英文版在后面。
這篇文章是2015年我女兒十八歲生日時寫的，后來被不少網(wǎng)站轉(zhuǎn)發(fā)∶迮保現(xiàn)特整理出來分享給《簡書》的讀者。
我女兒也很驕傲地讓她很多的朋友們讀了遍愿，而且最近她還經(jīng)常鼓勵我多寫存淫，說是可以讓更多的年輕人受益。這就是我這個懶媽媽的伎倆：基本上什么事情也不做沼填，寫寫東西就讓我的孩子們感動勵志桅咆。
如果你喜歡，也不妨試試我的這種散養(yǎng)教育坞笙。
另外岩饼，我新開啟了一個文集《職業(yè)家庭系列-有愛有夢有付出》，歡迎閱讀薛夜。
明后天我還會發(fā)以前寫的另外一篇因女兒十八歲而寫給媽媽的文章籍茧，期待和大家分享。
前言
本不想把自己的個人生活故事跟職業(yè)生活混在一起梯澜，還在這兒公布于眾寞冯。不過越來越發(fā)現(xiàn)，起碼對我來說腊徙，生活充滿了各種顏色简十，充滿了快樂和顛簸的人生階段檬某，就個人和職業(yè)生活所做的選擇形成的結(jié)果對生活整體而言無法分開撬腾。職業(yè)生涯就是人生的一部分。
有兩大理由讓我決定在這里發(fā)表這篇關(guān)于自己個人經(jīng)歷和情感的短文恢恼。
其一民傻，我知道有很多職場女性每天都在為自己的選擇困惑。經(jīng)常有人問我怎么樣才能（一個人）帶好孩子场斑，還能事業(yè)成功漓踢。我想說，我的個人經(jīng)歷不一定能給到多少直接的幫助漏隐。但至少你們可以知道：雖然不容易喧半，但是你也一定有希望做到。
其二青责，這是比較自私的理由挺据，但很重要取具。今年我女兒剛過18歲，她很快將要離家回美國上大學(xué)扁耐。我想借此平臺給自己卸下負(fù)擔(dān)上交一份職業(yè)媽媽的悔過書暇检，借此告訴女兒...... 不說了，還是請您自己看吧婉称。
如果您喜歡我的故事块仆，或者您覺得這篇文章可以給您關(guān)心的人一些啟示和鼓勵，那就請您毫不吝嗇地傳播分享王暗。
母女情：一個職業(yè)媽媽的悔過書
- 寫給女兒十八歲
一直以來悔据，我已習(xí)慣被我女兒稱為“世上最糟的媽媽” 。對這一譴責(zé)瘫筐，我很難為自己辯護(hù)蜜暑。因為我已不記得她何時說出第一個字，她說的第一個字是中文策肝，英語肛捍，德語還是湖南話。我不記得她先叫爸爸還是媽媽之众。不記得 她什么時候可以坐起拙毫，翻身和走路。我對女兒上學(xué)第一天的唯一記憶來自于她老師發(fā)來的一張下校車時帶著微笑的照片棺禾。更糟糕的是缀蹄，女兒出生后，因為我不顧自己 母乳嚴(yán)重不足而堅持只用母乳喂養(yǎng)膘婶，我讓她的人生始于饑餓缺前。別的嬰兒一周長胖半斤，而我硬把她的體重從出生時的六斤半降到了兩周后的五斤出頭悬襟！她夜半餓醒 時衅码，我曾經(jīng)盯著手表讓她哭了十五分鐘直到她在絕望中睡去。如果當(dāng)年不是我的母親終于發(fā)怒出手以奶粉相救脊岳，后果不堪設(shè)想逝段。...... 也許最糟糕的是，這十八年里割捅，因為工作出差奶躯，我甚至都不記得我一共錯過了女兒多少次生日，包括這一次：她十八歲生日那天亿驾，她在上海嘹黔，而我將在阿根廷度過。
盡管這十八年來我可能對女兒干了很多傻事錯事莫瞬，也忘了關(guān)于女兒成長的很多點點滴滴的細(xì)節(jié)儡蔓，好在我從來沒有忘記過愛她若锁，我深深地愛她絲毫不亞于任何世上最好媽媽給兒女的愛咸作。
而且我也有記得的事情谜洽，無數(shù)刻骨銘心的時刻悍抑，那些會陪伴我到生命盡頭的回憶。
