引言
? ? ? ? 當(dāng)我成為父母時(shí)，我想要找一本能夠總結(jié)出可以一步一步跟著做的書坯汤，這本書要含括了我（作為一名心理學(xué)專業(yè)的畢業(yè)生）所讀過所有關(guān)于教養(yǎng)孩子的最好方法。
? ? ? ? 我能夠找到關(guān)于孩子身體健康方面精確的指導(dǎo)書搀愧，但是惰聂，在兒童的社會(huì)與情感發(fā)展領(lǐng)域，我所能找到的都是一些信息量很大的書咱筛，這需要讀者閱讀幾百頁才能從中把最有用的教育方法找出來搓幌。
? ? ? ? 我的第一個(gè)孩子出生后，我開始自己的教育培訓(xùn)事業(yè)迅箩。我開發(fā)出一個(gè)工作坊溉愁，為父母提供我成為父母后一直在尋找的東西。那時(shí)候饲趋，我就把它叫“什么成就了偉大的父母”拐揭。工作坊把最好的教育方法簡介而精確地交給大家。這些教育方法來自研究和臨床經(jīng)驗(yàn)奕塑，它們能夠幫助父母重塑孩子的問題行為堂污，創(chuàng)造家人間的強(qiáng)大連接，并且引導(dǎo)孩子成長為快樂爵川、友好而且有責(zé)任心的成年人敷鸦。到現(xiàn)今息楔，已經(jīng)有成千上萬的父母參加過這些工作坊寝贡，現(xiàn)在也依然在進(jìn)行著扒披。
這些工作坊的靈感還有另外一個(gè)來源。作為一名心理學(xué)家圃泡，我為各種各樣的家庭做輔導(dǎo)碟案，有的苦苦尋求解決孩子的權(quán)力之爭，又或習(xí)慣性的苦惱問題颇蜡，有的家庭關(guān)系已經(jīng)惡化到需要尋求專業(yè)幫助的地步了价说。
? ? ? ? 為這些家庭作輔導(dǎo)的經(jīng)理讓我開始思考一個(gè)更大的問題：假如我可以在他們剛剛為人父母時(shí)就為他們提供一些信息，以幫助他們不出問題风秤，讓他們擁有快樂的家庭生活鳖目，并且讓孩子茁壯成長，那么缤弦，我應(yīng)該告訴他們什么呢领迈？工作坊，以及這本書碍沐，就是基于這個(gè)問題而來的答案狸捅。
? ? ? ? 這本書有什么特別之處？
? ? ? ? 當(dāng)我開始開發(fā)工作坊的時(shí)候累提，我創(chuàng)造了一份只有一頁的講義尘喝，把它叫做“偉大父母所做的10件事”，里面總結(jié)了工作坊里所教的十個(gè)關(guān)鍵方法斋陪。參加工作坊的父母很樂意跟朋友和假如分享這份講義朽褪，因此它得到了廣泛的傳播。我曾經(jīng)接收到從全國各地發(fā)來的電子郵件鳍贾，他們感謝我對他們的啟發(fā)和提醒鞍匾，并且說他們把這張講義貼到了冰箱上（方便每天看）。
? ? ? ? 這本書的版式來源于我所接收到的許多家長要求骑科，他們希望我總結(jié)出更多行動(dòng)導(dǎo)向的好方法橡淑。我在每個(gè)教養(yǎng)方法后面附加了一些真實(shí)的案例，以及實(shí)踐提示咆爽，這也是我再工作坊中所做的梁棠。
? ? ? ? 許多教子書都需要你讀幾百頁才能找出里面的亮點(diǎn)和有用的方法，但這本書與之相反斗埂，它更像是一本實(shí)踐手冊符糊，簡要而易讀，專注于有用的策略呛凶，讓你能夠立刻運(yùn)用男娄。
? ? ? ? 因此，我稱之為“簡單策略”，因?yàn)樗鼈兪且灾苯佣啠ǖ阋灾笇?dǎo)行動(dòng)）的方式呈現(xiàn)出來的模闲。但是建瘫，簡單的方法運(yùn)用起來并不容易。雖然每個(gè)策略都經(jīng)過精雕細(xì)琢尸折，以使它們易懂易學(xué)啰脚，但是要在實(shí)際生活中改變之前一貫的做法是很難的。意愿和練習(xí)是改變的關(guān)鍵实夹。
? ? ? ? 在此書中橄浓，你將會(huì)學(xué)到我在工作坊和個(gè)人輔導(dǎo)中所教的所有知識(shí)和技巧，包括給出提示亮航、轉(zhuǎn)換語言荸实、調(diào)整認(rèn)知、同理心缴淋、重來的機(jī)會(huì)泪勒、合理的警告、制止行動(dòng)宴猾、社會(huì)實(shí)驗(yàn)圆存、（避免）以獎(jiǎng)勵(lì)做交換條件、情緒教練仇哆、快樂習(xí)慣沦辙，等等。此外讹剔，還包括如何把這些效果顯著的方法結(jié)合起來使用油讯，以創(chuàng)造出你想要的家庭生活。你將會(huì)學(xué)到如何以不嘮叨延欠、不吼叫的方式來管理孩子的問題行為（比如哭鬧和推拉）陌兑。你將學(xué)會(huì)幫助孩子成為有責(zé)任心、能管理自己生活的人由捎。
? ? ? ? 這本書里的策略對于各個(gè)年齡段的兒童都適用兔综。即便如此，這些理念狞玛、方法和例子主要是用于10歲以內(nèi)孩子的教育软驰，因?yàn)槲业哪繕?biāo)是幫助家長為創(chuàng)造一個(gè)孩子能夠茁壯成長的快樂家庭打下堅(jiān)實(shí)的基礎(chǔ)。但是心肪，晚開始總比不開始要好锭亏。對于孩子較大的的父母來說，教育孩子可能更加困難硬鞍，但是卻仍值得努力慧瘤。我們總是在不斷地建立跟孩子的關(guān)系戴已，不論他們是兩歲還是二十二歲。
? ? ? ? 為什么寫實(shí)踐手冊呢锅减？作為心理學(xué)家恭陡，我發(fā)現(xiàn)我大部分的病人——事實(shí)上，我認(rèn)識(shí)的大部分人上煤，包括我自己——常常認(rèn)同某些建議，例如“強(qiáng)化你的核心肌肉著淆，以保護(hù)你的腰”劫狠，或者“為了把投資風(fēng)險(xiǎn)最小化，要分散投資”永部，但是他們總是沒能將這些理念轉(zhuǎn)化為實(shí)踐独泞。因?yàn)樵诤芏嗲闆r下，他們不知道如何去做苔埋。他們對自己說：“是的懦砂，這是個(gè)好主意，我想要這樣做组橄，可是我到底應(yīng)該如何實(shí)行呢荞膘？”
? ? ? ? 類似地，在我做家庭輔導(dǎo)時(shí)玉工，我發(fā)現(xiàn)父母們想要運(yùn)用我教的原則羽资，但可能不知道如何去操作。因此遵班，這本書里的每個(gè)策略都以一個(gè)特別的環(huán)節(jié)結(jié)尾（“試試這個(gè)”）屠升，以給你能夠在家里使用的具體點(diǎn)子。這里面包括了循序漸進(jìn)的指導(dǎo)和生活中要說什么和做什么的真實(shí)案例狭郑。
Introduction
WHEN I BECAME a parent, I wanted to find a book that would summarize, with an eye toward action steps, all the parenting “best practices” I had read about as a psychology graduate student.
I was able to find concise guidebooks for children’s physical health, but in the broad area of children’s social and emotional development, the best offerings were informative but required reading hundreds of pages in order to extract the most useful ideas, or they were overly focused in their subject matter.
After my first child was born and I started a private practice, I developed a workshop for parents that offered exactly what I had been looking for when I became a parent. Also called “What Great Parents Do,” the workshop presents simply and concisely the best practices—synthesized from research and clinical experience—that help parents reshape kids’ challenging behavior, create strong family bonds, and guide children toward becoming happy, kind, and responsible adults. By now, thousands of parents have attended these workshops, and they continue to this day.
