In order to live
最近花了兩個星期的時間，才看完了這本書于颖，看看停停，這本書寫的實在是太真實嚷兔，太傷感了森渐。
一個女孩在13歲到18歲之間經(jīng)歷了什么？
嚴密的監(jiān)視冒晰、常年的饑餓同衣、父親過世、姐姐走失壶运、母親被賣耐齐、被買賣、被強奸、常年的逃亡埠况，不被接受......
【TED】我的北韓逃亡耸携，沒有告訴你的：一個更具體、更沉重询枚、也更加血淋淋的世界
Even the Birds and Mice Can Hear You Whisper
The country I grew up in was not like the one my parents had known aschildren in the 1960s and 1970s.
When they were young, the state tookcare of everyone’s basic needs: clothes, medical care,food.
在60违帆、70年代，國家會照顧你的一切金蜀。
After the Cold War ended, the Communist countries that had been propping up the North Korean regime all but abandoned it, and our state-controlled economy collapsed.
North Koreans were suddenly on their own.
冷戰(zhàn)結(jié)束后刷后，國家經(jīng)濟崩潰，個人自力更生渊抄。
I was too young to realize how desperate things were becoming in thegrown-up world, as my family tried to adapt to the massive changes in NorthKorea during the 1990s.
After my sister and I were asleep, my parents wouldsometimes lie awake, sick with worry, wondering what they could do to keepus all from starving to death.
父母經(jīng)常擔(dān)心尝胆，我們會被餓死。
Anything I did overhear, I learned quickly not to repeat.
I was taughtnever to express my opinion, never to question anything.
I was taught tosimply follow what the government told me to do or say or think.
I actuallybelieved that our Dear Leader, Kim Jong Il, could read my mind, and I wouldbe punished for my bad thoughts.
And if he didn’t hear me, spies wereeverywhere, listening at the windows and watching in the school yard.
We allbelonged to inminban, or neighborhood“people’s units,”and we wereordered to inform on anyone who said the wrong thing.
在成長的過程中护桦，被密切監(jiān)視含衔。
We lived in fear, andalmost everyone—my mother included—had a personal experience thatdemonstrated the dangers of talking.
金日成之死惹來的麻煩。
I was only nine months old when Kim Il Sung died on July 8, 1994. NorthKoreans worshipped the eighty-two-year-old“Great Leader.”
九個月大的時候二庵，金日成死了贪染。人們陷入極大悲痛當中。
At the time ofhis death, Kim Il Sung had ruled North Korea with an iron grip for almostfive decades, and true believers—my mother included—thought that Kim IlSung was actually immortal.
His passing was a time of passionate mourning,and also uncertainty in the country.
The Great Leader’s son, Kim Jong Il, hadalready been chosen to succeed his father, but the huge void Kim Il Sung leftbehind had everyone on edge.
My mother strapped me on her back to join the thousands of mournerswho daily flocked to the plaza-like Kim Il Sung monument in Hyesan toweep and wail for the fallen Leader during the official mourning period.
Themourners left offerings of flowers and cups of rice liquor to show theiradoration and grief.
During that time, one of my father’s relatives was visiting from northeastChina, where many ethnic North Koreans lived.
在這期間父親的親戚來訪催享，并講述了一個他聽來的謠言杭隙。
Because he was a foreigner,he was not as reverent about the Great Leader, and when my mother cameback from one of her trips to the monument, Uncle Yong Soo repeated a story he had just heard.
The Pyongyang government had announced that Kim Il Sung had died of a heart attack, but Yong Soo reported that a Chinese friend told him he had heard from a North Korean police officer that it wasn’t true.
The real cause of death, he said, was hwa-byung—a common diagnosis in both North and South Korea that roughly translates into“disease caused by mental or emotional stress.”
