As I sat frazzled in the front of this packed room of nine, grading endless papers and writing reports in banal expressions, I often wonder what triggered me into coming here in the first place.

每當(dāng)我坐在這個擁擠的九人教室里肥惭，一臉懵逼的批改著聽寫作業(yè)，寫著千篇一律的表現(xiàn)報告，我就會想，當(dāng)初我到底是哪根筋抽了才來這里實習(xí)？

Then I would remember--when I sat in those very chairs, a greenhorn myself in the business of TOEFL and such-- how I would retire from my homework and secretly watch my own TA do his work. It all seemed so meaningful somehow, like it was a worldly must-have. I remember being held in a rapt gaze, out of curiosity and admiration for his work.?

之后就會想起，很久以前，我也像這個班的學(xué)生一樣岁忘，對于托福、出國什么的屁都不懂区匠。我會從作業(yè)堆里抬起頭臭觉，偷偷看當(dāng)時的助教做他的工作。感覺很有意義，很有意思的樣子蝠筑，像是一個我必須試試看的工作狞膘。我記得自己看的出神，對他的工作既好奇又崇拜什乙。

Not for the work he actually did, of course. But for the concept that people refer to as "work".

當(dāng)然挽封，我崇拜的不是他做的工作，而是人們稱之為“工作”的這個概念臣镣。

My job was not as fun as I thought it would be. No great feeling of helping out, no magnificent joy of leadership, not really. It's more of a chore, and in this sense, it had no difference from "school", ?from which I thought I graduated a long time ago.

我的助教工作一點也不好玩辅愿。沒有幫助他人的自我升華，沒有做班級領(lǐng)導(dǎo)的滿足感忆某，挺無聊的点待。更像是一項家務(wù)，一件必須做的瑣事弃舒，和原來“上學(xué)”看上去沒什么區(qū)別癞埠。

Get up, go to work, take my notes, grade dictations, warning students not to use their phones during class. That's pretty much it, my glorious contribution to the society.?

起床，上班聋呢，記錄課堂表現(xiàn)苗踪，改聽寫本，提醒學(xué)生上課不許玩手機(jī)削锰。就這么多通铲，我對社會的偉大貢獻(xiàn)。

Although I indeed intended to make it sound unworthy and trivial, I do miss it, in a way.

當(dāng)然我是故意這么損助教的工作的啦器贩，因為我的確想念它颅夺，從某沖層面上說。

I miss "work". I miss the deep, hidden, and surprisingly familiar sensation that I have always failed to put a word to it.

我想念“工作”蛹稍。想念那種淡淡的吧黄，捉摸不透的，卻十分熟悉的“工作感想”稳摄。我不知道什么好詞可以去形容它。

I miss waking up before my alarm clock in the morning. I miss being the first person to walk around in the apartment, fully dressed and wide awake. I miss breathing in the first bit of crisp morning air, and getting the feeling that everything today would go as well as it did in that first few minutes.

我想念比自己的鬧鈴醒的還早饲宿。想念成為房子里頭一個下床走動厦酬，衣服早就穿戴整潔，精神飽滿的人瘫想。我想念吸進(jìn)早晨剛醒來的空氣仗阅，深深地覺得今天接下來的一切，都會過的和過去的這幾十分鐘一樣順国夜。

I miss waiting for the bus, and I miss going somewhere. I miss watching other people streaked away from the window as I close in on my destination. I miss arriving. And I certainly miss checking my phone to realize I must be the first one to come in today.

我想念等公交車减噪，我想念去向某個地方的心情。我想看著人們從車窗邊掠過，自己離著目的地越來越近筹裕。我想念到達(dá)醋闭。而且我很想低頭看下手機(jī)時間，發(fā)現(xiàn)自己一定是頭一個來上班的人的瞬間朝卒。

And I miss carrying out the "chores". I miss every minute having its own purpose and uses. I miss the work schedule--not a cloud of to-do list, but a unshakable, locked series of duties.?

我想念我的那些雜活瑣事证逻。我想念每一分鐘每一時刻都被刻上自己的用處和目的。我想念工作的時刻表--不是漂泊不定的想做的事一覽表抗斤，而是不容改變的囚企，和他人的安排互相鎖死的，職責(zé)瑞眼。

I miss catching the last bus home, knowing that people I love would be waiting for me, with good food and sometimes a nice movie. I miss finally being able to watch a TV show that I have been looking forward to all day.I miss dozing off to my dreams feeling content because I had not failed my schedules.

我想念坐著末班車回家龙宏，想著家里人估計在準(zhǔn)備飯菜等著我回家看電影。我想念能夠終于在一天的最后坐在床上追一集自己喜歡的劇伤疙。我想念在完成任務(wù)的滿足感里银酗，一邊期待第二天的工作，一邊進(jìn)入夢鄉(xiāng)掩浙。

Before this job I had two months without school or work. It was a time I took no pride in, and the most jumbled time in my life.

在助教工作之前花吟，我有兩個月什么都沒干，沒有上學(xué)也沒有實習(xí)厨姚。我對這段時間一點點很難為情衅澈。那是我目前最混亂的一段時間。

I was living in clatter. I was supposed to drop off a dozen of papers for the American universities, but I wasted my days on games and shows. I had plans, but no will strong enough to enforce them. I had only deadlines, and so most of my essays were cranked out on the same night of that deadline and lacked refinement. I was stuck in a circle, and I lost myself to distractions. Without me noticing it, hours, days, even weeks passed. And the only time I would work a few hours was when my guilt grow so vehement that I simply couldn't suppress it no matter what else I do. My weakest days.?

我活在混沌的時間里面谬墙。本應(yīng)該認(rèn)認(rèn)真真的寫完申請美國大學(xué)需要的文書今布，但是我卻浪費(fèi)了大把時間在游戲和美劇上。我有自己的計劃拭抬，自己的毅力卻不夠強(qiáng)部默，一旦點開了第一集的鏈接，就一發(fā)不可收拾造虎。我真正遵守的傅蹂，只是最后交稿的期限而已；因此許多文書都是交稿的那天晚上趕工趕成的算凿，不好看份蝴。我陷進(jìn)了死循環(huán)，輸給了自己氓轰。時間真特么無情婚夫，兩個月刷的一下就過去了。唯一我會工作上個幾小時的時間署鸡，就是因為罪惡感太過深重案糙，不做不行了限嫌。我在那段時間真的是弱爆了啊。

I needed to "work". I think all human beings need "work". We need this concept to keep ourselves running, our emotions and energies circulating, and our lives moving and progressing.?

我須要“工作”时捌。我認(rèn)為是人都須要工作怒医。我們需要這個神奇的概念來保持前進(jìn)，讓我們的思緒循環(huán)向前向上匣椰，讓我們的日子過的有成就裆熙，有意義。

Tomorrow the recession ends and I will be back to work. I am very excited about it.

明天放假結(jié)束了禽笑，我也要回去工作了入录。開心。