-*-

45

回到廠房厦酬，她的臉色非常蒼白胆描，艾多問她怎么樣了，她沒有回答仗阅，用一只手把他推開了昌讲，她把自己關(guān)在了廁所里。她很害怕布魯諾會(huì)馬上叫她去霹菊，她很害怕不得不當(dāng)著米凱萊的面和她發(fā)生沖突剧蚣，她很擔(dān)心自己虛弱不堪的身體，她沒辦法應(yīng)對(duì)這種狀況旋廷。她通過廁所的小窗子一直看著院子鸠按，她看到米凱萊又高又壯的身體，仔細(xì)刮過的臉饶碘，大額頭目尖，發(fā)跡線很高，身上穿著一件皮夾克扎运，下身是一條黑色的褲子瑟曲，他邁著急促的腳步，走到自己的車前豪治，開車走了洞拨。只有到這時(shí)，她才松了一口氣负拟，她回到了剔骨室烦衣。艾多又一次問：

When she came back down, her face very

? pale, Edo asked her how it went, but Lila didn’t answer, she pushed him away

? with one hand and shut herself in the bathroom. She was afraid that Bruno

? would call her back, she was afraid of being forced to have a confrontation

? in Michele’s presence, she was afraid of the unaccustomed fragility of her

? body—she couldn’t get used to it. From the little window she spied on the

? courtyard and drew a sigh of relief when she saw Michele, tall, in a black

? leather jacket and dark pants, going bald at the temples, his handsome face

? carefully shaved, walk nervously to his car, and leave. Then she returned to

? the gutting room and Edo asked her again:

“怎么樣了？”

“So?”

“去了掩浙。你們等著看花吟。”

“I did it. But from now on the rest of

? you have to take care of it.”

“什么意思厨姚？”

“In what sense?”

她沒能回答艾多的問題衅澈，這時(shí)候，布魯諾的秘書氣喘吁吁地來了谬墙，說老板要馬上見她今布。她馬上就去了经备，就像一位要殉道的圣人，盡管腦袋還在頭上頂著部默，但只當(dāng)已經(jīng)被砍掉了弄喘。布魯諾一看見她，就開始嚷嚷：

She couldn’t answer: Bruno’s secretary

? had appeared, breathless, the owner wanted her right away. She went like that

? saint who, although she still has her head on her shoulders, is carrying it

? in her hands, as if it had already been cut off. Bruno, as soon as he saw

? her, almost screamed:

“你們要不要早上我把咖啡送到你們床前八ξ？這到底是怎么一回事兒累奈，莉娜贬派？你知道自己在做什么嗎？我簡(jiǎn)直無法相信澎媒。你坐下來跟我解釋一下搞乏。”

“You people want to have coffee in bed in

? the morning? What is this latest thing, Lina? Do you have any idea? Sit down

? and explain. I can’t believe it.”

莉拉一條一條跟他解釋了他們的要求戒努，用的語氣就像是詹納羅跟她胡攪蠻纏時(shí)请敦，她用的語氣。她強(qiáng)調(diào)說储玫，他最好要認(rèn)真看待這張紙上提到的東西侍筛，用一種建設(shè)性的精神去看待，因?yàn)榧偃缢荒芾硇蕴幚泶耸氯銮睿瑒诠な鸬谋O(jiān)察員會(huì)來調(diào)查他匣椰。最后她問，他怎么能落到索拉拉這種危險(xiǎn)的人物手里端礼。這時(shí)候布魯諾開始失控禽笑，他的臉由紅色變成了紫色，眼睛里充滿了血絲蛤奥，他叫喊著說佳镜，他會(huì)報(bào)復(fù)莉拉，他只要給幾個(gè)為他做事的伙計(jì)加幾里拉的工資凡桥，他們就會(huì)平息這件事情蟀伸。他聲嘶力竭地說，這么多年來唬血，他父親一直在給監(jiān)察員送禮望蜡，如果他害怕別人來調(diào)查，那就怪了拷恨！他還說脖律，索拉拉兄弟會(huì)讓她斷了參加工會(huì)的念頭，最后他用嘶啞的腕侄、斷斷續(xù)續(xù)的聲音說：“出去小泉，馬上出去芦疏，出去！”

Lila explained to him, demand by demand,

? in the tone she used with Gennaro when he refused to understand. She said

? emphatically that he had better take that piece of paper seriously and deal

? with the various points in a constructive spirit, because if he behaved

? unreasonably, the office of the labor inspector would soon come down on him.

? Finally she asked him what sort of trouble he’d got into, to end up in the

? hands of dangerous people like the Solaras. At that point Bruno lost control

? completely. His red complexion turned purple, his eyes grew bloodshot, he

? yelled that he would ruin her, that a few extra lire for the four dickheads

? she had set against him would be enough to settle everything. He shouted that

? for years his father had been bribing the inspector’s office and she was

? dreaming if she thought he was afraid of an inspection. He cried that the

? Solaras would eliminate her desire to be a union member, and finally, in a

? choked voice, he said: Out, get out immediately, out.

莉拉走到了門口微姊。她在門檻那兒停了下來酸茴，說：

Lila went to the door. On the threshold

? she said:

“這是你最后一次看到我：從現(xiàn)在開始，我不再在這里干活了兢交⌒胶矗”

“This is the last time you’ll see me. I’m

? done working here, starting now.”

聽到這番話，索卡沃馬上就恢復(fù)了神智配喳，他滿臉警惕酪穿，他一定已經(jīng)向米凱萊許諾，不開除她晴裹。他對(duì)莉拉說：

At those words Soccavo abruptly returned? to himself. He had an expression of alarm, he must have promised Michele that? he wouldn’t fire her. He said:?

“現(xiàn)在你生氣了被济？耍小脾氣？你剛才說什么涧团？過來只磷，我們聊一下，讓我來決定是不是解雇你泌绣。臭娘們钮追，你給我過來！”

“Now you’re insulted? Now you’re being

? difficult? What do you say, come here, let’s discuss it, I’ll decide if I

? should fire you or not. Bitch, I said come here.”

就在那一剎那間赞别，她回想起了伊斯基亞的時(shí)光畏陕，我們等待尼諾和他的朋友到來的那些早晨，那個(gè)在弗里奧有一套房子仿滔，非郴莼伲客氣、充滿耐心的朋友崎页。她從那道門走了出去鞠绰，把門關(guān)上了，但她馬上感覺渾身發(fā)抖飒焦，出了一身冷汗蜈膨。她來到了剔骨室，沒有和艾多牺荠、特蕾莎打招呼翁巍，經(jīng)過菲利普的面前，他有些迷糊地看著莉拉休雌，喊道：“賽魯灶壶！你去哪兒，趕緊進(jìn)來杈曲〕哿荩”但她跑過那段土路胸懈，坐上第一趟去海邊的車子，來到了海灘上恰响。她一直在走路趣钱，風(fēng)很冷，她坐纜車到了沃美羅胚宦，走上了萬維泰利廣場(chǎng)首有、斯卡拉蒂街、奇馬羅莎路枢劝，然后她又坐纜車下來了绞灼。她到很晚才意識(shí)到，她把詹納羅忘了呈野。晚上九點(diǎn)，莉拉才到家印叁，恩佐和帕斯卡萊都很不安地問她怎么了被冒，她讓他們倆來城區(qū)找我。

For a fraction of a second Ischia came to

? mind, the morning we waited for Nino and his rich friend, the boy who had a

? house in Forio, who was always so polite and patient, to arrive. She went out

? and closed the door behind her. Immediately afterward she began to tremble

? violently, she was covered with sweat. She didn’t go to the gutting room, she

? didn’t say goodbye to Edo and Teresa, she passed by Filippo, who looked at

? her in bewilderment and called to her: Cerù, where are you going, come back

? inside. But she ran along the unpaved road, took the first bus for the

? Marina, reached the sea. She walked for a long time. There was a cold wind,

? and she went up to the Vomero in the funicular, walked through Piazza

? Vanvitelli, along Via Scarlatti, Via Cimarosa, took the funicular again to go

? down. It was late when she realized that she had forgotten about Gennaro. She

? got home at nine, and asked Enzo and Pasquale, who were anxiously questioning

? her to find out what had happened to her, to come and look for me in the

? neighborhood.

現(xiàn)在我們見面了轮蜕，深更半夜昨悼，在圣約翰·特杜奇奧的這間光禿禿的房子里。詹納羅在睡覺跃洛，莉拉一直在低聲說話率触，恩佐和帕斯卡萊在廚房里等著我們。我感覺自己像那些古典小說里面的騎士汇竭，穿著一身精美的盔甲葱蝗，在世界各地完成了各種各樣的豐功偉績(jī)之后，現(xiàn)在遇到了一個(gè)穿得像叫花子一樣的牧羊人细燎，他身體羸弱不堪两曼，從來沒有離開過他的牧場(chǎng)，他赤手空拳玻驻，用一種驚人的勇氣悼凑，制服、掌控著一些可怕的畜生璧瞬。

And now here we are, in the middle of the

? night, in this bare room in San Giovanni a Teduccio. Gennaro is sleeping,

? Lila talks on and on in a low voice, Enzo and Pasquale are waiting in the

? kitchen. I feel like the knight in an ancient romance as, wrapped in his

? shining armor, after performing a thousand astonishing feats throughout the

? world, he meets a ragged, starving herdsman, who, never leaving his pasture,

? subdues and controls horrible beasts with his bare hands, and with prodigious

? courage.

-*-

46

我是一個(gè)安靜的傾聽者户辫，我一直在聽她說。在她講述的過程中嗤锉，莉拉臉上的表情會(huì)遭受一種突如其來的渔欢、痛苦的痙攣，這尤其讓我覺得不安档冬。我有一種強(qiáng)烈的負(fù)罪感膘茎，我想：我其實(shí)也可能會(huì)過著這樣的生活桃纯，假如我現(xiàn)在沒有淪落到這個(gè)地步，這也是她的功勞披坏。有些時(shí)刻态坦，我想擁抱她，更多的時(shí)候棒拂，我想問她一些問題伞梯，想做出評(píng)論，但我還是忍住了帚屉，最多只打斷了她兩三次谜诫。

I was a tranquil listener, and I let her

? talk. Some moments of the story, especially when the expression of Lila’s

? face and the pace of her sentences underwent a sudden, painful nervous

? contraction, disturbed me deeply. I felt a powerful sense of guilt, I

? thought: this is the life that could have been mine, and if it isn’t it’s

? partly thanks to her. Sometimes I almost hugged her, more often I wanted to

? ask questions, comment. But in general I held back, I interrupted two or

? three times at most.

當(dāng)然，比如說攻旦，當(dāng)她在談到加利亞尼老師和她的幾個(gè)孩子時(shí)喻旷，我插了話。我本想讓她跟我具體講講牢屋，老師到底都說了我些什么且预，她是怎么說的，原話是什么烙无，問她和娜迪雅還有阿爾曼多交談時(shí)锋谐，他們有沒有提到我。但我很快就意識(shí)到截酷，我的這個(gè)要求很猥瑣狹隘涮拗，雖然從我的角度來說，我這些好奇是合理的迂苛，因?yàn)樗麄兌际俏艺J(rèn)識(shí)三热，在乎的人。我只是說：

For example, I certainly interrupted when

? she talked about Professor Galiani and her children. I would have liked her

? to explain better what the professor had said, what precise words she had

? used, if my name had ever come up with Nadia and Armando. But I realized in

? time the pettiness of the questions and restrained myself, even though a part

? of me considered the curiosity legitimate—they were acquaintances of mine,

? after all, who were important to me.

“在我離開那不勒斯三幻，去佛羅倫薩之前康铭，我應(yīng)該去看一看加利亞尼老師，和她打聲招呼赌髓。到時(shí)候你陪我去从藤，怎么樣？”我補(bǔ)充說锁蠕，“在伊斯基亞之后夷野，我們之間的關(guān)系淡了下來，她覺得尼諾離開娜迪雅荣倾，都是我的緣故悯搔。”莉拉看著我舌仍，就好像不認(rèn)識(shí)我一樣妒貌。我繼續(xù)說：“加利亞尼家的人都不錯(cuò)通危，但有點(diǎn)兒愛妄下論斷，心臟雜音的事兒需要再證實(shí)一下灌曙【盏”

“Before I go to Florence for good, I

? should pay a visit to Professor Galiani. Maybe you’d come with me, do you

? want to?” and I added: “My relationship with her cooled a little, after

? Ischia, she blamed me for Nino’s leaving Nadia.” Since Lila looked at me as

? if she didn’t see me, I said again: “The Galianis are good people, a little

? stuck up, but this business of the murmur should be checked.”

這時(shí)她做出了回應(yīng)，說：

This time she reacted.

“雜音是有的在刺∧婧Γ”

“The murmur is there.”

“好吧，”我回答說蚣驼，“但阿爾曼多也說魄幕，要到一個(gè)心病專科醫(yī)生那里去看看颖杏〈吭桑”

“All right,” I said, “but even Armando

? said you’d need a cardiologist.”

她回答說：

She replied:

“無論如何，他聽到了雜音留储∥龌郑”

“He heard it, anyway.”

