來源：http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2303588/The-mother-says-having-children-biggest-regret-life.html
作者： Isabella Dutton
原標(biāo)題：
The mother who says having these two children is the biggest regret of her life
翻譯：七日狐貍 轉(zhuǎn)載請(qǐng)注明出處

Isabella Dutton, 57, says she wishes she had remained childless
“I resented the time my children consumed. Like parasites, they took from me and didn't give back”

My son Stuart was five days old when the realisation hit me like a physical blow: having a child had been the biggest mistake of my life.

Even now, 33 years on, I can still picture the scene: Stuart was asleep in his crib. He was due to be fed but hadn't yet woken.
I heard him stir but as I looked at his round face on the brink of wakefulness, I felt no bond. No warm rush of maternal affection.
I felt completely detached from this alien being who had encroached upon my settled married life and changed it, irrevocably, for the worse.

57歲的Isabella Dutton說拍棕，她希望當(dāng)年沒要孩子。
“花費(fèi)在孩子身上的時(shí)間纳本，讓我感到厭煩谣拣。他們就像寄生蟲一樣浪藻，不斷的索取卻從未給予回報(bào)」枷ィ”

我兒子Stuart剛出生五天贤重。像被人猛擊了一下涤垫，我突然意識(shí)到：要孩子是目前為止我人生中最大的錯(cuò)誤姑尺。

即使現(xiàn)在，33年過去了蝠猬，我仍然清晰的記得當(dāng)時(shí)的場(chǎng)景：Stuart睡在他的嬰兒床里切蟋。該到給他喂奶的時(shí)間了，但他還沒醒吱雏。

我聽到他翻動(dòng)的聲音敦姻，看到他剛剛從睡夢(mèng)中醒來的圓圓的臉，毫無感覺歧杏。沒有泛濫的母愛的暖流。

對(duì)這個(gè)陌生的小家伙我只感到一種深深的隔膜迷守，他闖入了我的婚姻生活犬绒，并且不可挽回的將它推向糟糕的一面。

Regrets: Isabella says she has always wished she never had Stuart (left) Jo (right), pictured here in 1986. But although she had always wanted to remain childless, she approached motherhood with diligence and devotion

后悔： Isabella說她一直都希望從未有過Stuart （左） Jo （右）兑凿，照片攝于1986年凯力。但盡管她一直都希望自己從未有過孩子，她還是盡職盡責(zé)的履行母親的責(zé)任礼华。
I was 22 when I had Stuart, who was a placid and biddable baby. So, no, my feelings were not sparked by tiredness, nor by post-natal depression or even a passing spell of baby blues.

Quite simply, I had always hated the idea of motherhood. In that instant, any lingering hope that becoming a mum would cure me of my antipathy was dispelled.

I remember asking myself, 'Is he really mine?' He could, quite literally, have been anyone's baby. Had a kind stranger offered to adopt him at that moment, I would not have objected.

Still, I wished no harm on Stuart and invested every ounce of my energy in caring for him. Even so, I know my life would have been much happier and more fulfilled without children.

Two years and four months after Stuart was born, I had my daughter Jo. It may seem perverse that I had a second child in view of my aversion to them, but I believe it is utterly selfish to have an only one.

當(dāng)Stuart出生時(shí)咐鹤，我22歲，他是個(gè)溫順乖巧的嬰兒圣絮。所以祈惶，我之所以有這些感覺并不是由于勞累，產(chǎn)后抑郁癥，或者是其他生完孩子后的抑郁引發(fā)的捧请。

答案很簡(jiǎn)單凡涩，我一直都討厭當(dāng)母親。只不過在那一刻疹蛉，之前抱有任何一種關(guān)于“成為母親后就會(huì)自然產(chǎn)生母性本能”的幻想徹底破滅了活箕。
我記得當(dāng)時(shí)問自己，“他真是我的孩子可款？”育韩，毫不夸張的說，他可以是任何人的孩子闺鲸。如果那時(shí)有個(gè)善良的陌生人提出要收養(yǎng)他座慰，我肯定不會(huì)拒絕。

