-*-
52
盡管《團(tuán)結(jié)報(bào)》的編輯對(duì)我充滿了熱情脚猾，但他們并沒有很快刊登我的文章葱峡。我非常不安，害怕那篇文章再也出不來了婚陪。但正好是我陪莉拉去看了精神科的第二天族沃，我一大早跑到報(bào)刊亭，拿到了一份報(bào)紙泌参，我快速翻閱了一下脆淹，終于看到了那篇文章。我想著沽一，他們可能會(huì)把這篇文章穿插在地方欄目中間盖溺，但我卻看到，文章出現(xiàn)在全國發(fā)行的那幾頁里铣缠，占了一整版烘嘱，我看到我的名字被引出來昆禽，我感覺好像有一根長長的針刺到了我。彼得羅馬上就給我打電話了蝇庭，他非常高興醉鳖，阿黛爾也很振奮，她說她丈夫很喜歡那篇文章哮内，就連馬麗婭羅莎也說好盗棵。最讓我驚異的是，我的出版社的總編北发，還有和那家出版社合作了很多年的兩個(gè)名人也打電話給我纹因，向我表示祝賀，弗朗科·馬里也給我打了電話琳拨，他從馬麗婭羅莎那兒要到了我的號(hào)碼瞭恰。他是帶著敬意和我說話的，他說他為我感到高興狱庇，說我完整展示了工人的處境惊畏，那篇文章堪稱典范。這時(shí)候僵井，我很期望能通過某種渠道陕截，獲得尼諾的認(rèn)可，但他一直都沒有出現(xiàn)批什，我有些難過农曲。就連帕斯卡萊也沒有露臉，但我知道驻债，因?yàn)檎姴煌楣妫缫巡豢催@個(gè)黨派的報(bào)紙了。無論如何合呐，《團(tuán)結(jié)報(bào)》的主編給我?guī)砹撕艽蟮陌参磕旱模蛭冶硎荆浅Ｏ矚g我寫的文章淌实，但用的還是那種不恭的語氣冻辩。他建議我買一臺(tái)打字機(jī)，再寫點(diǎn)類似的東西拆祈。
In spite of the editor’s enthusiasm,
? l’Unità put off publishing my article. I was anxious, afraid that it wouldn’t
? come out at all. But the day after the neurological exam I went out early to
? the newsstand and scanned the paper, jumping rapidly from page to page,
? until, at last, I found it. I expected that it would run, heavily cut, amid
? the local items, but instead it was in the national news, complete, with my
? byline, which pierced me like a long needle when I saw it in print. Pietro
? called me, happy about it, and Adele, too, was pleased; she said that her
? husband had liked the article very much and so had Mariarosa. But the
? surprising thing was that the head of my publishing house, along with two
? well-known intellectuals who had been connected to the firm for years, and
? Franco, Franco Mari, telephoned to congratulate me. Franco had asked
? Mariarosa for my number, and he spoke with respect, he said that he was
? pleased, that I had provided an example of a thorough investigation into the
? condition of workers, that he hoped to see me soon to talk about it. I
? expected at that point that through some unforeseen channel Nino would
? communicate his approval. But in vain—I was disappointed. There was no word
? from Pasquale, either, but then out of political disgust he had long ago
? stopped reading the party newspaper. The editor from l’Unità, however,
? consoled me, seeking me out to tell me how much the editorial office had
? liked the piece, and encouraging me, in his usual teasing way, to buy a
? typewriter and write more good articles.
我得說恨闪，最虛偽的電話是布魯諾·索卡沃打來的。他讓秘書撥通了我的電話放坏，然后他過來接咙咽。他說話的語氣很憂傷，就好像那篇文章——但剛開始淤年，他從來都沒提到那篇文章——狠狠地打擊了他钧敞，讓他失去了所有活力蜡豹。他說，我們?cè)谝了够鶃啎r(shí)溉苛，我們?cè)谏碁┥仙⒉降哪切┨炀盗浅畚遥麖膩矶紱]有像那樣愛過任何人愚战。他對(duì)我傾訴了所有的愛慕之情桨吊，因?yàn)槲夷昙o(jì)輕輕，就做出了那么了不起的事情凤巨。他發(fā)誓說，他父親把工廠交到他手上時(shí)洛搀，工廠已經(jīng)困難重重敢茁，而且有很多糟糕的做法。他是唯一的繼承人留美，他自己也看不慣工廠的事情彰檬，但他沒辦法。最后他說谎砾，我的文章——他終于提到了——對(duì)他很有啟發(fā)逢倍，他想盡快糾正自己，改變之前習(xí)以為常的錯(cuò)誤做法景图。他說和莉拉之間的誤會(huì)讓他覺得很遺憾较雕。他說他的管理人員正在和我找的律師解決所有問題。最后他小聲總結(jié)說：“你認(rèn)識(shí)索拉拉兄弟挚币，在這個(gè)緊急的關(guān)頭亮蒋，他們正在幫助我，讓索卡沃工廠改頭換面妆毕∩骶粒”最后他補(bǔ)充說：“米凱萊向你致以親切問候〉颜常”我也問候了米凱萊趁怔，并且謝謝他的好意，然后就掛了電話薪前。我馬上打電話給馬麗婭羅莎的律師朋友润努，告訴他關(guān)于這通電話的事情。他向我確認(rèn)說序六，錢的問題已經(jīng)解決了任连。幾天之后，我在他的事務(wù)所見到了他例诀。他比我大不了幾歲随抠，除了嘴唇有點(diǎn)兒薄裁着，人很可愛，他穿得很得體拱她。他想帶我去喝杯咖啡二驰，他對(duì)圭多·艾羅塔充滿了崇敬，他也記得彼得羅秉沼。他把索卡沃給莉拉的錢交給我撬呢，讓我小心不要被小偷偷走了橘沥。他提到了學(xué)生、工會(huì)的人，還有警察在工廠門口制造的混亂衡怀。他說他去了工廠，勞動(dòng)監(jiān)察員也去了匹表，但我感覺他不是很滿意偶翅。只有到告別的時(shí)候，他才在門口問我：
I have to say that the most disorienting
? phone call was from Bruno Soccavo. He had his secretary call me, then he got
? on the phone. He spoke in a melancholy tone, as if the article, which he
? didn’t even mention at first, had hit him so hard that it had sapped his
? energy. He said that in our time on Ischia, and our beautiful walks on the
? beach, he had loved me as he had never loved. He declared his utter
? admiration for the direction that, although I was very young, I had given to
? my life. He swore that his father had handed over to him a business in a lot
? of trouble, beset by evil practices, and that he was merely the blameless
? inheritor of a situation that in his eyes was deplorable. He stated that my
? article—finally he mentioned it—had been illuminating and that he wished to
? correct as soon as possible the many defects inherited from the past. He was
? sorry about the misunderstandings with Lila and told me that the
? administration was arranging everything with my lawyer. He concluded softly:
? you know the Solaras, in this difficult situation they’re helping me give the
? Soccavo factory a new face. And he added: Michele sends you warm greetings. I
? exchanged the greetings, I took note of his good intentions, and I hung up.
? But right away I called Mariarosa’s lawyer friend to tell him about that
? phone call. He confirmed that the money question had been resolved, and I met
? him a few days later in the office where he worked. He wasn’t much older than
? me, well dressed, and likable, except for unpleasantly thin lips. He wanted
? to take me out for coffee. He was full of admiration for Guido Airota, he
? remembered Pietro well. He gave me the sum that Soccavo had paid for Lila, he
? urged me to be careful not to have my purse snatched. He described the chaos
? of students and union members and police he had found at the gates, he said
? that the labor inspector had also showed up at the factory. And yet he didn’t
? seem satisfied. Only when we were saying goodbye, he asked me at the door:
“你是不是認(rèn)識(shí)索拉拉休建？”
“You know the Solaras?”
“他們就是我們城區(qū)的人乍恐，我在那個(gè)城區(qū)長大〔馍埃”
“They’re from the neighborhood where I
? grew up.”
“你知不知道茵烈，索卡沃的背后是他們？”
“You know that they are behind Soccavo?”
“我知道砌些∥赝叮”
“Yes.”
“你不擔(dān)心嗎？”
“And you’re not worried?”
“我不明白寄症，你想說什么宙彪。”
“I don’t understand.”
“我想說：你一直都認(rèn)識(shí)他們有巧，但你多年在外面上學(xué)释漆，也許你現(xiàn)在不是很了解那不勒斯的情況±河”
“I mean: the fact that you’ve known them
? forever and that you studied outside Naples—maybe you can’t see the situation
? clearly.”