但在談到性的問題時(shí)逃默，我尤其想說我自己的體驗(yàn)旨剥。她談到了在風(fēng)干室發(fā)生的事情空扎，我差一點(diǎn)兒說臭墨，在都靈赔嚎，在我身上也發(fā)生了類似的事情，一個(gè)老知識(shí)分子直接就向我撲了過來胧弛；還有在米蘭尤误，一個(gè)委內(nèi)瑞拉畫家，我就認(rèn)識(shí)他幾個(gè)小時(shí)而已结缚，他就跑到我的房間來损晤，要鉆進(jìn)我的被窩里，就好像那是我該做的红竭。然而在這種情況下尤勋，我也忍住了，在這種時(shí)候談?wù)撨@些事情茵宪，有什么用呢最冰？但如果我講了的話，真的和她講的是一回事兒?jiǎn)幔?/p>

But I felt involved above all when it

? came to sexual matters. When she told me about the drying room, I almost

? said: an old intellectual jumped on me, in Turin, and in Milan a Venezuelan

? painter I’d known for only a few hours came to my room to get in bed as if it

? were a favor I owed him. Yet I held back, even with that. What sense was

? there in speaking of my affairs at that moment? And then really what could I

? have told her that had any resemblance to what she was telling me?

她講到發(fā)生在她身上的這些事時(shí)稀火，最后那個(gè)問題暖哨，很清楚地浮現(xiàn)在我的腦海里。就像幾年之前凰狞，她跟我講了她的新婚之夜發(fā)生的那些非常糟糕的事情篇裁。莉拉籠統(tǒng)地談到了自己的性生活沛慢，談到這樣一個(gè)話題，這對(duì)于我們來說是一個(gè)全新的事情达布。我們成長(zhǎng)的那個(gè)環(huán)境团甲，大家都是口無遮攔的，但那些不得體的話往枣，都是用來攻擊別人伐庭，或者保護(hù)自己的。關(guān)于性事的語言是暴力的語言分冈，讓那些隱秘的話變得很難說出口圾另。我覺得很尷尬，我看著地板雕沉，當(dāng)她用城區(qū)那種赤裸的語言集乔，說到了和男人睡覺并不像她小時(shí)候想的那么享受，她幾乎一直都沒什么感覺坡椒，經(jīng)歷了斯特凡諾和尼諾之后扰路，她覺得這是一件讓她很難受的事兒，說實(shí)在的倔叼，她也沒法接受像恩佐這樣的紳士進(jìn)入自己的身體汗唱。不僅僅如此，她還用一種更丑陋丈攒、更直白的話哩罪，說了至今為止她有過的體驗(yàn)。有時(shí)候是被迫巡验，有時(shí)候是因?yàn)楹闷婕什澹蛘呤羌で椋心行钥释俗龅氖虑橄陨瑁瑥膩頉]有讓她產(chǎn)生過快感框弛，甚至是和她渴望的尼諾在一起也一樣。即使是在有強(qiáng)烈愛情的情況下捕捂，她想為他生一個(gè)孩子瑟枫，后來懷孕了，她也沒有快感指攒。

That last question presented itself

? clearly when, from a simple recitation of the facts—years before, when she

? told me about her wedding night, we had talked only of the most brutal

? facts—Lila proceeded to talk generally about her sexuality. It was a subject

? completely new for us. The coarse language of the environment we came from

? was useful for attack or self-defense, but, precisely because it was the

? language of violence, it hindered, rather than encouraged, intimate

? confidences. So I was embarrassed, I stared at the floor, when she said, in

? the crude vocabulary of the neighborhood, that fucking had never given her

? the pleasure she had expected as a girl, that in fact she had almost never

? felt anything, that after Stefano, after Nino, to do it really annoyed her,

? so that she had been unable to accept inside herself even a man as gentle as

? Enzo. Not only that: using an even more brutal vocabulary, she added that

? sometimes out of necessity, sometimes out of curiosity, sometimes out of

? passion, she had done everything that a man could want from a woman, and that

? even when she had wanted to conceive a child with Nino, and had become

? pregnant, the pleasure you were supposed to feel, particularly at that moment

? of great love, had been missing.

面對(duì)她的坦誠力奋，我沒法繼續(xù)保持沉默，我為了讓她感覺到我的誠意幽七，我應(yīng)該也對(duì)她說一些隱秘的事情景殷。但談到我自己，方言讓我很討厭，但要說意大利語的話猿挚，我覺得這些腥臊的事情咐旧，對(duì)于我學(xué)到的高雅語言是一種辱沒，盡管別人覺得绩蜻，我是寫了惹火章節(jié)的女作家铣墨。我越來越覺得窘迫，我忘記了办绝，這種坦白對(duì)她來說也很艱難伊约，她說的每一個(gè)詞，包括那些庸俗粗魯?shù)脑~匯孕蝉，都和她臉上崩潰的神情屡律、顫抖的雙手緊緊聯(lián)系在一起。我簡(jiǎn)短地說了一句：

Before such frankness I understood that I

? could not be silent, that I had to let her feel how close I was, that I had

? to react to her confidences with equal confidences. But at the idea of having

? to speak about myself—the dialect disgusted me, and although I passed for an

? author of racy pages, the Italian I had acquired seemed to me too precious

? for the sticky material of sexual experiences—my uneasiness grew, I forgot

? how difficult her confession had been, that every word, however vulgar, was

? set in the weariness in her face, in the trembling of her hands, and I was

? brief.

“對(duì)我來說降淮，不是這樣的超埋。”

“For me it’s not like that,” I said.

我沒有說謊佳鳖，但我說的也不是事實(shí)霍殴。要把真實(shí)感受說出來，會(huì)很復(fù)雜系吩，我需要非常謹(jǐn)慎的語言来庭。我要向她解釋，我和安東尼奧在一起的那個(gè)階段穿挨，我和他在池塘邊的耳鬢廝磨月弛，我讓他撫摸我，這一直都讓我很愉悅絮蒿，很渴望那種快感。但我不得不承認(rèn)叁鉴，被進(jìn)入的感覺土涝，也讓我挺失望的，那種體驗(yàn)被負(fù)罪感破壞了幌墓，當(dāng)時(shí)的環(huán)境也很不舒服但壮，加上擔(dān)心被發(fā)現(xiàn)，匆匆忙忙的常侣，也害怕懷孕蜡饵。我還不得不提到弗朗科，我對(duì)于性的少數(shù)體驗(yàn)胳施，也是從他那兒得到的溯祸。在他進(jìn)入我之前，還有之后，他讓我在他的腿上焦辅、肚子上磨蹭博杖，這是很舒服的事情，有時(shí)候筷登，這讓插入也變得美好剃根。結(jié)果，我不得不跟她說最后的結(jié)論：現(xiàn)在前方，等待我的是婚姻狈醉，彼得羅是一個(gè)非常紳士的男人，我希望在婚床之上惠险，在安靜苗傅、合法的關(guān)系中，我能從容地享受到交媾的樂趣莺匠。假如我能這么說的話金吗，那算是誠實(shí)的，但是趣竣，這種字斟句酌的交流摇庙，對(duì)于我們兩個(gè)將近二十五歲的女人來說，是從來沒有過的遥缕。另外卫袒，我還含糊地提到了她和斯特凡諾訂婚期間，我和安東尼奧之間的事情单匣，我說的都是一些節(jié)制夕凝、隱晦的話。至于多納托·薩拉托雷還有弗朗科户秤，我一個(gè)字都沒有提码秉，因此我就只說了那么幾個(gè)字：對(duì)我來說，不是這樣的鸡号。這些話在她聽來转砖，意思應(yīng)該是：也許是你不太正常。的確鲸伴，她用不安的目光看著我府蔗，好像是為了維護(hù)自己，她說：

I wasn’t lying, and yet it wasn’t the

? truth. The truth was more complicated and to give it a form I would have

? needed practiced words. I would have had to explain that, in the time of

? Antonio, rubbing against him, letting him touch me had always been very

? pleasurable, and that I still desired that pleasure. I would have had to

? admit that being penetrated had disappointed me, too, that the experience was

? spoiled by the sense of guilt, by the discomfort of the conditions, by the

? fear of being caught, by the haste arising from that, by the terror of

? getting pregnant. But I would have had to add that Franco—the little I knew

? of sex was largely from him—before entering me and afterward let me rub

? against one of his legs, against his stomach, and that this was nice and

? sometimes made the penetration nice, too. As a result, I would have had to

? tell her, I was now waiting for marriage, Pietro was a very gentle man, I

? hoped that in the tranquility and the legitimacy of marriage I would have the

? time and the comfort to discover the pleasure of coitus. There, if I had

? expressed myself like that, I would have been honest. But the two of us, at

? nearly twenty-five, did not have a tradition of such articulate confidences.

? There had been only small general allusions when she was engaged to Stefano

? and I was with Antonio, bashful phrases, hints. As for Donato Sarratore, as

? for Franco, I had never talked about either one. So I kept to those few

? words—For me it’s not like that—which must have sounded to her as if I were

? saying: Maybe you’re not normal. And in fact she looked at me in

? bewilderment, and said as if to protect herself:

“但你在書上寫的是另一回事兒汞窗⌒粘啵”

“In the book you wrote something else.”

原來她看了我寫的書。我嘟囔了一句：

So she had read it. I murmured

? defensively:

“我也不知道書里寫了什么東西了仲吏〔幻”

“I don’t even know anymore what ended up

? in there.”

“書里寫了一些骯臟的事兒蝌焚，”她說，“是男人不想聽到的事兒狂男，是女人知道综看，但不敢說的事兒。現(xiàn)在你在干嘛岖食？你不想承認(rèn)红碑，你要把自己隱藏起來？”

“Dirty stuff ended up in there,” she

? said, “stuff that men don’t want to hear and women know but are afraid to

? say. But now what—are you hiding?”

她的確是這么說的泡垃，她說的是“骯臟的事兒”析珊，就連她提到書中過火的章節(jié)，也像吉耀拉一樣蔑穴，用了“骯臟”這個(gè)詞兒忠寻。我希望她能從整體上評(píng)價(jià)一下這本書，但她沒有說存和，她提到這本書奕剃，這只是一個(gè)引子，用來說明和男人睡覺多么讓人厭煩捐腿，這一點(diǎn)她重申了好幾次纵朋。她感嘆說：“你小說里寫的東西，假如你講述了茄袖，就證明你是了解的操软。你現(xiàn)在卻說：‘對(duì)我來說，不是這樣的宪祥∧粜剑’說這話沒什么用』妊颍”我支吾道：“是的藏澳，可能是真的，我不知道耀找∠栌疲”這時(shí)候，她用一種痛苦的語氣涯呻，肆無忌憚地跟我講起了她的體驗(yàn)：非常興奮凉驻，但很不滿意腻要，有一種惡心的感覺复罐。我想起了尼諾，想到了我腦子里經(jīng)常琢磨的問題：在那個(gè)漫長(zhǎng)的雄家、絮絮叨叨的夜晚效诅，這是不是一個(gè)合適的時(shí)機(jī)，可以讓我告訴她，我見到尼諾了乱投？我是不是應(yīng)該告訴她咽笼，詹納羅不能指望他，尼諾還有一個(gè)兒子戚炫，他根本就不會(huì)在意自己的孩子剑刑。我是不是應(yīng)該利用這個(gè)機(jī)會(huì)，利用她坦白的這個(gè)機(jī)會(huì)双肤，讓她知道在米蘭施掏，尼諾跟我說了一句關(guān)于她的壞話：莉拉在性方面也很糟糕。通過她激動(dòng)的講述茅糜，她對(duì)我書中那些骯臟的情節(jié)的解讀七芭，我是不是應(yīng)該推測(cè)出，從根本上來說蔑赘，尼諾說得對(duì)狸驳？也就是說，她想說明的這件事情缩赛，薩拉托雷的兒子實(shí)際上已經(jīng)發(fā)現(xiàn)了耙箍。他也感覺到了，對(duì)于莉拉來說峦筒，被進(jìn)入只是出于義務(wù)究西，她沒辦法享受到結(jié)合的樂趣。我想物喷，尼諾是一個(gè)專家卤材，他認(rèn)識(shí)了很多女人，他知道一個(gè)女性在性方面表現(xiàn)好是怎么一回事兒峦失，他也能知道扇丛，那些表現(xiàn)糟糕的是怎么一回事兒。很明顯尉辑，在性方面很糟糕帆精，這就意味著在男人的攻擊下，感受不到快感隧魄，意味著為了平息自己的欲望卓练，在對(duì)方身上磨蹭，意味著抓著他的手拉向自己的下體购啄，就好像我和弗朗科之間那樣襟企，無視他的厭煩，還有高潮之后的倦怠——他只想靜靜歇著狮含。那種不安在增長(zhǎng)顽悼，我想曼振，我在我的小說里寫了這些內(nèi)容，讓吉耀拉和莉拉都找到了共鳴蔚龙，可能尼諾也看出了這一點(diǎn)冰评，因此他想和我談?wù)摯耸拢课野堰@些話都咽了回去木羹，只是泛泛地說了一句：

She used more or less those words,

? certainly she said dirty. She, too, then, cited the risqué pages and did it

? like Gigliola, who had used the word dirt. I expected that she would offer an

? evaluation of the book as a whole, but she didn’t, she used it only as a

? bridge to go back and repeat what she called several times, insistently, the

? bother of fucking. That is in your novel, she exclaimed, and if you told it

? you know it, it’s pointless for you to say: For me it’s not like that. And I

? mumbled Yes, maybe it’s true, but I don’t know. And while she with a tortured

? lack of shame went on with her confidences—the great excitement, the lack of

? satisfaction, the sense of disgust—I thought of Nino, and the questions I had

? so often turned over and over reappeared. Was that long night full of tales a

? good moment to tell her I had seen him? Should I warn her that for Gennaro

? she couldn’t count on Nino, that he already had another child, that he left

? children behind him heedlessly? Should I take advantage of that moment, of

? those admissions of his, to let her know that in Milan he had said an

? unpleasant thing about her: Lila is made badly even when it comes to sex?

