Public Victory & Habit 4, 5小結(jié)
Part 1 概要：
1. 我們?yōu)槭裁葱枰芾砣穗H關(guān)系材失？
人生的困擾，十之八九硫豆，問(wèn)題都出在人際關(guān)系上龙巨。比如作為父母，有教育下一代的困擾熊响，面對(duì)孩子的問(wèn)題束手無(wú)策旨别；在工作中，受同事排擠汗茄，不受領(lǐng)導(dǎo)賞識(shí)秸弛，沒(méi)有晉級(jí)加薪的機(jī)會(huì)，工洪碳；在家庭生活中递览，處理不好婆媳關(guān)系，導(dǎo)致夫妻關(guān)系緊張瞳腌，婆媳關(guān)系緊張等等諸如此類的問(wèn)題绞铃。
本書中的前三個(gè)習(xí)慣幫助我們實(shí)現(xiàn)“有效的自我管理”，但實(shí)現(xiàn)有效自我管理不是我們的終極目標(biāo)嫂侍，有效的人際管理才是我們追求的方向儿捧。兩者的關(guān)系是：“自我管理”是實(shí)現(xiàn)成功的“人際關(guān)系管理”的基石荚坞，實(shí)際人際管理是自我管理的方向和目標(biāo)。
Self-mastery and self-discipline are the foundation of good relationships with others.
成功的自我管理者如果不懂得經(jīng)營(yíng)管理人際關(guān)系菲盾，他的才華可能會(huì)被埋沒(méi)颓影，甚至被摧毀。而良好的人際關(guān)系能夠讓你的才華綻放亿汞。生活中有很多人感嘆懷才不遇瞭空，細(xì)思量大概是沒(méi)有把管理好人際關(guān)系。
當(dāng)出現(xiàn)人際關(guān)系問(wèn)題的時(shí)候疗我，我們往往在人格魅力（personality ethic)方面尋找快速的解決方法，卻不知道這種做法可能適得其反南捂。有效的人際關(guān)系（effetive interaction with others)跟有效的自我管理是一樣的吴裤，需要尋找P/PC平衡。在人際關(guān)系管理中金蛋是產(chǎn)生有效的協(xié)作溺健，良好的溝通麦牺；鵝是我們需要關(guān)注和建立人際關(guān)系。
“In an interdependent situation, the golden eggs are the effectiveness, the wonderful synergy, the results created by open communication and positive interaction with others. And to get those eggs on a regular basis, we need to take care of the goose. We need to create and care for the relationships that make those results realities.”
那我們?cè)撛趺礃庸芾砗萌穗H關(guān)系鞭缭？首先我們要了解建立人際關(guān)系的基礎(chǔ)剖膳。
2. 信任是建立和維護(hù)人際關(guān)系的基礎(chǔ)
我們都知道銀行存款的意義和作用，定期存入岭辣，在需要的時(shí)候支出使用吱晒。人際關(guān)系（情感帳戶Emotional Bank Account)同樣需要不斷地存儲(chǔ)，才能在你需要的時(shí)候支取使用沦童。如果你感情存款不足仑濒，也許偶爾可以透支，但絕對(duì)不能長(zhǎng)久透支偷遗。
建立維護(hù)人際關(guān)系不是朝夕之事墩瞳，是一項(xiàng)長(zhǎng)期投入。這需要你有良好的人格：你需要了解他人氏豌，注重小事喉酌，信守承諾，明確預(yù)期泵喘，誠(chéng)承正直泪电，誠(chéng)摯道歉。
也就是說(shuō)涣旨，良好的人際關(guān)系歪架，重要的不是你說(shuō)了什么，而是你的品性霹陡，你是什么樣的人和蚪。
“The most important ingredient we put into any relationship is not what we say or what we do, but what we are. ”
我們要時(shí)刻牢記情感帳戶這一概念止状，才能建立并維護(hù)好長(zhǎng)期的人際關(guān)系。
3. 培養(yǎng)良好的溝通習(xí)慣
人生的困擾大多是因?yàn)槿穗H關(guān)系出了問(wèn)題攒霹，人際關(guān)系的問(wèn)題是因?yàn)闇贤ǔ隽藛?wèn)題怯疤。
Habit 4 雙贏思維 （Think win/win）和Habit 5 （首先理解別人，再尋求被別人理解）Seek first to understand and then to be understood是幫助我們建立有效的溝通習(xí)慣催束。
有效的人際關(guān)系需要的思維模是Win/Win雙贏思維集峦，離開(kāi)雙贏思維，就根本談不上人際關(guān)系抠刺。然而大部分人的思維模式是Win／lose模式塔淤，在這種win/lose模式下合作無(wú)從談起。
我們每個(gè)人總是期望被他人理解速妖，卻很少去認(rèn)真聆聽(tīng)別人在說(shuō)什么高蜂，我們往往關(guān)注自己關(guān)注的東西，忽略別的言談和感受罕容。若想被理解备恤，第一步先要學(xué)會(huì)聆聽(tīng)，學(xué)會(huì)聆聽(tīng)你就在管理人際關(guān)系上向前邁的了一大步锦秒。
小結(jié)：在自我管理基礎(chǔ)上露泊，我們要建立維護(hù)有效的人際關(guān)系，建立良好人際關(guān)系離不開(kāi)有效溝通旅择。
Part 2 Summary
Paradigm of Public Victory
- Private Victory precedes public victory. Independence is the foundation of interdependence.
- The most important ingredient we put into any relationship is not what we say or do, but who we are. If our words and actions come from superficial human relations techniques (the?Personality Ethic) rather than from our inner core (the?Character Ethic), others will sense that duplicity.
- Interdependence opens up worlds of possibilities for deep, rich, meaningful associations, for geometrically increased productivity, for serving, for contributing, for learning, for growing.