但我并不想傷害Stuart翠拣，并且我盡最大所能來照顧他版仔。即便我知道如果沒有孩子的話，我會(huì)過的更加開心误墓，富有成就感蛮粮。

在Stuart出生兩年四個(gè)月后，我生了女兒Jo谜慌。我不想要小孩卻還生了第二個(gè)然想，這看起來似乎是矛盾的。但我覺得只要一個(gè)孩子過于自私欣范。

Isabella Dutton would have been happier not having children

I felt precisely the same indifference towards her as I had to Stuart, but I knew I would care for Jo to the best of my ability, and love her as I'd grown to love him.

Yet I dreaded her dependence; resented the time she would consume, and that like parasites, both my children would continue to take from me and give nothing meaningful back in return.

Whenever I've told friends I wished I'd never had them, they've gasped with shock. 'You can't mean that?' But, of course, I do.
To some, my life before I had the children may have seemed humdrum and my job as a typist was, it's true, not much of a career. So what was the great sacrifice, you might think?

What I valued most in my life was time on my own; to reflect, read and enjoy my own company and peace of mind. And suddenly that peace and solitude wasn't there any more. There were two small interlopers intruding on it. And I've never got that peace back.

I don't know why I feel as I do. I'm one of five siblings and was raised in a happy family by loving parents. Dad was in the Army; Mum, whom he met while posted in Germany, brought us up in the West Midlands.

Mum and I were close; even as an adult I could always confide in her. My childhood was very happy and conventional. Like most little girls I played with dolls. But I never recall a time when I wanted those make-believe games of motherhood to become a reality.

對(duì)她的感覺如同我對(duì)Stuart一樣变泄，毫無感覺，但是我知道我會(huì)盡最大所能去照顧她恼琼，努力去像學(xué)著愛他一樣愛她妨蛹。

但她對(duì)我的依賴，讓我感到害怕晴竞，對(duì)將要花費(fèi)在她身上的時(shí)間感到沮喪蛙卤，就像寄生蟲一樣，我的兩個(gè)孩子不斷的從我身上吸取卻從未回報(bào)任何有價(jià)值的東西噩死。

每當(dāng)我和朋友們說我希望我從未有過孩子時(shí)颤难，他們都會(huì)震驚的倒吸一口氣說“你不會(huì)是說真的吧？”但是已维，當(dāng)然行嗤，我是認(rèn)真的。
或許對(duì)某些人來說垛耳，在生孩子前我的生活也是單調(diào)乏味的栅屏。我作為打字員的工作飘千，也的確算不上什么事業(yè)。所以你或許會(huì)覺得既琴，哪來的犧牲可言占婉？

于我而言，屬于自我的時(shí)間甫恩，思考逆济，閱讀，享受獨(dú)自一人的時(shí)光磺箕，頭腦中的片刻寧靜奖慌，這些對(duì)我而言意義非凡。但是頃刻間松靡，那片寧靜和孤獨(dú)不復(fù)存在简僧。有兩個(gè)小小的入侵者闖了進(jìn)來。我再也沒法享受那種平靜了雕欺。

我不知道為什么我會(huì)有這種感覺岛马。我出生于一個(gè)有5個(gè)孩子的幸福大家庭，父母很疼愛我們屠列。爸爸是軍人啦逆，在他被派到德國(guó)時(shí)遇到了媽媽，我們從小在西米德蘭茲郡長(zhǎng)大笛洛。

我和媽媽很親近夏志，即使成年后，我對(duì)她照樣無話不談苛让。我的童年就像任何一個(gè)玩洋娃娃的小女孩一樣沟蔑，循規(guī)蹈矩而又幸福。但我回想不起來曾經(jīng)有過片刻是渴望將這種母親角色扮演游戲變成現(xiàn)實(shí)的狱杰。

I know there are millions who will consider me heinously cold-blooded and unnatural, but I believe there will also be those who secretly feel the same.