? Should I go so far as to tell her that in those agitated confidences of hers,

? even in that way of reading the dirty pages of my book, now, while she was

? speaking I seemed to find confirmation that Nino was, in essence, right? What

? in fact had Sarratore’s son intended if not what she herself was admitting?

? Had he realized that for Lila being penetrated was only a duty, that she

? couldn’t enjoy the union? He, I said to myself, is experienced. He has known

? many women, he knows what good female sexual behavior is and so he recognizes

? when it’s bad. To be made badly when it comes to sex means, evidently, not to

? be able to feel pleasure in the male’s thrusting; it means twisting with

? desire and rubbing yourself to quiet that desire, it means grabbing his hands

? and placing them against your sex as I sometimes did with Franco, ignoring

? his annoyance, the boredom of the one who has already had his orgasm and now

? would like to go to sleep. My uneasiness increased, I thought: I wrote that

? in my novel, is that what Gigliola and Lila recognized, was that what Nino

? recognized, perhaps, and the reason he wanted to talk about it? I let

? everything go and whispered somewhat randomly:

“我覺得很遺憾甲雅。”

“I’m sorry.”

“什么坑填？”

“What?”

“你在沒有快感的情況下懷孕了务荆。”

“That your pregnancy was without joy.”

她忽然用一種帶著諷刺的語氣說：

She responded with a flash of sarcasm:

“我才不會(huì)覺得遺憾穷遂『埃”

“Imagine how I felt.”

最后，天色快要亮的時(shí)候蚪黑，她剛剛講完她和米凱萊的沖突盅惜，我打斷了她。我對(duì)她說：“別說了忌穿，你要保持平靜抒寂，量一下體溫÷咏＃”結(jié)果屈芜，她的體溫是攝氏三十八點(diǎn)五。我緊緊抱著她朴译，在她耳邊說：“現(xiàn)在我來照顧你井佑，到你好起來，我會(huì)一直和你在一起眠寿，如果我要去佛羅倫薩躬翁，你跟孩子和我一起走《⒐埃”她很堅(jiān)決地回絕了我盒发，說了最后一件事，她說她不應(yīng)該跟恩佐來到圣約翰·特杜奇奧狡逢，她想回城區(qū)宁舰。

My last interruption came when it had

? begun to get light, and she had just finished telling me about the encounter

? with Michele. I said: That’s enough, calm down, take your temperature. It was

? 101. I hugged her tight, I whispered: now I’ll take care of you, and until

? you’re better we’ll stay together, and if I have to go to Florence you and

? the child will come with me. She refused energetically, she made the final

? confession of that night. She said she had been wrong to follow Enzo to San

? Giovanni a Teduccio, she wanted to go back to the neighborhood.

“回咱們的城區(qū)？”

“To the neighborhood?”

“是的奢浑÷瑁”

“Yes.”

“你瘋了嗎？”

“You’re crazy.”

“等我好些了殷费，我就搬回去印荔。”

“As soon as I feel better I’ll do it.”

我說了她详羡，我說這是因?yàn)樗l(fā)燒了仍律，才會(huì)這么說。我說城區(qū)的日子會(huì)更難過实柠，再回去簡(jiǎn)直太傻了水泉。

I rebuked her, I told her it was a

? thought induced by the fever, that the neighborhood would exhaust her, that

? to set foot there was stupid.

“我已經(jīng)迫不及待地離開了≈涎危”我大聲說草则。

“I can’t wait to leave,” I exclaimed.

“你很強(qiáng)大，”她這樣說讓我很驚異蟹漓，“我從來都沒那么堅(jiān)強(qiáng)炕横。對(duì)于你來說，你走得越遠(yuǎn)葡粒，就會(huì)越感到自在份殿。而我呢，僅僅穿過大路上的那個(gè)隧道嗽交，我都會(huì)感到害怕卿嘲。你記不記得，有一次我們想去看海夫壁，后來下雨了拾枣？我們兩個(gè)是誰想繼續(xù)向前走，是誰想向后退的盒让？是我還是你梅肤？”

“You’re strong,” she answered, to my

? astonishment. “I have never been. The better and truer you feel, the farther

? away you go. If I merely pass through the tunnel of the stradone, I’m scared.

? Remember when we tried to get to the sea but it started raining? Which of us

? wanted to keep going and which of us made an about-face, you or me?”

“我不記得了，但你最好不要回城區(qū)〈抻担”

“I don’t remember. But, anyway, don’t go

? back to the neighborhood.”

我還是試圖讓她改變主意掀亥，我們討論了很長(zhǎng)時(shí)間。

I tried in vain to make her change her

? mind. We discussed it for a long time.

“你走吧似扔，”她最后說，“你和那兩個(gè)人說一說搓谆，他們已經(jīng)等了好幾個(gè)小時(shí)了炒辉，他們一晚上沒睡，現(xiàn)在又要去上班泉手∏埽”

“Go,” she said finally, “talk to the two

? of them, they’ve been waiting for hours. They haven’t closed their eyes and

? they have to go to work.”

“我跟他們說什么？”

“What shall I tell them?”

“想說什么就說什么斩萌》炜悖”

“Whatever you want.”

我?guī)退驯蛔由w好屏轰，也幫詹納羅蓋好被，整個(gè)晚上憋飞，他睡得都很不安穩(wěn)霎苗。我感覺莉拉已經(jīng)安靜下來了。我小聲說：

I pulled the covers up, I also covered

? Gennaro, who had been tossing in his sleep all night. I realized that Lila

? was already falling asleep. I whispered:

“我會(huì)很快回來榛做⊙湔担”

“I’ll be back soon.”

她說：

She said:?

“你要記住你對(duì)我的承諾〖烀校”

“Remember what you promised.”

“什么承諾厘擂？”

“What?”

“你已經(jīng)忘了嗎？假如我出什么事兒的話锰瘸，你要照顧詹納羅刽严。”

“You’ve already forgotten? If something

? happens to me, you’ve got to take Gennaro.”

“你不會(huì)有事兒的避凝「圩”

“Nothing will happen to you.”

我從房間里出去時(shí)，莉拉在半睡半醒中嘀咕了一句：

As I went out of the room Lila started in? her half-sleep, she whispered:?

“你要看著我睡恕曲，你要一直看著我鹏氧。你離開那不勒斯，也不要忘了我佩谣，我知道你看著我把还，我就會(huì)安心了∪准螅”

“Watch me until I fall asleep. Watch me

? always, even when you leave Naples. That way I’ll know that you see me and

? I’m at peace.”

-*-

47

從我去找莉拉的那個(gè)夜晚開始吊履，一直到我結(jié)婚那天——我是一九六九年五月十七日在佛羅倫薩結(jié)的婚，我們?cè)谕崴苟攘巳烀墼碌鼢蓿页錆M熱情地開始了我的新婚生活——我一直盡我所能地幫助莉拉艇炎。實(shí)際上，剛開始我只是想照顧她腾窝，等她的感冒好了缀踪。那個(gè)階段，我要收拾佛羅倫薩的房子虹脯，還有書籍推廣的很多事情驴娃。電話不停地響起，我母親在嘟囔循集，她把電話號(hào)碼給了半個(gè)城區(qū)的人唇敞，但沒人找她，她說家里裝了這個(gè)玩意，簡(jiǎn)直是個(gè)累贅疆柔，幾乎所有電話都是找我的咒精。我為將來可能要寫的新小說做筆記，我還嘗試彌補(bǔ)我在文學(xué)和政治上的知識(shí)欠缺旷档。但我朋友虛弱無助的狀況模叙，讓我不得不放下手頭的事情，用越來越多的時(shí)間照顧她彬犯。我母親馬上就發(fā)現(xiàn)，我和莉拉的關(guān)系恢復(fù)了查吊，她覺得這是一件丟人的事兒谐区，她在一旁煽風(fēng)點(diǎn)火，不僅僅罵我逻卖，也說莉拉的壞話宋列。她依然覺得，她可以對(duì)我指手畫腳评也，告訴我什么事情可以做炼杖，什么事情不能做，她一瘸一拐地走在我的身后盗迟，批評(píng)我坤邪，有時(shí)候，我覺得她簡(jiǎn)直要鉆到我的腦子里來罚缕，就是為了防止我自己做主艇纺。她刺激我說，你跟她還有什么共同的地方邮弹，還有什么話可以說黔衡？你想想你現(xiàn)在的身份，還有她現(xiàn)在的樣子腌乡，你寫了一本惡心的書還不夠嗎盟劫？你還要和那個(gè)婊子來往？但我一直裝聾賣啞与纽，我?guī)缀趺刻於己屠蚶娒媛虑Ｎ铱粗诜块g里睡著了，然后我出去急迂，面對(duì)在廚房里等了一夜的兩個(gè)男人硝岗，我努力幫助她重建自己的生活。

In the time that passed between that

? night and the day of my wedding—I was married on May 17, 1969, in Florence,

? and, after a honeymoon of just three days in Venice, enthusiastically began

? my life as a wife—I tried to do all I could for Lila. At first, in fact, I

? thought simply that I would help her until she got over the flu. I had things

? to do about the house in Florence, I had a lot of engagements because of the

? book—the telephone rang constantly, and my mother grumbled that she had given

? the number to half the neighborhood but no one called her, to have that

? thingamajig in the house, she said, is just a bother, since the calls were

? almost always for me—I wrote notes for hypothetical new novels, I tried to

? fill the gaps in my literary and political education. But my friend’s general

? state of weakness soon led me to neglect my own affairs and occupy myself

? with her. My mother realized right away that we had resumed our friendship:

? she found it shameful, she flew into a rage, she was full of insults for both

? of us. She continued to believe that she could tell me what to do and what

? not to, she limped after me, criticizing me. Sometimes she seemed determined

? to insert herself into my body, simply to keep me from being my own master.

? What do you have in common with her anymore, she insisted, think of what you

? are and of what she is, isn’t that disgusting book you wrote enough, you want

? to go on being friends with a whore? But I behaved as if I were deaf. I saw

? Lila every day and from the moment I left her sleeping in her room and went

? to face the two men who had waited all night in the kitchen I devoted myself

? to reorganizing her life.

我對(duì)恩佐和帕斯卡萊說袋毙，莉拉病了型檀，不能繼續(xù)在索卡沃的工廠工作，她已經(jīng)辭職了听盖。跟恩佐根本不需要浪費(fèi)口舌胀溺，他很早就明白了裂七，莉拉已經(jīng)無法忍受繼續(xù)在工廠里上班，因?yàn)樗奶幘撤浅ＦD難仓坞，她的內(nèi)心很崩潰背零。帕斯卡萊呢，在他開著車子回城區(qū)的路上——那時(shí)候很早无埃，路上沒有什么人——他忍不住說：“我們不要太夸張了徙瓶。”他說嫉称，在工廠里侦镇，莉拉的確是很辛苦，但世界上所有被剝削的人织阅，都過著那種日子壳繁。他用他小時(shí)候就常用的一種語氣，和我談起了意大利南方的農(nóng)民荔棉、北方的工人闹炉，拉丁美洲、巴西東北部润樱、非洲渣触、美國黑人、越南人民壹若，還有美帝國主義昵观。我很快就打斷了他，我說：“帕斯卡萊舌稀，如果莉娜再繼續(xù)這樣下去啊犬，她會(huì)死的”诓椋”但他還是沒停下來觉至，他一直在反對(duì)我的觀點(diǎn)，這并不是因?yàn)樗魂P(guān)心莉拉睡腿，而是因?yàn)樵谒骺ㄎ值墓S里做斗爭(zhēng)语御，對(duì)他來說非常重要。他覺得莉拉的身份非常重要席怪，在他內(nèi)心深處应闯，他確信莉拉只是有些感冒，根本不需要小題大做挂捻，像我這樣的小資產(chǎn)階級(jí)知識(shí)分子碉纺，會(huì)操心一場(chǎng)感冒發(fā)燒，而不會(huì)擔(dān)心一場(chǎng)工人運(yùn)動(dòng)失敗帶來的政治后果。這些話他并沒有明說骨田，而是說得很含糊耿导，是我自己說出來了，說得明明白白态贤、清清楚楚舱呻，我就是想告訴他，我知道他的意思悠汽。這讓他更加煩躁箱吕，他把我放到柵欄門那里，對(duì)我說：“現(xiàn)在我要去上班了柿冲，萊農(nóng)茬高，我們以后再談?wù)勥@件事情∫霾桑”后來我一去圣約翰·特杜奇奧雅采，就把恩佐叫到一邊爵憎，對(duì)他說：你如果為了莉娜好慨亲，就讓帕斯卡萊離她遠(yuǎn)一點(diǎn)，她再也不能聽到工廠的事情宝鼓。

I told Enzo and Pasquale that Lila was

? ill, she couldn’t work at the Soccavo factory anymore, she had quit. With

? Enzo I didn’t have to waste words, he had understood for a while that she

? couldn’t go on at the factory, that she had gotten into a difficult

? situation, that something inside her was giving in. Pasquale, instead,

? driving back to the neighborhood on the early-morning streets, still free of

? traffic, objected. Let’s not overdo it, he said, it’s true that Lila has a

? hard life, but that’s what happens to all the exploited of the world. Then,

? following a tendency he had had since he was a boy, he went on to speak about

? the peasants of the south, the workers of the north, the populations of Latin

? America, of northeastern Brazil, of Africa, about the Negroes, the

? Vietnamese, American imperialism. I soon stopped him, saying: Pasquale, if

? Lina goes on as she has she’ll die. He wouldn’t concede, he continued to

? object, and not because he didn’t care about Lila but because the struggle at

? Soccavo seemed to him important, he considered our friend’s role crucial, and

? deep down he was convinced that all those stories about a little flu came not

? so much from her as from me, a bourgeois intellectual more worried about a

? slight fever than about the nasty political consequences of a workers’

? defeat. Since he couldn’t make up his mind to say these things to me

? explicitly but spoke in sentence fragments, I summed it up for him with

? soothing clarity, to show him I had understood. That made him even more

? anxious and as he left me at the gate he said: I have to go to work now,

? Lenù, but we’ll talk about it again. As soon as I returned to the house in

? San Giovanni a Teduccio I took Enzo aside and said: Keep Pasquale away from

? Lina if you love her, she mustn’t hear any talk of the factory.

