本文原載于 《衛(wèi)報(bào)》?

譯者：高浦銘 & 黃倩霞?

校對(duì)：倪婷

Why do relationships end? You asked Google – here’s the answer

你問谷歌：為什么一段親密關(guān)系會(huì)走向結(jié)束讲岁？答案在這里

Lingchi, or death by a thousand cuts, may have been outlawed in China by 1905, but the practice is still very much alive and well in the kitchens, bathrooms and Homebase car parks of disintegrating couples. We may have swapped knives for shopping receipts, blades for damp washing, swords for unwashed cups, but the principle is just the same: death by a series of injuries too small in themselves to kill.

凌遲（通過千刀萬剮來處決罪犯的行刑）已在1905年被清朝廢除缓艳， 但是當(dāng)夫妻雙方間出現(xiàn)裂痕阶淘，類似于“凌遲”的一幕幕就在廚房舶治、浴室、自家的停車位上演了——尖刀可能變成了購物收據(jù)尺锚，刀鋒換成了剛洗過的衣物瘫辩，利劍換可能變?yōu)闆]洗過的杯子坛悉，但是道理其實(shí)是一樣的：通過一連串無法直接致人于死地的微小創(chuàng)傷來殺死對(duì)方裸影。

A wise man (with at least one divorce under his belt) once told me that nobody breaks up over adultery, but over the way you talk at dinner. Twenty years and two long-term relationships later, I am starting to agree with him. That your partner doesn’t drink tea; that they sulked at your great-uncle’s birthday party; that you don’t like the way they cut onions; that they hang up the phone without saying goodbye; that you found yourself thinking about the electricity bill while you were having sex; that they read their phone when you’re eating; that you hate their jeans; that they bought square plates for your flat; that you can’t agree what to watch on television; that they say nothing after burping; that you say nothing after farting – these are why relationships end. They deepen like a coastal shelf until you can no longer stand; they build up like the layers of silt at the bottom of a lake until, suddenly, all the water has run out and you are left with nothing. Just two unhappy people, standing up to their waist in mud.

一個(gè)至少離過一次婚的聰明男人曾告訴我轩猩，沒有哪一對(duì)是因?yàn)榘閭H不忠而分開的均践，他們分手是因?yàn)橐黄鸪酝盹垥r(shí)跟對(duì)方聊不來。我在之后的二十年里經(jīng)歷了兩段長期的戀愛關(guān)系鞭铆，現(xiàn)在開始贊同他的這一說法车遂。分手的原因可能是：你的伴侶不喜歡喝茶，在你舅姥爺?shù)纳丈细闵鷲灇饧瓒睿话蜒笫[切成片兒椒涯，而不是切成粒兒废岂；她（他）掛電話時(shí)沒說再見『或是你在跟她（他）啪啪啪時(shí)還在三心二意地想著沒交的電費(fèi)财骨；你在跟她（他）吃飯時(shí)隆箩，對(duì)方一直在看手機(jī)；你討厭對(duì)方的牛仔褲杨蛋；她（他）給你們的公寓買的是方形板逞力；你們倆要看的電視節(jié)目不一樣糠爬；對(duì)方打完嗝或放了個(gè)屁后执隧，若無其事地不表達(dá)歉意殴玛。這些裂痕越來越深，就像向下陷沿海大陸架寻仗，直到有一天署尤，你撐不住了曹体；就像湖底越積越多的泥沙箕别，直到湖水突然都流走了，你什么也沒剩下除抛。只剩下兩個(gè)不快樂的人站在末過腰際的淤泥里到忽。

under one's belt

在以往的經(jīng)歷中

Of course people do, sometimes, break up over big things. According to the Office for National Statistics, data from 2012 (the latest year published) showed that one in seven divorces in the UK were granted as a result of adultery. That’s a fair few. Although it still, to my scab-picking mind, leaves six out of seven divorces unaccounted for. That’s a majority of divorces in a state of sexless destruction. What’s happening there? Less than 1% of divorces were granted because of desertion. And while 44% of female murder victims (compared with 6% of male victims) were killed by partners or ex-partners, violent death is still quite a small factor in why relationships end, despite what our dreams may suggest.