我記得我和她爸爸一起告訴她开呐，她的爸媽將要離婚烟勋，她和媽媽將要搬家的時刻。那時她兩歲半筐付。她不懂得什么叫做離婚卵惦，但是她知道這將是很大很大的事 情。她美麗無辜的雙眼馬上巡視客廳的四周瓦戚，她胖胖的小手開始收撿身邊的玩具和娃娃沮尿，邊撿邊跟她的娃娃輕輕地說話，好像她在跟她的娃娃們分享這個消息较解，但又不想驚嚇到她們畜疾。用她最甜美的聲音她充滿疑惑地問：“我可以帶走我的所有寶貝嗎？” 她爸爸用一只手樓住她印衔，另一只手指著自己的胸腔說啡捶，“除了爸爸，這里的一切都會隨你離去奸焙∠故睿” 她爸爸和我哭做一團(tuán)，女兒不知道應(yīng)該給誰擦眼淚与帆，也不知道往何處尋求援助了赌。那天我和她爸爸發(fā)誓，不管我們?nèi)ズ畏叫悖还芪覀儌z人未來怎樣勿她，我們會全心全意愛 她，永遠(yuǎn)不讓她再受委屈茶凳。
我記得我在美國第一次送女兒上幼兒園的情景嫂拴。我相信很多父母都會記得自己孩子第一次上幼兒園的那天播揪。不過我對那天甚至那些日子的記憶現(xiàn)在回想起來仍然有淚贮喧。
當(dāng)年我和她爸爸在上海協(xié)議離婚，女兒歸我撫養(yǎng)猪狈。后來我有機(jī)會到美國去工作箱沦。去之前我先把女兒送到她瑞士的爺爺奶奶的家，自身來到美國打點雇庙。等我工作接手谓形、找好房子灶伊、買好家具，回瑞士接女兒時寒跳，她心里一定對這個半陌生的媽媽已經(jīng)心存戒備聘萨。我?guī)е柀栆荒耆氯惶栃瞧诹竭_(dá)美國。那時她已經(jīng)忘了中文童太， 不會英語米辐，只講一口流利的瑞士德語。在她不到四歲的心靈里书释，已經(jīng)經(jīng)歷了這么多分離翘贮，小小年紀(jì)幾個月時間里住了三個大洲，寵愛她的親人天各一方爆惧。
我們一起過了一個星期天狸页。我還糾結(jié)著不知跟她用德語還是中文說話，或是盡量讓她快些學(xué)會英語扯再，周一早晨很快就到了芍耘。我可憐的女兒還不知身在何處， 不知黑白晝夜熄阻，甚至不知我到底是誰齿穗，清晨六點半，她被這個天下最冷酷的媽媽叫醒饺律。我們匆匆忙忙洗漱窃页，吃早餐，收拾好東西复濒，然后我就把她抱進(jìn)了車?yán)锊甭簟ｉ_車， 出發(fā)巧颈，去了魯妮校長向我保證過女兒一定會在我晚上接她之前就高興起來的R&R幼兒園畦木。在女兒來之前我已經(jīng)考察了多個幼兒園，決定了這個幼兒園后又和校長老師做過多次溝通砸泛。魯妮老師再三強(qiáng)調(diào)十籍，如果我想讓女兒適應(yīng)幼兒園的生活，就一定要舍得放手唇礁。如果我送她時婆婆媽媽勾栗、猶豫不決，就會讓孩子加長分離的焦慮不安和適應(yīng)時間盏筐。
我們到達(dá)后五分鐘围俘，魯妮示意讓我離開。我也必須走了。早上公司有會要開界牡，我必須去工作掙錢簿寂，開始正式面對自己單親媽媽的人生。我摟著我親愛的可憐 的小丫頭宿亡，看著她的眼睛一字一字認(rèn)真地說常遂，“媽媽要走了，但是天黑之前媽媽一定會回來接你的挽荠×页” 那時的女兒心里一定已經(jīng)在想，每一個愛的人都離開了坤按，外公外婆毯欣，爺爺奶奶，爸爸臭脓，甚至這個陌生的媽媽酗钞。誰知道他們是否就會把自己仍在這里不管了。那時的她 一個英文字也不會来累。一副恐懼的模樣砚作，兩只小手緊緊抓住我不放。我再摟緊她一次后就堅定地把她的手從我身上掰開嘹锁，當(dāng)我邁出第一步時葫录，立即聽到她傷心欲絕的哭 聲，我回頭偷看了一眼领猾，她的小臉蛋上全是眼淚米同。我走到停車場還聽到她的哭聲，我一路開車去公司摔竿，一整天開會時腦子里都是她傷心的哭聲面粮。我不記得自己那天上班如何開始，如何結(jié)束继低，一整天都干了些什么熬苍，但我到今天都清楚地記得啟動車子離開學(xué)校時看到的教室窗后女兒緊緊趴在玻璃上的十指以及十指間那流滿眼淚的無辜的小臉。
… ...