It's just that I have been honest - some may contend brutally so - and admitted to my true feelings. In doing so I have broken a supposedly inviolable law of nature. What kind of mother, after all, wishes she hadn't had children?

I have never hidden the truth from my husband Tony, now 62.

我知道許多人會(huì)覺得我冷血瘦材，變態(tài)，可惡浦旱，但是我相信也會(huì)有一些人暗暗的感同身受宇色。

或許對(duì)某些人來說很難，但我一向坦誠(chéng)颁湖，忠實(shí)于自我的真實(shí)想法和感受。我這樣做打破了一個(gè)順理成章的自然法則例隆。畢竟甥捺，哪種母親會(huì)希望她沒有過孩子呢？

我從未向我的丈夫Tony（62歲）隱瞞過這個(gè)事實(shí)镀层。

From the moment we decided we would be spending the rest of our lives together, I confessed I didn't want to start a family.

We were childhood sweethearts. We met when I was 12 and he was 16; he was my first and only love. I was 19 when I walked up the aisle, a joyful bride anticipating a happy life with the man I adored.

But I knew even then children would be a sticking point. Tony wanted four. I didn't want any. We'd discussed the subject and I believe he thought I'd change my mind.

I suppose he imagined, as my friends started having babies, the urge to become a mum would overwhelm me. I hoped he'd change his mind.

從我們決定一起度過之后的人生那一刻起镰禾，我便吐露并不想組建家庭的想法皿曲。

我們是青梅竹馬的戀人。遇到他的那一年吴侦，我12歲屋休，他16歲，他是我第一個(gè)也是唯一一個(gè)愛人备韧。我19歲時(shí)嫁給了他劫樟，當(dāng)時(shí)我是一個(gè)被幸福籠罩的新娘织堂，將要和自己所深愛的人開啟一段幸福人生叠艳。

自那時(shí)起我便知道孩子將會(huì)成為絆腳石。Tony想要四個(gè)孩子易阳。我一個(gè)也不想要附较。我們討論過這個(gè)話題，我覺得他認(rèn)為我會(huì)改變主意的潦俺。

我猜想他當(dāng)時(shí)認(rèn)為當(dāng)我的朋友們開始有孩子以后拒课，我就會(huì)有想當(dāng)一個(gè)媽媽的沖動(dòng)了。我希望他之后會(huì)改變心意事示。

When we married, we bought the three-bedroom house in Coventry that remains our home today. Tony pursued his passion for sports; my interests were more insular. I loved knitting, dressmaking and reading, and joined a book club.

Tony worked then, as he still does, as a pattern maker in the car industry. I was a typist in an office for a telecoms company.

After a couple of years of marriage, Tony began to ask whether I was still adamant that I didn't want children. In the end I relented because I loved him and felt it would be unfair of me to deny him the chance to be a dad.

But there were provisos: if I was going to have children I knew absolutely - illogical as it may seem in view of my feelings - that I intended to raise them myself without any help from nannies or childminders.

This wasn't a way of assuaging my guilt, because I felt none. It was simply that, having brought them into the world, I would do my best for them.

I cannot understand mothers who insist they want children - especially those who undergo years of fertility treatment - then race back to work at the earliest opportunity after giving birth, leaving the vital job of caring for them to strangers.

