“愛(ài)首先不是同一個(gè)特定的人的關(guān)系； 它是一種態(tài)度澎蛛，一種性格傾向抚垄。這種態(tài)度、性格傾向決定了一個(gè)人同整個(gè)世界的關(guān)系，而不是同一個(gè) “愛(ài)的對(duì)象”的關(guān)系呆馁⊥┚”
Love is not primarily a relationship to a specific person; it is an attitude, an orientation of character which determines the relatedness of a person to the world as a whole, not toward one “object” of love.
“正因?yàn)槿藗儾皇前褠?ài)看作是一種積極的行動(dòng)，靈魂的一種力量浙滤， 所以他們認(rèn)為只要找到愛(ài)的正確對(duì)象就行了阴挣。”
Because one does not see that love is an activity, a power of the soul, one believes that all that is necessary to find is the right object— and that everything goes by itself afterward.
愛(ài)的基本形式就是博愛(ài)纺腊，它是所有其他類(lèi)型的愛(ài)的基礎(chǔ)着逐。意思是說(shuō)盈厘，它包含了所有的愛(ài)都應(yīng)有的責(zé)任感、關(guān)心、尊重和理解他人痒留，愿意促進(jìn)他人的生活讯私。這就是《圣經(jīng)》上所說(shuō)的那種愛(ài)：愛(ài)人如己愕乎。
The most fundamental kind of love, which underlies all types of love, is brotherly love. By this I mean the sense of responsibility, care, respect, knowledge of any other human being, the wish to further his life. This is the kind of love the Bible speaks of when it says: love thy neighbor as thyself.
同人所共有的人性本質(zhì)的同一性相比呻此，人與人之間在才能、智力和知識(shí)上的差別完全可以忽略不計(jì)趁仙。
The differences in talents, intelligence, knowledge are negligible in comparison with the identity of the human core common to all men.
如果我對(duì)人的感知停留在一個(gè)人的表面洪添，那我看到的主要我們之間的差異。這些差異會(huì)將我們分開(kāi)雀费。如果我洞察到他的內(nèi)心干奢，我就會(huì)體會(huì)到我們的同一性，我們的手足情誼坐儿。
If I perceive in another person mainly the surface, I perceive mainly the differences, that which separates us. If I penetrate to the core, I perceive our identity, the fact of our brotherhood.
西蒙威爾曾經(jīng)很優(yōu)美地表述過(guò)這一點(diǎn)：“同樣的話(huà)（例如一個(gè)男人對(duì)他的妻子說(shuō)：‘ 我愛(ài)你’ ）根據(jù)說(shuō)這句話(huà)的方式律胀， 既可以說(shuō)是平凡無(wú)奇，也可以說(shuō)是非同尋常貌矿。 說(shuō)話(huà)的方式取決于一個(gè)人內(nèi)在品質(zhì)的深度炭菌； 這些話(huà)完全是從內(nèi)心那里自然流溢出來(lái)的，不帶有任何為了什么目的的意識(shí)逛漫。 通過(guò)一種不可思議的默契黑低，這些話(huà)也到達(dá)了聽(tīng)者內(nèi)心同一深處。 這樣酌毡，聽(tīng)者就能分辨如果他有分辨的能力的話(huà)克握，這些話(huà)的價(jià)值是什么。 ”
Or as Simone Weil expressed it so beautifully: “The same words [e.g., a man says to his wife, “I love you”] can be commonplace or extraordinary according to the manner in which they are spoken. And this manner depends on the depth of the region in a man’s being from which they proceed without the will being able to do anything. And by a marvelous agreement they reach the same region in him who hears them. Thus the hearer can discern, if he has any power of discernment, what is the value of the words?”
只有當(dāng)我愛(ài)那些并不能服務(wù)于我的個(gè)人目的的人的時(shí)候枷踏，愛(ài)才開(kāi)始顯現(xiàn)菩暗。
Only in the love of those who do not serve a purpose, love begins to unfold.
上帝所允之地（土地始終是母親的象征）被描述為“流著奶和蜜”。奶象征母愛(ài)的第一個(gè)方面： 對(duì)生命的照顧和肯定旭蠕。 蜜則象征生活的甜美停团，對(duì)生活的愛(ài)和活著的幸福旷坦。
The promised land (land is always a mother symbol) is described as “flowing with milk and honey.” Milk is the symbol of the first aspect of love, that of care and affirmation. Honey symbolizes the sweetness of life, the love for it and the happiness in being alive.