我也記得我們朝夕相處的很多無關(guān)緊要的小事：我開車時她會教我新學(xué)的歌袁翁，然后我們一起唱柴底，那時候她還不怎么嫌棄我的節(jié)拍不準(zhǔn)。我們?nèi)ベ徫飼r她總是幫我推車粱胜，盡管車子比她還大柄驻。我記得她的無數(shù)次鋼琴演出。記得她七歲時就會自己開鬧鐘早上起床年柠，如果作業(yè)沒做完凿歼，她會把鬧鐘開到早上五點。我記得七歲半的 她第一次單獨飛過大西洋到瑞士過圣誕節(jié)冗恨，我送她到登機(jī)口看著她背著背包摟著她的小兔子姜兒的身影在我面前一步一回頭地消失答憔。她小小年紀(jì)就顯得非常堅強(qiáng)，但后來我知道她曾在飛機(jī)里獨自悄悄地流淚掀抹。我記得她弟弟出生時她寫的好多和弟弟有關(guān)的作文虐拓，譬如描述她最快樂的一天，或者她世上最愛的人兒傲武。我也記得她在母親節(jié)帶著弟弟給我采摘的野花和端到我床頭的早餐蓉驹。
女兒十歲時，有一天我問她心中有沒有一個榜樣揪利，并讓她思考自己將來想成為什么樣的人态兴。那個時候我對女兒的音樂天賦還抱有很大的希望。她很小學(xué)琴疟位， 得過不少獎瞻润，從師過非常權(quán)威的中美俄鋼琴教授，他們都告訴我她對音樂的理解甜刻，讀譜绍撞，聽覺超常。而且她也近距離見過不少有名的大師級的音樂家得院，包括郎朗在休 斯頓演出時還曾經(jīng)來家里做客傻铣。我滿心期待地想讓女兒受到感染和啟示并且有愿望去成就我自己干不了的大事∠榻剩可是那天她說：“媽媽非洲，我以后就想像你那樣。你很 酷蜕径，也很成功怪蔑。”
領(lǐng)悟到言傳身教和日積月累對我女兒的影響要遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)超出任何蜻蜓點水般的名人效應(yīng)丧荐，我聽了這句話仍然震撼缆瓣，受到鼓舞的同時也深感慚愧。女兒說這話又過了八年虹统。就因為她的這句話弓坞，我知道自己將永不放棄努力并堅持不懈地去做更好的自己。
女兒的這句話加上幾年前我母親在美國時對我女兒說的一番感嘆屬于我這輩子聽到的最美麗的詞句车荔。那天我們?nèi)斯渫晟痰昊貋泶蟀“赝鶑N房堆渡冻。其 中多半東西都是給女兒買的。母親突然對我女兒說：“孩子忧便，你知不知道你多幸運族吻！你看你的媽媽可以給你一切，讓你所有夢想成真。而你媽媽小時候卻一無所有超歌， 因為她的媽媽什么也無法給她砍艾。” 我聽了想哭巍举。母親應(yīng)該知道她雖一無所有脆荷，卻給了我今天的一切的基礎(chǔ)。母親給了我她所有的愛懊悯、毫無保留的愛蜓谋。
盡管這些年來，我也總認(rèn)為我對我女兒有許多欠缺炭分，但我知道我早已傾我所有所能地愛她桃焕。我對她百般呵護(hù)甚至嬌慣，甚至依賴捧毛。因為她不僅給我?guī)砹松囊饬x覆旭，她也經(jīng)常在我最脆弱時給我溫暖和鼓勵。她小時候岖妄，我開車迷路時型将，她會在后座輕輕地歌唱讓我寬心和鎮(zhèn)定。長大了荐虐，當(dāng)我因為工作或搬遷甚至情感上碰 到壓力和困擾時七兜，她會對我說：“媽媽，你行的福扬。這點小事難不到你腕铸。” 其實铛碑，因為女兒的頑強(qiáng)狠裹，自信，堅韌不拔汽烦，她對家和弟弟的責(zé)任心涛菠，她對美的追求，她對世間人和事的愛心撇吞，使我經(jīng)常暗暗提醒自己向女兒學(xué)習(xí)俗冻，并時刻感受到她的 鼓舞。
再過兩天就是女兒十八歲的生日牍颈，我又一次出差旅行不在她的身邊迄薄，我一邊在飛機(jī)里寫這些文字，一邊想著她煮岁。想起她嘴上又會跟人說我是世上最糟糕的媽媽讥蔽，我只有會心一笑涣易。因為我能感覺到我們彼此之間心靈的溫暖和信任。十八年來冶伞，雖然生活給了女兒很多磨練新症，我也讓她過早地經(jīng)歷坎坷，可是我慶幸自己一直在 守護(hù)她碰缔，并能見證她像一株小樹茁壯頑強(qiáng)美麗地成長账劲。
而今我的女兒雖然長大戳护，大得已經(jīng)比我高出大半個頭金抡，我們一起散步時她會自然地勾住我的肩膀，她將上大學(xué)開始走自己的人生腌且，我們將聚少離多......可我仍然感激自己起碼還能繼續(xù)默默地仰視她梗肝，還能在幸福中期待她的生命更加美麗地綻放，期待她擁抱日月星光铺董，開花結(jié)果巫击，從此快樂翱翔。而我精续，雖然我是很糟的媽媽坝锰，但無論何時何地，有她的 地方重付，就永遠(yuǎn)會有我心中的驕傲和牽掛顷级。
（完）
讀完這篇，歡迎大家讀我剛寫的《生命的延續(xù)》确垫，你就可以理解我為什么要堅持寫作弓颈。謝謝。
原稿用英文寫于二〇一三年四月十七日删掀，女兒十六歲生日前翔冀，上海往阿姆斯特丹途中
本中文稿寫于二〇一五年四月二十一日，女兒十八歲生日前披泪，上海經(jīng)舊金山經(jīng)休斯頓往布宜諾斯艾利斯途中
Intro:
I did not mean to mix my professional life with my personal life here on LinkedIn*. But life, as it increasingly turns out to be, and luckily for me, a colorful mix of many happy and emotional phases involving countless professional and personal decisions, often with inseparable consequences.
Two main reasons triggered me to share my personal experience and thoughts here today.
