)念日。但是楞卡，從所有的證據(jù)來(lái)看霜运，屈辱是愛(ài)的惟一結(jié)果。她生我的氣蒋腮，朝我吼叫淘捡，對(duì)我視而不見(jiàn)，取笑我池摧，戲弄我焦除，打我，踢我险绘，但是我仍然沒(méi)有反應(yīng)——從而更讓人生厭踢京。

19.At the end of a meal I had spent two hours preparing (largely taken up by an odd argument we fell into over Balkan history after Chloe began a peculiar defence of Serbian nationalism), I took Chloe's hand and told her, 'I just wanted to say, and I know it sounds sentimental, that however much we fight and everything, I still really care about you and want things to work out between us. You mean everything to me, you know that.'有一次，吃完我花了兩個(gè)小時(shí)準(zhǔn)備的飯菜（大半時(shí)間都在爭(zhēng)論巴爾干的歷史）宦棺，我握著克洛艾的手，告訴她說(shuō)：“我只是想說(shuō)黔帕，我知道這聽(tīng)起來(lái)多愁善感代咸，不管我們?cè)鯓哟螋[，以及一切的一切成黄，我仍然在乎你呐芥，仍然希望我們兩個(gè)順利地走下去。你是我的一切奋岁，這你知道思瘟。”

Chloe (who had always read more psychoanalysis than fiction) looked at me suspiciously and replied, 'Listen, it's kind of you to say so, but it worries me; you've got to stop turning me into your ego ideal like this.'克洛艾（讀心理分析方面的書(shū)多于小說(shuō)的克洛艾）帶著懷疑的神情看著我闻伶，回答說(shuō)：“聽(tīng)著滨攻，你這么說(shuō)真是太好了，但是它使我害怕，你不要再把我變成你想象中的那個(gè)完美的人光绕∨埃”

20.Things had reduced themselves to a tragicomic scenario: on the one hand, the man identifying the woman as an angel, on the other, the angel identifying love as something only a little short of a pathology.事情變得像一個(gè)悲喜劇的劇本概要：一方面，男人把女人當(dāng)作天使诞帐，而另一方面欣尼，天使把愛(ài)當(dāng)作是需要變化的事物。