安娜匠襟，我最親愛的钝侠，
叫我從何說起呢！這一切都該源于我那巧遇的緣分酸舍，源于我愛上你爸爸的那一刻吧帅韧。
那天下午剛過五點，難得的下班早啃勉。我一走出工廠大門忽舟，大腦就開始遐想那遙不可及的遠方，一個遠離這綁住我身體的這份工作的地方淮阐。那該是個有風的日子叮阅。風不斷地把我的頭發(fā)送到臉頰，輕打著我的眼角泣特，我的嘴唇浩姥，我的青春。然后我看到了你的爸爸状您。他從自行車上向我回頭勒叠。笑著。一瞬即逝膏孟。白皙的肌膚映襯著下午的陽光眯分。他穿著深綠色的短褲，金黃色的T恤柒桑。洗得柔軟的棉布弊决。他一邊揮手一邊騎下山坡。我的視線緊盯著他的背影魁淳，那閃爍著的黃和綠丢氢，一直往前傅联，越來越小，消失在風里疚察。
二十七年過去了。二十七年仇奶！
生活會以各種方式來戲弄我們貌嫡。
但我沒有被戲弄。我沒有被戲弄该溯，親愛的女兒岛抄，因為我們有你，我們的唯一狈茉，美麗的你夫椭！
這二十七年里，你陪伴了我二十年氯庆，再加上我懷你的十月蹭秋。你在我肚里時，我是個快樂的胖子堤撵，我就想讓你感到妥妥的安全仁讨。你肯定很喜歡呆在那里，因為你等啊等啊实昨，過了兩周也不肯出來洞豁。到了姥爺生日的那晚，我們?nèi)胰チ艘患掖ú损^慶祝荒给。我吃了很多辣椒丈挟，你終于受不了了吧，于是半夜你開始拼命地踢騰志电。
我們?nèi)チ藝H婦幼保健醫(yī)院曙咽。我們努力地想讓你生出來∠保可你那固執(zhí)的大頭就是不肯轉個方向桐绒。他們只好把我的肚子剖開將你取出。
就這樣之拨，你來了茉继，我親愛的安娜·露琪亞。優(yōu)雅·光明蚀乔，如你的名字烁竭。你那甜美的聲音，甜美的臉蛋吉挣，甜美的手指派撕、腳趾婉弹，甜美的呼吸，甜美的純真终吼。
一個由里而外的美人兒镀赌，從出生到現(xiàn)在，一直如此际跪。世界立刻變得無比神奇商佛。世界突然有了意義。
你的爸爸姆打，他是怎樣的興奮喲良姆！他給每一個他能想起來的人打電話報喜。世間沒有任何快樂可以比得上初為人父的喜悅幔戏，尤其是當上你這樣的女兒的父親玛追。當?shù)诙斓睦杳鞯絹恚愕拇缶说结t(yī)院來看你了闲延，還有你的外祖父母痊剖，那一對美好的人兒，他們穿著節(jié)日的盛裝慨代，我從沒見過他們?nèi)绱寺≈氐氐菆鲂象稀Ｎ艺媸菒鬯麄儯嗝聪Ｍ菚r候侍匙，在他們還有很長的人生的時候氮惯，我花了更多的時間去愛他們。
我是個殘忍的媽媽想暗，親愛的安娜妇汗。我目睹你迫切地抿著嘴，讓你的頭一寸一寸地靠近我的胸部说莫，想要吸取更多的奶水杨箭，而我卻不夠。我堅持要用母乳喂養(yǎng)储狭，我讓你挨餓互婿，讓你哭，讓你六斤半的體重減到了五斤多一點辽狈。我讓你變得蒼白無力瘦小慈参，而當你的哭聲越來越弱時，我還以為你變得越來越乖了刮萌。
外婆說是她拯救了你驮配。她終于忍無可忍，讓外公去買了嬰兒奶粉。打那以后壮锻，你抽枝發(fā)芽琐旁，蓓蕾綻放。你成了我見過的最美最頑強的花猜绣。
你滿月那天灰殴，我們一家飛去瑞士，去見你在那邊的親人掰邢。我們抱著小不點的你验懊，小心翼翼地過安檢，小心翼翼地登機尸变，直到平安地抵達你爸爸的國土，一路上我們懸著心减俏，生怕無法保護你 - 我們?nèi)套钫滟F的寶貝召烂。
我們到達巴塞爾的家時已是晚上了，你本在深睡中娃承。我還記得老房子那一陣陣木頭的沉香迎面襲來奏夫，我至今懷念。我母親把你輕輕地交給奶奶抱著历筝。你馬上睜開了眼酗昼，朝奶奶笑了。外婆說梳猪，“真是人親骨頭香啊麻削。”
你四十五天時在教堂接受了洗禮春弥，那晚你第一次睡到天亮呛哟，正式讓你成為這世上最好的嬰兒。你給你弟弟匿沛，我們親愛的艾倫扫责，帶出了榜樣，讓他六年半后也緊跟你的步伐逃呼。
你處處都是一個榜樣鳖孤，親愛的安娜。
今晚抡笼，在你將滿二十歲生日的前夜苏揣，我們相隔重洋，我淚眼婆娑地給你寫信蔫缸。好幾次眼睛模糊腿准，我只能停下。我給自己斟上一杯紅酒，走到地下室翻出那些過去的影集吐葱，我開上音樂街望，播放著你這些年來彈奏的鋼琴曲。
我并不悲傷弟跑。我只是想花這點時間靜靜地想你灾前，想我們，想那些在你這二十年寶貴生命中留下痕跡的人兒孟辑。
我做過很多改變?nèi)松臎Q定哎甲，你的，我們的人生饲嗽。我們?nèi)ネ绹鵁o疑是這些決定里影響最為深遠的一個炭玫。
你人生的第一個記憶是你走下飛機見到Robert的時刻。我讓你叫他爹貌虾。你很害羞吞加，但還是叫了。你現(xiàn)在還是叫他爹尽狠，雖然沒有血緣衔憨，也不再有我的婚姻維系，卻有你們之間的愛和親情相連袄膏。
我們多次遷移了幾個大洲践图，我們多次連根拔起。你都從容地接受沉馆。你仰望著我码党，你為我喝彩，你牽著我的手悍及，你引著我走過闽瓢。