我們結(jié)婚時(shí)早像，買了位于Coventry的三居室的房子，直到現(xiàn)在我們還住在那里很魂。Tony一向愛好運(yùn)動(dòng)扎酷，我更喜歡安靜些的活動(dòng)。我喜歡織毛線遏匆，做衣服法挨，閱讀，并且加入了一個(gè)讀書俱樂部幅聘。

Tony那時(shí)在汽車廠里當(dāng)模型工凡纳，直到現(xiàn)在依然如此。我在一個(gè)電信公司下面的一間辦公室當(dāng)打字員帝蒿。
結(jié)婚幾年后荐糜，Tony開始問我是否依然強(qiáng)烈反對(duì)要小孩。最后葛超，我妥協(xié)了暴氏，因?yàn)槲覑鬯⑶矣X得因?yàn)槲叶鴦儕Z了他當(dāng)父親的機(jī)會(huì)太不公平绣张。

但是附帶條件是答渔，如果我要孩子（盡管看起來似乎很不合邏輯，考慮到我并不想要孩子）侥涵，我是打算靠自己撫養(yǎng)他們沼撕，而不是去雇保姆或者扔到托兒所宋雏。

我并不打算替自己開脫，因?yàn)槲也⒉挥X得自己有錯(cuò)务豺。很簡(jiǎn)單磨总，是我把他們帶到這個(gè)世界上來的，我就會(huì)為他們竭盡全力做到最好笼沥。

我實(shí)在無法理解一些母親蚪燕，一面說自己多么想要孩子，尤其是其中一些人經(jīng)歷許多年的不孕不育治療敬拓，然后一生完孩子就立馬跑回去工作邻薯，把至關(guān)重要的養(yǎng)育孩子的任務(wù)交給陌生人。

Isabella holds Baby Jo and son Stuart in 1981 at Christmas
1981年圣誕乘凸，Isabella 抱著 Jo 和 兒子 Stuart（右）

Why have them at all if you don't want to bring them up, or can't afford to? And why pretend you wanted them if you have no intention of raising them? This hypocrisy is, in my view, far more pernicious and difficult to fathom than my own admission that my life would have been better without children.

And here, perhaps, is the nub of it: I would not take on the job of motherhood and do it half-heartedly. Unlike so many would-be mums I thought hard about the responsibilities of my role, and, I believe, if more women did before rushing heedlessly into it, they might share my reservations.

I was acutely aware that a child would usurp my independence and drain my finances. I felt no excitement as my due date approached. I had no compulsion to fill the nursery with toys, nor did I read parenting manuals or swap tips with friends. I focused on enjoying the last months of my freedom.

如果你不想撫養(yǎng)他們或者養(yǎng)不起的話厕诡，干嘛把他們生出來呢？如果你沒打算養(yǎng)他們营勤，為什么要假裝說你想要孩子呢灵嫌？在我看來，這種虛偽比干脆承認(rèn)我不想要孩子葛作，沒有孩子我的人生會(huì)過的更好更加有害和難以理解寿羞。

或許，此處便是癥結(jié)所在：我并不想承擔(dān)起母親這份工作然后干的三心二意赂蠢。不像許多的準(zhǔn)媽媽绪穆，我覺得這個(gè)角色的責(zé)任很重，并且虱岂，我相信玖院，如果更多女性能夠在生孩子前多加思考的話，她們也會(huì)同意我的看法第岖。

我很清醒的意識(shí)到孩子會(huì)影響我的獨(dú)立性难菌，并且加重我的財(cái)政負(fù)擔(dān)。在我的臨產(chǎn)期快到來前蔑滓，我并不感到興奮郊酒。我沒有要把育嬰室裝滿玩具的沖動(dòng)，也不讀新手父母手冊(cè)或者和朋友們分享心得键袱。我專注于享受最后幾個(gè)月的自由時(shí)光燎窘。

Tony and I had a strong marriage - after 37 years, we still do - and I did not dread the effect of the baby on our relationship. Sure enough, we maintained an active and fulfilling sex life and made a date night each Friday when Tony's parents babysat.

However, I did dread the encroachment of this demanding little being on my own independence.

So, in May 1979, Stuart was born, blue in the face as the cord was wrapped round his neck. While other mothers would be frantic with worry, I remained calm when the doctor whisked him away. I sent Tony back to work and for the next four hours I waited without any apprehension.

