-*-
42
帕斯卡萊的憂慮讓她受不了夺刑。他開著車子送莉拉回家愉棱，一路上不停地問：
Pasquale’s worried tone exasperated her.
? As he was driving home he asked her:
“阿爾曼多怎么說魂莫，你沒事兒吧透且？”
“What did Armando say, how are you?”
“我很好，我應該多吃一點豁鲤』嗵埽”
“Fine, I should eat more.”
“你看到了吧，你是不注意自己的身體琳骡」郏”
“You see, you don’t take care of
? yourself.”
莉拉很不耐煩地說：
Lila burst out:?
“帕斯卡，你不是我父親楣号，你也不是我哥哥最易，你誰都不是，你別管我炫狱。你搞清楚了嗎藻懒？”
“Pasquà, you’re not my father, you’re not
? my brother, you’re no one. Leave me alone, get it?”
“我不能關心一下你嗎？”
“I can’t be worried about you?”
“不能视译，你要當心你說的話嬉荆，你做的事，尤其是在恩佐跟前酷含。假如你跟他說鄙早，我今天發(fā)病的事兒——這也不是發(fā)病，我只是有點兒頭暈——我們之間的友情就算完了椅亚∠薹”
“No, and be careful what you do and say,
? especially with Enzo. If you tell him I was ill—and it’s not true, I was only
? dizzy—you risk ruining our friendship.”
“你別急著去找索卡沃，先休息兩天吧呀舔∶峙埃卡波尼也不建議你馬上去，委員會也不建議你現(xiàn)在去媚赖，這是一個政治時機的問題霜瘪。”
“Take two sick days and don’t go to
? Soccavo: Capone advised you against it and the committee advised against it,
? it’s a matter of political expediency.”
“我才不管什么政治時機不政治時機的：是你們給我惹了麻煩省古，現(xiàn)在我想怎么做就怎么做粥庄。”
“I don’t give a damn about political
? expediency: you’re the one who got me in trouble and now I’ll do as I like.”
她甚至都沒有邀請他上樓去坐坐豺妓，他很惱怒地回家了惜互〔级铮回到家里，莉拉和詹納羅親昵了一會兒训堆，然后就開始做晚飯描验，一邊等著恩佐回來，她一直覺得氣短坑鱼。左等右等膘流，恩佐一直沒有回來，她就先讓詹納羅吃了鲁沥，她很擔心恩佐是去找女人了呼股，所以回家晚了。這時候画恰，她看到孩子把一杯水打翻了彭谁，她馬上就失去了所有耐心，還有柔情蜜意允扇，她開始用方言罵孩子缠局，就好像他是一個大人：“你能安生一會兒嗎？你是不是要我扇你幾巴掌考润？為什么你要這樣折磨我狭园？你想要毀掉我的生活？”
She didn’t invite him to come in and he
? went away angry. Once at home, Lila cuddled Gennaro, made dinner, waited for
? Enzo. Now it seemed to her that she was constantly short of breath. Since
? Enzo was late, she fed Gennaro; she was afraid it was one of those evenings
? when he was seeing women and would return in the middle of the night. When
? the child spilled a glass of water, the caresses stopped, and she yelled at
? him as if he were an adult, in dialect: Will you hold still a moment, I’ll
? hit you, why do you want to ruin my life?
正好這時候恩佐回來了糊治，她盡力想做出一副熱情的樣子唱矛，但他們一起吃飯時，莉拉覺得很難下咽俊戳，感覺食物都卡在胸口揖赴。詹納羅剛一睡著，他們就開始學習蘇黎世的函授課程抑胎，但是恩佐很快就累了，有好幾次渐北，他都很禮貌地提出想去睡覺阿逃，但沒有用，莉拉一直堅持到了很晚赃蛛。她很害怕自己一個人在房間里恃锉，會出現(xiàn)之前的癥狀。她擔心一個人待在黑暗里呕臂，她沒有告訴阿爾曼多的那些癥狀破托，會馬上浮現(xiàn)。所有癥狀一起出現(xiàn)歧蒋，會要了她的命土砂。恩佐輕聲問她：
Just then Enzo returned, and she tried to
? be nice. They ate, but Lila had the impression that the food was struggling
? to get to her stomach, that it was scratching her chest. As soon as Gennaro
? fell asleep, they turned to the installments of the Zurich course, but Enzo
? soon got tired, and tried, politely, to go to bed. His attempts were vain,
? Lila kept going until it was late, she was afraid of shutting herself in her
? room, she feared that as soon as she was alone in the dark the symptoms she
? hadn’t admitted to Armando would appear, all together, and kill her. He asked
? her softly:
“告訴我州既，你怎么了？”
“Will you tell me what’s wrong?”
“沒什么萝映∥庖叮”
“Nothing.”
“你和帕斯卡萊一起出去，一起回來序臂。為什么蚌卤？你們有什么秘密？”
“You come and go with Pasquale, why, what
? secrets do you have?”
“都是工會的事情奥秆，我已經(jīng)加入了工會逊彭，現(xiàn)在我要做一些事情」苟”
“It’s things to do with the union, he
? made me join and now I have to take care of them.”
恩佐做了一個失望的表情诫龙，她問：
Enzo looked disheartened, and she asked:
“怎么了？”
“What’s wrong?”
“帕斯卡萊跟我說了你在工廠里做的事情鲫咽。你把這件事情跟他签赃，還有委員會的人都說了。為什么我是唯一不能知道的人分尸？”
“Pasquale told me what you’re doing in
? the factory. You told him and you told the people on the committee. Why am I
? the only one who doesn’t deserve to know?”