因為有你，后來又有了艾倫心赶，我們又扎下了根扣讼，我們一起。
我寫這封信時缨叫，你滿二十椭符，我即將四十八，我很幸運地意識到耻姥，我們最強的根就在我們自己身上销钝，它深藏在我們的內(nèi)心和靈魂，它源于我們愛的能力琐簇。
我沒有什么能給你的蒸健，除了我對你的關愛座享，還有我向你完全敞開的內(nèi)心，包括向你敞開我所有的瑕疵似忧。有時候我們難免會想渣叛，假如我在這里或那里做了不同的選擇，我們的人生又將如何盯捌。我走過的所有的路淳衙，有時候我獨自一人，有時候我拖拽著你和你弟弟饺著。我犯下的所有的錯箫攀。我那些失落的戀情。我們承受的一次次分離幼衰。我年年選擇出差而不是為你慶祝生日靴跛。我這單身母親的暗暗掙扎。
所有這些可能留下的陰影渡嚣。
我一直害怕去想這些陰影汤求。因為我怕它們會傷害你，會讓你留下疤痕严拒，會讓你變得膽怯和喪失安全感，會剝奪你勇敢去愛竖独、去全身心投入生活的動力和勇氣裤唠。
我是如此地幸運！看看你莹痢，孩子种蘸，你這朝氣勃勃的美人兒。現(xiàn)在我意識到竞膳，這些所謂的陰影全是寶藏航瞭，是我們終生學習的源泉。這些影子坦辟，這些寶藏刊侯，它們的形成并不是因為我的魯莽冒失，它們只不過是媽媽青春的果實锉走，是媽媽清純歲月的縮影滨彻，是我大膽追求美好生活的寫照。我甚至敢說挪蹭，是我對愛的追求的結晶亭饵。我一直相信愛，孩子梁厉，我也想要讓你相信愛辜羊。
當你今天達到這個重要的里程碑，你這獨一無二的人生里的第三個十年即將展開。在這新的十年里八秃，你將完全獨立生活碱妆，你會遇到真愛 - 也許不是永恒的愛 - 而那也沒有關系，你很可能將結出人生的碩果喜德，成立自己的家庭山橄。但是你也可能會嘗到真正艱難的日子，可能會受到傷害舍悯，可能會遇到失去的苦痛航棱。你只需要知道，我的孩子萌衬，你會好的饮醇。
你對我，對我們秕豫，是如此的重要朴艰，我的女兒。
所有你愛的和愛你的人都能在你身上看到他們的影子混移。而我尤其是這樣祠墅，不過，你是我兒時夢中的愿景歌径，如今成真毁嗦。
我看到你正在實現(xiàn)的夢想。我的夢想回铛，只是更大狗准，比我在你這個年齡任何時候想象的都大。那想要留下點什么的夢想茵肃，那想要走向世界的夢想腔长，那無論多么不可能也想要讓這世界變得更美好的夢想。
我看到你正無比積極地努力验残。很棒的捞附！你喜歡笑，哪怕摔得很痛您没；你即使哭了故俐，也總是會以笑聲來收干眼淚；你對陌生人笑紊婉，你對冷漠的人也笑药版。孩子，不要為任何人改變你這一點喻犁。
我看到你那毫無保留地愛的能力槽片。這是你身上最強大何缓、最有魔力的氣質。你灑向你弟弟的無私無盡的愛和關懷 - 他從小就把你當作真正的女神 - 你向他指引了一條寬廣的正路还栓，你使我們的艾倫變成了一個無比特殊的孩子碌廓。你毫無保留地給予你的愛，愛朋友剩盒，愛家人谷婆，不管是在中國的，在瑞士的辽聊，還是在美國的家人纪挎。你的愛心映射四周，已經(jīng)有很多人受益跟匆，而它將在未來產(chǎn)生的更深遠的作用异袄，以及那作用的連鎖反應能波及的影響，是你今天無法想象的玛臂。
安娜烤蜕，我親愛的，你是我的歡樂迹冤，我的驕傲讽营，我的明燈。你是我最好的朋友泡徙。你教我如何強大斑匪，如何前進，甚至如何穿衣打扮锋勺。
你讓我看到了我自己的美麗，你讓我相信我所有的付出都值得狡蝶，你讓我真正相信我們的明天將更加美好庶橱。
安娜，我親愛的女兒贪惹，現(xiàn)在你知道了苏章，你的人生始于一場愛和緣分，我要它一直是那樣奏瞬，讓你的人生永遠與愛結緣枫绅。永遠。無論晴雨硼端，無論起落并淋。只要你心中有愛，一切都會好的珍昨。
因為我愛你县耽。過去和永遠句喷。我愛你，愛慕你兔毙，我絕無僅有的女兒唾琼，安娜·露琪亞。
你的媽媽,
湘?zhèn)懹冢?/p>
二零一七年四月二十二日至二十三日澎剥，上海
如果喜歡锡溯，記得點贊、傳播哑姚，也歡迎點擊關注我哦祭饭！謝謝。
Anna my dearest,
Where shall I begin? It must be serendipity, and I trace it back all the way to the moment I fell for your father.