“我非常清楚男图。”
“It’s very clear.”
“最近幾年甜橱，索拉拉家族擴(kuò)張了逊笆，成了這個(gè)城市非常重要的人物∑癜粒”
“In recent years the Solaras have
? expanded, in this city they’re important.”
“然后呢难裆？”
“And so?”
他抿了抿嘴唇，向我伸出一只手說：
He pressed his lips together, shook my
? hand.
“也沒什么。我們現(xiàn)在要到錢了乃戈，都沒問題了褂痰，代我向馬麗婭羅莎和彼得羅問好。你們什么時(shí)候結(jié)婚症虑？你喜歡佛羅倫薩嗎缩歪？”
“And so nothing: we’ve got the money,
? everything’s in order. Say hello to Mariarosa and Pietro. When’s the wedding?
? Do you like Florence?”
-*-
53
我把錢給了莉拉，她心滿意足地?cái)?shù)了兩遍谍憔，想馬上把我借給她的錢還給我匪蝙。恩佐回來了，他和那個(gè)懂計(jì)算機(jī)的人會(huì)面了习贫。他看起來很高興逛球，但還是一副不動(dòng)聲色的模樣，或許他學(xué)會(huì)了遏制自己的欲望苫昌、情感和語言需忿。莉拉和我很難從他嘴里獲得信息，但最后蜡歹，我們還是得到了一個(gè)比較清晰的結(jié)論：那個(gè)電腦專家對(duì)恩佐非常熱情。剛開始涕烧，他強(qiáng)調(diào)恩佐在蘇黎世函授課程上是白花錢月而，但他發(fā)現(xiàn)，盡管恩佐學(xué)了那些沒用的東西议纯，還是很懂行父款。他說IBM公司要開始在意大利生產(chǎn)，要在維梅爾卡泰的工廠里生產(chǎn)一種全新的電腦瞻凤，他們?cè)谀遣焕账沟姆植考毙枰慌┛讍T憨攒、檢驗(yàn)員、操作員阀参、程序員和分析員肝集。他向恩佐保證，公司一開始培訓(xùn)課程蛛壳，就會(huì)通知他杏瞻，并記下了他的所有信息。
I gave the money to Lila, who counted it
? twice with satisfaction and wanted to give me back immediately the amount I
? had lent her. Enzo arrived soon afterward, he had just been to see the person
? who knew about computers. He seemed pleased, naturally within the bounds of
? his impassiveness, which, maybe even against his own wishes, choked off
? emotions and words. Lila and I struggled to get the information out of him,
? but finally a fairly clear picture emerged. The expert had been extremely
? kind. At first he had repeated that the Zurich course was a waste of money,
? but then he had realized that Enzo, in spite of the uselessness of the
? course, was smart. He had told him that IBM was about to start producing a
? new computer in Italy, in the Vimercate factory, and that the Naples branch
? had an urgent need for operators, keypunch operators, programmer-analysts. He
? had assured him that, as soon as the company started training courses, he
? would let Enzo know. He had written down all his information.
“你覺得衙荐，他是一個(gè)可靠的人嗎捞挥？”莉拉問。
“Did he seem serious?” Lila asked.
恩佐為了證明那個(gè)人很可信忧吟，就指著我說：
Enzo, to give proof of the man’s? seriousness, nodded at me, said:?
“他知道萊農(nóng)未婚夫的所有事兒砌函。”
“He knew all about Lenuccia’s fiancé.”
“也就是說？”
“Meaning?”
“他跟我說讹俊，萊農(nóng)的未婚夫是一個(gè)非常重要的人物的兒子垦沉。”
“He told me he’s the son of an important
? person.”
莉拉做出了一個(gè)厭煩的表情劣像。很明顯乡话，她知道這場會(huì)面是彼得羅張羅的，艾羅塔這個(gè)姓氏決定了這場會(huì)面的成功耳奕，她反對(duì)恩佐把這件事情當(dāng)真绑青，并采取行動(dòng)。我覺得屋群，她一想到現(xiàn)在恩佐也欠我的人情闸婴，她一定覺得很不安，就好像那種人情芍躏，在我和她之間是不存在問題的邪乍，也不會(huì)有感恩或者內(nèi)心的虧欠，但對(duì)恩佐可能會(huì)造成傷害对竣。我馬上說庇楞，我公公的地位沒什么作用，那個(gè)電腦專家跟我說的是：如果恩佐真的懂電腦的話否纬，他才會(huì)幫忙吕晌。這時(shí)候，莉拉做了一個(gè)比較夸張的贊同手勢临燃，她強(qiáng)調(diào)說：
Annoyance showed in Lila’s face. She
? knew, obviously, that the appointment had been arranged by Pietro and that
? the name Airota counted in the positive outcome of the meeting, but she
? seemed put out by the fact that Enzo should notice it. I thought she was
? bothered by the idea that he, too, owed me something, as if that debt, which
? between her and me could have no consequence, not even the subordination of
? gratitude, might instead be harmful to Enzo. I said quickly that the prestige
? of my father-*-law didn’t count that much, that the computer expert had
? explained even to me that he would help only if Enzo was good. And Lila,
? making a slightly excessive gesture of approval, said emphatically:
“他真的很厲害睛驳。”
“He’s really good.”
“我連一臺(tái)計(jì)算機(jī)都沒有見過呢膜廊》Ψ校”恩佐說。
“I’ve never seen a computer,” Enzo said.
“那又怎么樣爪瓜？那人還是一下就明白了你很在行蹬跃。”
“So? That guy must have understood anyway
? that you know what you’re doing.”
他想了一下铆铆，帶著敬仰對(duì)莉拉說炬转，那種欣賞的態(tài)度一時(shí)讓我很嫉妒：
He thought about it, and turned to Lila? with an admiration that for an instant made me jealous:?
“你讓我做的練習(xí)，讓他很震動(dòng)算灸《笈”
“He was impressed by the exercises you
? made me do.”
“是嗎？”
“Really?”
“是的菲驴，尤其是那些模式荐吵，比如說燙衣服，敲打一顆釘子∠燃澹”
“Yes. Especially diagramming things like
? ironing, and hammering a nail.”
然后他們兩個(gè)開起玩笑來贼涩，用的那些語言我完全不懂，我被排除在外了薯蝎。忽然間遥倦，我覺得他們是一對(duì)很相愛的戀人，非常幸福占锯，他們的秘密是那么深?yuàn)W袒哥，以至于他們自己也不懂。我又一次回想起我們小時(shí)候待的院子消略；我又一次看到她和恩佐在奧利維耶羅老師和校長的注視下堡称，進(jìn)行數(shù)學(xué)競賽。我看到他——那個(gè)從來都不會(huì)哭的男孩艺演，在看到自己用石子兒打中她時(shí)的驚慌却紧。我想，在城區(qū)里胎撤，他們會(huì)更好地在一起晓殊，也許莉拉想回去是對(duì)的。
Then they began joking with one another,
? resorting to a jargon that I didn’t understand and that excluded me. And
? suddenly they seemed to me a couple in love, very happy, with a secret so
? secret that it was unknown even to them. I saw again the courtyard when we
? were children. I saw her and Enzo competing to be first in arithmetic as the
? principal and Maestra Olivieri looked on. I saw Lila, who never cried, in
? despair because she had thrown a rock and injured him. I thought: their way
? of being together comes from something better in the neighborhood. Maybe Lila
? is right to want to go back.