莉拉一下變得很煩躁锦聊，她站起來去了廁所。帕斯卡萊還是沒忍住箩绍，他跟恩佐到底說了什么孔庭？他是不是只提到了工會要在索卡沃工廠里搞活動的事兒？會不會也提到了吉諾材蛛，還有她在法院路快要暈倒的事兒圆到？他沒辦法保持沉默，男人之間的友誼有一些原則卑吭，雖然沒有寫在紙上芽淡，但很堅固，和女人之間的友誼是不一樣的豆赏。她拉了水箱的鏈子挣菲，回到了恩佐身邊，說：
Lila became agitated, she got up, she
? went to the bathroom. Pasquale hadn’t held out. What had he told? Only about
? the union seed that she wanted to plant at Soccavo or also about Gino, about
? her not feeling well at Via dei Tribunali? He hadn’t been able to stay
? silent—friendship between men had its unwritten but inviolable pacts, not
? like that between women. She flushed the toilet, returned to Enzo and said:
“帕斯卡萊是個叛徒掷邦“渍停”
“Pasquale is a spy.”
“帕斯卡萊是一個朋友。你是什么人呢抚岗？”
“Pasquale is a friend. Whereas you, what
? are you?”
他的語氣很傷人或杠，她忽然間淪陷了，簡直有些出乎意料宣蔚，她眼里充滿了淚水向抢，她拼命地想咽下眼淚认境，但她做不到，這種突如其來的脆弱讓她感到很屈辱笋额。
His tone hurt, she gave in unexpectedly,
? suddenly. Her eyes filled with tears and she tried in vain to push them back,
? humiliated by her own weakness.
“我已經(jīng)給你惹了很多麻煩元暴，我不想再麻煩你了，”她哭著說兄猩，“我很害怕你打發(fā)我走茉盏。”她擤了一下鼻子，最后小聲說：“我可以和你一起睡嗎？”
“I don’t want to make more trouble for
? you than I already have,” she sobbed, “I’m afraid you’ll send me away.” Then
? she blew her nose and added in a whisper: “Can I sleep with you?”
恩佐用難以置信的目光看著她說：
Enzo stared at her, in disbelief.
“怎么睡坯屿？”
“Sleep how?”
“你想怎樣就怎樣⊙惹ǎ”
“However you want.”
“你真想和我一起睡嗎？”
“And do you want it?”
莉拉盯著一把放在桌子中間的水壺核蘸，那是詹納羅非常喜歡的水壺巍糯，因為上面有一個母雞的腦袋：
Lila gazed at the water pitcher in the
? middle of the table, with its comical rooster’s head: Gennaro liked it. She
? whispered:
“最要緊的是，你要讓我待在你身邊客扎∷盥停”
“The crucial thing is for you to hold me
? close.”
恩佐很不高興地搖了搖頭。
Enzo shook his head unhappily.
“你不想要我徙鱼≌悖”
“You don’t want me.”
“我想要你，但我現(xiàn)在沒有感覺袱吆⊙嵫茫”
“I want you, but I don’t feel anything.”
“你對我沒有感覺嗎？”
“You don’t feel anything for me?”
“你在說什么绞绒，我很愛你婶希，我每天晚上都希望你來叫我，抱著我处铛，但除了這個饲趋，我沒想其他的〕敷。”
“What do you mean, I love you, and every
? night I wish you would call me and hold me close. But beyond that I don’t
? want anything.”
恩佐的臉色變得很蒼白，那張俊朗的臉有些扭曲堂污，就好像在承受一種難以承受的痛苦家肯。他進一步問：
Enzo turned pale, his handsome face was
? contorted as if by an intolerable grief, and he observed:
“我讓你覺得惡心嗎？”
“I disgust you.”
“不是盟猖，不是這樣的讨衣。我們可以做你想要做的换棚，馬上開始都可以，我已經(jīng)準備好了反镇」淘椋”
“No, no, no, let’s do what you want,
? right away, I’m ready.”
他臉上有一絲悲傷的微笑，他沉默了一會兒歹茶。后來他不忍心讓她不安夕玩，就嘀咕了一句：“我們?nèi)ニX吧【颍”
He had a desolate smile, and was silent
? for a while. Then he couldn’t bear her anxiety, he muttered: “Let’s go to
? bed.”
“每個人回自己的房間燎孟？”
“Each in our own room?”
“不，去我房間尸昧】常”
“No, in my bed.”
莉拉松了一口氣，她換上了睡衣烹俗，冷得瑟瑟發(fā)抖爆侣，到他房間時，他已經(jīng)在床上了幢妄。
Lila, relieved, went to get undressed.
? She put on her nightgown, went to him trembling with cold. He was already in
? bed.
“我睡這邊兔仰？”
“I’ll go here?”
“好〈沤剑”
“All right.”
她一下子鉆到了被窩里斋陪，頭靠在他的肩膀上，一條胳膊搭在他的胸口上置吓。恩佐待在那兒一動不動无虚，她馬上感覺到他散發(fā)出來一股強烈的熱度。
She slid under the covers, rested her
? head on his shoulder, put an arm around his chest. Enzo remained motionless;
? she felt immediately that he gave off a violent heat.
“我的腳很冷衍锚，”她說友题，“我可以挨著你的腳嗎？”
“My feet are cold,” she whispered, “can I
? put them near yours?”
“可以戴质《然拢”
“Yes.”
“我撫摸你一下？”
“Can I caress you a little?”
“不用告匠「瓿”
“Leave me alone.”
慢慢地，她不再冷了后专，她胸口的疼痛消失了划鸽，她也沒有了那種如鯁在喉的感覺，她沉浸在暖烘烘的昏沉里。
Slowly the cold disappeared. The pain in
? her chest dissolved, she forgot the grip on her throat, she gave in to the
? respite of his warmth.
“我可以睡了嗎裸诽？”她累得已經(jīng)有些迷糊了嫂用。
“Can I sleep?” she asked, dazed by
? weariness.