For one reason, I know there are many professional women out there facing tough career and family choices everyday. To those that have approached me with the question how I raise my children (alone) while being successful at what I do: I am not sure how much my own story could help you, but please do know that while it's not easy, hope is indeed there, even for single mothers.
The other reason is a selfish one but is most important to me: My daughter just turned 18, is leaving home for college in a few short months, and she has recently registered a Linkedin account! (And now, her new life too, begins in this semi-professional and personal mix.) I mainly want to borrow this forum to come clean, and let her know that... Well, please read it yourself.
If you liked my essay, and feel that it relates to you or someone you care about, please feel free to share it.
Mother and Daughter: A Professional Mother's Guilty Confession
I have been called “the worst mother in the world” by my own daughter. And I can hardly argue against the accusation. I don’t remember when she pronounced the first word and whether the word was in Chinese, English, German or maybe Hunan dialect. I don’t remember when she first sat up, started crawling or walking. I don’t remember her first sleepover. Even worse, I hardly remember her first day of school except her beautiful smile in a picture taken by her teacher when she got off the school bus… And maybe the worst, I don’t remember how many of her birthdays I missed because of my business travels.
Despite all the moments that I have forgotten, there are some moments I do remember, moments that I will carry to the end of my life, moments that make me love her deeply, and so much more.
I remember the day when we told her her dad and I were splitting and I was going to move out with her. She was two and half. She started looking around the house with her bright innocent eyes, her chubby little hands picking up her dolls and toys one by one while talking to them gently as if she would frighten them with the news. With her sweetest voice she asked if she could take with her all her treasures. Her papa answered, holding her in his one arm while pointing to his own heart with the other empty hand: “Everything will go with you, everything except me.” Her father and I started crying like babies, our daughter did not know whose tears to wipe and which way she should look for help. We vowed we'd love her forever and ever with all we have, no matter what would happen to us, no matter where we would go.
