偶然的機會看了一期的《奇葩說》恶耽，里面的一個小姐姐雖然現(xiàn)在我已經(jīng)忘記她的名字和長相密任，但她的故事依舊讓我記憶深刻。她是躁郁癥患者偷俭，她說有時候她會特別興奮浪讳，像是站在人生之巔，有時候也會很失落涌萤，失落到只想結(jié)束自己的生命淹遵。她很痛苦，每天這樣的來回切換负溪，讓她疲憊不堪透揣。
在我們看來，活著就行了唄川抡，可是她說她的痛苦遠遠是我們不能夠想象的辐真。她找不到活著的意義，不明白生命存在的意義崖堤，所以她努力向心理醫(yī)生尋求幫助侍咱。可是好像沒有人能夠給她一個能夠說服她的理由密幔。
當(dāng)時看到這些我也在想楔脯，我是活生生的，是鮮明的，可是我生存的意義在哪里？只是追求快樂横蜒？還是人生的意義就在于沒意義谅阿，只管往前走就可以了？
我也得不到準(zhǔn)確的答案溉苛。所以找到了這篇TED演講镜廉。
I used to think the whole purpose of lifewas pursuing happiness. Everyone said the path to happiness was success, so Isearched for that ideal job, that perfect boyfriend, that beautiful apartment.But instead of ever feeling fulfilled, I felt anxious and adrift. And I wasn'talone; my friends -- they struggled with this, too.我以前認為人生的目標(biāo)就是追求快樂。人人都說,成功是通往快樂的路,所以我去尋找理想的工作愚战、完美的男友娇唯、漂亮的公寓。但我沒有感到圓滿,反而覺得焦慮跟漫無目的寂玲。且不只有我這樣;我的朋友們──他們也有這種困擾塔插。
Eventually, I decided to go to graduateschool for positive psychology to learn what truly makes people happy. ButwhatI discovered there changed my life. The data showed that chasing happiness canmake people unhappy. And what really struck me was this: the suicide rate hasbeen rising around the world, and it recently reached a 30-year high in America. 我最后決定去研究所讀正向心理學(xué),去找出什么能讓人開心。但我在那兒的發(fā)現(xiàn),改變了我的人生拓哟。數(shù)據(jù)顯示,追求快樂會讓人不快樂想许。真正讓我震驚的是這點:全球的自殺率不斷攀升,最近在美國達到三十年來的新高。Even though life is getting objectively better by nearly every conceivablestandard, more people feel hopeless, depressed and alone. There's an emptinessgnawing away at people, and you don't have to be clinically depressed to feelit. Sooner or later, I think we all wonder: Is thisall there is? And accordingto the research, what predicts this despair is not a lack of happiness. It's alack of something else, a lack of having meaning in life.雖然客觀來說,生活變好了,從每個能想到的標(biāo)準(zhǔn)來看皆是如此,卻有更多人感到無助、沮喪流纹、及孤獨糜烹。有一種空虛感在侵蝕人們,并不需被臨床診斷出沮喪也能感覺到這個現(xiàn)象。我想,遲早我們都會想要知道:難道就只有這樣而已嗎?根據(jù)研究,絕望的原因并不是缺乏快樂,而是缺乏某樣?xùn)|西,是缺乏人生意義漱凝。
But that raised some questions for me. Isthere more to lifethan being happy? And what's the difference between beinghappy and having meaning in life? Many psychologists define happiness as astate of comfort and ease, feeling good in the moment. Meaning, though, isdeeper. 但這就讓我產(chǎn)生了一些問題疮蹦。難道人生不只是要快樂嗎?活得快樂和活得有意義之間有什么差別?許多心理學(xué)家把快樂定義為一種舒服自在的狀態(tài),在當(dāng)下感覺很好。而意義則更深茸炒。
The renowned psychologist Martin Seligman says meaning comes frombelonging to and serving something beyond yourself and from developing the bestwithin you. Our culture is obsessed with happiness, but I came to see thatseeking meaning is the more fulfilling path. And the studies show that peoplewho have meaning in life, they're more resilient, they do better in school andat work, andthey even live longer.知名心理學(xué)家馬丁賽里格曼說,意義來自歸屬感愕乎、致力于超越自我之外的事物,以及從內(nèi)在發(fā)展出最好的自己。我們的文化對「快樂」相當(dāng)癡迷,但我發(fā)現(xiàn),尋找意義才是更讓人滿足的道路壁公。且研究指出,有人生意義的人適應(yīng)力也會比較強,他們在學(xué)校及職場的表現(xiàn)較佳,他們甚至活得比較久感论。