“睡吧≌啥”
“Sleep.”
-*-
43
黎明時分她忽然驚醒嘱函，她的身體提醒她該起床了。忽然間埂蕊，她心頭涌起了很多糟糕的事情往弓，都很清晰：自己可能得了心臟病，詹納羅的退步粒梦，城區(qū)的法西斯分子亮航，娜迪雅的逞能，帕斯卡萊的不可靠匀们，還有她和工友提出的要求缴淋。只有在這時候，她才意識到泄朴，她是和恩佐一起睡的重抖，但他已經(jīng)不在床上了。她很快起來了祖灰，這時候钟沛，她聽到房門關上的聲音。恩佐是在她睡著后就起身的嗎局扶？他一個晚上都沒合眼嗎恨统？他是和孩子在另一個房間睡的嗎？或者說三妈，他忘卻了所有欲望畜埋，是和她一起睡的？當然畴蒲，他一個人孤孤單單地吃了早餐悠鞍，給她和詹納羅把餐具都準備好了，他去上班了模燥，一句話也沒有說咖祭，心事重重地走了。
At dawn she started: her body reminded
? her that she had to wake up. Immediately, the terrible thoughts arrived, all
? very clear: her sick heart, Gennaro’s regressions, the fascists from the
? neighborhood, Nadia’s self-importance, Pasquale’s untrustworthiness, the list
? of demands. Only afterward did she realize that she had slept with Enzo, but
? that he was no longer in the bed. She rose quickly, in time to hear the door
? closing. Had he arisen as soon as she fell asleep? Had he been awake all
? night? Had he slept in the other room with the child? Or had he fallen asleep
? with her, forgetting every desire? Certainly he had had breakfast alone and
? had left the table set for her and Gennaro. He had gone to work, without a
? word, keeping his thoughts to himself.
莉拉把兒子托付給鄰居蔫骂，也跑去上班了么翰。
Lila, too, after taking her son to the
? neighbor, hurried to the factory.
“你決定了嗎？”艾多有些不高興地問她辽旋。
“So did you make up your mind?” Edo
? asked, a little sulkily.
“我想什么時候去就什么時候去硬鞍。”莉拉又恢復了之前的語氣戴已。
“I’ll make up my mind when I like,” Lila
? answered, returning to her old tone of voice.
“我們是一起的固该，你要通知我們√抢埽”
“We’re a committee, you have to inform
? us.”
“你已經(jīng)讓大家都看了那個單子了嗎伐坏？”
“Did you circulate the list?”
“是的∥樟”
“Yes.”
“其他人都怎么說桦沉？”
“What do the others say?”
“不說話就是默認了〗鹈觯”
“Silence means consent.”
“不是纯露，”她說，“不說話代芜，就是嚇尿了埠褪。”
“No,” she said, “silence means they’re
? shitting in their pants.”
卡波尼說得對挤庇，娜迪雅和阿爾曼多也是對的：這個行動太脆弱了钞速，有些勉強。莉拉又非常投入地切起肉來嫡秕，她想傷到別人渴语，也想自殘。她想把刀子插入自己的手心昆咽，她現(xiàn)在希望刀子從她手上的死肉滑到她的活肉上驾凶。她渴望叫喊，撲向其他人掷酗，讓那些人為她的內(nèi)心失衡負責调违。啊汇在！莉娜·賽魯羅翰萨，你真是屢教不改。你為什么要列出那個單子糕殉？你不愿意受剝削亩鬼？你想改變自己和這些人的處境？你確信你和他們從這里開始阿蝶，從你們現(xiàn)在的處境開始雳锋，可以和全世界的無產(chǎn)階級團結起來，走上一條勝利的道路羡洁？你想多了玷过！走上一條什么道路？成為什么樣的人？一直都是工人辛蚊？一天到晚埋頭干活的工人粤蝎？當家作主的工人？真是太天真了袋马。話說得好聽初澎，最終還不是要干活。你也知道虑凛，你從小都知道碑宴，這種處境非常可怕桑谍，應該消除延柠，而不是改善這一切。要通過改變處境锣披，使自己變得更好嗎贞间？比如說，你變好了嗎盈罐？你有沒有成為娜迪雅榜跌，或者伊莎貝拉？你哥哥提高了嗎盅粪？他有沒有變成阿爾曼多钓葫？你兒子變得和馬爾科一樣了嗎？沒有票顾，他們是他們础浮，我們還是我們。那你為什么不認命呢奠骄？這都是因為你的腦子平靜不下來豆同，它一直都在轉動：設計鞋子，想方設法建立起一家鞋子作坊含鳞，重寫尼諾的文章影锈，逼著他按照你的思路來，讓恩佐和你一起蝉绷，用你自己的方式鸭廷，使用蘇黎世函授課程的材料。現(xiàn)在熔吗，你想給娜迪雅展示出：假如她要搞革命辆床，你要比她更革命。你的腦子桅狠，是的讼载，最根本的原因在這里轿秧，因為你的腦子不滿意，現(xiàn)在你的身體也垮了咨堤。她想：我對自己感到厭煩菇篡，我也厭煩這所有的一切。我對詹納羅也感到厭煩：假如事情順利的話吱型，他的命運逸贾，讓他也只能當個工人，為了多掙五個里拉津滞，會在某個老板面前奴顏屈膝。那你該怎么辦灼伤？賽魯羅触徐，你要承擔起自己的責任，去實現(xiàn)你腦子里一直考慮的事：嚇唬一下索卡沃狐赡，你要讓他戒掉在風干室里搞女工的惡習撞鹉。你要讓他看看，你給這個長著狼臉的大學生準備了什么颖侄。那年夏天在伊斯基亞鸟雏，飲料、弗里奧的房子览祖、她和尼諾睡過的那張奢華的床孝鹊，所有錢都來自這個地方，來自這個散發(fā)著惡臭的地方展蒂，還有在這惡心的環(huán)境中度過的日子又活，來自這廉價的勞動和辛苦。我切到了什么呢锰悼？從肉里淌出來一堆黃兮兮的東西柳骄，真讓人惡心。這個世界在轉動箕般，事情會變耐薯，真好。如果落下去丝里，就會摔碎曲初。
Capone was right, also Nadia and Armando.