母愛(ài)的態(tài)度部分地是源于同動(dòng)物一樣的本能。但是佑稠，不管這種本能因素所占的分量有多大秒梅，也還有產(chǎn)生這種母親特殊的人類(lèi)心理因素。
It seems that this attitude of love is partly rooted in an instinctive equipment to be found in animals as well as in the human female. But, whatever the weight of this instinctive factor may be, there are also specifically human psychological factors which are responsible for this type of motherly love.
母親對(duì)孩子的愛(ài)和癡迷可能是對(duì)自戀的一種滿(mǎn)足舌胶。在母親對(duì)權(quán)力或占有的愿望中捆蜀，我們發(fā)現(xiàn)了另外一個(gè)動(dòng)機(jī)。一個(gè)無(wú)助的幔嫂、完全服從于母親的意志的孩子辆它，無(wú)疑是一個(gè)渴望支配和占有的女人滿(mǎn)足其欲望的自然對(duì)象。
Inasmuch as the infant is still felt to be a part of herself, her love and infatuation may be a satisfaction of her narcissism. Another motivation may be found in a mother’s wish for power, or possession. The child, being helpless and completely subject to her will, is a natural object of satisfaction for a domineering and possessive woman.
“超越性” 的需要婉烟。need for transcendence.
最自然最容易的方法就是母親對(duì)自己創(chuàng)造物的照顧和愛(ài)娩井。在她的孩子身上暇屋，母親超越了自我似袁，她對(duì)孩子的愛(ài)能給她的生活以意義（男人不能通過(guò)生育孩子來(lái)滿(mǎn)足超越的需要，所以他只能通過(guò)用創(chuàng)造人造物以及創(chuàng)造思想來(lái)超越自己）咐刨。
the most natural and also the easiest one to achieve is the mother’s care and love for her creation. She transcends herself in the infant; her love for it gives her life meaning and significance. (In the very inability of the male to satisfy his need for transcendence by bearing children lies his urge to transcend himself by the creation of man-made things and of ideas.)
母愛(ài)的真正本質(zhì)在于照顧孩子的成長(zhǎng)昙衅，這也就意味著想讓孩子離開(kāi)自己。
The very essence of motherly love is to care for the child’s growth, and that means to want the child’s separation from herself.
母愛(ài)不僅應(yīng)該容忍這一分離定鸟，而且還應(yīng)該希望并支持這一分離而涉。就是在這一階段，母愛(ài)才成為一項(xiàng)艱巨的任務(wù)联予，母愛(ài)要求無(wú)私啼县，貢獻(xiàn)一切，除了被愛(ài)者的幸福以外別無(wú)所求沸久。
The mother must not only tolerate, she must wish and support the child’s separation. It is only at this stage that motherly love becomes such a difficult task, that it requires unselfishness, the ability to give everything and to want nothing but the happiness of the loved one.
兄弟之愛(ài)是同等者之間的愛(ài)季眷；母愛(ài)是對(duì)需要幫助的人的愛(ài)。
Brotherly love is love among equals; motherly love is love for the helpless.
性愛(ài)是對(duì)同他人完全融合的渴望卷胯。按其本性而言子刮，性愛(ài)是排他性，無(wú)法普遍的窑睁；性愛(ài)也可能是所有愛(ài)中最能迷惑人的一種挺峡。
In contrast to both types of love are erotic love; it is the craving for complete fusion, for union with one other person.It is by its very nature exclusive and not universal; it is also perhaps the most deceptive form of love there is.
首先，人們常常會(huì)把性愛(ài)同電光火閃的“墜入” 情網(wǎng)的經(jīng)歷混為一談担钮，在這種情況下橱赠，兩個(gè)陌生人之間所有的隔閡都突然崩塌了。正像上面已經(jīng)指出的那樣箫津，按其本質(zhì)這種突如其發(fā)的親密體驗(yàn)注定是要短命的狭姨。
First of all, it is often confused with the explosive experience of “falling” in love, the sudden collapse of the barriers which existed until that moment between two strangers.But, as was pointed out before, this experience of sudden intimacy is by its very nature short-lived.