在那個(gè)階段刑棵，我在包里總是放一本書，還有我的筆記本：我會(huì)在公共汽車上愚铡，或者莉拉平靜下來的時(shí)候讀書蛉签。有時(shí)候我發(fā)現(xiàn)，她瞪著眼睛盯著我看沥寥，也許她想知道我在看什么書碍舍，但她從來連書名都不問。我試著給她念幾頁我正看的書——我記得邑雅，那是厄普頓客棧里的場(chǎng)景——她閉上了眼睛片橡，好像很厭煩。幾天之后淮野，她的燒退了捧书，但咳嗽一直沒有好，因此我讓她不要下床骤星。我負(fù)責(zé)收拾家里经瓷，做飯，照顧詹納羅洞难。也許因?yàn)樗呀?jīng)是大孩子了舆吮，所以有些霸道，也有些調(diào)皮，我覺得他不像米爾科——尼諾的另一個(gè)孩子那樣歪泳，對(duì)我有吸引力萝勤。但有時(shí)候，他玩得很瘋呐伞，忽然就會(huì)很沮喪敌卓，躺在地板上昏睡過去，這讓我很心軟伶氢，讓我喜歡上他趟径，他自己也感覺到了，就越來越纏著我癣防，不讓我干活或者讀書蜗巧。

In that period I always carried in my

? purse a book and a notebook: I read on the bus or when Lila was sleeping.

? Sometimes I discovered her with her eyes open, staring at me, maybe she was

? peeking to see what I was reading, but she never asked me the title of the

? book, and when I tried to read her some passages—from scenes at the Upton

? Inn, I remember—she closed her eyes as if I were boring her. The fever passed

? in a few days, but the cough didn’t, so I forced her to stay in bed. I

? cleaned the house, I cooked, I took care of Gennaro. Maybe because he was

? already big, somewhat aggressive, willful, he didn’t have the defenseless

? charm of Mirko, Nino’s other child. But sometimes in the midst of violent

? games he would turn unexpectedly sad, and fall asleep on the floor; that

? softened me, and I grew fond of him, and when that became clear to him he

? attached himself to me, keeping me from doing chores or reading.

這時(shí)候，我想更進(jìn)一步了解莉拉的處境蕾盯。她有錢嗎幕屹？沒有，我借錢給她级遭，她接受了望拖，然后發(fā)了一千遍誓，說她一定會(huì)還給我的挫鸽。布魯諾欠她多少錢工錢说敏？?jī)蓚€(gè)月工資。退職金呢丢郊？她不知道盔沫。恩佐在做什么工作，他賺多少錢枫匾？不知道架诞。蘇黎世的那個(gè)函授課程，能帶來多少具體的收益干茉？也不知道谴忧。她一直在咳嗽，她胸口很疼等脂，嗓子不暢通俏蛮，心跳有時(shí)候會(huì)失控。我詳細(xì)記下了所有癥狀上遥，我想說服她去看醫(yī)生搏屑，接受比阿爾曼的聽診更仔細(xì)的檢查。她沒有答應(yīng)粉楚，也沒有反對(duì)我辣恋。有一天晚上亮垫，恩佐還沒有回來，帕斯卡萊露臉了伟骨，他很客氣地說饮潦，委員會(huì)的成員，還有索卡沃工廠里的幾個(gè)工人携狭，想知道她怎么樣了继蜡。我強(qiáng)調(diào)說，她的病還很嚴(yán)重逛腿，她需要休息稀并。但他還是要求見莉拉，說是打個(gè)招呼单默。我讓他在廚房等著碘举，我去跟莉拉說這件事情，我建議她不要和帕斯卡萊見面搁廓。她做了一個(gè)表情引颈，意思是：你讓我怎么做，我就怎么做境蜕。她之前一直是一個(gè)不容置辯蝙场，說什么就做什么，而且會(huì)出爾反爾的人汽摹，現(xiàn)在她依賴著我李丰，這讓我很感動(dòng)苦锨。

Meanwhile I tried to get a better

? understanding of Lila’s situation. Did she have money? No. I lent her some

? and she accepted it after swearing endlessly that she would pay me back. How

? much did Bruno owe her? Two months’ salary. And severance pay? She didn’t

? know. What was Enzo’s job, how much did he earn? No idea. And that

? correspondence course in Zurich—what concrete possibilities did it offer? Who

? knows. She coughed constantly, she had pains in her chest, sweats, a vise in

? her throat, her heart would suddenly go crazy. I wrote down punctiliously all

? the symptoms and tried to convince her that another medical examination was

? necessary, more thorough than the one Armando had done. She didn’t say yes

? but she didn’t oppose it. One evening before Enzo returned, Pasquale looked

? in, he said very politely that he, his comrades on the committee, and some

? workers at the Soccavo factory wanted to know how she was. I replied that she

? wasn’t well, she needed rest, but he asked to see her just the same, to say hello.

? I left him in the kitchen, I went to Lila, I advised her not to see him. She

? made a face that meant: I’ll do as you want. I was moved by the fact that she

? gave in to me—she who had always commanded, done and undone—without arguing.

-*-

48

那天晚上逼泣，我從我父母的家里，給彼得羅打了一個(gè)很長(zhǎng)的電話舟舒。我詳細(xì)地跟他講述了發(fā)生在莉拉身上的事情拉庶，我說我很想幫助她。他在電話的那頭秃励，很耐心地聽我講氏仗，后來他甚至表現(xiàn)出了合作態(tài)度，他想起了比薩的一個(gè)研究希臘文化的年輕學(xué)者夺鲜，那人對(duì)計(jì)算機(jī)非辰远狂熱，想通過計(jì)算機(jī)在語文學(xué)領(lǐng)域掀起一場(chǎng)革命币励。這讓我覺得很感動(dòng)慷蠕，因?yàn)楸说昧_總是一門心思地在做自己的事兒，但在當(dāng)時(shí)食呻，出于對(duì)我的愛流炕，他想做一件對(duì)我有用的事情澎现。

At home that same night I made a long

? call to Pietro, telling him in detail all Lila’s troubles and how important

? it was to me to help her. He listened patiently. At a certain point he even

? exhibited a spirit of collaboration: he remembered a young Pisan Greek

? scholar who was obsessed with computers and imagined that they would

? revolutionize philology. I was touched by the fact that, although he was a

? person who was always buried in his work, on this occasion, for love of me,

? he made an effort to be useful.

“你聯(lián)系一下他，”我懇求他每辟，“你跟他說一下恩佐剑辫，沒準(zhǔn)會(huì)有幫助呢，說不定能冒出來一個(gè)和計(jì)算機(jī)相關(guān)的工作機(jī)會(huì)呢渠欺∶帽危”

“Find him,” I begged him, “tell him about

? Enzo, you never know, maybe some job prospects might turn up.”

他向我許諾說，他會(huì)做的挠将。最后他補(bǔ)充說讹开，他記得，馬麗婭羅莎和一個(gè)那不勒斯的年輕律師有過一段短暫的交往捐名。他也許能聯(lián)系上這位律師旦万，問問對(duì)方能不能幫我。

He promised he would and added that, if

? he remembered correctly, Mariarosa had had a brief romance with a young

? Neapolitan lawyer: maybe he could find him and ask if he could help.

“干什么镶蹋？”

“To do what?”

“幫你的朋友把錢要回來成艘。”

“To get your friend’s money back.”

我一下子充滿了熱情贺归。

I was excited.

“那你給馬麗婭羅莎打電話淆两。”

“Call Mariarosa.”

“好的拂酣∏锉”

“All right.”

我又叮囑了一句：

I insisted:?

“不要只是表面上答應(yīng)我，你真的要打電話啊婶熬，拜托了剑勾！”

“Don’t just promise, call her, please.”

他沉默了一下，然后說：

He was silent for a moment, then he? said:?

“你現(xiàn)在說話的語氣赵颅，特別像我母親虽另。”

“Just then you sounded like my mother.”

“什么意思饺谬？”

“In what sense?”

“她特別在意一件事時(shí)捂刺，就是這個(gè)語氣∧颊”

“You sounded like her when something is

? very important to her.”

“不幸的是族展，我和她差別太大了“斡ィ”

“I’m very different, unfortunately.”

他沉默了一會(huì)兒說：

He was silent again.

“幸好你和她不一樣仪缸。無論如何，在這方面格郁，誰也沒法和她比腹殿。你跟她講講這個(gè)姑娘的事情吧独悴，她會(huì)想辦法幫助你的÷辔荆”

“You’re different, fortunately. But in

? these types of things there’s no one like her. Tell her about that girl and

? you’ll see, she’ll help you.”

我給阿黛爾打了電話刻炒，我覺得有些尷尬，但我想到了她為我的書自沧，還有佛羅倫薩的房子做的事情坟奥，我就忘記了自己的尷尬。她是一個(gè)能解決問題的女人拇厢。假如她需要一個(gè)什么東西爱谁，就會(huì)拿起電話，一環(huán)套一環(huán)孝偎，總能達(dá)到她的目的访敌，她總能讓人無法回絕她的請(qǐng)求。她能自如地跨越不同的思想衣盾，她不尊重既定的社會(huì)等級(jí)寺旺，她對(duì)那些打掃衛(wèi)生的女人、公司職員势决、企業(yè)家判哥、知識(shí)分子母廷、部長(zhǎng)都一視同仁，都用一種客氣的侥加、保持距離的語氣和他們說話贱傀，就好像不是她請(qǐng)求別人幫忙愁铺，而是別人有求于她脸侥。我給阿黛爾打了電話辛燥，先是對(duì)我的打擾表示歉意，我很仔細(xì)地講了我朋友的事极颓，這激起了她的好奇朱盐，也讓她義憤填膺群嗤。最后她對(duì)我說：

I telephoned Adele. I did it with some

? embarrassment, which I overcame by reminding myself of all the times I had

? seen her at work, for my book, in the search for the apartment in Florence.

? She was a woman who liked to be busy. If she needed something, she picked up

? the telephone and, link by link, put together the chain that led to her goal.

? She knew how to ask in such a way that saying no was impossible. And she

? crossed ideological borders confidently, she respected no hierarchies, she

? tracked down cleaning women, bureaucrats, industrialists, intellectuals,

? ministers, and she addressed all with cordial detachment, as if the favor she

? was about to ask she was in fact already doing for them. Amid a thousand

? awkward apologies for disturbing her, I told Adele in detail about my friend,

? and she became curious, interested, angry. At the end she said:

“讓我想想菠隆。”

“Let me think.”

“好的狂秘『Ь叮”

“Of course.”

“我能給你一個(gè)建議嗎？”

“Meanwhile, can I give you some advice?”

“當(dāng)然了者春∑葡危”

“Of course.”

“你不要害羞，你是一個(gè)作家钱烟，你要利用你的身份做些事情晰筛，讓人感覺到你的分量嫡丙。這是一個(gè)有決定意義的時(shí)期，一切都在毀掉重來读第，你要加入其中曙博，你要出面。你從這些人開始怜瞒，要讓他們無路可走父泳。”

“Don’t be timid. You’re a writer, use

? your role, test it, make something of it. These are decisive times,

? everything is turning upside down. Participate, be present. And begin with

? the scum in your area, put their backs to the wall.”

“我要怎么做吴汪？”

“How?”

“你要把這些事情寫下來惠窄，要嚇嚇?biāo)骺ㄎ郑€有那些像他這樣的人漾橙。你一定要寫杆融，你能答應(yīng)我嗎？”

“By writing. Frighten Soccavo to death,

? and others like him. Promise you’ll do it?”

“我試試霜运∏苊常”

“I’ll try.”

她給了我一個(gè)名字，那人是《團(tuán)結(jié)報(bào)》的主編觉渴。

She gave me the name of an editor at

? l’Unità.