Tony和我的婚姻很穩(wěn)固，37年后蹄咖，依然如此荠耽。我并沒有讓孩子拖累我們的關(guān)系。我們的性生活很和諧比藻，每周五晚上當(dāng)Tony父母來幫忙看孩子時(shí)铝量，我們都會(huì)出去約會(huì)。

然而银亲，這個(gè)磨人的小家伙確實(shí)嚴(yán)重拖累我的獨(dú)立和自由慢叨，這讓我沮喪。

在1979年5月务蝠，當(dāng)Stuart出生時(shí)拍谐，臍帶纏住了他的脖子，他的臉色變的鐵青馏段。當(dāng)醫(yī)生把他送去急救時(shí)轩拨，換作其他媽媽此時(shí)肯定被嚇傻了，我卻鎮(zhèn)定自若院喜。我打發(fā)Tony回去工作亡蓉，在那里等了四個(gè)小時(shí)，面無懼色喷舀。

'There is no doubt I grew to love Stuart very much, and indeed still do. But I wished I had never had him'
“毫無疑問砍濒，我越來越愛Stuart，現(xiàn)在依然如此硫麻。但如果可以重新選擇爸邢，我希望我從未有過他∧美ⅲ”

I did not really think about Stuart at all, until Tony returned after work and asked where he was.

He was fine, of course, but when they wheeled him back into the ward I did not experience that sudden leap of the heart that new mums are expected to feel. Instead I sat down with a cup of tea and thought bleakly, 'What have I done?'

Back home, I resolved to breastfeed. I knew it would be best for Stuart and I think every mother should do it. But even during this intimate act, that elusive bond failed to form.

Stuart fed voraciously, every two hours. He seemed almost permanently attached to me, but the proximity of this suckling infant did not make me feel maternal.

I never wanted to hurt Stuart - I only wanted him to prosper and thrive. There is no doubt I grew to love him very much, and indeed still do. But I always wished I had never had him.

I told Tony, but if he was concerned, he didn't show it. He just said, 'Well we have him now. There's nothing we can do about it. You just have to get on with it as best you can.'

And that's exactly what I did. I believe I was a good mum, but never a doting one. When Stuart was three weeks old, I pushed him in his pram to the shops for the first time with our red setter Amber in tow. Outside the baker's I tethered the dog to the pram and left Stuart outside with Amber while I bought a loaf and cakes.

我甚至沒怎么想到Stuart杠河，直到Tony下班后來問我他在哪。
當(dāng)然浇辜，他安然無恙券敌，但是當(dāng)他們把他推回病房時(shí)，我并沒有新媽媽們應(yīng)該感受到的那種如釋重負(fù)奢赂。相反陪白，我坐下來喝了一杯茶，大腦一片空白膳灶，“我到底做了什么咱士？”

回家后，我決定母乳喂養(yǎng)轧钓。我知道這是對(duì)Stuart最好的序厉，認(rèn)為每個(gè)媽媽都應(yīng)這么做。但是即使是在如此親密的接觸中毕箍，也沒有形成傳說中的什么紐帶弛房。

Stuart胃口很大，每?jī)蓚€(gè)小時(shí)都要喂一次而柑。他看起來幾乎要永遠(yuǎn)和我黏在一起文捶，但是這個(gè)在喝奶的小嬰兒的靠近并沒有讓我產(chǎn)生什么母性荷逞。

我從未想傷害Stuart，我只想他健康快樂粹排。毫無疑問种远，我變的越來越愛他，現(xiàn)在仍然如此顽耳。但是我常希望并沒有生下他坠敷。

我告訴過Tony, 但是如果他為此感到擔(dān)憂的話，他并沒有表現(xiàn)出來射富。他只是說膝迎，“現(xiàn)在我們有他了。我們可沒有其他法子了胰耗。你只能盡最大所能去適應(yīng)這個(gè)現(xiàn)實(shí)了限次。”

我就是這么做的宪郊。我相信我是個(gè)好母親掂恕，但并不溺愛孩子。當(dāng)Stuart三周大的時(shí)候弛槐，我第一次推著他的嬰兒車帶著我們的紅色賽特犬Amber去逛商店懊亡。在面包店外面，我把狗拴在嬰兒車上乎串，將Stuart和Amber留在外面店枣，進(jìn)去買了個(gè)長(zhǎng)面包和蛋糕。

It was not until I got home, made myself a cup of tea and started eating my cake, that I realised something was amiss. My dog wasn't there waiting for her usual titbit.