既然他們所體驗(yàn)到孤獨(dú)僅僅是肉體上的孤獨(dú)吓著，因而肉體的結(jié)合對(duì)他們來(lái)說(shuō)也就意味著對(duì)孤獨(dú)的克服。
Since they experience the separateness of the other person primarily as physical separateness, physical union means overcoming separateness.
此外送挑，對(duì)許多人來(lái)說(shuō)還有一系列別的因素標(biāo)志著孤獨(dú)的克服绑莺。講述自己的個(gè)人生活，描繪自己的希望和焦慮惕耕，展示自己幼稚纺裁、孩童般天真的一面，以及建立面對(duì)世界的共同興趣司澎，所有這些方面可以算作克服人之孤獨(dú)的途徑欺缘。甚至表露自己的憤怒和仇恨，無(wú)所顧忌地交心也都被看作是親密挤安。
Beyond that, there are other factors which to many people denote the overcoming of separateness. To speak of one’s own personal life, one’s hopes and anxieties, to show oneself with one’s childlike or childish aspects, to establish a common interesttothe world—all this is taken as overcoming separateness.
性欲的目標(biāo)在于結(jié)合谚殊，而絕不僅僅指肉體的欲望，以及為了釋放折磨人的壓力蛤铜。但是嫩絮，性欲確實(shí)可以由對(duì)孤獨(dú)的焦慮，由征服或被征服的愿望围肥，由空虛剿干，由傷害甚至破壞的愿望所激發(fā)正如它也可以為愛(ài)所激發(fā)那樣∧驴蹋看起來(lái)置尔，性欲可以同每一種強(qiáng)烈的情感混合在一起，也可以為每一種強(qiáng)烈的情感所激發(fā)氢伟，愛(ài)只不過(guò)是其中之一罷了榜轿。
Sexual desire aims at fusion—and is by no means only a physical appetite, the relief of a painful tension. But sexual desire can be stimulated by the anxiety of loneliness, by the wish to conquer or be conquered, by vanity, by the wish to hurt and even to destroy, as much as it can be stimulated by love. It seems that sexual desire can easily blend with and be stimulated by any strong emotion, of which love is only one.
愛(ài)毫無(wú)疑問(wèn)會(huì)激發(fā)性結(jié)合的愿望；在愛(ài)激發(fā)下朵锣，這種肉體關(guān)系就不會(huì)帶有貪欲谬盐，就不會(huì)帶有征服或被征服的愿望，而是跟柔情混合在一起了猪勇。如果肉體結(jié)合的欲望不是被愛(ài)激發(fā)的设褐，如果性愛(ài)不同時(shí)也是兄弟之愛(ài)，那么這種肉體的結(jié)合只會(huì)是剎那的狂歡泣刹。
Love can inspire the wish for sexual union; in this case the physical relationship is lacking in greediness, in a wish to conquer or to be conquered, but is blended with tenderness. If the desire for physical union is not stimulated by love, if erotic love is not also brotherly love, it never leads to union in more than an orgiastic, transitory sense.
柔情絕不是如弗洛伊德所說(shuō)是性本能的升華助析，而是兄弟之愛(ài)的直接后果；柔情既表現(xiàn)在愛(ài)的肉體形式中椅您，也表現(xiàn)在愛(ài)的非肉體形式中外冀。
Tenderness is by no means, as Freud believed, a sublimation of the sexual instinct; it is the direct outcome of brotherly love, and exists in physical as well as in non-physical forms of love.
性愛(ài)具有一種兄弟之愛(ài)和母愛(ài)都不具備的排他性、獨(dú)占性掀泳。
In erotic love there is an exclusiveness which is lacking in brotherly love and motherly love.
性愛(ài)的這種排他性經(jīng)常被錯(cuò)誤地解釋為是一種占有性依賴(lài)雪隧。
Frequently the exclusiveness of erotic love is misinterpreted as meaning possessive attachment.
性愛(ài)是具有排他性的西轩，但同時(shí)也是通過(guò)愛(ài)一個(gè)人，進(jìn)而愛(ài)全人類(lèi)脑沿，愛(ài)一切活著的生命藕畔。
Erotic love is exclusive, but it loves in the other person all of mankind, all that is alive.
