Chapter 4 compare to who you were yesterday not to who someone else is today
與自己對比而不要與別人比較
Inside us dwells an internal critical voice that knows there are people who are always better than us. Thus it condemns our mediocre efforts. The self-denigrating internal voice makes us doubt the value of our endevors, our life and beliefs. It undermines our motivation to do anything at all.
2 sides of the problem: on the one hand self criticism is necessary, on the other everyone is singular being having their own particular specific problems with specific context.
We know the voice has its values but also downside:makes it difficult for life. A popular solution by many psychologist suggest is to positive illusion, to lie about the real situation, but this is even more devastating,because it means that "things are so terrible that only delusion can save you." The author believes that criticism is necessary and there should be standards, and condemns the idea of value-free choice, because he believes value judgment is the precondition for action.
The author gives the following advices:
1. There are many good games instead of one, which means if you don't succeed at one, you can try another by picking one that better suits your strengths, weakness and situation. And play many games, judge yourself across all the games you play. You may be a good father, a good team player if not leader, a good guitar player. Here the author comes up with a very phisophical idea: to get to know yourself and build our own standards of value. Here quotes the author " I’m talking about determining the nature of your moral obligation, to yourself. Should might enter into it, because you are nested within a network of social obligations. Should is your responsibility, and you should live up to it. But this does not mean you must take the role of lap-dog, obedient and harmless. That’s how a dictator wants his slaves." We have to know what we want not noly what we should.
2. Seek the moment and live today. We live within a framework that defines the present as eternally lacking and the future is better, so it easily to denigrate/overlook the present/current life. What we should do? First, take stock of life's inadequency and then understand "happiness is always to be found in the journey uphill, and not in the fleeting sense of satisfaction awaiting at the next peak."? Second, aim small. Set easy goals for short term of time at first, try to accomplish the goals and stick to it.
3. Widen your horizon, make your vision bigger. If we hold on to our desires too tightly so that we can not see anything else. You want something too much, you do not get it."We only see what we aim at. The rest of the world (and that’s most of it) is hidden. If we start aiming at something different—something like “I want my life to be better”—our minds will start presenting us with new information, derived from the previously hidden world, to aid us in that pursuit. "
Quote about faith “faith isnot the childish belief magic. it is instead the realization that the tragic irrationality of life must be counterbalanced bythe equally irrational commitment to the essential goodness of being”.
4. Ask 3 questions: is there something bothering me? could i fix it? would i be willing to fix it? break them down to parts,start from the small aims, gain self control.