-*-

49

我和彼得羅的通話介劫，尤其是和我婆婆的通話，讓我長(zhǎng)期以來積聚的一種情感得到了釋放案淋。到那時(shí)候?yàn)橹棺希乙恢痹谝种浦约海F(xiàn)在這種情感一下子就迸發(fā)出來了踢京，這和我的身份的變化有關(guān)誉碴。艾羅塔一家人，尤其是圭多瓣距，也可能是阿黛爾自己黔帕，很有可能都認(rèn)為我是一個(gè)好姑娘，但我和他們期望的兒媳婦相去甚遠(yuǎn)蹈丸。同樣的成黄，極有可能我的出身、我的那不勒斯口音逻杖，還有我做事時(shí)的笨手笨腳奋岁，對(duì)于他們的承受力是一個(gè)挑戰(zhàn)。更進(jìn)一步的大膽設(shè)想就是荸百，我的書的出版闻伶，也是一個(gè)緊急計(jì)劃，可以讓我在他們的世界里變得體面够话。但是蓝翰，一個(gè)不容置疑的事情是光绕，他們接受了我，在他們的認(rèn)可下畜份，我要和彼得羅結(jié)婚奇钞，我正要進(jìn)入一個(gè)家庭，這個(gè)家庭就像一座戒備森嚴(yán)的城堡漂坏，我可以不用害怕景埃，大膽向前走，或者如果我遇到危險(xiǎn)的話顶别，我可以在城堡里躲藏谷徙。我迫切需要適應(yīng)我的新身份，尤其是我應(yīng)該有這種身份意識(shí)驯绎。我已經(jīng)不再是一個(gè)只剩下最后一根火柴的小女孩了完慧，我現(xiàn)在儲(chǔ)備了大量的火柴，因此我忽然明白剩失，我可以為莉拉做很多事情屈尼，比我之前想到的還多。

The telephone call to Pietro and,

? especially, the one to my mother-*-law released a feeling that until that

? moment I had kept at bay, that in fact I had repressed, but that was alive

? and ready to advance. It had to do with my changed status. It was likely that

? the Airotas, especially Guido but perhaps Adele herself, considered me a girl

? who, although very eager, was far from the person they would have chosen for

? their son. It was just as likely that my origin, my dialectal cadence, my

? lack of sophistication in everything, had put the breadth of their views to a

? hard test. With just a slight exaggeration I could hypothesize that even the

? publication of my book was part of an emergency plan intended to make me

? presentable in their world. But the fact remained, incontrovertible, that

? they had accepted me, that I was about to marry Pietro, with their consent,

? that I was about to enter a protective family, a sort of well-*-seller almost

? down to the last match; I had won for myself a large supply of matches. And

? so—I suddenly understood—I could do for Lila much more than I had calculated

? on doing.

有了這樣的意識(shí)拴孤，我就讓她把搜集的脾歧、針對(duì)索卡沃的文件都給我，她很被動(dòng)地把它們交給了我演熟，沒問我拿這些東西干什么鞭执。我看得很投入，她用多么準(zhǔn)確而犀利的語言來講述那些可怕的事情芒粹。在她對(duì)工廠的描述中兄纺，包含著那么多讓人無法忍受的體會(huì)。我把那幾頁紙拿在手上化漆，翻來覆去地看了很多遍估脆，忽然間，幾乎在沒有事先做決定的情況下座云，我在電話目錄上找到了索卡沃的電話號(hào)碼疙赠，直接打給了他。我調(diào)整了一下自己的聲音疙教，用帶著適度高傲的語氣說：“喂棺聊，我是埃萊娜·格雷科，讓布魯諾接電話贞谓。”他對(duì)我很熱情：“接到你的電話葵诈，簡(jiǎn)直太高興了裸弦！”而我的態(tài)度冷冰冰的祟同。他說：“你做了那么多了不起的事情，埃萊娜理疙，我在《羅馬報(bào)》上看到了你的一張照片晕城，很棒！我們一起在伊斯基亞島度過的時(shí)光真美好窖贤∽┣辏”我回答說，我也很高興打電話給他赃梧，伊斯基亞已經(jīng)很久之前的事情了滤蝠，無論好壞，我們所有人都變了授嘀。比如說物咳，關(guān)于他，我聽到了很多不好的傳言蹄皱，我希望那些傳言不是真的览闰。他馬上就明白我要說什么，就說了很多莉拉的壞話巷折，說她忘恩負(fù)義压鉴，還有給他惹的麻煩。我改變了語氣锻拘，我說晴弃，我更相信莉拉說的，而不是他的話逊拍。我說：“你拿起筆和紙上鞠，記下我的電話號(hào)碼，好了嗎芯丧？你要把該給她的錢芍阎，每一分都給她，你準(zhǔn)備好錢缨恒，然后打電話給我谴咸，我過來拿。我不希望你的照片也出現(xiàn)在報(bào)紙上骗露×爰眩”

It was with this perspective that I had

? my friend give me the documentation she had collected against Soccavo. She

? handed it over passively, without even asking what I wanted to do with it. I

? read with increasing absorption. How many terrible things she had been able

? to say precisely and effectively. How many intolerable experiences could be

? perceived behind the description of the factory. I turned the pages in my

? hands for a long time, then suddenly, almost without coming to a decision, I

? looked in the telephone book, I called Soccavo. I subdued my voice to the

? right tone, I asked for Bruno. He was cordial—What a pleasure to talk to

? you—I cold. He said: You’ve done so many great things, Elena, I saw a picture

? of you in Roma, bravo, what a wonderful time we had on Ischia. I answered

? that it was a pleasure to talk to him, too, but that Ischia was far away, and

? for better and worse we had all changed, that in his case, for example, I had

? heard some nasty rumors that I hoped were not true. He understood immediately

? and protested. He spoke harshly of Lila, of her ungratefulness, of the

? trouble she had caused him. I changed my tone, I said that I believed Lila

? more than him. Take a pencil and paper, I said, write down my number, got it?

? Now give instructions for her to be paid down to the last lira you owe her,

? and let me know when I can come and get the money: I wouldn’t like to see

? your picture in the papers, too.

我在他反駁之前掛上了電話，我為自己感到自豪萧锉。我沒有表現(xiàn)出一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)的情感珊随，我很干脆，用意大利語說了幾句簡(jiǎn)潔的話，先是很客氣叶洞，后來很冷淡鲫凶。我希望彼得羅的感覺是對(duì)的：我現(xiàn)在的語氣越來越像阿黛爾了，在我沒有覺察到的情況下衩辟，我在模仿她為人處世的方法螟炫。我決定搞清楚，我能不能按照我說的那樣艺晴，繼續(xù)下一步昼钻。在給布魯諾打電話威脅他時(shí)，我并沒有很激動(dòng)封寞，因?yàn)樗恢倍际悄莻€(gè)在琪塔拉沙灘上試圖親吻我的乏味男生然评，但我給《團(tuán)結(jié)報(bào)》的編輯打電話時(shí)，卻非常緊張钥星。電話接通時(shí)沾瓦，我希望那邊的人聽不到我母親用方言對(duì)著埃莉莎叫喊的聲音。我對(duì)接線員說谦炒，我是埃萊娜·格雷科贯莺。我還沒有對(duì)她說我找誰，那女人就大聲問：“是女作家埃萊娜·格雷科宁改？”她讀過我的書缕探，熱情地恭維了我。我對(duì)她表示感謝还蹲，我感到很愉快爹耗，也很強(qiáng)大。我跟她說谜喊，我想寫一篇文章潭兽，是關(guān)于那不勒斯郊外的一家小工廠，我對(duì)她說了阿黛爾給我推薦的那個(gè)編輯的名字斗遏。那個(gè)接線員又恭維了我山卦，用工作的正式語氣對(duì)我說：您等一下。過了一分鐘诵次，一個(gè)沙啞的男聲账蓉，用開玩笑的語氣問我：“從什么時(shí)候開始，那些搞文學(xué)的人愿意為這些工人計(jì)件逾一、輪班還有加班浪費(fèi)自己的筆墨铸本？這些事兒都很乏味，尤其是成功的女作家遵堵，都盡量離這些事兒遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)的箱玷。”

I hung up before he could object, feeling

? proud of myself. I hadn’t shown the least emotion, I had been curt, a few

? remarks in Italian, polite first, then aloof. I hoped that Pietro was right:

? was I really acquiring Adele’s tone, was I learning, without realizing it,

? her way of being in the world? I decided to find out whether I was capable,

? if I wanted, of carrying out the threat I had ended the phone call with.

? Agitated—as I had not been when I called Bruno, still the boring boy who had

? tried to kiss me on the beach of Citara—I dialed the number of the editorial

? offices of l’Unità. While the telephone rang, I hoped that the voice of my

? mother yelling at Elisa in dialect in the background wouldn’t be heard. My

? name is Elena Greco, I said to the switchboard operator, and I didn’t have

? time to explain what I wanted before the woman exclaimed: Elena Greco the

? writer? She had read my book, and was full of compliments. I thanked her, I

? felt happy, strong, I explained, unnecessarily, that I had in mind an article

? about a factory on the outskirts, and I gave the name of the editor Adele had

? suggested. The operator congratulated me again, then she resumed a

? professional tone. Hold on, she said. A moment later a very hoarse male voice

? asked me in a teasing tone since when practitioners of literature had been

? willing to dirty their pens on the subject of piece work, shifts, and

? overtime, very boring subjects that young, successful novelists in particular

? stayed away from.

“是什么領(lǐng)域的？”他問我汪茧，“建筑椅亚、港口還是礦井限番？”

“What’s the angle?” he asked.

? “Construction, longshoremen, miners?”

“是一家香腸廠舱污，”我小聲說，“規(guī)模不大弥虐±┑疲”

“It’s a sausage factory,” I said. “Not a

? big deal.”

那個(gè)男人依然在用開玩笑的語氣說：

The man continued to make fun of me:?

“這很好，你不用解釋了霜瘪。這份報(bào)紙?jiān)?jīng)用了大半頁版面珠插，大張旗鼓地贊美了您，埃萊娜·格雷科女士颖对，假如您決定寫關(guān)于香腸的事兒捻撑，那我們這些可憐的編輯還能說，我們不感興趣缤底？三十行夠了嗎顾患？太少了嗎？那我們就增多一點(diǎn)个唧，六十行吧江解。您寫完了，我們?cè)趺床僮麽慵撸渴悄H自送過來犁河，還是向我口述？”

“You don’t have to apologize, it’s fine.

? If Elena Greco, to whom this newspaper devoted no less than half a page of

? profuse praise, decides to write about sausages, can we poor editors possibly

? say: that it doesn’t interest us? Are thirty lines enough? Too few? Let’s be

? generous, make it sixty. When you’ve finished, will you bring it to me in

? person or dictate it?”

我馬上就動(dòng)筆寫那篇文章了魄梯，我要把莉拉寫的那幾頁縮減成六十行的文章桨螺，出于對(duì)她的愛，我想寫得好一些酿秸。但是灭翔，我沒有任何寫報(bào)道的經(jīng)驗(yàn)，除了我在十五歲時(shí)允扇，曾經(jīng)嘗試過給尼諾主編的報(bào)紙寫一篇關(guān)于我和宗教老師沖突的文章缠局，但結(jié)果很糟糕。我不知道為什么考润，可能因?yàn)槟羌虑榈挠洃涀屖虑樽兊煤軓?fù)雜狭园，或者是那個(gè)編輯的諷刺語氣還在我耳邊回響，尤其是在電話的最后糊治，他讓我向我婆婆問好唱矛。我用了很長(zhǎng)時(shí)間來寫那篇文章，改了又改，非常認(rèn)真绎谦。但當(dāng)我寫完時(shí)管闷，我還是覺得很不滿意，我沒有把文章送到報(bào)社去窃肠，我要先和莉拉商量一下包个。我想，這是一件需要一起決定的事冤留，我明天再去交稿吧碧囊。

I began working on the article right

? away. I had to squeeze out of Lila’s pages my sixty lines, and for love of

? her I wanted to do a good job. But I had no experience of newspaper writing,

? apart from when, at the age of fifteen, I had tried to write about the

? conflict with the religion teacher for Nino’s journal: with terrible results.

? I don’t know, maybe it was that memory that complicated things. Or maybe it

? was the editor’s sarcastic tone that rang in my ears, especially when, at the

? end of the call, he asked me to give his best to my mother-*-law. Certainly I

? took a lot of time, I wrote and rewrote stubbornly. But even when the article

? seemed to be finished I wasn’t satisfied and I didn’t take it to the

? newspaper. I have to talk to Lila first, I said to myself, it’s a thing that

? should be decided together; I’ll turn it in tomorrow.

第二天，我去找莉拉纤怒，我覺得她的狀態(tài)特別差糯而。她嘟囔著說，我不在的時(shí)候泊窘，有些東西趁機(jī)冒了出來熄驼，折磨著她和詹納羅。她發(fā)現(xiàn)我很憂慮烘豹，就做出一副開玩笑的樣子瓜贾，說那些都是騙人的話，她只是希望我和她多待一會(huì)兒吴叶。我們談了很多阐虚，我讓她平靜下來，但我沒讓她看那篇文章蚌卤。讓我下不了決心的是实束，假如《團(tuán)結(jié)報(bào)》沒有采納我的稿件，那我就不得不告訴莉拉：編輯認(rèn)為那篇文章寫得不好逊彭，我會(huì)覺得很沒有面子咸灿。晚上，阿黛爾的電話給我了很大的勇氣侮叮，我變得樂觀起來了避矢，促使我做了決定。她已經(jīng)和她丈夫囊榜，還有馬麗婭羅莎談了這件事情审胸。在短短的幾個(gè)小時(shí)里，他們動(dòng)員了所有關(guān)系：醫(yī)學(xué)界的大腕卸勺、熟悉工會(huì)的社會(huì)黨教授砂沛，還有一個(gè)天主教民主黨的人士，她說那人有點(diǎn)蠢曙求，但是個(gè)好人碍庵，是勞動(dòng)者權(quán)益方面的專家映企。結(jié)果在第二天，她為我約了那不勒斯最好的心臟病專家——一個(gè)朋友的朋友静浴，我不用付任何錢堰氓，而且，檢查員會(huì)很快去索卡沃的工廠檢查苹享。為了要回莉拉的錢双絮，我可以去找馬麗婭羅莎的那個(gè)律師朋友，就是彼得羅跟我提到過的那個(gè)人富稻，他是一個(gè)年輕的社會(huì)黨律師掷邦，他在尼古拉愛茉莉廣場(chǎng)上有一間事務(wù)所白胀，她已經(jīng)問好了椭赋。

The next day I went to see Lila; she

? seemed particularly unwell. She complained that when I wasn’t there certain

? presences took advantage of my absence and emerged from objects to bother her

? and Gennaro. Then she realized that I was alarmed and, in a tone of

? amusement, said it was all nonsense, she just wanted me to be with her more.