除了生活中的瑣事外喘漏，有時(shí)候华烟，一些重要的事也會(huì)導(dǎo)致人們分開垦江。英國國家統(tǒng)計(jì)局公布的2012年調(diào)查數(shù)據(jù)顯示比吭，因伴侶不忠導(dǎo)致離婚的占1/7，所占比例相當(dāng)?shù)桶陕５撜{(diào)查并未說明其余6/7離婚的離婚原因检诗。離婚中有很大一部分因無性婚姻破壞夫妻感情而導(dǎo)致逢慌。 到底發(fā)生了什么呢攻泼？只有不到1%的離婚是由于配偶的遺棄鉴象。盡管因謀殺致死的女性中 44%的受害者被其配偶或前配偶?xì)⒑ε；叮噍^之下傍睹，男性謀殺受害者中這一比例只占6%，但是“暴力致死”只是導(dǎo)致感情破裂的一個(gè)微小因素骚亿，盡管我們經(jīng)常會(huì)在夢(mèng)里看到類似的場景熊赖。

Perhaps it would be more interesting to say that the small, daily incivilities – the apologies unspoken, the kisses that go unkissed, the meals that pass in silence, the money that is wasted – lay the groundwork for the big things to erupt. Infidelity happens, perhaps, when one partner or the other is looking to plug a hole – not just a physical one but an emotional one, a personal one, a psychological one laid bare by months and years of ugly lampshades, boring weekends and lukewarm pasta bakes.

或許正是因?yàn)槿粘Ｉ钪幸恍┬〉牟蛔⒁狻鐩]有向?qū)Ψ降狼福瑳]有親吻對(duì)方传趾，給對(duì)方遞飯時(shí)沒搭理她（他）浆兰，買不該買的東西珊豹，這些瑣事日積月累最終導(dǎo)致大爆發(fā)簸呈。當(dāng)配偶出軌時(shí)，也許總會(huì)有一方想要采取主動(dòng)來挽救這段關(guān)系店茶，不僅從肉體上蜕便，而且從情感上、個(gè)體上及精神上進(jìn)行補(bǔ)救贩幻，而這些裂痕是由于長年累月的瑣事導(dǎo)致：例如轿腺，嫌棄燈罩太丑啦，周末沒意思丛楚，或者芝士烤意面做的不熱啦族壳。

Separation is perhaps the inevitable endpoint of eating at different times, sleeping on the sofa because you got home late, choosing to go on holiday with someone else, watching different things on your phones instead of going to the cinema and making plans in which the other is not included. “Unreasonable behaviour” as the courts call it, is perhaps the grandchild of its forebears; laziness, disinterest, resentment, boredom and taking one another for granted.

吃飯時(shí)間不同步、晚回家而睡沙發(fā)趣些、和別人去旅行决侈、寧愿各自看手機(jī)也不一起去電影院看一場電影功茴、未來的規(guī)劃里沒有對(duì)方的存在展父。樁樁件件累積下來篮绿，分開是無可避免的結(jié)局吼虎。（離婚）訴訟中所稱的“不合理行為”或許是感情生活中長期存在的懶性、冷漠洒疚、怨懟愿伴、厭煩或?qū)Ρ舜肆?xí)以為常的產(chǎn)物。

Then there is the matter of basic incompatibility. Growing up with two parents involved in literally a 19-year break-up, I could see even from a young age that the volcanic arguments, occasional violence and public displays of aggression were not just the result of seething, growing, building resentment over little things, but the simple fact that the relationship had been a bad idea from the start.

此外，還存在本質(zhì)上的不相容。我的父母婚姻關(guān)系破裂强胰，我從小在這樣的環(huán)境中度過了19年玄窝。很小的時(shí)候我就開始認(rèn)識(shí)到帽氓，伴侶之間火山爆發(fā)般的激烈爭吵典阵、偶爾的暴力行為以及公然表現(xiàn)出來的挑釁并不是在小的事情上觸發(fā)和累積的怨恨的結(jié)果，而是因?yàn)檫@段關(guān)系從一開始就是錯(cuò)的歹啼。

seethe /si:e/? verb? to feel very angry but to be unable or unwilling to express it clearly 憋氣拓萌；生悶氣

We may drift apart, argue and despair over snoring, drinking, socks left in the hallway, always being the one to go to the supermarket, turning down the heating, turning up the heating and turning off the heating altogether, but sometimes what we’re really doing is standing in front of another person and realising with a cold, blank, deep and lurching horror that we were wrong. We made a bad call. We both took the wrong choice. Under these circumstances ending a relationship isn’t just healthy, timely, sensible and brave – it could become genuinely life-saving.

