Today, I went running. My girlfriend was so surprised at the fact that I'm exercising that she accused me of making it up so I could cheat on her. I'm just trying to get in shape. FML
今天腔召，我出去跑步來著，中間給女朋友發(fā)了個照片店展，結果她認為我的圖是批的苛坚。老子只是想保持體型好不好予权。(欠日的)FML
Today, a kid on a bike passed me and commented on my "big fat butt." Recognizing him from the neighborhood, I told my husband to go speak to his parents about the inappropriate comment. It turns out his father is the man who yesterday commented on my "big bouncing tits." FML
今天壳快，一個頭像是坐在一輛自行車上的孩子加了我的微博(facebook)邻薯，并留言說我是“大胖屁股”粥喜。我從他的照片里面看到其實就是我們家隔壁的小孩，于是我讓我老公去告訴他的父母這個孩子多么討厭缴川。我老公回來之后告訴我茉稠，這個孩子的爸爸就是是昨天留言說我像一只“嘰嘰喳喳的麻雀”的人。 （真是嗶了狗了）FML
Today, I went to the gym to try to get into shape. While I was running on the treadmill, my beer belly pushed against the emergency stop button, twice. FML
今天把夸，我去健身房鍛煉身體而线。當我在跑步機上跑步的時候，老子的啤酒肚對著緊急停車按鈕推了兩次扎即。FML
Today, I was having a pleasant jog, that is until I was struck by the terrible feeling of an oncoming turd. Being only about 20 minutes from home, I thought I could make it back without letting the beast out. I was so wrong. The only thing I'm grateful for is that I was carrying the Sunday paper. FML
今天吞获，我打算在自己家附近進行一次慢跑，開的時候一直很棒谚鄙，直到突然之間感到了洶涌的屎意各拷。當時離家只有20分鐘，我就想忍到家得了闷营，拉在路邊挺不好的烤黍。結果我錯了，如果不是我?guī)е瞧谌盏膱蠹埖脑捝得耍F(xiàn)在后果肯定不堪設想速蕊。FML
Today, I was playing tug of war with my dog. She let go and I ended up punching myself in the mouth. My lip is still swollen. FML
今天，我和我的狗玩拔河娘赴。結果丫居然撒嘴了规哲，結果我就碰到嘴了，到現(xiàn)在嘴唇還是腫的诽表。FML(臥槽)
Today, while working at the bar, I had a beautiful woman squeeze my bicep and tell me I was in amazing shape. Instead of flirting like any normal human being, I awkwardly said, "Thanks…" and then walked away in shame. FML
今天唉锌，在酒吧工作的時候一個美女抓了一下我的胸肌，跟我講你的肌肉真的太迷人了竿奏。老子居然尷尬的說了聲：“謝謝……”然后低著頭走開了袄简。說好的調(diào)情呢，臥槽泛啸，F(xiàn)ML