? We talked a lot, I soothed her, but I didn’t give her the article to read.

? What held me back was the idea that if l’Unità rejected the piece I would be

? forced to tell her that they hadn’t found it good, and I would feel

? humiliated. It took a phone call from Adele that night to give me a solid

? dose of optimism and make up my mind. She had consulted her husband and also

? Mariarosa. She had moved half the world in a few hours: luminaries of

? medicine, socialist professors who knew about the union, a Christian Democrat

? whom she called a bit foolish but a good person and an expert in workers’

? rights. The result was that I had an appointment the next day with the best

? cardiologist in Naples—a friend of friends, I wouldn’t have to pay—and that

? the labor inspector would immediately pay a visit to the Soccavo factory, and

? that to get Lila’s money I could go to that friend of Mariarosa’s whom Pietro

? had mentioned, a young socialist lawyer who had an office in Piazza Nicola

? Amore and had already been informed.

“你高興嗎？”

“Happy?”

“很高興或杠∧恼”

“Yes.”

“你把文章寫好了嗎？”

“Did you write your article?”

“寫了向抢∪暇常”

“Yes.”

“我還以為你不會(huì)寫⌒”

“You see? I was sure you wouldn’t do it.”

“實(shí)際上叉信，我已經(jīng)寫好了，明天我就把它送到《團(tuán)結(jié)報(bào)》去艘希∨鹕恚”

“In fact it’s ready, I’ll take it to

? l’Unità tomorrow.”

“很好。我差點(diǎn)兒就低估你了覆享〖阉欤”

“Good. I run the risk of underestimating

? you.”

“差點(diǎn)兒？”

“It’s a risk?”

“的確是低估了撒顿。你和我兒子——那個(gè)可憐的小家伙怎么樣了丑罪？”

“Underestimating always is. How’s it

? going with that poor little creature my son?”

-*-

50

從那時(shí)候開始，一切都變得很順利凤壁，就好像我有能力讓所有事情像泉水一樣流暢吩屹。彼得羅也為莉拉做了事情，他那個(gè)學(xué)習(xí)希臘文化的同事拧抖，其實(shí)是一個(gè)非常健談的人煤搜，但也一樣出了力。他認(rèn)識(shí)博洛尼亞一個(gè)真正懂計(jì)算機(jī)的人——這讓他產(chǎn)生了一個(gè)狂想徙鱼，就是把計(jì)算機(jī)用于語文學(xué)——這個(gè)人提供了那不勒斯一個(gè)熟人的名字宅楞，他認(rèn)為那是一個(gè)很可靠的人针姿。他跟我詳細(xì)地說了那位那不勒斯先生的姓名、地址和電話厌衙，我對(duì)他萬分感激距淫，我用一種很熱情的、開玩笑的語氣說婶希，他在這個(gè)方面的嘗試是勇敢的榕暇，我甚至在最后掛電話時(shí)，給他獻(xiàn)了一個(gè)吻喻杈。

From then on everything became fluid,

? almost as if I possessed the art of making events flow like water from a

? spring. Even Pietro had worked for Lila. His colleague the Greek scholar

? turned out to be extremely talkative but useful just the same: he knew

? someone in Bologna who really was a computer expert—the reliable source of

? his philological fantasies—and he had given him the number of an acquaintance

? in Naples, judged to be equally reliable. He gave me the name, address, and

? telephone number of the Neapolitan, and I thanked him warmly, commenting with

? affectionate irony on his forced entrepreneurship—I even sent him a kiss over

? the phone.

我馬上去找莉拉彤枢。她臉色很蒼白，咳嗽得撕心裂肺筒饰，也很緊張缴啡，目光極度警惕。但我給她帶去了非常好的消息瓷们，這讓我很高興业栅。我搖了搖她，擁抱了她谬晕，我緊緊握住她的雙手碘裕，我跟她說了我跟布魯諾打電話的事情。我給她念了我寫的文章攒钳，我跟她說了彼得羅帮孔、我婆婆還有大姑子的積極行動(dòng)。她聽我說話不撑，就好像我在一個(gè)距離她很遠(yuǎn)的地方說話文兢，就好像我的聲音來自另一個(gè)世界，她只能聽到我說的話的一半燎孟，再加上詹納羅一個(gè)勁兒地拽她禽作，想和她一起玩兒旷偿，當(dāng)我說話時(shí)爆侣，她聽得不是很用心，也沒有太多熱情茫负，但我一樣很高興。在過去乎赴，莉拉打開肉食店那個(gè)神奇的抽屜，曾經(jīng)給我買過很多東西勉失，尤其是書∧＃現(xiàn)在型型，我要打開我的抽屜输莺，我要回報(bào)她，我希望她像我一樣嘱函，也感到安全往弓。

I went to see Lila immediately. She had a

? cavernous cough, her face was strained and pale, her gaze excessively

? watchful. But I was bringing good news and was happy. I shook her, hugged

? her, held both her hands tight, and meanwhile told her about the phone call I

? had made to Bruno, read her the article I had written, enumerated the results

? of the painstaking efforts of Pietro, of my mother-*-law, of my sister-*-law.

? She listened as if I were speaking from far away—from another world into

? which I had ventured—and could hear clearly only half the things I was

? saying. Besides, Gennaro was constantly tugging on her to play with him, and,

? as I spoke, she was attending to him, but without warmth. I felt content just

? the same. In the past Lila had opened the miraculous drawer of the grocery

? store and had bought me everything, especially books. Now I opened my drawers

? and paid her back, hoping that she would feel safe, as I now did.

我最后問她：“那明天你去看心臟病科醫(yī)生？”

“So,” I asked her finally, “tomorrow

? morning you’ll go to the cardiologist?”

她沒有正面回答我喉童，笑了一下說：

She reacted to my question in an? incongruous way, saying with a small laugh:?

“娜迪雅不會(huì)喜歡這種面對(duì)問題的方式蔑担，她哥哥也不會(huì)喜歡啤握∨盘В”

“Nadia won’t like this way of doing

? things. And her brother won’t, either.”

“我不明白蹲蒲，什么方式悠鞍】Ъ溃”

“What way, I don’t understand.”

“沒什么牺汤￠艹伲”

“Nothing.”

“莉拉，”我說敦间，“這關(guān)娜迪雅什么事兒？她覺得自己很了不起带猴，你根本就不用在意她拴清，阿爾曼多就不用提了，他一直是一個(gè)很膚淺的小伙子苹威≈佬铮”

“Lila,” I said, “please, what does Nadia

? have to do with it, don’t give her more importance than she already gives

? herself. And forget Armando, he’s always been superficial.”

我做出這樣的評(píng)論泻轰，讓我自己都有些驚異。無論如何泳挥，我對(duì)加利亞尼老師的幾個(gè)孩子并沒有太多了解。有幾秒鐘矗钟，我感覺莉拉快要認(rèn)不出我來了，好像她撞見了鬼魂秸应，在利用她的虛弱在蠱惑她桑谍。實(shí)際上锣披，我并不是想講娜迪雅和阿爾曼多的壞話增热，我只想讓她明白，在權(quán)力的等級(jí)方面摄咆，在艾羅塔一家人面前吭从，加利亞尼他們什么也不算谱醇，像布魯諾·索卡沃或者說米凱萊的那些爪牙，更算不上什么了佳晶，總之，不用擔(dān)心什么菇篡，她應(yīng)該按照我說的去做。但當(dāng)我說這些話時(shí)议蟆，我就意識(shí)到自己有些炫耀。我撫摸著她的臉頰說戳粒，無論如何，我還是很欣賞那兩個(gè)兄妹參與政治活動(dòng)的勁頭苹祟，但你要相信我锰悼。她嘟囔了一句：

I surprised myself with those judgments,

? after all I knew very little about Professor Galiani’s children. And for a

? few seconds I had the impression that Lila didn’t recognize me but saw before

? her a spirit who was exploiting her weakness. In fact, rather than

? criticizing Nadia and Armando, I only wanted her to understand that the

? hierarchies of power were different, that compared to the Airotas the

? Galianis didn’t count, that people like Bruno Soccavo or that thug Michele

? counted even less, that in other words she should do as I said and not worry.

? But as I was speaking I realized I was in danger of boasting and I caressed

? her cheek, saying that, of course, I admired Armando and Nadia’s political

? engagement, and then I added, laughing: but trust me. She muttered:

“好吧，我們?nèi)タ葱呐K病科醫(yī)生”郏”

“O.K., we’ll go to the cardiologist.”

我接著問她：

I persisted:

“我跟恩佐約哪天，幾點(diǎn)傀广？”

“And for Enzo what appointment should I

? make, what time, what day?”

“哪天都行，但要在五點(diǎn)之后贮聂。”

“Whenever you want, but after five.”

一回到家里，我就開始打電話。我給律師打了電話蕾各，跟他仔細(xì)解釋了莉拉的狀況。我又給心臟病醫(yī)生打了電話兰伤，確認(rèn)了時(shí)間敦腔。我給那個(gè)電腦專家打了電話，他在發(fā)展署工作，他跟我說形帮，蘇黎世的函授課程沒什么用，但無論如何槐臀，我可以讓恩佐在某天某個(gè)時(shí)候，到某個(gè)地方去見他。我給《團(tuán)結(jié)報(bào)》打了電話谍珊，編輯說：“您按照自己的時(shí)間來，您現(xiàn)在把這篇文章送過來，或者我們等到圣誕節(jié)打掘？”我給索卡沃的秘書打了電話亡笑，我讓她轉(zhuǎn)告老板，因?yàn)槲覜]有收到他的答復(fù)绝骚，《團(tuán)結(jié)報(bào)》很快會(huì)刊登一篇我的文章。

As soon as I got home I went back to the

? telephone. I called the lawyer, I explained Lila’s situation in detail. I

? called the cardiologist, I confirmed the appointment. I telephoned the

? computer expert, he worked at the Department of Public Works: he said that

? the Zurich courses were useless, but that I could send Enzo to see him on

? such and such a day at such an address. I called l’Unità, the editor said:

? You’re certainly taking your sweet time—are you bringing me this article, or

? are we waiting for Christmas? I called Soccavo’s secretary and asked her to

? tell her boss that, since I hadn’t heard from him, my article would be out

? soon in l’Unità.

最后的這通電話得到了非常迅速、強(qiáng)烈的反應(yīng)，索卡沃在兩分鐘之后給我回了電話皮获，這次他一點(diǎn)兒也不客氣，他威脅了我。我回答說靠瞎，現(xiàn)在會(huì)有一位勞工監(jiān)察員，還有一位律師負(fù)責(zé)莉拉的事情。之后我非常振奮，我很自豪進(jìn)行這樣的抗?fàn)幉戆裕鲇谇楦校渤鲇谛拍钚跻瑏韺?duì)抗不公正的事情，帕斯卡萊和弗朗科還以為他們可以指導(dǎo)我呢。當(dāng)天下午淑履，我就去《團(tuán)結(jié)報(bào)》把稿子交了。

That last phone call provoked an

? immediate, violent reaction. Soccavo called me two minutes later and this

? time he wasn’t friendly; he threatened me. I answered that, momentarily, he

? would have the inspector on his back and a lawyer who would take care of

? Lila’s interests. Then, that evening, pleasantly overexcited—I was proud of

? fighting against injustice, out of affection and conviction, in spite of

? Pasquale and Franco, who thought they could still give me lessons—I hurried

? to l’Unità to deliver my article.

那個(gè)跟我通話的編輯是一個(gè)中年男人，個(gè)子很小，人很胖崇渗，兩只眼睛小小的些举，眼睛永遠(yuǎn)閃著狡黠的亮光驶臊，但他很和善扛门、風(fēng)趣。他讓我坐在一把嘎吱作響的凳子上，他很專心地看了那篇文章火焰。最后，他把那些紙放在寫字臺(tái)上，說：

The man I had talked to was middle-aged,

? short, and fat, with small, lively eyes that permanently sparkled with a

? benevolent irony. He invited me to sit down on a dilapidated chair and he

? read the article carefully.

“這是六十行嗎？我覺得有一百五十行佑附⊥菏龋”

“And this is sixty lines? To me it seems

? like a hundred and fifty.”

我覺得自己臉紅了叽赊，囁嚅了一句：

I reddened, I said softly:?

“我數(shù)了好幾次，是六十行梅割。”

“I counted several times, it’s sixty.”