-*-
54
我開始關(guān)注大門前的布告欄伤提，上面會(huì)寫著要出租的房子挺物。這時(shí)候，我收到了一個(gè)邀請(qǐng)——是我自己飘弧，而不是我的全家人受到了邀請(qǐng)，我被邀請(qǐng)去參加吉耀拉·斯帕紐洛和米凱萊·索拉拉的婚禮砚著。短短幾個(gè)小時(shí)之后次伶，我又收到了另一份請(qǐng)?zhí)乾旣惿に_拉托雷和阿方索·卡拉奇的“婚禮邀請(qǐng)稽穆。無論是索拉拉還是卡拉奇家冠王，都對(duì)我充滿敬意，都稱我為尊貴的埃萊娜·格雷科女士”舌镶。參加這兩場婚禮柱彻，對(duì)于我來說是一個(gè)很好的機(jī)會(huì)，我可以借此搞清楚餐胀，莉拉回城區(qū)是不是一件好事兒哟楷。我計(jì)劃去找米凱萊、阿方索否灾、吉耀拉和瑪麗莎卖擅，表面是向他們表示祝賀，另一方面是向他們解釋，我不能參加他們的婚禮惩阶，他們結(jié)婚的日子挎狸，我已經(jīng)離開那不勒斯了。實(shí)際上我想知道断楷，索拉拉一家和卡拉奇一家有沒有放過莉拉锨匆。我覺得，阿方索是唯一一個(gè)能用平淡的語氣告訴我冬筒，斯特凡諾對(duì)他妻子的怨氣還沒有消的人恐锣。至于米凱萊呢，盡管我很恨他账千，我還是可以平心靜氣地側(cè)重談?wù)劺蚶F(xiàn)在的健康問題侥蒙，我想讓他明白，無論他覺得自己有多么了不起匀奏，他認(rèn)為我還是之前的那個(gè)小姑娘鞭衩，但假如他繼續(xù)迫害我的朋友的話，我有足夠的力量能讓他的生活和生意變得復(fù)雜娃善。我把那兩張請(qǐng)?zhí)挤旁诎锫垩埽也幌Ｍ夷赣H看到生氣，覺得他們是給我面子聚磺，而不是給我父親還有她面子坯台。我用了一天時(shí)間來完成那些會(huì)面。
I began to pay attention to the “For
? rent” signs fixed to the building entrances, indicating apartments available.
? Meanwhile, an invitation to the wedding of Gigliola Spagnuolo and Michele
? Solara arrived, not for my family but for me. And a few hours later, by hand,
? came another invitation: Marisa Sarratore and Alfonso Carracci were getting
? married, and both the Solara family and the Carracci family addressed me with
? deference: egregia dottoressa Elena Greco. Almost immediately, I considered
? the two wedding invitations an opportunity to find out if it was a good idea
? to encourage Lila’s return to the neighborhood. I planned to go and see
? Michele, Alfonso, Gigliola, and Marisa, apparently to offer congratulations
? and to explain that I would not be in Naples when the weddings took place but
? in fact to discover if the Solaras and the Carraccis still wanted to torture
? Lila. It seemed to me that Alfonso was the only person capable of telling me
? in a dispassionate way how resentful Stefano still was. And with Michele,
? even though I hated him—perhaps above all because I hated him—I thought I
? could speak with composure about Lila’s health problems, letting him know
? that, even though he thought he was a big shot and teased me as if I were
? still a little girl, I now had sufficient power to complicate his life, and
? his affairs, if he continued to persecute my friend. I put both cards in my
? purse, I didn’t want my mother to see them and be offended at the respect
? shown to me and not to my father and her. I set aside a day to devote to
? these visits.
天色看起來不妙瘫寝，我?guī)狭藗阊牙伲倚那楹芎茫蚁脒呑呗愤吽伎蓟腊ⅲ蜻@個(gè)城區(qū)還有整個(gè)城市告別咪啡。按照一個(gè)勤奮女學(xué)生的習(xí)慣，我從最難的會(huì)面開始暮屡，我先去找索拉拉撤摸。我去了他們的酒吧，我沒有找到米凱萊和吉耀拉褒纲，也沒有看到馬爾切洛准夷。店里的人對(duì)我說，他們可能在大路旁邊的新商店里莺掠。我邁著散漫的步伐衫嵌，東張西望地往那里走去。堂·卡羅的商店——以前那個(gè)黑暗深幽的地窖彻秆，我們小時(shí)候在那兒買肥皂還有其他日用品——那個(gè)破商店一點(diǎn)兒影子都沒有了渐扮。那棟樓的第四層窗戶外论悴，掛著一個(gè)巨大的牌子——“無所不有”！這是一個(gè)豎掛著的牌子墓律，正好在商店的入口上方膀估。盡管是白天，但商店里燈火通明耻讽，里面有各種各樣的東西察纯，非常豐富。我在那兒看到了莉拉的哥哥里諾针肥，他胖了許多饼记，他對(duì)我很冷淡。他說慰枕，他是里面的老板具则，他不知道米凱萊在哪里，如果你找他具帮，你可以去他家里找博肋。他很不客氣地說完，然后轉(zhuǎn)過身去蜂厅，好像有什么著急的事情要做匪凡。
The weather wasn’t promising, so I
? carried an umbrella, but I was in a good mood, I wanted to walk, reflect,
? give a sort of farewell to the neighborhood and the city. Out of the habit of
? a diligent student, I started with the more difficult meeting, the one with
? Solara. I went to the bar, but neither he nor Gigliola nor even Marcello was
? there; someone said that they might be at the new place on the stradone. I
? stopped in and looked around with the attitude of someone with nothing better
? to do. Any memory of Don Carlo’s shop had been utterly erased—the dark, deep
? cave where as a child I had gone to buy liquid soap and other household
? things. From the windows of the building’s third floor an enormous vertical
? sign hung down over the wide entrance: Everything for Everyone. The store was
? brightly lit, even though it was day, and offered merchandise of every type,
? the triumph of abundance. I saw Lila’s brother, Rino, who had grown very fat.
? He treated me coldly, saying that he was the boss there, he didn’t know
? anything about the Solaras. If you’re looking for Michele, go to his house,
? he said bitterly, and turned his back as if he had something urgent to do.
我又走了出去，到了新城區(qū)掘猿，我知道索拉拉一家?guī)啄昵霸谀莾嘿I了一棟非常大的房子病游。米凱萊的母親曼努埃拉——那個(gè)放高利貸的女人給我開的門，自從在莉拉的婚禮上見過她之后稠通，我就沒怎么見過她衬衬。我感覺，她透過貓眼在審視著我改橘，她看了很久滋尉，然后拉開了門上的保險(xiǎn)栓，出現(xiàn)在了門框那里唧龄，她身體的一部分還在暗處，另一部分被從樓梯間的大窗戶射進(jìn)來的陽光照亮奸远。她更干瘦了既棺，皮膚緊緊地繃在骨頭上，顯得骨頭很突兀懒叛。她的一顆眼珠子很明亮丸冕，另一顆很昏暗。她耳朵薛窥、脖子上還有深色的衣服上胖烛，都有亮閃閃的金首飾眼姐，好像她要去參加一場宴會(huì)。她對(duì)我很客氣佩番，她想邀請(qǐng)我進(jìn)去喝一杯咖啡众旗。米凱萊不在，我得知趟畏，他還有一套房子在波西利波區(qū)贡歧，他婚后會(huì)搬到那里去住，現(xiàn)在他在和吉耀拉一起裝修赋秀。
I started walking again, and reached the
? new neighborhood, where I knew that the entire Solara family had, years
? earlier, bought an enormous apartment. The mother, Manuela, the loan shark,
? opened the door; I hadn’t seen her since the time of Lila’s wedding. I felt
? that she had been observing me through the spyhole. She looked for a long
? time, then she drew back the bolt and appeared in the frame of the door, her
? figure partly contained by the darkness of the apartment, partly eroded by
? the light coming from the large window on the stairs. She was as if dried up.
? The skin was stretched over her large bones, one of her pupils was very
? bright and the other as if dead. In her ears, around her neck, against the
? dark dress that hung loosely, gold sparkled, as if she were getting ready for
? a party. She treated me politely, inviting me to come in, have coffee.
? Michele wasn’t there, did I know that he had another house, on Posillipo,
? where he was to go and live after his marriage. He was furnishing it with Gigliola.
“他們會(huì)離開這個(gè)城區(qū)利朵？”我問。
“They’re going to leave the
? neighborhood?” I asked.
“當(dāng)然了猎莲∩艿埽”
“Yes, certainly.”
“去波西利波區(qū)去？”
“For Posillipo?”
“那里有六個(gè)房間著洼，萊農(nóng)樟遣！三個(gè)房間面朝大海。我更愿意選沃美羅區(qū)郭脂，但米凱萊喜歡按著自己的想法來年碘。無論如何，早上風(fēng)吹著展鸡，太陽曬著屿衅，你都無法想象有多舒服∮ū祝”
“Six rooms, Lenù, three facing the sea. I
? would have preferred the Vomero, but Michele does as he likes. Anyway,
? there’s a breeze, in the morning, and a light that you can’t imagine.”