It was just after 5 o'clock in the afternoon. We were off work early on that day. As soon as I walked out of the factory gate, my mind started drifting into an unknown future far away from the place that trapped my body with a job. It must have been breezy and warm, because I remember my hair gently beating my face, the corners of my eyes, my lips. And I saw your father! He turned back from his bike. Smiling. In a flash. Fair skin shining in the afternoon sun. He was in dark green shorts and bright yellow T-shirt. Washed soft cotton. He rode downhill and waved bye. My eyes followed, the flickering yellow and green, into the wind, until no longer in sight.
27 years have gone by. 27!
Life has many ways of tricking us.
But I was not tricked, my dear daughter. Because we have you, our one and only, beautiful you!
In these 27 years, you have accompanied me for 20, plus the months I carried you. I was fat and happy when you were in my tummy, and I hoped you were secure. You must have loved it there, for you waited and waited, until you finally kicked my tummy in the night we celebrated Grandpa’s birthday at a Sichuan restaurant. I ate a ton of spices, you couldn’t bear.
We went to International Peace Maternity & Child Health Hospital. We tried together to push you out. But that big stubborn head of yours refused to turn. They had to cut open my body to fetch you.
And there you were! Our dear Anna Lucia. Grace and light! Your sweet sound, sweet face, sweet fingers and toes, sweet breath, and sweet innocence.
A beauty from inside and out. To this day. The world instantly became divine! It suddenly had meaning.
How your papa rejoiced! He called everyone he could think of to share the news. Nothing as special like a first-time dad, and of a daughter like you. As dawn broke the next day, there came Uncle Yue, and your exquisite grandparents, ceremoniously dressed up, the way I had never seen before. Oh, I love them so much, I wish I had time to love them more, when they still had so much life ahead.