So this all made me wonder: How can we eachlive moremeaningfully? To find out, I spent five years interviewing hundredsof people and reading through thousands of pages of psychology, neuroscienceand philosophy. Bringing it all together, I found that there are what I callfour pillars of a meaningful life. And we can each create lives of meaning bybuilding some or all of these pillars in our lives.所以這一切讓我開始想,我們每個人要如何活得有意義?為了找出答案,我花了五年時間,訪談了數(shù)百人,閱讀了數(shù)千頁的心理學(xué)、神經(jīng)科學(xué)贮尖、及哲學(xué)笛粘。把這些匯整起來,我發(fā)現(xiàn)了一件事,我稱之為「人生意義的四大支柱」。我們可以彼此相互建立起這些支柱,在彼此的人生中找到人生的意義湿硝。The first pillar isbelonging. Belongingcomes from being in relationships where you're valued for who you areintrinsically and where you value others as well. But some groups andrelationships deliver a cheap form of belonging; you're valued for what youbelieve, for who you hate, not for who you are. True belonging springs fromlove. It lives in moments among individuals, and it's a choice -- you canchoose to cultivate belonging with others.第一根支柱是歸屬感薪前。歸屬感來自于一種關(guān)系,一種你與他人在本質(zhì)上彼此是否處在相互珍惜的關(guān)系中。但有些群體或關(guān)系,提供的是廉價形式的歸屬感;你被重視的原因是因為你所相信的事物关斜、你對人的好惡示括、而不是你的本質(zhì)。真正的歸屬感源自于愛痢畜。它存在于個體間共處的時光當(dāng)中,且它是一種選擇──你可以選擇與他人培養(yǎng)歸屬感
Here's an example. Each morning, my friendJonathan buys a newspaper from the same street vendor in New York. They don'tjust conduct a transaction, though. They take a moment to slow down, talk, andtreat each other like humans. But one time, Jonathan didn't have the rightchange, and the vendor said, 'Don't worry about it.' But Jonathaninsisted on paying, so he went to the store and bought something he didn't needto make change. But when he gave the money to the vendor, the vendor drew back.He was hurt. He was trying to do something kind, but Jonathan had rejected him.舉例來說,每天早晨,我在紐約的朋友強納森都會向同一個街頭小販買一份報紙垛膝。不過,他們并不是只有交易的關(guān)系。他們會停下來,花點時間說說話,把彼此當(dāng)朋友對待丁稀。但有一次,強納森的零錢不夠,小販說:「沒關(guān)系不用了啦吼拥。」但強納森堅持要付錢,所以他去一家店,買了他不需要的東西,把鈔票找開线衫。但當(dāng)他把錢給小販時,小販退縮了凿可。他感到受傷。他試著想表現(xiàn)友好,但強納森拒絕了他授账。
I think we all reject people in small wayslike this withoutrealizing it. I do. I'll walk by someone I know and barelyacknowledge them. I'll check my phone when someone's talking to me. These actsdevalue others. They make them feel invisible and unworthy. But when you leadwith love, you create a bond that lifts each of you up.