? It was a weak initiative, a forced effort. Lila worked at cutting the meat
? furiously, she had a desire to hurt and be hurt. To jab her hand with the
? knife, let it slip, now, from the dead flesh to her own living flesh. To
? shout, hurl herself at the others, make them all pay for her inability to
? find an equilibrium. Ah, Lina Cerullo, you are beyond correction. Why did you
? make that list? You don’t want to be exploited? You want to improve your
? condition and the condition of these people? You’re convinced that you, and
? they, starting from here, from what you are now, will join the victorious
? march of the proletariat of the whole world? No way. March to become what?
? Now and forever workers? Workers who slave from morning to night but are
? empowered? Nonsense. Hot air to sweeten the pill of toil. You know that it’s
? a terrible condition, it shouldn’t be improved but eliminated, you’ve known
? it since you were a child. Improve, improve yourself? You, for example, are you
? improved, have you become like Nadia or Isabella? Is your brother improved,
? has he become like Armando? And your son, is he like Marco? No, we remain us
? and they are they. So why don’t you resign yourself? Blame the mind that
? can’t settle down, that is constantly seeking a way to function. Designing
? shoes. Getting busy setting up a shoe factory. Rewriting Nino’s articles,
? tormenting him until he did as you said. Using for your own purposes the
? installments from Zurich, with Enzo. And now demonstrating to Nadia that if
? she is making the revolution, you are even more. The mind, ah yes, the evil
? is there, it’s the mind’s discontent that causes the body to get sick. I’ve
? had it with myself, with everything. I’ve even had it with Gennaro: his fate,
? if all goes well, is to end up in a place like this, crawling to some boss
? for another five lire. So? So, Cerullo, take up your responsibilities and do
? what you have always had in mind: frighten Soccavo, eliminate his habit of
? fucking the workers in the drying room. Show the student with the wolf face
? what you’ve prepared. That summer on Ischia. The drinks, the house in Forio,
? the luxurious bed where I was with Nino. The money came from this place, from
? this evil smell, from these days spent in disgust, from this poorly paid
? labor. What did I cut, here? A revolting yellowish pulp spurted out. The
? world turns but, luckily, if it falls it breaks.
在吃午飯的間隙，她做了決定丙者。她對艾多說：“我去跟老板談复斥。”但她還沒有來得及脫下圍裙械媒，老板的秘書就出現(xiàn)在剔骨室目锭，對她說：
Right before the lunch break she made up
? her mind, she said to Edo: I’m going. But she didn’t have time to take off
? her apron, the owner’s secretary appeared in the gutting room to tell her:
“索卡沃先生讓你馬上去他的辦公室评汰。”
“Dottor Soccavo wants you urgently in the
? office.”
莉拉覺得痢虹，可能有內(nèi)奸已經(jīng)把她的行動告訴布魯諾了被去。她放下工作，從小衣柜里拿出了那張請愿的單子奖唯，就上樓去了惨缆。她敲了敲辦公室的門，進去了丰捷。房間里不僅僅有布魯諾坯墨，還有一個人坐在沙發(fā)上，嘴里叼著一根煙病往，是米凱萊·索拉拉捣染。
Lila thought that some spy had told Bruno
? what was coming. She stopped work, took the sheet of demands from the closet
? and went up. She knocked on the door of the office, and went in. Bruno was
? not alone in the room. Sitting in a chair, cigarette in his mouth, was
? Michele Solara.
-*-
44
她知道，米凱萊遲早都會再次出現(xiàn)在她的生活里停巷，但在布魯諾的辦公室里看到他耍攘，這讓她感到害怕，就像小時候畔勤，她害怕房子陰暗角樓里出現(xiàn)的幽靈蕾各。她想：他來這里干什么？我應該馬上離開這里庆揪。但米凱萊看到她式曲，就馬上站了起來，他張開了雙臂嚷硫，看起來真的很激動检访。他用意大利語說：“莉娜，真榮幸白械А脆贵！我真高興看到你∑鹉海”他想擁抱莉拉卖氨，假如她沒用一個不由自主的厭惡動作擋住他，他一定會擁抱她负懦。有幾秒鐘筒捺，米凱萊張著雙臂站在那兒，有些尷尬纸厉，他用手摸了一下自己的顴骨和后脖子系吭，用另一只手指著莉拉，對索卡沃說——這次是用了虛假的語氣：
She had always known that Michele would
? sooner or later reappear in her life, but finding him in Bruno’s office
? frightened her like the spirits in the dark corners of the house of her
? childhood. What is he doing here, I have to get out of here. But Solara,
? seeing her, stood up, spread his arms wide, seemed genuinely moved. He said
? in Italian: Lina, what a pleasure, how happy I am. He wanted to embrace her,
? and would have if she hadn’t stopped him with an unconscious gesture of
? revulsion. Michele stood for some instants with his arms outstretched,
? therefore, in confusion, with one hand he caressed his cheekbone, his neck,
? with the other he pointed to Lila, this time speaking in an artificial tone:
“你看看颗品，我真沒法相信：你真的把卡拉奇太太藏在香腸廠里肯尺∥衷担”
“But really, I can’t believe it: right in
? the middle of the salamis, you were hiding Signora Carracci?”