So the first thought that impinged on me was: where is Amber? I missed the dog before it even occurred to me that I'd left Stuart outside the shop.

I can't say, even then, that I was worried. I just rang the baker to check Stuart and the dog were still outside, retrieved them and came home.

At the baby clinic, other mums compared their babies' weight and boasted about milestones they'd reached, but I was not remotely interested in such inconsequential matters, so I only went to the clinic once. When people peered into Stuart's pram to coo over him and tell me what a lovely little chap he was, I thought, 'That's not true.' He was not a beautiful baby.

Meanwhile, Tony discharged his duties as a dad brilliantly. He helped with the nappies, bathed Stuart, and when we were out, it was Daddy he went to for comfort if he fell.

直到我回到家之后叹誉，給自己泡了一杯茶鸯两，開始吃我的蛋糕后，我才意識(shí)到有什么不對(duì)勁长豁。我的狗沒像通常那樣過來要東西吃钧唐。
所以我腦海中閃過的第一個(gè)念頭是：“Amber在哪兒？” 我想到了狗匠襟，接著我才意識(shí)到我把Stuart留在店門口了钝侠。

即使那時(shí)，我也不能說酸舍，我很擔(dān)憂帅韧。我只是打電話給面包店老板看Stuart和Amber是不是還在外面，把他們找到然后回家啃勉。

在嬰兒門診忽舟，其他媽媽都在比較她們孩子的體重，互相吹噓他們又達(dá)到了一個(gè)人生中的里程碑了之類，我對(duì)這些無足輕重的小事毫無興趣叮阅，因此我只去過一次刁品。當(dāng)人們靠近Stuart的嬰兒車去逗他，并跟我說他是個(gè)多么可愛的小家伙時(shí)帘饶，我心想哑诊，“他們只是裝作禮貌罷了”，他可一點(diǎn)都不漂亮及刻。

在此期間，Tony很棒的履行了他當(dāng)父親的責(zé)任竞阐。他幫忙換尿布缴饭，給Stuart洗澡，當(dāng)我們一起出門時(shí)骆莹，如果他摔倒的話颗搂，他都會(huì)跑去找爸爸求安慰。

Then, when Stuart was 18 months, we planned the second baby I'd promised to have. But I felt no more thrilled by the prospect of becoming a mum again than I did first time around. When Jo was born in August 1981, I remember how joyously Tony and his family greeted the news that I'd had a little girl.

I did not share their jubilation. But there was nothing for it but to get on with the job of bringing her up.
I did this diligently, but it was Tony who was the effusive and demonstrative Dad.

當(dāng)Stuart18個(gè)月大時(shí)幕垦，我們?cè)跍?zhǔn)備要第二個(gè)小孩丢氢。我之前曾答應(yīng)過。但我一點(diǎn)也并不比第一次要當(dāng)媽媽時(shí)更加激動(dòng)和興奮先改。當(dāng)Jo于1981年八月出生時(shí)疚察，我記得Tony和他家人對(duì)于我生了個(gè)小女孩這個(gè)消息多么歡呼雀躍。

我絲毫感覺不到他們感受到的歡樂仇奶。但是除了好好承擔(dān)起撫養(yǎng)她長(zhǎng)大這份工作之外也別無選擇了貌嫡。

我孜孜不倦的做好這份工作，但是Tony這個(gè)爸爸才是充滿熱情该溯，總是表達(dá)愛意的角色岛抄。

'I am a conscientious parent - yet perhaps I would have resented my children less had I not been'
He loved the children to distraction, and as soon as they were old enough, he took them to the sports club where Stuart became an accomplished footballer. Jo tagged along too and it became something of a joke that she even asked her dad to take her when she wanted to go to the loo.