我想,我們都曾像這樣在小地方拒絕別人卻沒有意識到枯跑。我就有過。我會從認識的人旁邊走過,卻沒跟他們打招呼白热。當(dāng)有人在跟我說話時,我會看手機敛助。這類行為是在貶低別人的價值,讓他們覺得自己是隱形的、不值得的屋确。但若用愛來引導(dǎo),你就會創(chuàng)造出一種聯(lián)結(jié),讓你們彼此都振奮起來纳击。 For many people, belonging is the mostessential source of meaning, those bonds to family and friends. For others, thekey to meaning is the second pillar: purpose. Now, finding your purpose is notthe same thing as finding that job that makes you happy. Purpose is less aboutwhat you want than about what you give. A hospital custodian told me herpurpose is healing sick people. Many parents tell me, 'My purpose israising my children.' The key to purpose is using your strengths to serveothers. 對很多人來說,歸屬感是人生意義的重要來源,就是與家人及朋友之間的聯(lián)結(jié)续扔。對其他人來說,第二根人生意義的支柱是目的。找到你的目的并不是指找到讓你快樂的工作评疗。目的的重點是你能給予什么,而不是你想要什么测砂。一位醫(yī)院管理員告訴我,她的目的是治愈生病的人。很多家長告訴我:「我的目的是扶養(yǎng)我的孩子百匆∑鲂」目標(biāo)的關(guān)鍵在于用你的力量去服務(wù)他人。
Of course, for many of us, that happens through work. That's how wecontribute and feel needed. But that also means that issues like disengagementat work, unemployment, low labor force participation -- these aren't justeconomic problems, they're existential ones, too. Without something worthwhileto do, people flounder. Of course, you don't have to find purpose at work, butpurpose gives you something to live for, some 'why' that drives youforward.當(dāng)然,對很多人而言,這是透過工作來達成的加匈。那是我們做出貢獻和感到被需要的方式存璃。但這也意味著,像是無心工作、失業(yè)雕拼、低勞動參與率等等議題──這些不僅是經(jīng)濟問題,也是存在主義問題纵东。人們?nèi)魶]有值得去做的事,就會掙扎折騰。當(dāng)然,你不需要從工作中找到目的,但目的能讓你有活下去的意義,有驅(qū)使你向前行的「理由」啥寇。
The third pillar of meaning is also aboutstepping beyond yourself, but in a completely different way: transcendence.Transcendent states are those rare moments when you're lifted above the hustleand bustle of daily life, your sense of self fades away, and you feelconnectedto a higher reality. For one person I talked to, transcendence came from seeingart. For another person, it was at church. 第三根人生意義的支柱,也和走出自我有關(guān),但用的方式完全不同:超然偎球。超然的狀態(tài)是很少見的時刻,在這個時刻中,你超脫了日常生活的喧囂擾攘,自我感正在漸漸消褪,你會感覺到和更高的現(xiàn)實產(chǎn)生連結(jié)。跟我談過的其中一個人說,超然來自于欣賞藝術(shù)辑甜。另一個人則認為,超然是在教堂中衰絮。For me, I'm a writer, and it happensthrough writing. Sometimes I get so in the zone that I lose all sense of timeand place. These transcendent experiences can change you. One study hadstudents look up at200-feet-tall eucalyptus trees for one minute. Butafterwards they felt less selfcentered, and they even behaved more generouslywhen given the chance to help someone.對我來說,我是作家,而超然是透過寫作發(fā)生的。有時候我太投入會有一種忘我的境界磷醋。這些超然的經(jīng)驗?zāi)芨淖兡忝怠Ｓ幸豁椦芯渴亲寣W(xué)生去看200英呎高的尤加利樹,看一分鐘,之后他們會比較不自我中心,若給他們機會去幫助別人,他們連行為都會變得更慷慨。Belonging, purpose, transcendence. Now, thefourth pillar of meaning, I've found, tends to surprise people. Thefourthpillar is storytelling, the story you tell yourself about yourself. Creating anarrative from the events of your life brings clarity. It helps you understandhow you became you. But we don't always realize that we're the authors of ourstories and can change the way we're telling them. Your life isn't just a listof events. You can edit, interpret and retell your story, even as you'reconstrained by the facts.歸屬感邓线、目的淌友、超然。接著談?wù)勎野l(fā)現(xiàn)的第四根支柱,它常會令人感到驚訝骇陈。第四根支柱就是說故事,你告訴你自己關(guān)于你自己的故事震庭。用你人生中的事件來創(chuàng)造一個故事。用你人生中的事件來創(chuàng)造一個故事,能讓你看得更清楚你雌。它能協(xié)助你了解你是怎么變成你的归薛。但我們通常沒發(fā)現(xiàn),我們故事的作者就是自己,且我們可以改變說故事的方式。你的生命并不只一連串的事件匪蝙。即便你被事實給限制住,你仍可以編輯、詮釋习贫、再重新述說你的故事逛球。