莉拉用一種生硬的語氣對布魯諾說：
Lila turned to Bruno abruptly:
“我等一下再來≡蛞鳎”
?“I’ll come back later.”
“你坐下槐臀！”布魯諾陰著臉說。
“Sit down,” he said, darkly.
“我就想站著氓仲∷”
“I prefer to stand.”
“坐下吧，要不然太累了敬扛∥鳎”
“Sit, you’ll get tired.”
她搖了搖頭，還是站著舔哪，米凱萊對索卡沃意味深長地笑了一下：
She shook her head, remained standing,
? and Michele gave Bruno a smile of understanding:
“你放棄吧欢顷，她就是這樣，從來都不聽你的捉蚤。”
“She’s made like that, resign yourself,
? she never obeys.”
莉拉覺得炼七，米凱萊的聲音要比之前更有力缆巧，他把每個字都說得很清楚，就好像最近這幾年豌拙，他一直都在練發(fā)音陕悬。也許是為了節(jié)省力氣，也許是為了不按他說的來按傅，她改變了主意捉超，坐了下來。米凱萊也坐了下來唯绍，一直對著她說話拼岳，就好像從那時候起，布魯諾已經(jīng)不在房間里了况芒。米凱萊滿臉客氣惜纸，仔細地看著她，用一種惋惜的語氣說：“你的手都毀了绝骚，真是遺憾耐版，以前你當姑娘的時候，手是那么漂亮压汪》嗌”他聊起了馬爾蒂里廣場上的商店，講得很詳細止剖，就好像莉拉還是他的員工腺阳，他們見面是為了談論工作落君。他提到了店里的貨架，新的燈光舌狗，還有他決定又一次把通往院子的門堵死了叽奥。莉拉想起了那道門，她用方言低聲說：
To Lila it seemed that Solara’s voice had
? more power than in the past, he stressed the end of every word as if he had
? been practicing his pronunciation. Maybe to save her strength, maybe just to
? contradict him, she changed her mind and sat down. Michele also changed
? position, but so that he was turned completely toward her, as if Bruno were
? no longer in the room. He observed her carefully, affectionately, and said,
? in a tone of regret: your hands are ruined, too bad, as a girl you had such
? nice ones. Then he began to talk about the shop in Piazza dei Martiri in the
? manner of one imparting information, as if Lila were still his employee and
? they were having a work meeting. He mentioned new shelves, new light
? fixtures, and how he had had the bathroom door that opened onto the courtyard
? walled up again. Lila remembered that door and said softly, in dialect:
“你的商店關我屁事兒痛侍〕ィ”
“I don’t give a fuck about your shop.”
“你要說我們的商店：那是我們一起建起來的≈鹘欤”
“You mean our: we invented it together.”
“我從來沒和你一起建過任何東西赵哲。”
“Together with you I never invented
? anything.”
米凱萊還在微笑君丁，他搖了搖頭枫夺，表示完全不能認同。他說绘闷，就像那些使用自己的雙手和頭腦的人一樣橡庞，有人出錢，投資也是一種建設和創(chuàng)造印蔗，錢可以創(chuàng)造風景扒最、形勢還有人們的生活。你不知道有多少人华嘹，他們的幸福全在我的手上吧趣，只要我簽一個字，他們要么會幸福耙厚，要么會毀掉强挫。然后，他又平靜地聊了起來薛躬，好像他們是好朋友俯渤，他很高興跟她聊聊最近發(fā)生的事情。他從阿方索開始講起泛豪，后者在馬爾蒂里廣場上干得不錯稠诲，他現(xiàn)在賺得挺多的，可以建立起自己的家庭了诡曙，但阿方索不是很想結婚臀叙，他還是想讓可憐的瑪麗莎一直做他的女朋友，而自己想干什么干什么价卤。作為老板劝萤，他鼓勵阿方索結婚，穩(wěn)定的家庭對于員工有好處慎璧，現(xiàn)在他提出要出錢給阿方索辦婚禮床嫌，最后他們決定在六月舉行婚禮跨释。你看，他說厌处，假如你當時繼續(xù)為我工作鳖谈，那就沒有阿方索什么事兒，你要什么阔涉，我都會給你缆娃，你就會過得像女王一樣。他沒給莉拉說話的機會瑰排，他把煙灰彈到了一個銅質(zhì)的老煙灰缸里贯要，對她宣布說，他馬上也要結婚了椭住，也定在了六月崇渗，當然是和吉耀拉——他生命中的女人。他抱怨說：“很遺憾京郑，我不能邀請你來宅广，我倒是很樂意邀請你，但我不想讓你丈夫?qū)擂涡┚佟乘碑！彼_始談到了斯特凡諾、艾達還有他們的女兒金拒。他說了他們一家三口的很多好話，又說現(xiàn)在兩家肉食店已經(jīng)不像之前了套腹⌒髋祝卡拉奇他們家，他解釋說电禀，他們的父親留下的錢沒花完的時候幢码，他們的日子還能湊合，但現(xiàn)在他們的生意岌岌可危尖飞，這已經(jīng)有一段時間了症副，就像在一片動蕩的海上，斯特凡諾的小船已經(jīng)進水了政基，他已經(jīng)撐不下去了贞铣。他的競爭對手越來越多了，不斷有新的店鋪開張沮明。比如說馬爾切洛辕坝，想要擴建已經(jīng)過世的堂·卡羅的百貨鋪，想搞一家什么東西都賣的商店：肥皂荐健、燈泡酱畅、香腸還有點心琳袄。馬爾切洛已經(jīng)開起來了，生意好得不得了纺酸，那家店鋪叫“無所不有”窖逗。
Michele smiled again, shaking his head in
? a sign of mild dissent. Those who put in the money, he said, do and undo just
? the way those who work with their hands and their head do. Money invents
? scenarios, situations, people’s lives. You don’t know how many people I can
? make happy or ruin just by signing a check. And then he began chatting again,
? placidly; he seemed eager to tell her the latest news, as if they were two
? friends catching up. He began with Alfonso, who had done his job in Piazza
? dei Martiri well and now earned enough to start a family. But he had no wish
? to marry, he preferred to keep poor Marisa in the condition of fiancée for
? life and continued to do as he liked. So he, as his employer, had encouraged
? him, a regular life is good for one’s employees, and had offered to pay for
? the wedding celebration; thus, finally, in June the marriage would take
? place. You see, he said, if you had continued to work for me, rather than
? Alfonso, I would have given you everything you asked for, you would have been
? a queen. Then, without giving her time to answer, he tapped the ashes of his
? cigarette into an old bronze ashtray and announced that he, too, was getting
? married, also in June, and to Gigliola, naturally, the great love of his
? life. Too bad I can’t invite you, he complained, I would have liked to, but I
? don’t want to embarrass your husband. And he began to talk about Stefano,
? Ada, and their child, first saying nice things about all three, then pointing
? out that the two grocery stores weren’t doing as well as they used to. As
? long as his father’s money lasted, he explained, Carracci kept afloat, but
? commerce is a rough sea now, Stefano’s been shipping water for quite some
? time, he can’t manage things anymore. Competition, he said, had increased,
? new stores were constantly opening. Marcello himself, for example, had got it
? into his head to expand the late Don Carlo’s old store and transform it into
? one of those places where you can get anything, from soap to light bulbs,
? mortadella, and candy. And he had done it, the business was booming, it was
? called Everything for Everyone.