We created a routine where I ran the home, and when Tony was off work he looked after the kids. And I jealously guarded my time free of the children.

On our summer holidays, Tony and I had our rigidly defined roles. I did not look after the children when he was around. So as they played football, sat glued to the Grand Prix or watched the golf, I would creep back to our chalet and immerse myself in a good book. Other mums were running around like headless chickens after their children, but in our household Tony took that role.

他愛孩子們愛到發(fā)狂，他們一到足夠的年紀(jì)狈茉，他便帶他們?nèi)⒓舆\(yùn)動(dòng)俱樂部夫椭，在那里，Stuart成了個(gè)很棒的足球運(yùn)動(dòng)員氯庆。Jo也跟著去蹭秋，甚至當(dāng)她想去廁所時(shí)，她也讓她爸爸帶她去点晴，這件事被我們當(dāng)成玩笑說了很久感凤。

我們就這樣形成了一種默契，我在家收拾屋子粒督，Tony下班后照看孩子陪竿。我小心的保衛(wèi)自己的時(shí)間不被孩子們打擾。

我們?nèi)蚁募境鲇螘r(shí)，Tony和我都按照各自的角色行事族跛。當(dāng)他在的時(shí)候闰挡，我不需要照顧孩子。他們踢足球礁哄，看賽車或者看高爾夫時(shí)长酗，我會(huì)鉆回我們的小屋，將自己沉浸在書本的世界里桐绒。其他的媽媽們像沒頭的雞一樣跟在她們的孩子后面夺脾，但在我們家，是Tony承擔(dān)這個(gè)角色茉继。

We shared many happy times together; I did everything a good mother is supposed to. We had bucket-and-spade holidays on the Isle of Wight; there were endless sports events in which the children shone. I'm sure they would agree that they always felt secure and loved.

It was not that I seethed each day with resentment towards my children; more that I felt oppressed by my constant responsibility for them. Young children prevent you from being spontaneous; every outing becomes an expedition. If you take your job as a parent seriously, you always put their needs before your own.

Having children consigns you to an endless existence of shelling out financially and emotionally, with little or no return. It puts a terrible strain on your marriage and is perennially exhausting. And your job is never done.

我們一起度過了許多快樂的時(shí)光咧叭，我做了一個(gè)好媽媽應(yīng)該做的一切。我們?nèi)烟貚u（Isle of Wight烁竭，英國(guó)東南部島嶼菲茬，一處度假勝地）堆沙子城堡；那里有無數(shù)孩子們喜歡的活動(dòng)派撕。我很肯定我的孩子們也會(huì)同意這種說法婉弹，即他們一直是覺得安全和得到足夠的關(guān)愛的。

不终吼，與其說我每天都很惱怒镀赌，對(duì)我的孩子們滿腔怨氣，倒不如說我更多的是被由他們帶來的持續(xù)不斷的責(zé)任壓的喘不過氣衔峰。有了孩子之后佩脊，你并不能想做什么就做什么，每次遠(yuǎn)足都變成了探險(xiǎn)垫卤。如果你認(rèn)真對(duì)待為人父母這個(gè)工作威彰，你總是得把他們的需求放在自己的需求之前。

有了孩子后穴肘，你得不斷的在財(cái)政上歇盼，情感上無止境的付出，卻很少或幾乎沒有回報(bào)评抚。它使你的婚姻關(guān)系緊張豹缀，并且總是讓你筋疲力盡。而且你的工作永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)結(jié)束慨代。

I know my life with Tony would have been so much happier without children, less complicated and more carefree.