這對(duì)我來說是一件很意外的事情涤久。我從來都沒有想過，索拉拉會(huì)離開他們的地盤忍弛，離開他們藏匿戰(zhàn)利品的老巢响迂。但正是米凱萊——他們家里最聰明、最貪婪的男人细疚，卻搬到別的地方住了蔗彤，在高處，在波西利波區(qū)上面住疯兼，面對(duì)著大海和維蘇威火山然遏。他們兄弟倆的地盤真的擴(kuò)大了，那位律師說得有道理吧彪，但當(dāng)時(shí)我覺得挺高興的待侵，我覺得米凱萊離開城區(qū)是好事兒——莉拉如果回城區(qū)的話，這是一件好事兒姨裸。
I was surprised. I would never have
? believed that the Solaras would move away from the area of their trafficking,
? from the den where they hid their booty. But here was Michele, the shrewdest,
? the greediest of the family, going to live somewhere else, up, on the
? Posillipo, facing the sea and Vesuvio. The brothers’ craving for greatness
? really had increased, the lawyer was right. But at the moment the fact
? cheered me, I was glad that Michele was leaving the neighborhood. I found
? that this favored Lila’s possible return.
-*-
55
我向曼努埃拉太太要了地址秧倾。和她告別之后怨酝，我穿過城市，先是坐地鐵到了梅爾杰利納火車站那先，又走了一段农猬，最后坐公共汽車到了波西利波。我覺得自己文化層次很高胃榕，已經(jīng)屬于擁有權(quán)力的階層盛险，像是戴上了桂冠，受到整個(gè)世界敬仰勋又，我非常好奇苦掘，我想看看，我從小就看到的那股惡勢力楔壤，現(xiàn)在變成了什么樣子——他們那種欺壓別人的低俗樂趣鹤啡，逍遙法外的犯罪行為、對(duì)法律的陽奉陰違——披上了什么樣的華麗外衣蹲嚣。索拉拉兄弟生來就愛炫富递瑰，愛排場。米凱萊住在一棟樓的最高層隙畜，那是一棟剛修好的樓房抖部，但米凱萊再次躲開了我。我只見到吉耀拉议惰，她看到我時(shí)慎颗，一方面明顯很驚異，一方面帶著敵意言询。我意識(shí)到俯萎，我借用她母親的電話的那個(gè)階段，我一直對(duì)他們一家都很客氣运杭，但當(dāng)我在我父母家裝上了電話夫啊，斯帕紐洛一家就從我的生活里消失了，我甚至都沒有意識(shí)到這一點(diǎn)×俱荆現(xiàn)在是正午時(shí)分撇眯，在沒有事先通知的情況下，在一個(gè)灰暗的虱咧、可能會(huì)下雨的時(shí)刻熊榛，我出現(xiàn)在波西利波區(qū)，一下子闖進(jìn)了她還沒收拾好的婚房彤钟，這算什么做法来候？我覺得很羞愧跷叉，我裝出一副高興的樣子逸雹，想讓她原諒我营搅。剛開始，吉耀拉有些不悅梆砸，可能有些警惕转质，她不知道我想干什么，后來她炫耀起來帖世，她希望我嫉妒她休蟹，希望我覺得她是我們這些姑娘中最幸運(yùn)的。因此日矫，她一直在關(guān)注著我的反應(yīng)赂弓，我的熱情讓她很享受，她讓我看了一間又一間房間哪轿，給我看了那些昂貴的家具盈魁、奢華的吊燈、兩個(gè)很大的洗手間窃诉、超大的熱水器杨耙、冰箱和洗衣機(jī)。他們有三臺(tái)電話飘痛，但現(xiàn)在還沒有開通珊膜，還有一臺(tái)我不知道多少寸的大電視。最后宣脉，我們來到了陽臺(tái)上车柠，那不是一個(gè)陽臺(tái)，而是一個(gè)空中花園脖旱，上面種滿各種各樣的花堪遂，只是天氣不好，沒法好好欣賞花朵鮮艷的顏色萌庆。
I asked Signora Manuela for the address,
? said goodbye, and crossed the city, first by subway to Mergellina, then on
? foot, and by bus up Posillipo. I was curious. I now felt that I belonged to a
? legitimate power, universally admired, haloed by a high level of culture, and
? I wanted to see what garish guise was being given to the power I had had
? before my eyes since childhood—the vulgar pleasure of bullying, the
? unpunished practice of crime, the smiling tricks of obedience to the law, the
? display of profligacy—as embodied by the Solara brothers. But Michele escaped
? me again. On the top floor of a recent structure I found only Gigliola, who
? greeted me with obvious amazement and an equally obvious bitterness. I
? realized that as long as I had used her mother’s telephone at all hours I had
? been cordial, but ever since I’d had the phone installed at home the entire
? Spagnuolo family had gone out of my life, and I’d scarcely noticed. And now
? without warning, at noon, on a dark day that threatened rain, I showed up
? here, in Posillipo, bursting into the house of a bride where everything was
? still topsy-*-water heater, the refrigerator, the washing machine, three
? telephones, unfortunately not yet hooked up, the I don’t know how many-inch
? television, and finally the terrace, which wasn’t a terrace but a hanging
? garden filled with flowers, whose multicolored variety the ugly day kept me
? from appreciating.
“你看溶褪，你見過這樣的大海嗎？這樣的那不勒斯践险，還有維蘇威火山猿妈？看看這天空？在我們的城區(qū)里巍虫，從來都沒見過這樣的天空吧彭则？”
“Look, have you ever seen the sea like
? that? And Naples? And Vesuvius? And the sky? In the neighborhood was there
? ever all that sky?”
從來沒有。天空是鉛色的占遥，海灣像巨大的熔鍋俯抖，從邊上擠壓著天空，濃密的烏云翻滾著瓦胎，向我們涌來芬萍。但在天邊尤揣，在大海和烏云中間，天空中有一道長長的柬祠、鉛白色的北戏、非常耀眼的裂痕，映襯著維蘇威火山的紫色影子漫蛔。我們?cè)陉柵_(tái)上欣賞了很長時(shí)間嗜愈，風(fēng)很大，衣服緊緊貼在身上莽龟。我全然被那不勒斯的美景迷住了蠕嫁，甚至是在幾年前，在加利亞尼老師家的陽臺(tái)上毯盈，我也沒有看到過這樣的美景拌阴。這些水泥建筑修建在優(yōu)美的景區(qū)之中，非常煞風(fēng)景奶镶，但價(jià)格極高迟赃，米凱萊買了一套紀(jì)念版的房子。
Never. The sea was of lead and the gulf
? clasped it like the rim of a crucible. A dense churning mass of black clouds
? was rolling toward us. But in the distance, between sea and clouds, there was
? a long gash that collided with the violet shadow of Vesuvius, a wound from
? which a dazzling whiteness dripped. We stood looking at it for a long time,
? our clothes pasted to us by the wind. I was as if hypnotized by the beauty of
? Naples; not even from the terrace of the Galianis, years before, had I seen
? it like this. The defacement of the city provided high-cost observatories of
? concrete from which to view an extraordinary landscape; Michele had acquired
? a memorable one.
“你不喜歡嗎厂镇？”
“Don’t you like it?”
“簡直太棒了纤壁！”
“Marvelous.”
“莉娜在城區(qū)的房子，和這套簡直沒法比捺信，不是嗎酌媒？”
“There’s no comparison with Lina’s house
? in the neighborhood, is there?”
“是呀，真沒法比迄靠∶胱桑”
“No, no comparison.”
“我說的是莉娜，但現(xiàn)在是艾達(dá)住在那里掌挚∮晗”
“I said Lina, but now Ada’s there.”
“是呀》褪剑”
“Yes.”
“這里要闊綽得多陡厘∪盏ぃ”
“Here it’s much more upper-class.”
“是呀探入。”
“Yes.”
“但你卻做出那副表情善镰∈悄浚”
“But you made a face.”
“沒有啊谤饭，我為你感到幸福。”
“No, I’m happy for you.”
“人各有志揉抵，你上了學(xué)宜岛，寫了書，可我擁有眼下這些功舀。”
“To each his own. You’re educated, you
? write books, and I have this.”
“是呀身弊”偬”
“Yes.”
“你不這樣覺得嗎≮宸穑”
“You’re not sure.”
“我很贊同帖汞。”
“I’m very sure.”
“如果你仔細(xì)看看門牌凑术，這棟樓里住的全是一些工程師翩蘸、律師還有大教授。這些風(fēng)景和便利是要付錢的淮逊，如果你和你丈夫省吃儉用催首，我覺得你們也可以買一套像這樣的房子⌒古簦”
“If you look at the nameplates in this
? building, you’ll see, only professionals, lawyers, big professors. The view
? and the luxuries are expensive. If you and your husband save, in my opinion
? you could buy a house like this.”