“你是在說，你和你哥哥讓斯特凡諾日子也過不下去了餐蔬？”
“You’re saying that you and your brother
? have managed to ruin Stefano, too?”
“話可不能這么說碎紊，莉娜，我們只是做我們的事兒用含，沒別的想法矮慕，相反的，對于我們的朋友啄骇，假如我們能幫一把痴鳄，我們是很愿意幫忙的。你猜猜缸夹，馬爾切洛讓誰在新商店里工作磕诊？”
“What do you mean ruin, Lina, we do our
? job and that’s all, in fact, when we can help our friends we help them
? happily. Guess who Marcello has working in the new store?”
“我不知道呜师。”
“I don’t know.”
“你哥哥⊥懒校”
“Your brother.”
“你們讓里諾淪落成了你們的售貨員？”
“You’ve reduced Rino to being your
? clerk?”
“是呀弛车，你把他甩開了脓豪，小伙子要養(yǎng)活你父親、你母親匆笤，他有一個兒子研侣，皮諾奇婭又懷孕了。他能怎么做呢炮捧？他去找馬爾切洛庶诡，我哥哥就幫了他一把。你不高興嗎咆课？”
“Well, you abandoned him, and that fellow
? is carrying all of them on his shoulders: your father, your mother, a child,
? Pinuccia, who’s pregnant again. What could he do? He turned to Marcello for
? help and Marcello helped him. Doesn’t that please you?”
莉拉冷冰冰地回答說：
Lila responded coldly:
“不末誓，我一點都不高興，你們做的任何事情书蚪，我都不喜歡喇澡。”
“No, it doesn’t please me, nothing you do
? pleases me.”
米凱萊做了一個很不悅的表情善炫，他想起了布魯諾撩幽，就說：
Michele appeared dissatisfied, and he
? remembered Bruno:
“你看到了吧，就像我剛才對你說的，她的問題在于脾氣很壞窜醉∠芴眩”
“You see, as I was telling you, her
? problem is that she has a bad character.”
布魯諾很尷尬地笑了笑，他想表示認同榨惰。
Bruno gave an embarrassed smile that was
? meant to be conspiratorial.
“真是這樣拜英。”
“It’s true.”
“她的脾氣也傷到你了吧琅催？”
“Did she hurt you, too?”
“有點兒居凶。”
“A little.”
“你知道藤抡，她還是個小姑娘的時候侠碧，曾經(jīng)把一把裁皮子的刀子，架在我哥哥的脖子上缠黍，當時我哥有兩個她那么高弄兜？那不是開玩笑，她當時差點兒動手了瓷式√娑觯”
“You know that she was still a child when
? she held a shoemaker’s knife to my brother’s throat, and he was twice her
? size? And not as a joke, it was clear that she was ready to use it.”
“說真的嗎？”
“Seriously?”
“是的贸典。這個女人不得了视卢，有勇氣，有決心廊驼【莨”
“Yes. That girl has courage, she’s
? determined.”
莉拉緊緊握住拳頭，對抗著身體的虛弱妒挎。房間在起伏蝶俱，那些死的活的東西都在擴散。她看到米凱萊在煙灰缸里把煙掐滅了饥漫，他用了很大的力氣，就好像盡管他用很平靜的語氣說話罗标，他還是想發(fā)泄一下他的不自在庸队。莉拉盯著他的手指，他的手指摁在煙屁股上闯割，指甲有些發(fā)白彻消。她想，米凱萊曾經(jīng)想讓自己成為他的情人宙拉，但這不是他真正想要的宾尚，他要的是別的東西，是和上床沒有任何關系的東西，他自己也無法解釋煌贴。他盯著莉拉不放御板，那就像一種迷信，也許他相信牛郑，我具有一種力量怠肋，這種力量對他來說是必不可少的。他想獲得那種力量淹朋，但他沒辦法獲取笙各，他很痛苦，他沒辦法通過暴力手段從我這里搶去础芍。是的杈抢，也許事情就是這樣。假如事情不是這樣仑性，他已經(jīng)把我弄死了惶楼。但是，為什么偏偏是我虏缸？他在我身上鲫懒，看到了什么對他有用的東西？我不應該待在這里刽辙，在他眼皮底下窥岩，我不該聽他說話，他看到的宰缤、他想要的東西都讓我害怕颂翼。莉拉對索卡沃說：
Lila clenched her fists tightly. She
? detested the weakness she felt in her body. The room was undulating, the
? bodies of the dead objects and the living people were expanding. She looked
? at Michele, who was extinguishing the cigarette in the ashtray. He was
? putting too much energy into it, as if he, too, in spite of his placid tone,
? were giving vent to an uneasiness. Lila stared at his fingers, which went on
? squashing the butt, the nails were white. Once, she thought, he asked me to
? become his lover. But that’s not what he really wants, there’s something
? else, something that doesn’t have to do with sex and that not even he can
? explain. He’s obsessed, it’s like a superstition. Maybe he thinks that I have
? a power and that that power is indispensable to him. He wants it but he can’t
? get it, and it makes him suffer, it’s a thing he can’t take from me by force.