“但是是手寫的，字小得用放大鏡也看不清楚。文章寫得很棒，同志读存。你去找個(gè)打字機(jī)，把那些能刪的刪掉秀睛《保”

“Yes, but written by hand and in a script

? that couldn’t be read with a magnifying glass. But the piece is very good,

? Comrade. Find a typewriter somewhere and cut what you can.”

“現(xiàn)在嗎？”

“Now?”

“如果不是現(xiàn)在蹂安，那我們什么時(shí)候弄椭迎？我把文章拿到手上田盈，放在版面上就明了了畜号，你還讓我等到猴年馬月？”

“And when? For once I’ve got something

? people will actually look at if I put it on the page, and you want to make me

? wait for doomsday?”

-*-

51

那些日子允瞧，我感覺自己充滿了力量简软。我們?nèi)タ葱呐K病專科瓷式，那是一位在克里斯皮街上開了診所的大教授替饿，他也住在那里。為了這次會(huì)面贸典，我特意精心打扮了一下视卢，那個(gè)醫(yī)生雖然在那不勒斯，但還是和阿黛爾的世界有交集廊驼，我不想丟臉据过。我仔仔細(xì)細(xì)地梳洗了一番惋砂，穿上了阿黛爾給我買的裙子，噴上了一種很淡的香水绳锅，和她自己用的香水味道很類似西饵，然后化了一個(gè)淡妝。我希望這個(gè)教授在和我未來婆婆通話或者見面時(shí)鳞芙，能說我的好話眷柔。莉拉一點(diǎn)都不在意自己的外表，她去看醫(yī)生時(shí)原朝，穿的就是每天在家里穿的衣服驯嘱。我們坐在一個(gè)大房間里，墻上有十九世紀(jì)的繪畫：有一個(gè)貴婦坐在沙發(fā)上喳坠，背景里是一個(gè)黑人女仆鞠评；有一幅是一個(gè)老婦人的畫像；還有一幅畫很大壕鹉，是一個(gè)遼闊壯觀的狩獵場(chǎng)景剃幌。另外還有兩個(gè)人在等著，一男一女晾浴，兩個(gè)人都很老负乡，看起來都干凈優(yōu)雅，一副有錢人的樣子怠肋。我們?cè)谀氐戎戴蕖Ｔ诼飞希P(guān)于我的穿衣打扮笙各，莉拉說了很多好話钉答，她低聲說：“你看起來像是從這些畫里走出來的，你就像一個(gè)貴婦杈抢，我就像女仆数尿。”

What energy I had in those days. We went

? to the cardiologist, a big-*-in-*-century paintings on the walls: a

? noblewoman in an armchair with a Negro servant in the background, a portrait

? of an old lady, and a large, lively hunting scene. There were two other

? people waiting, a man and a woman, both old, both with the tidy, elegant look

? of prosperity. We waited in silence. Lila, who on the way had repeatedly

? praised my appearance, said only, in a low voice: You look like you came out

? of one of these paintings—you’re the lady and I’m the maid.

我們等了幾分鐘惶楼，一個(gè)護(hù)士過來叫了我們右蹦，沒有任何特殊理由，我們就跳過了那兩個(gè)等待的病人歼捐。這時(shí)候莉拉變得很激動(dòng)何陆，她希望她看病時(shí)我在場(chǎng)，她說她一個(gè)人不會(huì)進(jìn)去的豹储，最后她把我推向前贷盲，就好像要看病的人是我。那個(gè)醫(yī)生是一位瘦得皮包骨頭的六十多歲的男人，灰色的頭發(fā)巩剖，非常濃密铝穷。他很客氣地接待了我，他知道所有關(guān)于我的事情佳魔，他和我聊了十多分鐘曙聂，就好像莉拉不在場(chǎng)一樣。他說他兒子也是比薩高等師范畢業(yè)的鞠鲜，但要比我早六年宁脊。他強(qiáng)調(diào)他自己的哥哥也是一位比較知名的作家，但只是在那不勒斯有名贤姆。他說了很多艾羅塔一家人的好話朦佩，他和阿黛爾的一個(gè)堂兄很熟悉，那個(gè)堂兄是一位著名的物理學(xué)家庐氮。最后，他問我：

We didn’t wait long. A nurse called us;

? for no obvious reason, we went ahead of the patients who were waiting. Now

? Lila became agitated, she wanted me to be present at the examination, she

? swore that alone she would never go in, and she pushed me forward as if I

? were the one being examined. The doctor was a bony man in his sixties, with

? thick gray hair. He greeted me politely, he knew everything about me, and

? chatted for ten minutes as if Lila weren’t there. He said that his son had

? also graduated from the Normale, but six years before me. He noted that his

? brother was a writer and had a certain reputation, but only in Naples. He was

? full of praise for the Airotas, he knew a cousin of Adele’s very well, a

? famous physicist. He asked me:

“婚禮什么時(shí)候舉行宋彼？”

“When is the wedding?”

“五月十七弄砍。”

“May 17th.”

“十七號(hào)笆涮椤音婶？這個(gè)日子不好，改個(gè)日子吧莱坎∫率剑”

“The seventeenth? That’s bad luck, please

? change the date.”

“已經(jīng)沒辦法改了￠苁玻”

“It’s not possible.”

在整個(gè)過程中碴卧，莉拉都沒有說話。她一點(diǎn)兒都沒有關(guān)注那位教授乃正，我感到住册，她一直都盯著我看，她對(duì)我的每個(gè)動(dòng)作瓮具、每句話都感到驚異荧飞。那位教授終于開始問她問題，她很不情愿地做了回答名党，要么用純粹的方言叹阔，要么就是夾雜方言的蹩腳意大利語。我不得不經(jīng)常介入传睹，提醒她她告訴過我的癥狀耳幢，或者強(qiáng)調(diào)她輕描淡寫提到的癥狀。醫(yī)生做了一個(gè)非常細(xì)致的檢查蒋歌，莉拉一直皺著眉頭帅掘，就好像我和心臟病科醫(yī)生得罪了她一樣委煤。我看著那有些發(fā)白的天藍(lán)色內(nèi)衣下面她單薄的身體，那件衣服有些大修档，很破舊碧绞。她長(zhǎng)長(zhǎng)的脖子好像很難支撐她的腦袋，她的皮膚緊包著骨頭吱窝，就像是要裂開的羔皮紙讥邻。我察覺到，她的左手拇指時(shí)不時(shí)會(huì)神經(jīng)質(zhì)地顫抖院峡。教授讓她穿上衣服前兴使，又檢查了大約半個(gè)小時(shí)。她穿衣服時(shí)照激，用眼睛看著教授发魄，我感覺她有些害怕。醫(yī)生來到寫字臺(tái)前俩垃，他終于坐了下來說励幼，一切正常，他沒有聽到任何雜音口柳。他對(duì)莉拉說苹粟，太太，您的心臟很完美跃闹。醫(yī)生對(duì)莉拉的診斷嵌削，沒讓她產(chǎn)生太大反應(yīng)，她非但沒有表現(xiàn)出高興望艺，反倒有些不耐煩苛秕。這時(shí)候，我松了一口氣荣茫，就好像他檢查的是我的心臟想帅。那位教授接著和我說話，而不是對(duì)莉拉講話啡莉，我又開始擔(dān)心起來了港准，就好像莉拉的無動(dòng)于衷讓大夫有些生氣。他皺著眉頭補(bǔ)充說：“但是咧欣，你朋友的整體狀況很不好浅缸，需要馬上進(jìn)行治療∑枪荆”他說：“最大的問題并不是咳嗽衩椒，這位太太受涼感冒了，我會(huì)給她開一些止咳糖漿∶龋”他覺得問題在于莉拉的身體非常虛弱苟弛，她應(yīng)該更多注意自己的身體，按時(shí)吃飯阁将，每天至少睡八個(gè)小時(shí)膏秫，療養(yǎng)一下，等著身體恢復(fù)做盅。他說：您的這位朋友缤削，在她身體恢復(fù)之后，大部分癥狀都會(huì)自然消失的吹榴。無論如何亭敢，他總結(jié)說，我建議她去看一下精神科图筹。

Lila was silent the whole time. She paid

? no attention to the professor, I felt her curiosity on me, she seemed amazed

? by my every gesture and word. When, finally, the doctor turned to her,

? questioning her at length, she answered unwillingly, in dialect or in an ugly

? Italian that imitated dialect patterns. Often I had to interrupt to remind

? her of symptoms that she had reported to me or to stress those which she

? minimized. Finally she submitted to a thorough examination and exhaustive

? tests, with a sullen expression, as if the cardiologist and I were doing her

? a wrong. I looked at her thin body in a threadbare pale blue slip that was

? too big for her. Her long neck seemed to be struggling to hold up her head,

? the skin was stretched over her bones like tissue paper that might tear at

? any moment. I realized that the thumb of her left hand every so often had a

? small, reflexive twitch. It was a good half hour before the professor told

? her to get dressed. She kept her eyes on him as she did so; now she seemed

? frightened. The cardiologist went to the desk, sat down, and finally

? announced that everything was in order, he hadn’t found a murmur. Signora, he

? said, you have a perfect heart. But the effect of the verdict on Lila was

? apparently dubious, she didn’t seem pleased, in fact she seemed irritated. It

? was I who felt relieved, as if it were my heart, and it was I who showed

? signs of worry when the professor, again addressing me and not Lila, as if

? her lack of reaction had offended him, added, with a frown, that, however,

? given the general state of my friend, urgent measures were necessary. The

? problem, he said, isn’t the cough: the signora has a cold, has had a slight

? flu, and I’ll give her some cough syrup. The problem, according to him, was

? that she was exhausted, run down. Lila had to take better care of herself,

? eat regularly, have a tonic treatment, get at least eight hours of sleep a

? night. The majority of your friend’s symptoms, he said, will vanish when she

? regains her strength. In any case, he concluded, I would advise a

? neurological examination.

最后的這句話讓莉拉很震動(dòng)帅刀，她緊皺著額頭，身子向前探著远剩，用意大利語說：“您是說我精神有問題劝篷？”

It was the penultimate word that roused

? Lila. She scowled, leaned forward, said in Italian: “Are you saying that I

? have a nervous illness?”

醫(yī)生有些驚訝地看著她，就好像因?yàn)槟撤N魔法民宿，他剛才診斷過的病人，現(xiàn)在換成了另一個(gè)人像鸡。

The doctor looked at her in surprise, as

? if the patient he had just finished examining had been magically replaced by

? another person.

“正好相反活鹰，我是建議您去做一個(gè)檢查≈还溃”

“Not at all: I’m only advising an

? examination.”

“我說了什么不該說的話志群，或者做了什么不該做的事嗎？”

“Did I say or do something I shouldn’t

? have?”

“沒有蛔钙，您不用擔(dān)心锌云，檢查只是為了從整體上了解一下您的身體狀況∮跬眩”

“No, madam, there’s no need to worry. The

? examination serves only to get a clear picture of your situation.”

“我的一個(gè)親戚桑涎，”莉拉說，“是我媽媽的堂姐兼贡，她很不幸攻冷，一輩子都很不幸福。我還很小的時(shí)候遍希，夏天等曼，我聽見她對(duì)著開著的窗子叫喊，大笑，有時(shí)候我看見她在路上做一些很瘋狂的事情禁谦。但是胁黑，這是因?yàn)樗恍遥龔膩矶紱]有去看過精神科醫(yī)生州泊，她從來都沒有看過任何醫(yī)生丧蘸。”

“A relative of mine,” said Lila, “a

? cousin of my mother’s, was unhappy, she’d been unhappy her whole life. In the

? summer, when I was little, I would hear her through the open window,

? shouting, laughing. Or I would see her on the street doing slightly crazy

? things. But it was unhappiness, and so she never went to a neurologist, in

? fact she never went to any doctor.”

“她應(yīng)該去看一下拥诡〈ヅ浚”

“It would have been useful to go.”

“這些精神上的疾病，都是太太們得的病冗懦〕鸺溃”

“Nervous illnesses are for ladies.”

“您母親的堂姐不是一位太太嗎乌奇？”

“Your mother’s cousin isn’t a lady?”

“不是〗该纾”

“No.”

“您呢爬凑？”

“And you?”

“我就更不是了∈曰铮”

“Even less so.”

“您覺得自己不幸嗎嘁信？”

“Do you feel unhappy?”

“我很好∈柽叮”

“I’m very well.”

醫(yī)生皺著眉頭潘靖，又對(duì)我說：“她絕對(duì)要休息，您讓她一定去檢查一下蚤蔓。假如能去鄉(xiāng)下走走卦溢，那就更好了⌒阌郑”

The doctor turned to me again, irritably:

? “Absolute rest. Have her do this treatment, regularly. If you have some way

? of taking her to the country, it would be better.”

莉拉笑了起來单寂，又用方言說：“上次我看醫(yī)生時(shí)，他讓我去海邊療養(yǎng)吐辙，結(jié)果鬧出很多事兒來凄贩。”

Lila burst out laughing, she returned to

? dialect: “The last time I went to a doctor he sent me to the beach and it

? brought me a lot of grief.”