我們可能會(huì)因?yàn)閷?duì)方睡覺打呼炕倘、愛喝酒眶诈、在走廊里亂丟襪子、去超市購物的人總是自己帐我、調(diào)高調(diào)低還是關(guān)掉空調(diào)等等種種諸如此類的事情而漸行漸遠(yuǎn)芬为、產(chǎn)生爭吵直至陷入絕望日戈。但有時(shí)候我們?cè)诿鎸?duì)對(duì)方時(shí)，帶著發(fā)自內(nèi)心深處的冷靜、茫然而又劇烈的恐懼，意識(shí)到這段關(guān)系是錯(cuò)誤的酪我。我們選錯(cuò)了人。我們對(duì)于對(duì)方都是一個(gè)錯(cuò)誤的選擇。這時(shí)候結(jié)束一段不健康的關(guān)系是及時(shí)、理智且勇敢的舉動(dòng)空入，甚至可以說是在挽救自己的生命埋凯。

Like the rest of the world, I stood back in goggle-eyed wonder and watched Anthony Scaramucci burn through more break-ups in 10 days than some of us manage in 10 years. Professional, personal and public – all gone in a blink, like a strike-anywhere match. But those sort of big-ticket endings are compulsive, precisely because they’re rare. For most of us, in most scenarios, relationships end through a slow, dispiriting process of attrition. Like rocks, grinding unhappily against each other on the shore, we wear each other down and weaken at the seams until we are left with nothing but a smooth, hard, pebble of an ending.

看到安東尼·斯卡拉穆奇（AnthonyScaramucci媳拴，前白宮發(fā)言人——譯者注） 在10天之內(nèi)經(jīng)歷了那么多變故，既丟了工作又失去了婚姻椰于，我和所有人一樣目瞪口呆抢呆。我們當(dāng)中一些人或許10年都不會(huì)經(jīng)歷這樣的變故懦冰。轉(zhuǎn)眼之間失去了事業(yè)、家庭和公眾形象贤重，像易燃的萬能火柴一樣一下子全燒沒了。一段關(guān)系以如此大的代價(jià)結(jié)束無可避免起惕，但畢竟只在少數(shù)。大多數(shù)情況下，大多數(shù)人感情的結(jié)束都是一個(gè)令人心灰意冷的慢慢消耗的過程嘿般。就像岸邊的巖石赛糟，接觸面互相磨損，縫隙處留有余地员辩，最終弃甥，被磨成一塊光滑耸彪、堅(jiān)硬的石頭。感情也就這樣走到了終點(diǎn)南缓。

big-ticket ADJ? If you describe something as a big-ticket item, you mean that it costs a lot of money. 高價(jià)的届案；昂貴的

dispiriting ADJ-GRADED? Something that is dispiriting causes you to lose your enthusiasm and excitement. 令人沮喪的;令人氣餒的;令人心灰意懶的

attrition / ?'tr??.?n/? noun gradually making something weaker and destroying it, especially the strength or confidence of an enemy by repeatedly attacking it （尤指給敵人的力量或自信造成的）消耗尽纽，損耗，削弱

That’s not a failure, it’s just an ending. The secret – far easier said than done, of course – is to realise that it’s over, accept that it’s over and, finally, allow it to be over. Good luck with that.

這不是失敗侧馅，只是結(jié)束罗晕。雖然說起來容易做起來難，但走出一段感情的秘訣在于意識(shí)到它已經(jīng)結(jié)束了凹髓，接受這個(gè)事實(shí)，最后任由它結(jié)束礼患。祝好是钥。

翻譯是我們觀察世界的方式，也是我們的興趣所在缅叠。