“我覺得我們做不到郎任。”
“I don’t think so.”
“他不想來那不勒斯生活嗎备籽？”
“He doesn’t want to come and live in
? Naples?”
“我可以排除這種可能舶治。”
“I doubt it.”
“一切都有可能啊车猬，你很幸運(yùn)霉猛。在電話里，我好多次聽到彼得羅的聲音珠闰，我從窗戶里也看到過他惜浅，能看出來他是個(gè)好男人，他肯定會(huì)按你說的來伏嗜，不像米凱萊赡矢。”
“You never know. You’re lucky: I’ve heard
? Pietro’s voice on the telephone quite a few times, and I saw him from the
? window—it’s obvious that he’s a clever man. He’s not like Michele, he’ll do
? what you want.”
這時(shí)候阅仔，她把我拉進(jìn)屋里吹散，想讓我吃點(diǎn)兒東西。她打開紙包八酒，里面有火腿和香腸空民，她切開了面包。她對(duì)我表示歉意說：“房子還沒收拾停當(dāng)，但將來界轩，你和你丈夫來那不勒斯的時(shí)候画饥，你們可以來這里，我給你看看房子收拾好的樣子浊猾《陡剩”她非常興奮，眼睛瞪得很大葫慎，眼眸很亮衔彻，她很努力想讓我對(duì)她的富裕和闊綽深信不疑。但那個(gè)不太可能實(shí)現(xiàn)的未來——我和彼得羅來那不勒斯偷办，來這里拜訪她和米凱萊艰额，應(yīng)該讓她有一絲疑慮。她有一點(diǎn)兒分心椒涯，她可能聯(lián)想到一些糟糕的事情柄沮。她又開始炫耀時(shí)，對(duì)自己說的話失去了信心废岂，她的語氣變了祖搓，她開始列舉——但她說這話時(shí)，并不是很滿意湖苞，甚至帶著一絲自嘲的語氣說：“我很幸運(yùn)棕硫，卡門和大路上那個(gè)加油的在一起了，皮諾奇婭被里諾那個(gè)傻瓜給毀了袒啼，艾達(dá)當(dāng)了斯特凡諾的姘頭哈扮，但我有米凱萊，真是福氣蚓再，他很帥滑肉，也很聰明，所有人都聽他的摘仅，他終于決定要娶我了靶庙，你看到他讓我住在什么地方了吧？你知道他準(zhǔn)備了一個(gè)什么樣的婚禮嗎娃属？我們要搞一場盛大的婚禮六荒，比波斯沙阿迎娶索拉雅時(shí)的婚宴還盛大。是的矾端，還好我從小就和他在一起掏击，我是最有眼光的≈让”她接著說砚亭，先是帶著自嘲贊美自己的精明灯变，通過索拉拉，她獲得的富裕生活捅膘，慢慢地變成了傾訴——作為新娘的她的處境的孤單添祸。她說，米凱萊從來都不在寻仗，就好像她要一個(gè)人結(jié)婚刃泌。她忽然問我，就好像真的需要一個(gè)確認(rèn)：“你覺得我存在嗎署尤？你看看我耙替，你覺得我存在嗎？”她用張開的手拍了拍自己豐滿的胸脯沐寺，她這么做就是向我展示，她的身體在米凱萊眼里是不存在的盖奈。米凱萊得到了她的一切混坞，那時(shí)候，她還幾乎是個(gè)孩子钢坦。他消耗了她究孕，撕裂了她，現(xiàn)在她快二十五歲了爹凹，他已經(jīng)習(xí)以為常了厨诸，連看她一眼都不會(huì)看『探矗“他在外面微酬，想上誰就上誰，真是讓我太惡心了颤陶。有人問他想要多少孩子颗管，他就會(huì)信口開河說：‘你去問問吉耀拉吧，我已經(jīng)有蠻多孩子了滓走，我都不知道有多少垦江。’你丈夫會(huì)跟你說這些事情嗎搅方？你丈夫會(huì)說：‘我和萊農(nóng)要生三個(gè)孩子比吭，跟其他女人我就不知道了？’他當(dāng)著所有人的面那樣對(duì)我姨涡，就像我是一塊擦腳布衩藤。我知道為什么。他不愛我涛漂。他跟我結(jié)婚慷彤，是想要一個(gè)忠誠的奴仆，所有男人結(jié)婚都是為了這個(gè)。他不停地對(duì)我說：‘我他媽找你干嗎啊底哗，你什么都不懂岁诉，你很笨，也沒有品位跋选，這個(gè)漂亮的房子給你住涕癣，簡直是浪費(fèi)，什么事兒搭上你前标，就變得很鬧心坠韩。’”她哭了起來炼列，一邊抽泣一邊說：
At that point she dragged me inside, she
? wanted us to eat something. She unwrapped prosciutto and provolone, she cut
? slices of bread. It’s still camping, she apologized, but sometime when you’re
? in Naples with your husband come and see me, I’ll show you how I’ve arranged
? everything. Her eyes were big and shining, she was excited by the effort of
? leaving no doubts about her prosperity. But that improbable future—Pietro and
? I coming to Naples and visiting her and Michele—must have appeared perilous.
? For a moment she was distracted, she had bad thoughts, and when she resumed
? her boasting she had lost faith in what she was saying, she began to change.
? I’ve been lucky, too, she repeated, yet she spoke without
? satisfaction—rather, with a kind of sarcasm addressed to herself. Carmen, she
? enumerated, ended up with the gas pump attendant on the stradone, Pinuccia is
? poisoned by that idiot Rino, Ada is Stefano’s whore. Instead, I have Michele,
? lucky me, who is handsome, intelligent, bosses everybody, is finally making
? up his mind to marry me and you see where he’s put me, you don’t know what a
? celebration he’s prepared—not even the Shah of Persia when he married Soraya
? had a wedding like ours. Yes, lucky I grabbed him as a child, I was the sly
? one. And she went on, but taking a self-*-five he was used to her, he didn’t
? even look at her anymore. He fucks here and there as he likes. The revulsion
? I feel, when someone asks how many children do you want and he brags, he
? says: Ask Gigliola, I already have children, I don’t even know how many. Does
? your husband say such things? Does your husband say: With Lenuccia I want
? three, with the others I don’t know? In front of everyone he treats me like a
? rag for wiping the floor. And I know why. He’s never loved me. He’s marrying
? me to have a faithful servant, that’s the reason all men get married. And he
? keeps saying to me: What the fuck am I doing with you, you don’t know
? anything, you have no intelligence, you have no taste, this beautiful house
? is wasted, with you everything becomes disgusting. She began to cry, saying
? between her sobs:
“對(duì)不起只搁，我這樣說，是因?yàn)槟阍谀潜緯飳懙膬?nèi)容俭尖。我很喜歡那本書氢惋，我知道你懂得這些痛苦』纾”
“I’m sorry, I’m talking like this because
? you wrote that book I liked, and I know you’ve suffered.”
“為什么你讓他對(duì)你說這些話焰望？”
“Why do you let him say those things to
? you?”
“那是因?yàn)槿绻贿@樣的話，他就不會(huì)娶我已亥⌒芾担”
“Because otherwise he won’t marry me.”
“在結(jié)婚之后，你要讓他付出代價(jià)虑椎≌痧模”
“But after the wedding make him pay for
? it.”
“有什么辦法？他根本就不在乎我捆姜，我現(xiàn)在從來都見不到他足陨，更何況以后了〗课矗”
“How? He doesn’t give a damn about me:
? even now I never see him, imagine afterward.”
“這樣我就不明白了墨缘。”
“Then I don’t understand you.”
“你不明白零抬，是因?yàn)槟悴皇俏夷魉稀Ｄ阒酪粋€(gè)男人愛的是另一個(gè)女人，你會(huì)不會(huì)和他結(jié)婚平夜？”
“You don’t understand me because you’re
? not me. Would you take someone if you knew very well that he was in love with
? someone else?”
我有些不安地看著她：
I looked at her in bewilderment:
“米凱萊有一個(gè)情人蝶棋？”
?“Michele has a lover?”
“有很多情人，他是個(gè)男人忽妒，到處都有情人玩裙，但這不是最關(guān)鍵的兼贸。”
“Lots of them, he’s a man, he sticks it
? in wherever he can. But that’s not the point.”
“什么才是最關(guān)鍵的吃溅∪艿”
“What is?”
