My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She's Sorry
Fredrik Backman
To the monkey and the frog. For an eternity of ten thousand tales.
1
TOBACCO
Every seven-year-old deserves a superhero.
That’s just how it is.
Anyone who doesn’t agree needs their head examined.
That’s what Elsa’s granny says, at least.
Elsa is seven, going on eight. She knows she isn’t especially good at being seven. She knows she’s different. Her headmaster says she needs to “fall into line” in order to achieve “a better fit with her peers.” Other adults describe her as “very grown-up for her age.” Elsa knows this is just another way of saying “massively annoying for her age,” because they only tend to say this when she corrects them for mispronouncing “déjà vu” or not being able to tell the difference between “me” and “I” at the end of a sentence. Smart-asses usually can’t, hence the “grown-up for her age” comment, generally said with a strained smile at her parents. As if she has a mental impairment, as if Elsa has shown them up by not being totally thick just because she’s seven. And that’s why she doesn’t have any friends except Granny.
Because all the other seven-year-olds in her school are as idiotic as seven-year-olds tend to be, but Elsa is different. She shouldn’t take any notice of what those muppets think, says Granny. Because all the best people are different—look at superheroes. After all, if superpowers were normal, everyone would have them.
Granny is seventy-seven years old, going on seventy-eight. She’s not very good at it either. You can tell she’s old because her face looks like newspaper stuffed into wet shoes, but no one ever accuses Granny of being grown-up for her age. “Perky,” people sometimes say to Elsa’s mum, looking either fairly worried or fairly angry as Mum sighs and asks how much she owes for the damages. Or when Granny’s smoking at the hospital sets the fire alarm off and she starts ranting and raving about how “everything has to be so bloody politically correct these days!” when the security guards make her extinguish her cigarette. Or that time she made a snowman in Britt-Marie and Kent’s garden right under their balcony and dressed it up in grown-up clothes so it looked as if a person had fallen from the roof. Or that time those prim men wearing spectacles started ringing all the doorbells and wanted to talk about God and Jesus and heaven, and Granny stood on her balcony with her dressing gown flapping open, shooting at them with her paintball gun, and Britt-Marie couldn’t quite decide if she was most annoyed about the paintball-gun thing or the not-wearing-anything-under-the-dressing-gown thing, but she reported both to the police just to be on the safe side.
Those are the times, Elsa supposes, that people find Granny perky for her age.
? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?奶奶的道歉信
作者：Fredrik
Backman
譯者：Lily Bian（邊曉華）
寫給猴子和青蛙
永恒的一萬個故事夫否。
? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?第一章
? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?煙草
每個七歲的孩子都需要一個超級英雄坐梯。是的，是這么回事晓猛。
那些不同意的人需要去看看腦子是不是出了毛病租幕。
至少厨埋，埃爾莎的奶奶是這么說的准脂。
埃爾莎七歲劫扒，馬上就八歲了。她知道自己不是特別擅長七歲的樣子狸膏。她知道她有所不同沟饥。她的校長說她需要“歸隊”才能“與同齡人更好的配合”。其他成年人將她描述為“比實際年齡早熟”湾戳。埃爾莎知道這只是“七歲八歲狗也嫌”的另一種說法而已贤旷，因為只有在她在糾正成年人déjàvu錯誤的發(fā)音時，或者無法向她解釋在句子結(jié)尾處主格和賓格之間的區(qū)別時砾脑，人們才傾向于這樣說幼驶。人們沒法說“她是個自作聰明的家伙”，因此韧衣，只能僵硬地對她的父母笑笑盅藻，做出“比實際年齡成熟”這樣的評論，好像她有精神障礙畅铭，好像艾爾莎僅僅因為只有七歲才沒能完全厚實地顯示出來氏淑。這就是她除了奶奶以外沒有任何朋友的原因。因為學(xué)校里其他七歲的孩子都像七歲的孩子一樣愚蠢硕噩，但艾爾莎不一樣假残。
奶奶說，她用不著去在乎那些人云亦云的想法炉擅，因為最好的人都是與眾不同的---看看那些超級英雄就知道了辉懒。畢竟，如果超能力屬于正常范圍的話谍失，每個人都會擁有它們眶俩。
奶奶七十七歲，馬上就七十八歲了快鱼。她也不是非常擅長七十七歲的樣子仿便。你一眼就能看出來她的確很老，因為她的臉看起來就像是被揉成一團攒巍，塞到鞋子里的報紙。但是從沒有人指責(zé)過奶奶荒勇，說她比實際年齡更成熟柒莉。當艾爾莎的媽媽又氣又惱，一邊嘆氣一邊問自己需要為損失賠償多少錢時沽翔，人們有時候會說一句“精神真好”兢孝。有一次奶奶在醫(yī)院吸煙窿凤，火災(zāi)報警器響了，就在保安讓她把煙熄滅時跨蟹，她開始發(fā)狂咆哮：“該死的現(xiàn)在怎么什么都要在政治上正確雳殊！” 還有一次，奶奶在布列特瑪麗和肯特的花園里堆了一個雪人窗轩，雪人恰好就在她們的陽臺下方夯秃，奶奶給它穿上成年人的衣服，看起來很像一個人從屋頂?shù)粝聛淼臉幼恿∫铡＿€有一次仓洼，那些戴著眼鏡循規(guī)蹈矩的男人們開始挨家挨戶摁門鈴，想和居民們談?wù)勱P(guān)于上帝堤舒，耶穌和天堂的事情色建，而陽臺上的奶奶則穿著長袍站在風(fēng)中，任風(fēng)將長袍吹起舌缤， 用彩彈槍射擊他們箕戳。布里特瑪麗不知道奶奶的彩彈槍和穿著睡袍不穿內(nèi)衣哪個更令她不安，于是国撵，她兩樣都報警了陵吸。
在愛爾莎看來，這個時候卸留，人們就會說奶奶“精神真好”走越。