- ?We need to create and care for the relationships.?
The Emotional Bank Account
The Emotional Bank Account?describes how trust is built on a relationship. Your accounts with the people you interact with on a regular basis require more constant investments.?
Positive behaviors are deposits building a reserve. Negative behaviors are withdrawals.?
There are?six major deposits?budiding the Emotional Bank Account:
1. Understanding the individual.?
2. Attend to the little things.
3. Keep commitments.
4. Clarify expectations.
5. Show personal integrity.
6. Apologize sincerely when you make a withdrawal.
Habit 4 Think Win/Win
There are 6 Paradigms of Human Interaction, ?but think Win-Win is the habit of interpersonal leadership.
six paradigms of human interaction:?
?1. win/win
?2. win/lose
3. lose/win
4. lose/lose
5. win
6. ?Win-Win or No Deal
In the long run, if the relationship isn't a win for both of us, we both lose. That's why win-win is the only real alternative in interdependent realities.
Five Dimensions of Win/Win
It takes great courage as well as consideration to create ?mutual benefits, particularly if we're interacting with others who are deeply scripted in win-los.
- Character
Character is the foundation of win/win, and everything else builds on the foundation. There are three character traits essential to the win/win paradigm - integrity, maturity and abundance mentality.?
Maturity is the balance between courage and consideration.
- Relationships
From the foundation of character, we build and maintain win-win relationships.
- Agreements
From relationships flow the agreements that give definition and direction to win-win.
“Win-win is not a personality technique. It's a total paradigm of human interaction. It comes from a character of integrity, maturity, and the Abundance Mentality. It grows out of high-trust relationships. It is embodied in agreements that effectively clarify and manage expectations as well as accomplishments. It thrives in supportive systems. And it is achieved through the process we are now prepared to more fully examine in Habits 5 and 6.
Habit 5 Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood
Habit 5 is the first step in the process of Win/Win.
Reading, writing, speaking and listening are four basic forms of communication, and communication is the most important skill in life. We spend most of our waking hours communicating. But most of us have spent years learning how to read, write and speak. Few people have had any training in listening at all.
If you want to be really effective in the habit of interpersonal communication, you have to build the skills of empathic listening on a base of character that inspires openness and trust.?
Seek first to understand involves a very deep shift in paradigms.
Before the problems come up, before you try to evaluate and prescribe, before you try to present your own ideas -- seek to understand. It's a powerful habit of effective interdependence.