“萊農(nóng)，我告訴你决侈，你不要對(duì)任何人說這件事情螺垢，否則米凱萊會(huì)把我殺了的±蹈瑁”
“Lenù, if I tell you you mustn’t repeat
? it to anyone, otherwise Michele will kill me.”
我向她保證枉圃，我也遵守了我的諾言：現(xiàn)在，我寫下這件事庐冯，那是因?yàn)樗呀?jīng)死了孽亲。她說：
I promised, and I kept the promise: I
? write it here, now, only because she’s dead. She said:
“他愛莉娜，他從來都沒有那樣愛過我展父，也不會(huì)像那樣愛任何人返劲。”
“He loves Lina. And he loves her in a way
? he never loved me, in a way he’ll never love anyone.”
“胡說犯祠⌒竦龋”
“Nonsense.”
“你不應(yīng)該說我這是胡說酌呆。萊農(nóng)衡载，你不相信的話，你就最好走人隙袁。這是真事兒痰娱。他就是在莉娜把裁皮刀放在馬爾切洛的脖子上的那天愛上她的，這難道是我自己編的菩收？這是他親口告訴我的梨睁。”
“You mustn’t say it’s nonsense, Lenù,
? otherwise it’s better that you go. It’s true. He’s loved Lina since the
? terrible day when she put the shoemaker’s knife to Marcello’s throat. I’m not
? making it up, he told me.”
她跟我講的這些事情娜饵，讓我內(nèi)心深處很不安坡贺。她說沒多久之前，就在那所房子里箱舞，有一天晚上遍坟，米凱萊喝醉了，就跟她坦白了自己有過多少女人晴股，數(shù)字很精確：一百二十二個(gè)愿伴，有的是付錢的，有的是免費(fèi)的电湘「艚冢“你也在這一百二十二個(gè)女人里鹅经，”他強(qiáng)調(diào)說，“但你不屬于那些讓我很享受的女人之列怎诫。你知道為什么嗎瘾晃？因?yàn)槟闶且粋€(gè)白癡，就是在X的時(shí)候刽虹，要X得好的話酗捌，也需要智慧。比如說涌哲，你連口X都不會(huì)胖缤，你沒有天分，跟你說也是白說阀圾，你做不到哪廓，我一下子就能感覺到，這讓你惡心初烘∥姓妫”他就這樣說了一會(huì)兒了，說的話越來越惡心肾筐，跟他在一起哆料，粗俗是基本的原則。然后吗铐，米凱萊想跟她把事情說清楚：他娶她东亦，是出于對(duì)她父親的尊敬，還有他們多年的交情唬渗，她父親是一個(gè)很有經(jīng)驗(yàn)的點(diǎn)心師傅典阵；他娶她，是因?yàn)槟腥丝傄欣掀藕秃⒆幽魇牛€有一個(gè)體面的家壮啊。但他不希望她有誤解，對(duì)于他來說撑蒜，吉耀拉什么都不算歹啼，娶了她，也不是把她供上祭壇座菠，他最愛的人并不是她狸眼，她不要覺得自己有權(quán)管他，惹他心煩辈灼。這都是很難聽的話份企，后來米凱萊自己也意識(shí)到了，他變得很憂傷巡莹。他嘀咕著說司志，對(duì)于他來說甜紫，女人都傻乎乎的，身上有一些可以玩的洞骂远，所有女人都一樣囚霸，除了一個(gè)。莉娜是在這個(gè)世界上激才，他唯一愛著的女人——他愛莉娜拓型，就像電影里的愛情，他尊敬她瘸恼×哟欤“他跟我說，”吉耀拉抽泣著說东帅，“莉娜一定知道怎么這棟房子裝修得很好压固，給她花錢，裝修這套房子靠闭，那對(duì)于他來說是一種享受帐我。他跟我說，和她在一起愧膀，他可以在那不勒斯變成一個(gè)頭面人物拦键。他跟我說：‘你記不記得，她是怎么處理那張婚紗照的檩淋？你記不記得她是怎么打理那家店鋪的芬为？你呢？皮諾奇婭還有其他女人狼钮，你們算什么碳柱，你們能搞出什么鳥捡絮？’”他跟她說了這些話熬芜，但還不止這些。他還說福稳，他每天都想著莉拉涎拉，日日夜夜，但不是一種普通的欲望的圆，對(duì)她的欲望不像他所熟悉的鼓拧。實(shí)際上，他不想要她越妈，也就是說季俩，他不想像要普通女人那樣要她，上她梅掠，把她翻過來酌住，轉(zhuǎn)過去店归，打開她，搞壞她酪我，把她踩在腳下消痛，凌辱她。他不是想得到她都哭，然后忘記她秩伞，他想要她滿腦子的主意，她充滿創(chuàng)意的想法欺矫。他要小心翼翼地對(duì)待她纱新，不損害她，讓她發(fā)展下去穆趴。他想要她怒炸，不是干她——把這個(gè)動(dòng)詞用到莉拉身上，這讓他很不安毡代。他要她是想吻她阅羹，撫摸她。他想接受她的撫摸教寂、幫助捏鱼、引導(dǎo)和命令。他想要她酪耕，是想看著她一年年的變化导梆，看她一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)變老。他想要和她交談迂烁，在她的幫助下思考看尼。“你明白嗎盟步？他就是這樣跟我說莉娜的藏斩，我是要和他結(jié)婚的人，他從來都沒有跟我這樣說過話却盘。我向你發(fā)誓狰域，事實(shí)就是這樣。然后他嘀咕著說：‘我哥哥馬爾切洛黄橘，還有斯特凡諾那個(gè)混蛋兆览，恩佐那個(gè)爛人，他們哪里懂得莉娜塞关？他們有沒有意識(shí)到自己所失去的抬探，還有他們會(huì)失去的？不帆赢，他們沒有這種智慧小压。只有我知道她是什么砰左，她是誰，我能看出來场航，想到她白白被浪費(fèi)掉了缠导，這讓我覺得痛苦「攘。’他就是這樣胡說八道僻造，發(fā)泄自己的憤恨。我就在那兒聽他說孩饼，我什么也沒有說髓削，后來他睡了過去。我看著他想：米凱萊真的是這樣的男人嗎镀娶？他能產(chǎn)生這種情感立膛，這不是他在說話，是另一個(gè)人梯码，是另一個(gè)我恨的人宝泵。我想：我現(xiàn)在趁著他睡著了，用刀砍死他轩娶，我要重新得到我的米凱萊儿奶。我一點(diǎn)兒也不恨莉拉。幾年以前鳄抒，我想殺死她闯捎，因?yàn)槊讋P萊不讓我在城里的鞋店工作，讓我回到甜食店的柜臺(tái)后面许溅，那時(shí)候瓤鼻，我感覺自己一文不值。但現(xiàn)在我已經(jīng)不恨她了贤重，這和她沒有任何關(guān)系茬祷，她一直都想擺脫所有這一切。她不像我這樣的笨蛋會(huì)嫁給米凱萊游桩，她永遠(yuǎn)都不會(huì)嫁給米凱萊牲迫。相反的耐朴，因?yàn)槊讋P萊一直都能得到所有他想得到的借卧，但對(duì)她卻束手無策，他已經(jīng)愛了莉娜很長時(shí)間了：至少有這么一個(gè)女人筛峭，會(huì)讓他屁滾尿流铐刘。”
And she told me things that disturbed me
? profoundly. She told me that not long before, in that very house, Michele had
? gotten drunk one night and told her how many women he had been with, the
? precise number: a hundred and twenty-two, paying and free. You’re on that
? list, he said emphatically, but you’re certainly not among those who gave me
? the most pleasure. You know why? Because you’re an idiot, and even to fuck
? well it takes a little intelligence. For example you don’t know how to give a
? blow job, you’re hopeless, and it’s pointless to explain it to you, you can’t
? do it, it’s too obvious that it disgusts you. And he went on like that for a
? while, making speeches that became increasingly crude; with him vulgarity was
? normal. Then he wanted to explain clearly how things stood: he was marrying
? her because of the respect he felt for her father, a skilled pastry maker he
? was fond of; he was marrying her because one had to have a wife and even
? children and even an official house. But there should be no mistake: she was
? nothing to him, he hadn’t put her on a pedestal, she wasn’t the one he loved
? best, so she had better not be a pain in the ass, believing she had some
? rights. Brutal words. At a certain point Michele himself must have realized
? it, and he became gripped by a kind of melancholy. He had murmured that women
? for him were all games with a few holes for playing in. All. All except one.