Eventually, I left home for college andwithout the daily grounding of Sufism in my life, I felt unmoored. And Istarted searching for those things that make life worth living. That's what setme on this journey. Looking back, I now realize that the Sufi house had a realculture of meaning. The pillars were part of the architecture, and the presenceof the pillars helped us all live more deeply.最后,我離開家去讀大學(xué),我的人生中少了蘇菲教徒每天的基礎(chǔ)練習(xí),感覺像是船的纜繩被解開。我開始尋找有什么能讓我的人生值得活苫昌。就是這個原因讓我踩上這段旅程〔疲現(xiàn)在回頭看,
我發(fā)現(xiàn)那間蘇菲房舍有著一種有意義的真實文化。那些支柱是建筑的一部份,而支柱的出現(xiàn),讓我們都能過更有深度的生活。
Of course, the same principle applies inother strong communities as well - good ones and bad ones. Gangs, cults: theseare cultures of meaning that use the pillars and give people something to liveand die for. But that's exactly why we as a society must offer betteralternatives. We need to build these pillars within our families and ourinstitutions to help people become their best selves. But living a meaningfullife takes work. It's an ongoing process. As each day goes by, we're constantlycreating our lives, adding to our story. And sometimes we can get off track.當(dāng)然,同樣的原則也適用于其他強大的社群──好的和壞的都包含在內(nèi)奥务。幫派物独、邪教:這些也是有意義的文化,它們利用這些支柱,給予人們活著和犧牲的意義。但那就是為什么,我們身為一個社會,必須要提供更好的替代方案氯葬。我們需要在我們的家庭及習(xí)俗制度當(dāng)中建立這些支柱,來協(xié)助人們變成最好的自己挡篓。但一定要花心力,才能讓人生過得有意義。它是一個持續(xù)的過程帚称。隨著每一天過去,我們不斷地創(chuàng)造我們的人生,擴增我們的故事官研。有時,我們可能會誤入歧途。Whenever that happens to me, I remember apowerfulexperience I had with my father. Several months after I graduated fromcollege, my dad had a massive heart attack that should have killed him. Hesurvived, and when I asked him what was going through his mind as he faceddeath, he said all he could think about was needing to live so he could bethere for my brother and me, and this gave himthe will to fight for life. Whenhe went under anesthesia for emergency surgery, instead of counting backwardsfrom 10, he repeated our names like a mantra. He wanted our names to be thelast words he spoke on earth if he died.每當(dāng)我遇到這狀況時,我會想起我與父親的一段經(jīng)歷,很有影響力的經(jīng)歷闯睹。我從大學(xué)畢業(yè)后幾個月,我父親罹患了嚴重的心臟病,本來他應(yīng)該性命難保戏羽。他活下來了,我問他,當(dāng)他在面對死亡時,腦中想著的是什么,他說,他唯一能想的,就是必須活下來,這樣他才能陪伴我弟弟和我,這點讓他有意志力能拼命活下來。當(dāng)他被麻醉準(zhǔn)備接受緊急手術(shù)時,他做的不是從10開始倒數(shù),他把我們的名字像祈禱文般地覆頌楼吃。如果他會死,他希望他在世上說的最后幾個字是我們的名字始花。
My dad is a carpenter and a Sufi. It's ahumble life, but a good life. Lying there facing death, he had a reason tolive: love. His sense of belonging within his family, his purpose
as a dad, histranscendent meditation, repeating our names -- these, he says, are the reasonswhy he survived. That's the story he tells himself.我的父親是個木匠也是個蘇菲教徒。他的人生是謙恭的人生,但很美好的人生孩锡。躺在那里,面對死亡,他有一個活下去的理由:愛酷宵。他在他的家庭中的歸屬感、他身為一名父親的目的浮创、他超然的冥想,不斷覆頌我們的名字──他說,這些是他活下來的原因忧吟。那是他告訴他自己的故事。That's the power of meaning. Happinesscomes and goes. But when life is really good and when things are really bad,having meaning gives you something to hold on to.那就是意義的力量斩披×镒澹快樂來來去去。但當(dāng)人生真的很美好時,當(dāng)事情真的很糟糕時,若人生有意義,你就會有可以緊緊抓住的東西垦沉。
歸屬感煌抒，目的，超然厕倍，愛寡壮，不得不承認這些個詞都意義非凡。我們一生都在追求讹弯，可每個人得到了結(jié)果又大相徑庭况既，但不管怎么樣，都希望我們能夠超越現(xiàn)在的自己组民，活的很精彩棒仍。