謠言說金正日不是死于心臟病而是由精神壓力引起的火病（hwa-byung）
火病(朝鮮語:??)是朝鮮民族特有的文化遺存綜合癥(culture-bound syndrome)因妙，是一種精神疾病痰憎。這種疾病源自朝鮮民族以恨(?)為基礎(chǔ)的民族文化情緒，患者因在生活中遭遇苦惱卻無處發(fā)泄憤怒而出現(xiàn)精神疾病攀涵，在社會階層較低的更年期女性中尤為常見铣耘。表現(xiàn)出的癥狀為，胸悶及身體疲乏以故，失眠和神經(jīng)性厭食癥蜗细，性機能障礙癥并發(fā)之可能性也很大。
Yong Soo had heard that there were disagreements between Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong Il over the elder Kim’s plans to hold talks with South Korea. . . .
“Stop!”my mother said.
“Don’t say another word!”She was so upset that Yong Soo would dare to spread rumors about the regime that she had to be rude to her guest and shut him up.
The next day she and her best friend were visiting the monument to place more flowers when they noticed someone had vandalized the offerings.
作者的母親把她聽到的謠言告訴了她最好的朋友怒详。
“Oh, there are such bad people in this world!”her friend said.
“You are so right!”my mother said.“You wouldn’t believe the evil rumor that our enemies have been spreading.”
And then she told her friend about the lies she had heard.
然后她受到了官員的審查盤問鳄乏，以至于她甚至覺得自己會因此而死。
The following day she was walking across the Cloud Bridge when she noticed an official-looking car parked in the lane below our house, and a large group of men gathered around it.
She immediately knew something awful was about to happen.
The visitors were plainclothes agents of the dreaded bo-wi-bu, or National Security Agency, that ran the political prison camps and investigated threats to the regime.
Everybody knew these men could take you away and you would never be heard from again.
Worse, these weren’t locals; they had been sent from headquarters.
The senior agent met my mother at our door and led her to our neighbor’s house, which he had borrowed for the afternoon.
They both sat, and he looked at her with eyes like black glass.
“Do you know why I’m here?”he asked.
“Yes, I do,”she said.
“So where did you hear that?”he said.
She told him she’d heard the rumor from her husband’s Chinese uncle, who had heard it from a friend.
“What do you think of it?”he said.
“It’s a terrible, evil rumor!”she said, most sincerely.
“It’s a lie told by our enemies who are trying to destroy the greatest nation in the world!”
“What do you think you have done wrong?”he said, flatly.
“Sir, I should have gone to the party organization to report it.
I was wrong to just tell it to an individual.”
“No, you are wrong,”he said.
“You should never have let those words out of your mouth.”
Now she was sure she was going to die.
She kept telling him she was sorry, begging to spare her life for the sake of her two babies.
As we say in Korea, she begged until she thought her hands would wear off.
Finally, he said in a sharp voice that chilled her bones,“You must never mention this again.
Not to your friends or your husband or your children.
Do you understand what will happen if you do?”
She did. Completely.
Next he interrogated Uncle Yong Soo, who was nervously waiting with the family at our house.
My mother thinks that she was spared any punishment because Yong Soo confirmed to the agent how angry she had been when he told her the rumor.
When it was over, the agents rode away in their car.
My uncle went back to China.
When my father asked my mother what the secret police wanted from her, she said it was nothing she could talk about, and never mentioned it again.
My father went to his grave without knowing how close they had come to disaster.
嚴密監(jiān)視的后果棘利。就是父母在孩子成長的過程中，從來不對孩子說關(guān)心的話朽缴，只讓他們管好自己的嘴巴善玫，別亂說話。
Many years later, after she told me her story, I finally understood why when my mother sent me off to school she never said,“Have a good day,”or even,“Watch out for strangers.”
What she always said was,“Take care of your mouth.”
In most countries, a mother encourages her children to ask about everything, but not in North Korea.
As soon as I was old enough to understand, my mother warned me that I should be careful about what I was saying.
“Remember, Yeonmi-ya,”she said gently,“even when you think you’re alone, the birds and mice can hear you whisper.”
She didn’t mean to scare me, but I felt a deep darkness and horror inside me.