? Lina was the only woman in the world he loved—love, yes, as in the films—and
? respected. He told me, Gigliola sobbed, that she would have known how to
? furnish this house. He told me that giving her money to spend, yes, that
? would be a pleasure. He told me that with her he could have become truly
? important, in Naples. He said to me: You remember what she did with the
? wedding photo, you remember how she fixed up the shop? And you, and Pinuccia,
? and all the others, what the fuck are you, what the fuck do you know how to
? do? He had said those things to her and not only those. He had told her that
? he thought about Lila night and day, but not with normal desire, his desire
? for her didn’t resemble what he knew. In reality he didn’t want her. That is,
? he didn’t want her the way he generally wanted women, to feel them under him,
? to turn them over, turn them again, open them up, break them, step on them,
? and crush them. He didn’t want her in order to have sex and then forget her.
? He wanted the subtlety of her mind with all its ideas. He wanted her
? imagination. And he wanted her without ruining her, to make her last. He wanted
? her not to screw her—that word applied to Lila disturbed him. He wanted to
? kiss her and caress her. He wanted to be caressed, helped, guided, commanded.
? He wanted to see how she changed with the passage of time, how she aged. He
? wanted to talk with her and be helped to talk. You understand? He spoke of
? her in way that to me, to me—when we are about to get married—he has never
? spoken. I swear it’s true. He whispered: My brother Marcello, and that
? dickhead Stefano, and Enzo with his cheeky face, what have they understood of
? Lina? Do they know what they’ve lost, what they might lose? No, they don’t
? have the intelligence. I alone know what she is, who she is. I recognized
? her. And I suffer thinking of how she’s wasted. He was raving, just like
? that, unburdening himself. And I listened to him without saying a word, until
? he fell asleep. I looked at him and I said: how is it possible that Michele
? is capable of that feeling—it’s not him speaking, it’s someone else. And I
? hated that someone else, I thought: Now I’ll stab him in his sleep and take
? back my Michele. Lila no, I’m not angry with her. I wanted to kill her years
? ago, when Michele took the shop on Piazza dei Martiri away from me and sent
? me back behind the counter in the pastry shop. Then I felt like shit. But I
? don’t hate her anymore, she has nothing to do with it. She always wanted to
? get out of it. She’s not a fool like me, I’m the one marrying him, she’ll
? never take him. In fact, since Michele will grab everything there is to grab,
? but not her, I’ve loved her for quite a while: at least there’s someone who
? can make him shit blood.
我在那里聽著影晓，并試圖安慰她镰吵。我說：“假如他和你結(jié)婚檩禾，這就意味著，無論他說什么疤祭，他還是很在乎你的盼产，你不要太絕望∩坠荩”吉耀拉很用力地?fù)u了搖頭戏售，用手指抹了抹臉頰上的眼淚。你不了解他草穆，她說灌灾，沒人像我那么了解他。我問：
I listened, now and then I tried to play
? it down, to console her. I said: If he’s marrying you it means that, whatever
? he says, you’re important to him, don’t feel hopeless. Gigliola shook her
? head energetically, she dried her cheeks with her fingers. You don’t know
? him, she said, no one knows him like me. I asked:
“你覺得悲柱，他有沒有可能會(huì)失去理智锋喜，傷害到莉娜？”
“Could he lose his head, do you think,
? and hurt Lina?”
她的反應(yīng)有些激烈豌鸡，她感嘆了一聲嘿般，介乎干笑和抽泣之間。
She uttered a kind exclamation, between a
? laugh and a cry.
“他涯冠？傷害莉娜博个？他這些年是怎么做的，你沒有看到嗎功偿？他可以傷害我盆佣、你、任何人械荷，包括他父親共耍、他母親還有他哥哥。他可能會(huì)傷害所有莉娜在乎的人——她兒子吨瞎、恩佐痹兜。他可以肆無忌憚、冷血地對(duì)任何人颤诀，但是對(duì)莉娜本人字旭，他什么都做不出來⊙陆校”
“Him? Lina? Haven’t you seen how he’s
? behaved all these years? He could hurt me, you, anyone, even his father, his
? mother, his brother. He could hurt all the people Lina is attached to, her
? son, Enzo. And he could do it without a qualm, coldly. But to her, her
? person, he will never do anything.”
-*-
56
我決心走完我的探索之路遗淳，我繼續(xù)步行，走到了梅爾杰利納火車站心傀，最后我來到了馬爾蒂里廣場屈暗，這時(shí)候?yàn)踉坪艿停孟窬驮跇琼斏蠅褐Ｏ蛩骼羌腋呒?jí)鞋店走去時(shí)养叛，我確信暴風(fēng)雨隨時(shí)都會(huì)從天而降种呐。我看到了阿方索，他比我記憶中的還要帥氣弃甥，大眼睛爽室，長睫毛，嘴唇線條很精致淆攻，身體很纖細(xì)肮之，但同時(shí)也很強(qiáng)壯。因?yàn)閷W(xué)過拉丁語和希臘語的緣故卜录，他的意大利語有些不自然戈擒。他看到我很高興，一種發(fā)自內(nèi)心的高興艰毒。我們一起經(jīng)歷了初中和高中艱苦的幾年筐高，我們建立起了一種堅(jiān)固的友誼，即使很長時(shí)間沒見面了丑瞧，但我們馬上就熟絡(luò)起來了柑土，相互開起了玩笑。我們暢所欲言绊汹，話題跳來跳去稽屏，聊到了學(xué)校里的事情、老師們西乖、我出版的那本書狐榔、他的婚禮還有我的婚禮。是我跟他提到了莉拉获雕，他有些迷惑薄腻，他不想說莉拉的壞話，也不想說他哥哥和艾達(dá)的壞話届案。他只是說：
I decided to complete my exploratory
? tour. I walked to Mergellina and when I reached Piazza dei Martiri the black
? sky was so low that it seemed to be resting on the buildings. I hurried into
? the elegant Solara shoe store certain that the storm would burst at any
? moment. Alfonso was even more handsome than I remembered, with his big eyes
? and long lashes, his sharply drawn lips, his slender yet strong body, his
? Italian made slightly artificial by the study of Latin and Greek. He was
? genuinely happy to see me. The arduous years of middle school and high school
? we’d spent together had created an affectionate bond, and even though we
? hadn’t seen each other for a long time, we picked up again right away. We
? started joking. We talked easily, the words tumbling out, about our academic
? past, the teachers, the book I had published, his marriage, mine. It was I,
? naturally, who brought up Lila, and he became flustered, he didn’t want to
? speak ill of her, or of his brother, or Ada. He said only:
“事情到這一步庵楷，是可以預(yù)測的￠沟撸”
“It was predictable that it would end
? like this.”
“為什么尽纽？”
“Why?”
“你記不記得忌卤，我跟你說過擂送，莉娜讓我很害怕？”
“You remember when I told you that Lina
? scared me?”
“是的侥袜≌龆”
“Yes.”
“那不是害怕挎春，我是很久之后才明白的看疙《共Γ”
“It wasn’t fear, I understood much
? later.”
“那是什么直奋？”
“What was it?”
“一種陌生的吸引，一種又遠(yuǎn)又近的感覺施禾〗畔撸”
“Estrangement and belonging, an effect of
? distance and closeness at the same time.”
“也就是說？”
“Meaning what?”
“這是很難解釋的事情：我和你馬上就成為了朋友弥搞，我很喜歡你邮绿，但和她就不可能建立這種友好的關(guān)系。她身上有一種可怕的東西攀例，會(huì)讓我想跪在她面前船逮，告訴她我內(nèi)心深處的秘密≡撩”
“It’s hard to say: you and I became
? friends immediately, you I love. With her that always seemed impossible.
? There was something tremendous about her that made me want to go down on my
? knees and confess my most secret thoughts.”
我開玩笑說：“很好啊挖胃，這是一種宗教體驗(yàn)“鸸撸”
I said ironically: “Great, an almost
? religious experience.”
他還是那么嚴(yán)肅：“不是酱鸭，那是一種自愧不如的感覺。她幫助我學(xué)習(xí)的那段時(shí)間垛吗，那是很好的體驗(yàn)凹髓。她看一下課本，馬上就明白了怯屉，然后用一種簡單的方式給我講出來蔚舀。當(dāng)時(shí)我經(jīng)常想，我到現(xiàn)在也經(jīng)常想：假如我生下來是個(gè)女孩子的話锨络，我希望自己像她一樣蝗敢。實(shí)際上，在卡拉奇家里足删，我們倆都是外人寿谴，無論是我還是她，都不能久留失受，因此我從來都沒有怪罪她讶泰，我一直是站在她那邊的》鞯剑”
He remained serious: “No, only an
? admission of inferiority. But when she helped me study, that was great, yes.