When we really, deeply understand each other, we open the door to creative solutions and Third Alternatives. Our differences are no longer stumbling blocks to communication and progress. Instead, they become the stepping stones to synergy.
Part 3 Words
1. What this kind of comparative information doesn't tell you is that perhaps Johnny is going on all eight cylinders while Caroline is coasting on four of her eight.
cylinder發(fā)動(dòng)機(jī)的汽缸惭笑， 這里用的很形象，8缸全部投入使用砌左，就是拼盡全力脖咐，用4缸就是用了一半力氣。
2. take sb to the cleaners
But they saw that position as being soft and weak, and they took us to the cleaners.
take sb to the cleaners: take or cheat one out of all of one’s money or possessions
3. We also encouraged them to cooperate and synergize with each other so that as many as possible could achieve the desired results of their individually tailored performance agreements.
tailor作名詞都認(rèn)識(shí)汇歹，裁縫屁擅，可是做動(dòng)詞的用法卻不會(huì)使用，make or adapt for a particular purpose or person产弹，使迎合派歌，比meet之類的詞生動(dòng)多了。
4. This consumer research stuff is for the birds.?
be for the birds： 不值得考慮, 算個(gè)鳥(niǎo)痰哨，完全沒(méi)用
The book is for the birds.
5. You're not wrapped up in your “own thing,” delivering grandiose rhetoric from a soapbox.?
第一眼看到soapbox以為是肥皂盒胶果，查字典是肥皂箱。但是沒(méi)有理解為什么什么意思斤斧。后來(lái)查到早抠，肥皂箱這東西，但還是有點(diǎn)理解撬讽。查了wikipedia, 這么說(shuō)：
A?soapbox?is a raised platform on which one stands to make an?impromptu?speech, often about a?political?subject. The term originates from the days when speakers would elevate themselves by standing on a wooden?crate?originally used for shipment of?soap?or other dry goods from a manufacturer to a retail store.
The term is also used?metaphorically?to describe a person engaging in often flamboyant impromptu or unofficial?public speaking, as in the phrases "He's on his soapbox", or "Get off your soapbox."Hyde Park, London?is known for its Sunday soapbox orators, who have assembled at?Speakers' Cornersince 1872 to discuss?religion,politics, and?other topics.?Blogs?can be used as soapboxes within the context of the?World Wide Web.
on one’s soapbox： Speaking one’s views passionately or self-importantly.
Part 4 感悟
這周印象最深刻的有二點(diǎn)：?
1. 小事的重要性蕊连，小事最給你的情感帳戶加分悬垃，最容易獲得
最近我在看《我的前半生》，羅子君全職太太甘苍，唐晶職場(chǎng)女強(qiáng)人尝蠕，但只要羅子君一有事，不管什么事情载庭，再忙唐晶都會(huì)及時(shí)出現(xiàn)在羅子君面前看彼；發(fā)現(xiàn)陳俊生出軌，第一個(gè)站出來(lái)警告陳俊生收起那些花花腸子囚聚。是什么值得唐晶為羅子君這么做靖榕。
羅子君在家從來(lái)不做飯，喝個(gè)水都得亞琴遞到手上靡挥，但周末卻早早起來(lái)去超市給唐晶買牛奶序矩，水果，跑去她家給她榨果汁跋破。唐晶有個(gè)高富帥的男朋友内列，她缺那個(gè)給她買牛奶榨果汁的人嗎亡驰？肯定不缺，但羅子君為她做的這種小事讓她無(wú)比溫暖腊嗡。
小事往往比大事還加分舷手，同理小事處理不好拧簸，也最能減分。
2. 在人格方面男窟，真正的成熟是courage和consideration之間的平衡盆赤，耿直有時(shí)候未必是優(yōu)點(diǎn)。我們需要認(rèn)真考慮別人的感受歉眷。
最后牺六，這周的閱讀進(jìn)度我總是落后一天，不能每天評(píng)論汗捡，很難受啊淑际，但是我告訴自己底限是周末必須完成閱讀任務(wù)，絕不拖延扇住。
