一、Filling the Pool of Shared Meaning
當(dāng)我們把觀點(diǎn)，感覺(jué)刹枉，理論和經(jīng)驗(yàn)代入談話當(dāng)中時(shí)，這就構(gòu)成了我們獨(dú)特的信息庫(kù)屈呕，
Each of us enters conversations with our own opinions, feelings,theories, and experiences about the topic at hand.?
This unique combination of thoughts and feelings makes up our personal pool of meaning.?
This pool not only informs us but also propels our every action.
當(dāng)人們開(kāi)始談話的時(shí)候微宝，他們沒(méi)有相同的信息庫(kù)，他們觀點(diǎn)不同虎眨。
When two or more of us enter crucial conversations, by definition we don't share the same pool.?
Our opinions differ. I believe one thing, you another. I have one history, you another.
擅長(zhǎng)談話的人蟋软，明知人們的觀點(diǎn)不同，但是愿意把人們拉入共同的信息庫(kù)嗽桩。
People who are skilled at dialogue do their best to make it safe for everyone to add their meaning to the shared pool-evenideas that at first glance appear controversial, wrong, or at odds with their own beliefs.?
Now, obviously they don't agree with every idea;?
they simply do their best to ensure that all ideas find their way into the open.
共同信息庫(kù)的增加岳守，能幫助人們有更好的選擇，做更好的決定碌冶。
As the Pool of Shared Meaning grows, it helps people in two ways.?
First, as individuals are exposed to more accurate and relevant information, they make better choices.?
In a very real sense, the Pool of Shared Meaning is a measure of agroup's IQ.?
The larger the shared pool, the smarter the decisions.
And even though many people may be involved in a choice.?
when people openly and freely share ideas, the increased time investment is more than offset by the quality ofthe decision.
On the other hand, we've all seen what happens when the shared pool is dangerously shallow.
?When people purposefully withhold meaning from one another,?
individually smart people can do collectively stupid things
On the other hand, when people feel comfortable speaking up and meaning does flow freely,?
the shared pool can dramatically increase a group's ability to make better decisions.
The Pool of Shared Meaningis the birthplace of synergy（協(xié)同湿痢；協(xié)同作用）.
共同的信息庫(kù)不僅能幫助個(gè)人做出更好的選擇，而且能夠幫助組織中的個(gè)人更愿意執(zhí)行組織中的決定扑庞，增加組員見(jiàn)的協(xié)同譬重。
Not only does a shared pool help individuals make better choices,?
but since the meaning is shared, people willingly act on whatever decisions they make.?
As people sit through an opendiscussion where ideas are shared,?
they take part in the free flowof meaning.?
Eventually they understand why the shared solutionis the best solution,?
and they're committed to act.
Conversely, when people aren't involved,?
when they sit backquietly during touchy(過(guò)敏的；易生氣的)conversations,?
they're rarely committed tothe final decision.?
Since their ideas remain in their heads andtheir opinions never make it into the pool,?
they end up quietly criticizing and passively resisting.?
Worse still, when others force their ideas into the pool,?
people have a harder time accepting theinformation.
When stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong,?
we're often atour worst.?
In order to move to our best,?
we have to find a way to explain what is in each of our personal pools of meaning-especially our high-stakes, sensitive, and controversial opinions, feelings, and ideas-and to get others to share their pools.?
We have to develop the tools that make it safe for us to discuss theseissues and to come to a shared pool of meaning.?
And when we do,our lives change.
二罐氨、Focus on what you really want
Remember that the only person you can directly control isyourself.
When you find yourself moving toward silence or violence,stop and pay attention to your motives.
? Ask yourself: "What does my behavior tell me about whatmy motives are?"
問(wèn)一下你的行為動(dòng)機(jī)是什么臀规？
Our motives usually change without any conscious thought on our part.?
When adrenaline does our thinking for us, our motives flow with the chemical tide.
In order to move back to motives that allow for dialogue,?
you must step away from the interaction and look at yourself much like an outsider.?
Ask yourself: "What am I doing, and if I had to guess, what does it tell me about my underlying motive?"
As you make an honest effort to discover your motive, youmight conclude: "Let's see. I'm pushing hard, making the argumentstronger than I actually believe, and doing anything to win.?
I've shifted from trying to select a vacation location to trying to win an argument."
? Then, clarify what you really want. Ask yourself: "What doI want for myself? For others? For the relationship?"
澄清你想要什么？
The answer to what we really want helps us tolocate our own North Star.?
Despite the fact that we're being temptedto take the wrong path by ( 1 ) people who are trying to pick afight,?
(2) thousands of years of genetic hardwiring that brings ouremotions to a quick boil,?
and (3) our deeply ingrained habit of tryingto win, our North Star returns us to our original purpose.
"What do I really want? Oh yeah, I guess it's not to makethe other person squirm or to preen in front of a crowd.
?I want people to freely and openly talk about what it'll taketo cut costs."
The second reason for asking what we really want is no less important.?
When we ask ourselves whatwe really want,?
we affect our entire physiology.?
As we introducecomplex and abstract questions to our mind,?
the problem-solvingpart of our brain recognizes that we are now dealing withintricate social issues and not physical threats.
When we presentour brain with a demanding question,?
our body sends preciousblood to the parts of our brain that help us think,?
and away fromthe parts of our body that help us take flight or begin a fight.
Asking questions about what we really want serves two important purposes.
?First, it reminds us of our goal.?
Second, itjuices up our brain in a way that helps us keep focused.
? And finally, ask: "How would I behave if this were what Ireally wanted?"
如果這是我這是我真正想要的話栅隐，我將會(huì)怎么做塔嬉。