I don't believe either that Stuart or Jo sensed any coolness on my part, although Jo once said, 'You never tell me you love me, Mum.' And I didn't, it's true. But I reassured Jo that I did love her. She and Stuart just accepted that I wasn't demonstrative.

They grew, too, into well-adjusted adults. Stuart, 33, works in telecoms engineering as a supervisor.

He is married to Lisa, 37, a bank supervisor, and they have two lovely children. But before Stuart announced that he was to become a dad, he asked me if I'd like to become a granny. And I told him quite emphatically that I wouldn't: I didn't want my new-found freedom to be usurped by years of babysitting.

My controversial views didn't shock him. He has always known I am forthright; he knows, too, having got my two grandchildren, I would knuckle down to my grandmotherly duties and acquit myself well.

我知道我和Tony的人生如果沒孩子會(huì)更加快樂許多邢笙，簡(jiǎn)單許多，更加無憂無慮侍匙。

我不覺得Stuart或者Jo會(huì)認(rèn)為我過于冷淡氮惯，盡管Jo曾經(jīng)說過，“你從未跟我說過你愛我，媽媽”妇汗。這是事實(shí)帘不，我沒有。但是我安慰Jo道我的確愛她杨箭。她和Stuart也接受了我就是不善于表達(dá)情感的人寞焙。

他們漸漸長(zhǎng)成了懂事有禮貌的成年人。

Stuart互婿，33歲捣郊，在電信工程公司從事管理。
他娶了Lisa, 37歲擒悬，在銀行從事管理工作模她，他們有了兩個(gè)可愛的孩子。但是在Stuart告訴我他要當(dāng)爸爸了之前懂牧，他問我是否想當(dāng)奶奶。我很明白的告訴他我不想尊勿；我可不想剛剛找回來的自由又變成幾年的照顧小孩僧凤。

我這個(gè)容易引起爭(zhēng)議的回答并沒有嚇壞他。他一向知道我很直率元扔，也知道躯保，我有個(gè)兩個(gè)孫輩后，會(huì)好好的履行我身為奶奶的責(zé)任澎语，并且會(huì)做好這份工作途事。

Jo, 31, shares my opinion about motherhood: she has never wanted children; perhaps my views have shaped hers.
It is her tragedy that eight years ago she developed multiple sclerosis and had to give up her job as a chef. She is now bed-bound and lives with Tony and me.

I am her full-time carer and if I could have MS instead of her, I gladly would. She knows I would do anything to relieve her suffering and that I will care for her as long as I am able. I am 57 now and as I approach old age, I have an ever-more dependent daughter.

Yet I would cut off my right arm if she or Stuart needed it.
And that, maybe, is the paradox. I am a conscientious and caring parent - yet perhaps I would have resented my children less had I not been.

Jo, 31歲，很認(rèn)同我對(duì)于母親這一角色的看法：她從未想過要孩子擅羞；或許我的觀點(diǎn)的確影響了她尸变。

很不幸的，八年前减俏，她得了多發(fā)性硬化癥召烂，不得不放棄她當(dāng)廚師長(zhǎng)的工作。她現(xiàn)在只能臥病在床娃承，與tony和我住在一起奏夫。

我是她全天候的護(hù)工，如果我能選擇法梯，我會(huì)毫不猶豫的替她得這個(gè)病遭殉。她知道我會(huì)做任何事來讓她少一些痛苦锄开，我會(huì)盡我所能的照顧她。我現(xiàn)在57歲麻削，在我年歲漸長(zhǎng)的時(shí)候，我有個(gè)越來越依賴我的女兒。

但是如果Stuart或者Jo需要的話碟婆，我會(huì)毫不猶豫的砍下我的右胳膊电抚。

或許，這就是矛盾之處竖共。我是個(gè)認(rèn)真的蝙叛，體貼的母親，但如果我不是這樣的母親的話公给，我或許也會(huì)對(duì)撫養(yǎng)孩子更少怨言借帘。