? Yes, maybe that’s it. Otherwise he would have crushed me by now. But why me?
? What has he recognized in me that’s useful to him? I mustn’t stay here, under
? his eyes, I mustn’t listen to him, what he sees and what he wants scares me.
? Lila said to Soccavo:
“我要走了，走之前要給你一樣東西慨灭‰Γ”
“I’ve got something to leave for you and
? then I’ll go.”
她站了起來，要把那張請愿的單子給他氧骤，這個舉動呻疹，對她來說是那么沒意義，同時又那么必要筹陵。她想把那張紙放在桌上刽锤，放在煙灰缸旁邊，然后從這個房間出去朦佩。但是米凱萊讓她站住并思，現(xiàn)在，他的聲音里充滿了溫情语稠，幾乎是一種討好宋彼，就好像他已經(jīng)感覺到了，莉拉想要躲開他，他想盡一切辦法來吸引她输涕，挽留她音婶。他接著對索卡沃說：
She got up, ready to give him the list of
? demands, a gesture that seemed to her increasingly pointless and yet
? necessary. She wished to place the piece of paper on the table, next to the
? ashtray, and leave that room. But Michele’s voice stopped her. Now it was
? definitely affectionate, almost caressing, as if he had intuited that she was
? trying to get away from him and wanted to do everything possible to charm her
? and keep her. He continued speaking to Soccavo:
“你看，她脾氣就是這么壞占贫。我正在說話桃熄，她一點兒也不在乎，拿出一張紙型奥，說她要走了瞳收。但我原諒她，因為她有很多優(yōu)點厢汹，可以補償她的壞脾氣螟深。你覺得自己僅僅是雇用了一個女工？不是這樣的烫葬，這位太太不是一個簡單的女工界弧。假如你放手讓她去干，她能把狗屎變成黃金搭综，她能把你這個破攤子重新規(guī)整一下垢箕，達到你根本無法想象的水平。為什么兑巾？因為她不是一般女人的腦子条获，她的腦子就是我們這些男人也趕不上。她很小的時候蒋歌，我就注意到她了帅掘，真是這樣的。這女人設計的鞋子堂油，到現(xiàn)在修档，我還在那不勒斯和外地賣著呢，我賺了很多錢府框。她把我在馬爾蒂里廣場的鞋店重新裝修了一下吱窝，讓那兒變成了基亞亞街、波西利波和沃美羅街上那些闊佬的沙龍迫靖。她還可以做很多很多其他事癣诱。但她很瘋狂，覺得自己想做什么都可以袜香，來了，去了鲫惶，修理蜈首，打破。你以為是我把她解雇了？不是的欢策，忽然有一天吆寨，她就不來上班了，若無其事地就不來了踩寇，就這樣消失了啄清。假如你逮住她，她還是會逃走俺孙，簡直就是一條泥鰍辣卒。她的問題就在這里：盡管她非常聰明，但她不明白什么可以做睛榄，什么不能做荣茫。這是因為，她還沒找到一個真正的男人场靴。一個真正的男人會讓女人正常起來啡莉。不會做飯？可以學旨剥。家里太臟了咧欣？打掃一下。一個真正的男人轨帜，可以讓女人做任何事情魄咕。我舉個例子，我前不久認識了一個女的阵谚，她不會吹口哨蚕礼。好吧，我們在一起就待了兩個小時——火熱的兩小時梢什。我對她說：你現(xiàn)在吹口哨奠蹬。她呢——你根本不會相信——她吹起了口哨。假如你會調(diào)教嗡午，女人就會乖乖的囤躁。假如你不會調(diào)教，那就算了荔睹，只能自己受罪狸演。”他說最后那句話時僻他，用的是一種非常嚴肅的語氣宵距，就好像在提出一個不容置疑的定論。但在他說話時吨拗，他就應該意識到满哪，他自己也沒有辦法遵守自己提出的定論婿斥。這時候，他換了一個表情哨鸭，聲音也變了民宿，他急切地需要凌辱她。他忽然轉向莉拉像鸡，用一種越來越粗魯?shù)姆窖詮娬{(diào)說：“但這個女人卻很難對付活鹰，真他媽難擺平，你看看她的樣子只估，眼睛小小的志群，奶子小小的，屁股也小小的仅乓，現(xiàn)在快瘦成一根掃把了赖舟。跟這樣的一個女人，你能干什么夸楣，雞巴挺都挺不起來宾抓，但只要一下，僅僅一下子：你看她一眼豫喧，就想上她石洗。”
“You see, she really has a bad character.
? I’m speaking, but she doesn’t give a damn, she pulls out a piece of paper,
? says she wants to leave. But you forgive her, because she has many good
? qualities that make up for her bad character. You think you hired a worker?
