The respectful child: How to teach respect

尊重他人的孩子:如何教導孩子尊重他人

IN THIS ARTICLE/在這篇文章中:
What to expect at this age / 對2歲多的孩子有什么樣的預期
What you can do / 你能做什么

What to expect at this age / 對2歲多的孩子有什么樣的預期

Trying to get respectful behavior out of a 2-year-old is like trying to get blood from the proverbial stone. That's due, in part, to the fact that a 2-year-old's language skills are still developing. So when you tell him it's bedtime, he can't say, "Gee, I'm really having fun with my trucks, and I wonder if we could negotiate for five more minutes of playtime?" He's more likely to ignore you, stick out his tongue, or yell, "I hate you!" at the top of his lungs. This doesn't mean he's a lost cause – only that he's very young and still needs years of consistent teaching and practice to learn how to show respect.
想要讓一個兩歲多的孩子表現出尊重他人的行為杠愧，正如有句諺語說的，這就像沒法從石頭中擠出血來一樣。講真圾结，這在一定程度上是因為兩歲多孩子的語言能力不夠完善，還在繼續(xù)發(fā)展中。所以當孩子被告知該上床睡覺了蟋字，他可說不出這種話：“哎呀，我正玩卡車玩得開心呢扭勉，咱們能不能再商量下鹊奖，多玩5分鐘行嗎?” 他更有可能無視你的話語，反倒伸出舌頭做鬼臉剖效，或者用盡力氣大喊：“我恨你!” 這并不意味著孩子在尊重他人方面是個失敗者——只是因為他還很年幼嫉入，還需要多年持之以恒的教導和練習，才能學會如何對他人表達尊重璧尸。

What you can do / 你能做什么

Demonstrate respectful behavior. "We don't generally give our children the kind of respect that we demand from them," says Jerry Wyckoff, a psychologist and the coauthor of Twenty Teachable Virtues. "We get confused because often, our upbringing makes us equate respect with fear. 'I really respected my father because I knew he'd hit me if ...' That's not respect – that's fear." Instead, begin by listening. It can be hard to wait patiently for a 2-year-old to have his say, but it's worth it. Get down on his level, look him in the eye, and let him know you're interested in what he's telling you. It's the best way to teach him to listen to you just as carefully.
展示尊重的行為咒林。“大人通常沒把自己要求從孩子那得到的那種尊重給孩子∫猓”《20種可教的美德》一書的合著者垫竞，心理學家杰里·威克夫如是說，“我們會感到困惑，因為我們自己的成長環(huán)境常常讓我們把尊重等同于恐懼欢瞪』罾樱”，“我真的很尊敬我的父親遣鼓，因為我知道他會打我啸盏，如果我……”，“這不是尊重——而是恐懼骑祟』嘏常”。相反次企，尊重從傾聽開始怯晕。耐心地等待一個兩歲多的孩子說出自己的想法可能很辛苦，但這么做是值得的缸棵。你得蹲下來平視他的眼睛舟茶，讓他知道你對他正在說的很感興趣。這是教孩子認真聽你說話的最好方法堵第。

Teach polite responses.Your child can show caring and respect for others through good manners. As soon as he can communicate verbally, he can learn to say "please" and "thank you." Explain that you'd rather help him when he's polite to you, and that you don't like it when he orders you around. Again, being respectful yourself works better than lecturing. Say "please" and "thank you" regularly to your 2-year-old (and others), and he'll learn that the phrases are part of normal communication, both within your family and in public.
教導孩子如何禮貌回應吧凉。 孩子可以通過良好的舉止表現出對他人的關心和尊重。只要他能說話了踏志，他就能學會說“請”和“謝謝你”客燕。你可以向孩子解釋說，當他對你有禮貌的時候狰贯，你更愿意幫助他，而當他對你發(fā)號施令時赏廓，你就不喜歡幫他了涵紊。本文再次重申，大人自己身教如何尊重他人幔摸，比言傳更有效摸柄。如果你自己經常對孩子(和其他人)說“請”和“謝謝你”，他就會知道這些話是日常交流的一部分既忆，無論是在家驱负，還是在公共場合，你都得這么做患雇。

