孩子的身份認(rèn)同感和價(jià)值觀是很脆弱的，那是由追求愉悅感和避免疼痛兩個(gè)基本訴求驅(qū)動(dòng)的鸭叙，小孩子比較趨向于追求愉悅感，青少年則會(huì)考慮避免痛苦杠人，相比較之下宋下，青少年的思維體系稍微成熟了一點(diǎn)。
A young child’s identity is therefore very small and fragile. It is constituted by simply what gives pleasure and what avoids pain. Susie likes chocolate. She is afraid of dogs. She enjoys coloring. She is often mean to her brother. This is the extent of Susie’s identity because her Thinking Brain has not yet developed enough meaning to create coherent stories for her. It’s only when she’s old enough to ask what the pleasure is for, what the pain is for, that she can develop some meaningful narratives for herself, and establish identity.
一個(gè)少年說(shuō)愛(ài)你罩引，但是這樣的愛(ài)是有償?shù)闹Ρ浚菢拥膼?ài)僅僅是情緒的驅(qū)動(dòng)揭蜒，是為了獲得相應(yīng)的回報(bào)才說(shuō)出口的剔桨。而一個(gè)成年人的愛(ài)是無(wú)條件的，不會(huì)去要求任何回報(bào)也不會(huì)在意任何痛苦洒缀。
An adolescent will say he loves you, but his conception of love is that he is getting something in return, that love is merely an emotional swap meet, where you each bring everything you have to offer and haggle with each other for the best deal. An adult will love freely without expecting anything in return because an adult understands that that is the only thing that can make love real. An adult will give without seeking anything in return, because to do so defeats the purpose of a gift in the first place.