? It’s not true. This woman is much, much more. If you let her, she’ll change
? shit into gold for you, she’s capable of reorganizing this whole enterprise,
? taking it to levels you can’t even imagine. Why? Because she has the type of
? mind that normally no woman has but also that not even we men have. I’ve had
? an eye on her since she was a child and it’s true. She designed shoes that I
? still sell today in Naples and outside, and I make a lot of money. And she
? renovated a shop in Piazza dei Martiri with such imagination that it became a
? salon for the rich people from Via Chiaia, from Posillipo, from the Vomero.
? And there are many—very many—other things she could do. But she has a crazy
? streak, she thinks she can always do what she wants. Come, go, fix, break.
? You think I fired her? No, one day, as if it were nothing, she didn’t come to
? work. Just like that, vanished. And if you catch her again, she’ll slip away
? again, she’s an eel. This is her problem: even though she’s extremely
? intelligent, she can’t understand what she can do and what she can’t. That’s
? because she hasn’t yet found a real man. A real man puts the woman in her
? place. She’s not capable of cooking? She learns. The house is dirty? She
? cleans it. A real man can make a woman do everything. For example: I met a
? woman a while ago who didn’t know how to whistle. Well, we were together for
? two hours only—hours of fire—and afterward I said to her: Now whistle.
? She—you won’t believe it—whistled. If you know how to train a woman, good. If
? you don’t know how to train her, forget about her, you’ll get hurt.” He
? uttered these last words in a very serious tone, as if they summed up an
? irrefutable commandment. But even as he was speaking, he must have realized
? that he hadn’t been able, and was still unable, to respect his own law. So
? suddenly his expression changed, his voice changed, he felt an urgent need to
? humiliate her. He turned toward Lila with a jolt of impatience and said
? emphatically, in a crescendo of obscenities in dialect: “But with her it’s
? difficult, it’s not so easy to kiss her off. And yet you see what she looks
? like, she has small eyes, small tits, a small ass, she’s just a broomstick.
? With someone like that what can you do, you can’t even get it up. But an
? instant is enough, a single instant: you look at her and you want to fuck
? her.”
這時候紧显，莉拉感覺腦子里有一陣瘋狂的撞擊讲衫，就好像她的心臟，不是在她嗓子眼跳動孵班，而是在她的頭骨里炸開了涉兽。她大聲罵了起來，用的話比米凱萊還骯臟篙程，她從書桌上抓起那個銅煙灰缸枷畏，煙屁股和煙灰撒得到處都是，她想用煙灰缸打他虱饿。但盡管她很生氣拥诡，但她的動作很慢，沒有力氣氮发，布魯諾的聲音——“莉娜渴肉，拜托了，你在干什么”——聽起來也有氣無力的爽冕。因此米凱萊很容易就阻止了她仇祭，他從她手上奪下了煙灰缸，怒氣沖沖地說：
It was at that point that Lila felt a
? violent bump inside her head, as if her heart, instead of hammering in her
? throat, had exploded in her skull. She yelled an insult at him no less
? obscene than the words he had uttered, she grabbed from the desk the bronze
? ashtray, spilling out butts and ashes, and tried to hit him. But the gesture,
? in spite of her fury, was slow, powerless. And even Bruno’s voice—Lina,
? please, what are you doing—passed through her slowly. So maybe for that
? reason Solara stopped her easily and easily took away the ashtray, saying to
? her angrily:
“你覺得自己可以依仗索卡沃先生颈畸？你覺得我在這里不算什么乌奇？你搞錯了嚣艇。索卡沃先生上了我母親的紅本子，這已經(jīng)有一段時間了华弓。這個紅本子比毛語錄還要重要，因此你不是靠著他困乒，你是靠著我寂屏，你一直都是靠著我，只靠著我娜搂。到現(xiàn)在為止迁霎，我對你放任自流，我想看看百宇，你和你那個朋友考廉，你們他媽能做出什么事兒。但你現(xiàn)在要記住携御，我盯著你的昌粤，如果我需要，你得馬上來啄刹，明白嗎涮坐？”
“You think you work for Dottor Soccavo?
? You think I’m no one here? You are mistaken. Dottor Soccavo has been in my
? mother’s red book for quite some time, and that book is a lot more important
? than Mao’s little book. So you don’t work for him, you work for me, you work
? for me and only me. And so far I’ve let you, I wanted to see what the fuck
? you were driving at, you and that shit you sleep with. But from now on
? remember that I have my eyes on you and if I need you, you better come
? running, got that?”
只有在這時候，布魯諾非常焦急地站了起來誓军，說了一句：
Only then Bruno jumped to his feet
? nervously and exclaimed:
“放開她袱讹，米凱！你有些過分了昵时〗莸瘢”
“Leave her, Michè, you’re going too far.”
索拉拉輕輕地放開了莉拉的手腕，然后對著索卡沃壹甥，用意大利嘟囔了一句：
Solara let go of Lila’s wrist, then he
? muttered, addressing Soccavo, again in Italian:
“你說得對救巷，對不起，但卡拉奇太太有這種能力：她總是能讓你表現(xiàn)得很夸張盹廷≌鞒瘢”
“You’re right, sorry. But Signora
? Carracci has this ability: one way or another she always compels you to go
? too far.”
莉拉強壓著自己的怒火，她仔細地搓了搓手腕俄占，用手指尖彈開了落在她身上的一點煙灰管怠，然后把那張寫著請求的紙在布魯諾眼前攤開。她出去的時候缸榄，對著索拉拉說：
Lina repressed her fury, she rubbed her
? wrist carefully, with the tip of her finger she wiped off some ash that had
? fallen on it. Then she unfolded the piece of paper with the demands, she
? placed it in front of Bruno, and as she was going to the door she turned to
? Solara, saying:
“我五歲時就會吹口哨渤弛。”
“I’ve known how to whistle since I was
? five years old.”