Avoid overreacting. If your child hits you or calls you a "doo-doo head," try not to get upset (after all, you know you're not a doo-doo head). A child who wants to provoke a reaction will endure almost any unpleasantness just to get a rise out of you. Instead, get face to face and say quietly but firmly, "We don't hit or talk that way in this family." Then show him how to get what he wants in a respectful manner: "When you want me to play with you, just ask me nicely. Say, 'Mommy, I want you to come read me a story right now.'"
避免反應過度跃脊。如果你的孩子打你，或者叫你“嘟嘟頭”苛吱，你可別生氣（畢竟你也知道你不是嘟嘟頭）酪术。一個想要引起大人有所反應的孩子，幾乎會忍受他所有的不快，只是為了讓你生氣绘雁。相反橡疼，你應該面對面，平靜而堅定地說庐舟，“我們家不打人欣除，也不那樣說話∨猜裕” 然后教他如何以尊重他人的方式历帚，得到他想要的：“當你想讓我和你玩的時候，禮貌地問我瘟檩，你得說抹缕，‘媽媽，我想讓你現在就來給我讀個故事墨辛∽垦校‘ ”

Expect disagreements. Life would be much easier if our kids always happily complied with our requests, but that's not human nature. Try to remember that when your child won't do your bidding, he isn't trying to be disrespectful – he just has a different opinion.
預期分歧的存在。如果孩子們總是快樂地服從大人的要求睹簇，那生活會容易得多奏赘，但人性不是那樣的。試著提醒自己太惠，當你的孩子不聽你的命令時磨淌，他并不是試圖不尊重你——他只是有不同的觀點而已。

Teach him that he'll fare better if he can learn to stop expressing himself disrespectfully ("You never take me to the park, you bad mommy!") and instead learns to put a positive spin on his requests ("Can we please go to the park after the grocery store?"). As your child's verbal skills mature, he'll be able to come up with these polite requests himself; in the meantime, teach him by supplying him with examples.
教導他凿渊，如果他能學會停止無禮地表達自己（“你從來不帶我去公園梁只，你這個壞媽媽!”）而是學會在他的要求上加上積極的一面（“我們去過雜貨店以后，可可以去公園嗎?”）埃脏，那么他會更好地實現自己的愿望搪锣。隨著孩子語言能力的日漸成熟，他會學會如何通過禮貌用語來提出要求彩掐；與此同時构舟，你要通過例子來教他。

Set limits. "One of the best ways to demonstrate respect is to be both kind and firm in your discipline," says Jane Nelsen, an education specialist and the coauthor of Positive Discipline for Preschoolers. "Being kind shows respect for your child, and being firm shows respect for what needs to be done." So if your 2-year-old throws a fit in the supermarket, and none of your coping tactics work, what do you do? "Kindly but firmly take him out to the car, and sit and read to yourself until he's done," advises Nelsen. Then you can say calmly, "Now you're ready to try again," and return to the store. Eventually, he'll learn that a temper tantrum doesn't change the fact that the food shopping has to get done.
設置限制堵幽。“展示尊重他人的最好方式之一狗超，就是自律做到既和善又堅定∑酉拢”教育專家努咐、《學前兒童正面管教》(Positive discipline for prechoers)一書的合著者簡?尼爾森(Jane Nelsen)如是說⊥┾“和善是對孩子展示尊重麦撵，堅定是對該做的事情表示尊重。” 所以免胃，如果兩歲多的孩子在超市大發(fā)脾氣音五，而所有的應對方法都不管用，你該怎么辦呢?”羔沙，尼爾森建議說：“和善但堅定地把他帶出超市躺涝，在車里坐好，自己看書扼雏，直到他鬧完了為止坚嗜。”诗充，然后你可以平靜地說：“現在你準備好再試一次了苍蔬。”蝴蜓，然后再一起回到超市繼續(xù)購物碟绑。最終，他會明白茎匠，發(fā)脾氣并不能改變在超市購買食物這個安排格仲。

Praise respectful behavior. Reinforce your 2-year-old's impromptu displays of politeness as much as possible. But be specific. "The praise should describe the behavior in detail," Wyckoff emphasizes. "We tend to say, 'good girl,' 'good boy,' 'good job.'" Instead, say, "Thank you for saying please when you asked for a treat," or "Thank you for waiting your turn while the other kids got their ice cream." Be explicit, and your child will see that his efforts are worthwhile and appreciated.
贊美尊重的行為。盡可能正面強化兩歲多孩子即興表現出來的禮貌诵冒。但表揚一定要具體凯肋。“表揚應該詳細地描述孩子的行為汽馋，”侮东，威克夫強調”荆“我們一般喜歡說諸如“好女孩”苗桂、“好男孩”、“干得好”告组。但你可以換換說法，可以這樣說：“謝謝你要吃的的時候對我說‘請’”癌佩，“或者“謝謝你在其他孩子拿冰淇淋時木缝，等著輪到你∥д蓿”我碟，夸孩子要夸得明確而具體，孩子就會發(fā)現他的努力是值得的姚建，是被贊賞的矫俺。

來源：https://www.babycenter.com/0_the-respectful-child-how-to-teach-respect_64686.bc

譯者：吳和平
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