? She would read the textbook and immediately understand it, then she’d
? summarize it for me in a simple way. There have been, and still are today,
? moments when I think: If I had been born a woman I would have wanted to be
? like her. In fact, in the Carracci family we were both alien bodies, neither
? she nor I could endure. So her faults never mattered to me, I always felt on
? her side.”
“斯特凡諾還生她的氣嗎痪署？”
“Is Stefano still angry with her?”
“我不知道，盡管他很恨莉娜兄旬，但他有太多麻煩要解決狼犯，現(xiàn)在莉娜是他最無關(guān)緊要的問題了余寥。”
“I don’t know. Even if he hates her, he
? has too many problems to be aware of it. Lina is the least of his troubles at
? the moment.”
對(duì)我來說悯森，他的這個(gè)斷論是誠懇的宋舷，也是可信的，我不再談?wù)摾蚶耙觥Ｎ议_始問起了他瑪麗莎的情況祝蝠，還有薩拉托雷一家人，最后問到了尼諾幻碱。他的回答很不具體绎狭，尤其是關(guān)于尼諾，現(xiàn)在沒有人——他跟我說褥傍，這是多納托的意愿——敢請(qǐng)他來參加這讓人無法忍受的婚禮儡嘶。
The statement seemed sincere and, above
? all, well founded. I put Lina aside. I went back instead to asking him about
? Marisa, the Sarratore family, finally Nino. He was vague about all of them,
? especially Nino, whom no one—by Donato’s wishes, he said—had dared to invite
? to the intolerable wedding that was in store for him.
“你不樂意結(jié)婚嗎？”我斗膽問了一句恍风。
“You’re not happy to be getting married?”
? I ventured.
他看著櫥窗蹦狂，外面雷電交加，但還沒有下雨邻耕。他說：“我不結(jié)婚也挺好的鸥咖。”
He looked out the window: there was
? lightning and thunder but still no rain. He said: “I was fine the way I was.”
“那瑪麗莎呢兄世？”
“And Marisa?”
“她不行啼辣，她這樣不行∮玻”
“No, she wasn’t fine.”
“你想讓她當(dāng)你一輩子女朋友鸥拧？”
“You wanted her to be your fiancée for
? life?”
“我不知道∠鹘猓”
“I don’t know.”
“因此最后你滿足了她的要求富弦。”
“So finally you’ve satisfied her.”
“她去找米凱萊了氛驮⊥蠊瘢”
“She went to Michele.”
我用難以置信的目光看著他。
I looked at him uncertainly.?
“找他做什么矫废？”
“In what sense?”
他笑了盏缤，是有些神經(jīng)質(zhì)的笑。
He laughed, a nervous laugh.
“她去找米凱萊蓖扑，他們聯(lián)合起來對(duì)付我唉铜。”
“She went to him, she set him against
? me.”
我當(dāng)時(shí)坐在一張墩狀沙發(fā)上律杠，他是背光站著的潭流，他的身體像電影里的斗牛士一樣竞惋，緊繃著。
I was sitting on a pouf, he was standing,
? against the light. He had a tense, compact figure, like the toreador in a
? bullfighting film.
“我不明白灰嫉，你娶瑪麗莎拆宛，是因?yàn)樗屗骼嬖V你，你應(yīng)該娶她熬甫？”
“I don’t understand: you’re marrying
? Marisa because she asked Solara to tell you that you had to do it?”
“我娶瑪麗莎胰挑，是不想得罪米凱萊蔓罚，是他把我安排到這店里的椿肩，他相信我的能力，我對(duì)他很感激豺谈≈Ｏ螅”
“I’m marrying Marisa in order not to
? upset Michele. He put me in here, he trusted my abilities, I’m fond of him.”
“你瘋了嗎？”
“You’re crazy.”
“你這么說茬末，是因?yàn)槟銈兌疾焕斫饷讋P萊厂榛，你們不知道他是什么樣的人±霾眩”他的臉有些扭曲击奶，枉然想忍住眼淚。最后他說：“瑪麗莎懷孕了责掏」窭”
“You say that because you all have the
? wrong idea about Michele, you don’t know what he’s like.” His face
? contracted, he tried vainly to hold back tears. He added, “Marisa is
? pregnant.”
“啊换衬！”
“Ah.”
原因是這個(gè)痰驱。我非常尷尬，我拉著他的一只手瞳浦，想讓他平靜下來担映。他很艱難地平靜下來了，對(duì)我說：
So that was the real reason. I took his
? hand, in great embarrassment I tried to soothe him. He became quiet with a
? great effort, and said:
“生活是一件很丑陋的事情叫潦，萊農(nóng)蝇完。”
“Life is a very ugly business, Lenù.”
“這不是真的矗蕊，瑪麗莎將是一個(gè)很好的妻子短蜕，也會(huì)是一個(gè)很好的母親“瓮祝”
“It’s not true: Marisa will be a good
? wife and a fine mother.”
“瑪麗莎怎么樣忿危，這關(guān)我屁事兒∶涣”
“I don’t give a damn about Marisa.”
“你不要夸張了铺厨《忻担”
“Now don’t overdo it.”
他眼睛盯著我，我覺得他在研究我解滓，就好像要搞清楚一件我沒有明說的事兒赃磨。他問：
He fixed his eyes on me, I felt he was? examining me as if to understand something about me that left him bewildered.? He asked:?
“莉娜對(duì)你什么都沒有說嗎？”
“Lina never said anything even to you?”
“她應(yīng)該對(duì)我說什么洼裤？”
“What should she have said?”
他搖了搖頭邻辉，忽然很開心。
He shook his head, suddenly amused.
“你看腮鞍，我說得對(duì)吧值骇？她不是個(gè)普通人。有一次移国，我跟她說了一個(gè)秘密吱瘩，我當(dāng)時(shí)很害怕，我要找個(gè)人說說我害怕的緣故迹缀。我就跟她說了使碾，她在那里仔細(xì)地聽我說，后來我就平靜下來了祝懂。對(duì)我來說票摇，和她談?wù)撨@件事情非常重要，我覺得她不是用耳朵聽砚蓬，而是用一個(gè)只有她才有的器官在聽矢门，那些話才變得可以接受。最后怜械，我沒有對(duì)她說颅和，就像通常人們會(huì)說的那樣：‘你要發(fā)誓，拜托了缕允，你不會(huì)背叛我峡扩。’但現(xiàn)在很明顯障本，假如她沒對(duì)你說這事兒教届，那她誰都沒有告訴，甚至是在對(duì)她來說最艱難的時(shí)刻驾霜，就是那些充滿仇恨案训，我哥哥打她的時(shí)候》嗖冢”
“You see I’m right? She is an unusual
? person. Once I told her a secret. I was afraid and I needed to tell someone
? the reason for my fear. I told her and she listened attentively, and I calmed
? down. It was important for me to talk to her, it seemed to me that she
? listened not with her ears but with an organ that she alone had and that made
? the words acceptable. At the end I didn’t ask her, as one usually does:
? swear, please, not to betray me. But it’s clear that if she hasn’t told you
? she hasn’t told anyone, not even out of spite, not even in the period that
? was hardest for her, when my brother hated her and beat her.”
我沒有打斷他强霎。讓我覺得難過的是，盡管我一直是他的朋友蓉冈，他對(duì)莉拉說了一些隱秘的事情城舞，但卻沒有對(duì)我說轩触。他似乎也覺察到了這一點(diǎn)，他想補(bǔ)償家夺。他緊緊地?fù)肀Я宋彝阎谖业亩叺吐曊f：
I didn’t interrupt him. I felt only that
? I was sorry because he had confided something to Lila and not to me, although
? I had been his friend forever. He must have realized that and he decided to
? make up for it. He hugged me tight, and whispered in my ear:
“萊農(nóng)，我是個(gè)飄飄拉馋，我不喜歡女的榨为。”
“Lenù, I’m a queer, I don’t like girls.”
當(dāng)我要離開時(shí)煌茴，他很尷尬地說：“我還以為你已經(jīng)看出來了呢随闺。”這讓我更加難過景馁，實(shí)際上板壮，對(duì)此我連想都沒有想過逗鸣。
When I was about to leave, he said
? softly, embarrassed: I’m sure you already knew. This increased my
? unhappiness; in fact it had never occurred to me.