I remember the day I dropped her off for the first time at her day care center in Denville, New Jersey. After staying a few months with her grandparents in Switzerland, I picked her up to join me in America on Saturday, March 31, 2001. By then she had already forgotten her first language Chinese, and spoke only Swiss German. Her own mother had become half a stranger because I had chosen to come to America alone in order to first find a house and settle down before picking her up to join me. She was just about to turn four. We spent our Sunday together to try to get acquainted again, including trying to figure out in which language to communicate with each other.
On Monday morning, my poor daughter, still jet-lagged and confused, hardly knew where she was, with whom she was, was awaken at 6:30 by this cruelest and worst mother in the world. We rushed to feed ourselves, get our stuff ready, and I carried her to the car. Off we went… to the day care center, to dear Ms. N who had assured me many times that my daughter would have no problem adjusting to her new life in R&R Day Care and would love it before the end of the day. I spent five minutes with her in R&R before Ms. N encouraged me to leave.
I had to leave anyway. I had to go to work and make my living to support the two of us. My sweet innocent little girl was left there with only strangers. She had already seen every dear one leave her in the past few months. In her mind she must be thinking, “What if she would never come back to pick me up? What’s next for me?” She spoke no word of English. She was fearful. The little thing wrapped her arms around my legs tightly but I had to force to her let go of me. Tears were rolling down her sweet cheeks as I took my first firm step to walk away. I heard her all the way to the car, all the way to the office... to the meetings in the day. I don’t remember how my day ended. To this day I still remember that vivid picture of her beautiful face pressing between her ten little fingers against the window, crying, helplessly trying to reach her mom.
I remember a lot of trivia things: us singing together in the car while I was driving; her pushing the shopping cart following me while I walked around to look for items; her many beautiful piano recitals; her setting up her own alarm to do homework in the middle of the night at age 7; her flying as unaccompanied minor across the ocean to Switzerland at 7 and half; her full-hearted joy and pure happiness at the birth of her little brother; the flowers and breakfast she and her brother brought to me bed on Mother's Days.
And I remember that when she was about 10, I asked her to look up to someone as a role model. She answered, “I just want to be like you, mommy. You are cool and successful.”
How can I ever forget that? I am forever inspired by her powerful endorsement. And because of it, I know I will never stop finding yet my better self.
Those words, along with what my own dear mother of infinite strength once said to my daughter, remain the most beautiful words I have ever heard in my life. My mother said to my daughter in my presence, “You are such a lucky girl, Anna! You have a most enabling mother that can give you everything, while your mother’s mother could not afford her anything when she was growing up." She made me tear. Little does my mother know that she did give me everything I needed in life - the only thing that really mattered: love, unconditional love!
Despite all the things I did not do right for my daughter, I have always loved and love her unconditionally to the extent I understand what love is. I adore her. She and her brother have given me the meaning of life. She gives me courage in my most difficult times. When I felt uncertain about some decisions I had to make, she would say, “Come on mom, just get on with it. You are fine. You will do great!” In her high school years, I find myself increasingly looking up to her as a role model for all her fine qualities: her discipline, her sense of responsibility, her pursuit of perfection, her never giving up, her trust in me, and most importantly, her love and care for her family and people around her.
How the years have gone by in a flash! On the edge of her eighteenth birthday, I am in the airplane flying somewhere on business, and I am thinking of her, feeling terrible for having to yet miss her last birthday before her adulthood. She might say once again (justifiably) that I’m the worst mother ever. She is set to leave home to start her freshman year in Georgetown University after this summer. I don't know when I will be able to celebrate her birthday with her again. I am sad, I am happy, and I am proud. I am privileged to have accompanied her, and watched her flourish to this day. She blossoms as the most beautiful flower in my vision.
Her life is about to take wings right in front of me. With tender care, and in distance, I shall watch her ebb and flow. I know I must let her go, I will no longer rush to wipe her tears and tend to her wounds. But she shall know that no matter when and where, I will always be there, for her.
As time goes by, I will want to be like her, just like she has wanted to be like me back then.
On these thoughts, I feel my own tears with a smile, above the clouds, in this blue sky.
(End)
*Linkedin is the world's largest professional networking website. This article was first published there.
Originally written on April 17, 2013, in flight from Shanghai to Amsterdam, 6 days before Anna's 16th birthday
Updated on April 21, 2015, in flight from Shanghai to Buenos Aires, 2 days before Anna's 18th birthday