性愛(ài)，如果性愛(ài)可稱(chēng)為愛(ài)的話(huà)庄拇，需要一個(gè)先決條件注服。那就是我從我存在的本質(zhì)出發(fā)去愛(ài)，并且去體驗(yàn)對(duì)方存在的本質(zhì)措近。從其本質(zhì)來(lái)說(shuō)溶弟，人都是一樣的。我們都既是整體的一部分又是一個(gè)整體瞭郑。如果情形是這樣的話(huà)辜御，實(shí)際上愛(ài)誰(shuí)都沒(méi)什么區(qū)別。
Erotic love, if it is love, has one premise. That I love from the essence of my being—and experience the other person in the essence of his or her being. In essence, all human beings are identical. We are all part of One; we are One. This being so, it should not make any difference whom we love.
愛(ài)從本質(zhì)上說(shuō)應(yīng)該是一種意志的行為屈张，是對(duì)將自己的一生完全托付給對(duì)方的決定擒权。在當(dāng)代西方文化中，這種觀點(diǎn)顯然被視為完全錯(cuò)誤袜茧。人們認(rèn)為愛(ài)情是一個(gè)人對(duì)不可抗拒情感所突然虜獲的自發(fā)反應(yīng)菜拓。
Love should be essentially an act of will, of decision to commit my life completely to that of one other person.In contemporary Western culture this idea appears altogether false. Love is supposed to be the outcome of a spontaneous, emotional reaction, of suddenly being gripped by an irresistible feeling.
人們忽略了性愛(ài)中的一個(gè)重要因素：意志瓣窄。愛(ài)一個(gè)人不僅是一種強(qiáng)烈的感情笛厦，而且也是一項(xiàng)決定，一樁判斷俺夕，一個(gè)承諾裳凸。如果愛(ài)情僅僅是一種感情，那么承諾相愛(ài)一輩子就沒(méi)有基礎(chǔ)劝贸。一種感情來(lái)了姨谷，又會(huì)離去。如果我的愛(ài)不包含判斷和決定的話(huà)映九，我又何以能肯定愛(ài)情的綿綿無(wú)期呢梦湘？
One neglects to see an important factor in erotic love, that of will. To love somebody is not just a strong feeling—it is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go. How can I judge that it will stay forever, when my act does not involve judgment and decision?
愛(ài)只是意志行為和承諾行為，故而件甥，愛(ài)的雙方是什么人并不重要捌议。這忽視了人的本質(zhì)與性愛(ài)錯(cuò)綜復(fù)雜的性質(zhì)。
Love is exclusively an act of will and commitment, and that therefore fundamentally it does not matter who the two persons are.This view seems to neglect the paradoxical character of human nature and of erotic love.
一種觀點(diǎn)認(rèn)為性愛(ài)完全是兩個(gè)人之間的吸引引有，是兩個(gè)特定的人之間獨(dú)一無(wú)二的關(guān)系瓣颅；另一種觀點(diǎn)認(rèn)為性愛(ài)只是意志的行為。這兩種觀點(diǎn)都是正確的譬正；或者更適宜的說(shuō)法是宫补，二者都不正確檬姥。
Both views then, that of erotic love as completely individual attraction, unique between two specific persons, as well as the other view that erotic love is nothing but an act of will, are true—or, as it may be put more aptly, the truth is neither this nor that.
再?zèng)]有比我們下面所要引用的梅斯特艾克哈特關(guān)于這一主題所作的概括更為精辟的話(huà)了，他說(shuō)：“你若愛(ài)你自己粉怕，你就會(huì)愛(ài)所有的人如同愛(ài)你自己健民。你若對(duì)一個(gè)人的愛(ài)少于愛(ài)你自己，那你就不能真正地成功地愛(ài)你自己贫贝。如果你能同樣地愛(ài)所有的人荞雏，包括你自己，那么你就能把他們當(dāng)作一個(gè)人來(lái)愛(ài)平酿，既是上帝也是人凤优。那么你就是一個(gè)偉大的人，一個(gè)正直的人蜈彼，一個(gè)同等愛(ài)自己筑辨，以及所有其他人的人⌒夷妫”
These ideas on self-love cannot be summarized better than I by quoting Meister Eckhart on this topic: “If you love your-1 self, you love everybody else as you do yourself. As long as I. you love another person less than you love yourself, you will not really succeed in loving yourself, but if you love all alike, I including yourself, you will love them as one person and that I person is both God and man. Thus he is a great and righteous | person who, loving himself, loves all others equally.”