教授假裝沒有聽到疲扎，他對(duì)我微笑了一下壹甥，期望能獲得我的認(rèn)可棒假。他給了我他的一個(gè)朋友——一個(gè)精神科醫(yī)生的名字谜酒，他還親自給這位朋友打了電話，讓他盡快給我們安排。我要說服莉拉去那家診所度秘，那是一件非常不容易的事情。她說挠锥，她沒時(shí)間可浪費(fèi)，她在心臟病科醫(yī)生那里已經(jīng)待得很厭煩了齐婴，她要回去照顧詹納羅情妖，尤其是，她沒有錢可以浪費(fèi)，她也不想讓我浪費(fèi)錢。我向她保證居扒，這些檢查都是免費(fèi)的立哑，最后她很不情愿地答應(yīng)了诈茧。

The professor pretended not to hear, he

? smiled at me as if to elicit a conspiratorial smile, gave me the name of a

? friend who was a neurologist, and telephoned himself so that the man would

? see us as soon as possible. It wasn’t easy to drag Lila to the new doctor’s

? office. She said she didn’t have time to waste, she was already bored enough

? by the cardiologist, she had to get back to Gennaro, and above all she didn’t

? have money to throw away nor did she want me to throw away mine. I assured

? her that the examination would be free and in the end, reluctantly, she gave

? in.

那個(gè)精神科醫(yī)生是一個(gè)很精干的小個(gè)子男人鸥昏，頭發(fā)全禿了，他在托萊多區(qū)的一棟老房子里有一家診所，等候大廳里整整齊齊地放著一些哲學(xué)書遗嗽。他很愛說話，滔滔不絕地說著柔纵，我覺得，他一直都專注于自己的話題，而不是病人昭伸。他為莉拉做檢查灵份，同時(shí)在和我說話。他問了莉拉一些問題，但他對(duì)我說了一些他的觀察，沒有太關(guān)注她做出的回答贸铜。無論如何饺饭，他最后得出了一個(gè)泛泛的結(jié)論，那就是莉拉的腦神經(jīng)和她的心肌一樣運(yùn)作正常骂蓖。他忽然對(duì)我說被芳，我的同事說得對(duì)馍悟，親愛的格雷科女士畔濒，她的身體很虛弱，結(jié)果是她靈魂中易怒锣咒、陰暗的一面侵状，就會(huì)利用這個(gè)機(jī)會(huì)占上風(fēng)，壓倒理性的部分诽俯，讓身體健康起來了伐割，腦子自然就會(huì)健康起來粱玲。最后，他在藥方上，龍飛鳳舞地寫了很多藥名恐疲，同時(shí)還大聲地說著那些藥物的名字和劑量。他開始給出他的叮囑，他建議，莉拉可以通過長(zhǎng)時(shí)間的散步來放松精神吮便，但不要去海邊，他說最好要去卡波迪蒙特或者卡馬爾多利的樹林刨啸。他建議她要多讀書，但是要白天讀書叛拷，晚上一個(gè)字都不要看炊汤。他說手不要閑著创夜，盡管他看一眼莉拉的手就會(huì)明白，她的手已經(jīng)夠忙的了荣挨。他說到了織毛衣對(duì)精神的好處，莉拉在椅子上坐立不安朴摊，不等醫(yī)生說完默垄，她就問了一個(gè)隱秘的，但可能是她一直考慮的問題：

The neurologist was a small lively man,

? completely bald, who had an office in an old building in Toledo and displayed

? in his waiting room an orderly collection of philosophy books. He liked to

? hear himself talk, and he talked so much that, it seemed to me, he paid more

? attention to the thread of his own discourse than to the patient. He examined

? her and addressed me, he asked her questions and propounded to me his

? observations, taking no notice of the responses she gave. In the end, he

? concluded abstractedly that Lila’s nervous system was in order, just like her

? cardiac muscle. But—he said, continuing to address me—my colleague is right,

? dear Dottoressa Greco, the body is weakened, and as a result both the

? irascible and the concupiscible passions have taken advantage of it to get

? the upper hand over reason: let’s restore well-being to the body and we’ll

? restore health to the mind. Then he wrote out a prescription, in

? indecipherable marks, but pronouncing aloud the names of the medicines, the

? doses. Then he moved on to advice. He advised, for relaxation, long walks,

? but avoiding the sea: better, he said, the woods of Capodimonte or Camaldoli.

? He advised reading, but only during the day, never at night. He advised

? keeping the hands employed, even though a careful glance at Lila’s would have

? been enough to realize that they had been too much employed. When he began to

? insist on the neurological benefits of crochet work, Lila became restless in

? her chair, and without waiting for the doctor to finish speaking, she asked

? him, following the course of her own secret thoughts:

“我們已經(jīng)到這里了甚纲，您能不能給我開些避孕藥口锭？”

“As long as we’re here, could you give me

? the pills that prevent you from having children?”

醫(yī)生的眉頭皺了起來，我覺得我也是同樣的反應(yīng)介杆，那是一個(gè)很不得體的請(qǐng)求鹃操。

The doctor frowned, and so, I think, did

? I. The request seemed out of place.

“您結(jié)婚了嗎？”

“Are you married?”

“以前結(jié)婚了春哨，現(xiàn)在沒有荆隘。”

“I was, not now.”

“現(xiàn)在沒有是什么意思赴背？”

“In what sense not now?”

“分開了椰拒。”

“I’m separated.”

“您還是結(jié)婚了的凰荚∪脊郏”

“You’re still married.”

“嗯”闵”

“Well.”

“您已經(jīng)有孩子了嗎缆毁？”

“Have you had children?”

“我有一個(gè)〉酵浚”

“I have one.”

“一個(gè)太少了脊框。”

“One isn’t much.”

“對(duì)我來說已經(jīng)夠了践啄「肯荩”

“It’s enough for me.”

“就您目前的狀況，懷孕的話有好處往核，對(duì)于一個(gè)女人來說箫爷，沒有什么比懷孕更好的藥物了。”

“In your condition pregnancy would help,

? there is no better medicine for a woman.”

“我認(rèn)識(shí)一些女人虎锚，她們給懷孕毀了硫痰，還是藥物好一些〈芑ぃ”

“I know women who were destroyed by

? pregnancy. Better to have the pills.”

“您的這個(gè)請(qǐng)求效斑，需要找一個(gè)婦科醫(yī)生≈悖”

“For that problem of yours you’ll have to

? consult a gynecologist.”

“您只了解精神問題缓屠，不懂這些藥品嗎？”

“You only know about nerves, you don’t

? know about pills?”

醫(yī)生有些惱火护侮，他繼續(xù)跟我聊了幾句敌完，到門口的時(shí)候，他給了我一個(gè)人的地址和電話羊初，是在塔比亞橋的一間診所里工作的一個(gè)女醫(yī)生滨溉。他跟我說，您去找她吧长赞。就好像要求開避孕藥的人是我晦攒，告別了醫(yī)生。出去的時(shí)候得哆，秘書向我們收錢脯颜。我明白，那個(gè)腦科醫(yī)生已經(jīng)超出了阿黛爾的關(guān)系鏈贩据，我付了錢伐脖。

The doctor was irritated. He chatted a

? little more and then, in the doorway, gave me the address and telephone

? number of a doctor who worked in a clinic in Ponte di Tappia. Go to her, he

? said, as if it were I who had asked for the contraceptives, and he said

? goodbye. On the way out the secretary asked us to pay. The neurologist, I

? gathered, was outside the chain of favors that Adele had set in motion. I

? paid.

我們一走到路上，莉拉幾乎是生氣地對(duì)我嚷嚷：“那個(gè)爛人給我開的任何藥乐设，我都不會(huì)吃的讼庇，我就知道，我的腦子已經(jīng)出問題了近尚∪渥模”我回答說：“我不贊同，但你想怎么做就怎么做吧戈锻〖吒”她有些迷惘，低聲說：“我不是生你的氣格遭，我是生那些醫(yī)生的氣哈街。”我們向塔比亞橋方向走去拒迅，我們沒有說明目的地骚秦，就好像要隨便走走她倘，活動(dòng)一下手腳。她有時(shí)候一聲不吭作箍，有時(shí)候會(huì)用惱怒的語氣硬梁，模仿那個(gè)精神科醫(yī)生說話的樣子。我覺得胞得，她的這些不耐煩的表現(xiàn)荧止，是她生命力恢復(fù)的征兆。我問她：

Once we were in the street Lila almost

? shouted, irately: I will not take a single one of the medicines that shit

? gave me, since my head is falling off just the same, I already know it. I

? answered: I disagree, but do as you like. Then she was confused, she said

? quietly: I’m not angry with you, I’m angry with the doctors, and we walked in

? the direction of Ponte di Tappia, but without saying so, as if we were

? strolling aimlessly, just to stretch our legs. First she was silent, then she

? imitated in annoyance the neurologist’s tone and his babble. It seemed to me

? that her impatience signaled a return of vitality. I asked her:

“你和恩佐好些了嗎阶剑？”

“Is it going a little better with Enzo?”

“還是老樣子跃巡。”

“It’s the same as always.”

“那你要避孕藥干什么牧愁？”

“Then what do you want with the pills?”

“你知道那些藥嗎素邪？”

“Do you know about them?”

“是的〉菡”

“Yes.”

“你吃過嗎？”

“Do you take them?”

“沒有苍狰，但一結(jié)婚办龄，我就會(huì)吃×苷眩”

“No, but I will as soon as I’m married.”

“你不想生孩子嗎俐填？”

“You don’t want children?”

“我想要，但在生孩子之前翔忽，我想再寫一本書英融。”

“I do, but I have to write another book

? first.”

“你丈夫知道你不想馬上生孩子嗎歇式？”

“Does your husband know you don’t want

? them right away?”

“我會(huì)告訴他的驶悟。”

“I’ll tell him.”

“我們?nèi)フ疫@個(gè)人材失，讓她給我們倆都開一些痕鳍。”

“Shall we go see this woman and have her

? give both of us pills?”

“莉拉龙巨，這不是水果糖那樣可以隨便吃的東西笼呆。假如你和恩佐之間沒什么，那我們就算了旨别∈模”

“Lila, it’s not candy you can take

? whenever you like. If you’re not doing anything with Enzo forget it.”

她盯著我看，眼睛瞇成了一條縫秸弛，只能隱約看到她的眼珠子：

She looked at me with narrowed eyes,? cracks in which her pupils were scarcely visible:?

“我現(xiàn)在什么也不做铭若，但以后就很難說了洪碳。”

“I’m not doing anything now but later who

? knows.”

“你是講真的奥喻？”

“Seriously?”

“難道在你看來偶宫，我不應(yīng)該？”

“I shouldn’t, in your opinion?”

“當(dāng)然不是环鲤〈壳鳎”

“Yes, of course.”

在塔比亞橋，我們找了一個(gè)電話亭冷离，我們給那個(gè)婦科醫(yī)生打了電話吵冒。她說她有時(shí)間，我們可以馬上見面西剥。在去診所的路上痹栖，我表現(xiàn)得很高興，因?yàn)樗K于決定要靠近恩佐了瞭空，她也對(duì)我的認(rèn)可很上心揪阿。我們又回到了先前小時(shí)候的樣子，開始相互開玩笑咆畏，我們一直在說話南捂，有真也有假。你去跟醫(yī)生說吧旧找，你的臉皮要厚一些溺健。還是你說吧，你穿得像個(gè)闊太太钮蛛。我又不著急要鞭缭。我也不著急。那我們還去干嗎拔和恰岭辣？

At Ponte di Tappia we looked for a phone

? booth and called the doctor, who said she could see us right away. On the way

? to the clinic I made it clear to Lila that I was glad she was getting close

? to Enzo, and she seemed encouraged by my approval. We went back to being the

? girls of long ago, we began joking, partly serious, partly pretending, saying

? to each other: You do the talking, you’re bolder, no you, you’re dressed like

? a lady, I’m not in a hurry, I’m not, either, then why are we going.

那個(gè)女醫(yī)生在診所大門口等著我們，她穿著白大褂甸饱。那是一個(gè)很和藹的女人易结，聲音很清脆。她請(qǐng)我們到餐吧里坐了坐柜候，就好像我們是老朋友了搞动。她幾次都強(qiáng)調(diào)說，她不是一個(gè)婦科醫(yī)生渣刷，但她的解說非常詳細(xì)鹦肿，還提了很多建議。莉拉提出了很多露骨的問題辅柴，或者她不贊同的地方箩溃，還有新問題和一些有趣的觀點(diǎn)瞭吃。她們很談得來，但我在那兒待得有些煩了涣旨。最后歪架，她千交代萬交代，我們得到了一包藥霹陡。那個(gè)女醫(yī)生不讓我們給錢和蚪，她說，因?yàn)檫@是她和幾個(gè)朋友一起搞的一個(gè)項(xiàng)目烹棉。她該回去上班了攒霹，在告別的時(shí)候，她沒和我們握手浆洗，而是擁抱了我們催束。走在路上，莉拉很嚴(yán)肅地說：“終于遇到一個(gè)好人伏社】俅蹋”現(xiàn)在她很愉快，我已經(jīng)很長(zhǎng)時(shí)間沒見過她那么開心了摘昌。

The doctor was waiting for us at the

? entrance, in a white coat. She was a cordial woman, with a shrill voice. She

? invited us to the café and treated us like old friends. She emphasized

? repeatedly that she wasn’t a gynecologist, but she was so full of explanations

? and advice that, while I kept to myself, somewhat bored, Lila asked

? increasingly explicit questions, made objections, asked new questions,

? offered ironic observations. They became very friendly. Finally, along with

? many recommendations, she gave each of us a prescription. The doctor refused

? to be paid because, she said, it was a mission she and her friends had. As

? she left—she had to go back to work—instead of shaking hands she embraced us.

? Lila, once we were in the street, said seriously: Finally a good person. She

? was cheerful then—I hadn’t seen her like that for a long time.