The workshops were also inspired by another source. As a psychologist, I work with a variety of families, ranging from those seeking help to curb power struggles or habitual whining to those whose relationships with each other have deteriorated to such an extent that they need professional help.
Working with these families raised a broader question for me: If I could give parents critical information early in their parenting life that would help them get and stay on track to having a happy family life and raising kids who thrive, what would I tell them? The workshops, and now this book, are based on my answer to that question.
What Makes This Book Different
When I originally developed the workshop, I also created a simple one-page handout, called “10 Things Great Parents Do,” summarizing ten of the key ideas presented in the workshop. Parents were welcome to share this handout with friends and family, and it has since traveled far and wide. I’ve received e-mails from across the country written by parents thanking me for the insights and reminders and telling me the handout is now posted on their refrigerator.
The format of this book was inspired by the many requests I’ve received for more action-oriented summaries of parenting best practices. I’ve also included real examples and practical tips for each parenting practice (aka strategy) in the book, just as I do in the live workshops.
In contrast to the many parenting books that you must read or skim hundreds of pages in order to extract the highlights and useful ideas, this book is intended to be more like a practical manual: concise and easy to read, with a focus on useful strategies you can implement right away.
For that reason, I call these “simple strategies” because they are presented in a straightforward and pared down way while still giving you enough information to translate them into action. But simple is not always easy: Although each strategy has been crafted to be easily understood, actually doing something in a different way than how we have done it in the past can be difficult. Intention and practice are key (see #2).
In this book, you will learn all the information and techniques that I teach in my workshops and private practice: previews, power sharing, pivoting, reframing, empathy, replays, fair warning, stopping the action, social experiments, reward economies, emotion coaching, happiness habits, and more—plus how to combine them in powerful ways to create the family life you want. You will learn how to manage challenging behavior like whining and procrastinating without nagging or yelling, and how to help your children become responsible stewards of their own lives.
The strategies in this book apply to children of all ages. That said, my goal here is to help parents build a strong foundation for a happy family life with thriving kids, so the ideas, approaches, and examples presented here are primarily directed at children’s first ten years. But it’s never too late to start (see #75). For parents of older children, it may be more challenging but well worth the effort. We are always building relationships with our children, whether they are two or twenty-two years old.
Why a practical manual? As a psychologist, I have found that most of my patients—indeed, most of the people I know, including myself—agree in principle with advice such as, “To protect your lower back, strengthen your core muscles” or “To minimize investment risk, diversify your portfolio,” but aren’t always able to put those ideas into practice because, in many cases, they don’t yet know how. They think to themselves, “Yes, good idea, I want to do that, but exactly how do I do it?”
Similarly, in my work with families, I have found that parents want to use the principles I teach, but may not know exactly how to implement them. For this reason, each strategy in the book ends with a special section (“Try This”) to give you specific ideas for how to use it in your family, including step-by-step guidance and real-life examples of what to say and do.
