? ? ?TED這一期由診療心理學(xué)家Meg Jay演講的《Why 30 is not the new 20》孽江，今天忽然就看了4遍。英文的部分是演講內(nèi)容的逐字稿番电，寫在這里是因?yàn)榫固常蚁雽ξ淖值拈喿x或者更深入。
? ? ? 這段時(shí)間我接觸到一些新的優(yōu)秀的同齡朋友，相較自身的境況担汤，看起來總是慘不忍睹的涎跨。早上起來重讀《我與地壇》，史鐵生寫：“剩下的就是怎樣活的問題了崭歧，這卻不是在某一個(gè)瞬間就能完全想透的隅很、不是一次性能夠解決的事，怕是活多久就要想它多久了率碾，就像是伴你終生的魔鬼或戀人叔营。所以，十五年了所宰，我還是總得到那古園里去绒尊、去它的老樹下或荒草邊或頹墻旁，去默坐仔粥，去呆想婴谱、去推開耳邊的嘈雜理一理紛亂的思緒，去窺看自己的心魂躯泰√犯幔”這個(gè)問題我同樣沒有答案，并為之苦惱沮喪麦向。
? ? ?于是下午獨(dú)自去了他筆下的園子瘟裸，“在人口密聚的城市里，有這樣一個(gè)寧靜的去處诵竭，像是上帝的苦心安排话告。”
? ? ? 每個(gè)人都有自己的角色與定位卵慰，我此時(shí)也在尋找它超棺。演講者給了非常實(shí)用的建議，或者可以幫助我們從并不滿意的現(xiàn)狀中梳理出一個(gè)跳脫的缺口呵燕。希望你喜歡。
? ? ? ?So over the next weeks and months,I told Emma three things that every twenty something,male or female,deserves to hear.
? ? ? ?First,I told Emma to forget about having an identity crisis and get some identity capital.By get identity capital,I mean do something that adds value to who you are.Do something that's an investment in who you might want to be next. I didn't know the future of Emma's career,and no one knows the future of work,but I do know this：identity capital begets identity capital.So now is the time for that cross-country job,that internship,that startup you want to try.I'm not discounting twentysomething exploration here,but I am discounting exploration that's not supposed to count,which,by the way,is not exploration.That's procrastination.I told Emma to explore work and make it count.
? ? ? ?Second,I told Emma that the urban tribe is overrated.Best friends are great for giving rides to the airport,but twentysomethings who huddle together with like-mind peers limit who they know,what they know,how they think,how they speak and where they work.That new piece of capital,that new person to date,almost always comes from outside the inner circle.New things come from what are called our weak ties,our friends of friends of friends. So yes, half of twentysomethings are un- or under-employed. But half aren't, and weak ties are how you get yourself into that group. Half of new jobs are never posted, so reaching out to your neighbor's boss is how you get that unposted job. It's not cheating. It's the science of how information spreads.
? ? ? ?Last but not least, Emma believed that you can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends. Now this was true for her growing up, but as a twentysomething, soon Emma would pick her family when she partnered with someone and created a family of her own. I told Emma the time to start picking your family is now. Now you may be thinking that 30 is actually a better time to settle down than 20, or even 25, and I agree with you. But grabbing whoever you're living with or sleeping with when everyone on Facebook starts walking down the aisle is not progress. The best time to work on your marriage is before you have one, and that means being as intentional with love as you are with work. Picking your family is about consciously choosing who and what you want rather than just making it work or killing time with whoever happens to be choosing you.