I was a cruel mom, my dear Anna. I saw you anxiously smack your lips and inch your little head towards my breasts for more milk which I didn’t have. I let you starve, I let you cry, I made you lose over one pound of weight out of six and half. I let you become thin and pale, and your cry became weaker and weaker and I thought you learnt how to behave.
Grandma said she rescued you by finally sending Grandpa for infant formula. And you have burgeoned and flourished ever since. The most beautiful and tenacious flower I have ever seen.
On the 30th day of your life, we flew together to Switzerland to meet your paternal grandparents and family. You were the most precious little thing to pass airport security, to be placed on that plane, and to land, in the country of your father's home.
When we arrived our home in Basel, I loved the penetrating scent of the wood, of home, you were asleep. My mom put you in the arms of Grandma Gloor. You immediately opened your sweet eyes and smiled at her. My mom said that your little nose smelled the endearing redolence of your bloodline.
On day 45, you were baptized, and slept through the night for the first time, officially making you the best baby in this world. You set the example so well that your brother, our dearest Alan, followed suit six and a half years later.
You have always been exemplary, my dear Anna.
Tonight, on the eve of your 20th birthday, more than seven thousand days and nights since your birth, and oceans apart, I write this letter with tearful eyes. I had to interrupt a few times when my eyes became blurry. I poured myself a glass of wine, went to the basement for old photo albums, and I turned on music, the piano pieces you had played over the years.
I am not sad. I just want to take time to think of you, think of us, think of all the loved ones that were part of your 20-year precious life.
I made decisions that fundamentally shaped your life, our life. Our move to America must have been one of the most profound.
Your first memory in life was when you stepped off the plane, and saw Robert. I asked you to call him Dad. You were bashful, but you did. You still do, bound by love.
We moved continents, multiple times. We uprooted, many times. You took it all in stride. You looked up to me, cheered me on, held my hand, led me through.
Because of you, and later joined by Alan, we rooted again, together.
As I write, as you turn 20, and I am about to turn 48, I am fortunate to realize that our strongest roots reside in ourselves, in our heart and soul, in our ability to love.
I have not much to give you but my affection and love, and my openness about all my imperfections. Sometimes we may wonder how life would have become, had I made different choices here and there. The roads I traveled, sometimes alone, sometimes I dragged you and your brother along. The mistakes I made. The relationships I broke. The partings we went through. The choice to go on a business trip over your birthday, and many times over. The struggles of a single mother.
The shadows of it all!
I was scared to think of these shadows! For they could have hurt you, left you scars, made you timid and insecure, deprived you of the courage of loving and living life to its full!
How I lucked out! Look at you, my enduring beauty. Now I realize that those shadows are treasures, are fountains of life-long learnings. They were not created due to recklessness, but were the results of youth, innocence, and bold pursuits for better lives. I even dare say, they were results of love. I have always believed in love, and I want that for you too.
As you turn to this important milestone, the 3rd decade of your one and only life unfolds. In this new decade, you will become completely independent, you will find true love, maybe not everlasting and it’s okay, and you may bear your own fruit and start your own family. But you may also taste hardships, hurts, and real losses of life. You just need to know, you will be okay.
You mean so much to me, to us all, my girl.
All people you love and love you must see a small piece of themselves in you. And I see that most, except you are the vision that I had aspired to be and came true.
I see you living your dream. My dream, just bigger than I could have ever dreamed when I was your age. The dream to have impact, to reach the world, to make it a better place despite impossibilities.
I see your positivity. Beautiful! You smile even after a worst fall, you cry when you are hurt and you still end your tears with a smile, you smile to strangers and unkindness. Don’t let anyone change that for you.
I see your capacity to love unconditionally. It’s the most powerful and magical thing in you. You showered your little brother with love and care, you have been his goddess since day one, you have guided him in the right path and made him special. You give unconditional love to all, your friends, your Chinese family, Swiss family, and American family. Your love radiates through, it already has left huge impact, and will increasingly leave profound impact with a ripple effect that you can’t imagine today.
Anna my dearest, you are my joy, my pride, and my torch. You are my best friend. You have taught me how to stay strong, how to move on, and how to dress smart, chic, or casual.
You made me believe I am beautiful too, and made me believe it was all worth it and that better days are truly yet to come.
Anna, my dearest daughter, you see, your life began serendipitously with love, and I want that it stays that way. All the way. Rain or shine. Rise or fall. When you have love in your heart, you will be okay.
Because I love you. I always have, and always will. I love and adore you, my one and only girl, Anna Lucia.
Your mom,
Xiangwei
April 22-23, 2017, Shanghai
