一蛛碌、審題與構(gòu)思
這篇雅思大作文真題的題目是：New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think? the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?。從這個題目我們可以看出這是一篇針對一個社會現(xiàn)象對人類生活影響的利弊大小這樣一個有爭議的話題的討論舟奠。話題具體涉及到的內(nèi)容是網(wǎng)絡(luò)時代的兒童教育問題。我馬上能夠想到的當(dāng)今互聯(lián)網(wǎng)技術(shù)的發(fā)展對兒童成長的好處有：擴(kuò)大知識面房维、開闊眼界沼瘫、更加豐富的教育資源等；害處當(dāng)然有：沉迷網(wǎng)絡(luò)游戲咙俩、荒疏學(xué)業(yè)耿戚、近視加重、戶外活動減少等等阿趁∧せ祝總體上來說我的觀點是弊大于利。
我的寫作思路大體上就是傳統(tǒng)的四段論：首尾分別導(dǎo)入和總結(jié)話題脖阵，主體部分分別討論利弊皂股。
二、初稿及點評
It is observed that the development of internet technologies have huge impact on the way children spend their leisure time. In my opinion, the downsides much outweigh the benefits.
As far as I am concerned, although internet using can help youngsters gain more knowledge and information making them better informed, extending their horizon and making better decisions; in addition, they may develop some teamwork spirit and problem solving skills by playing some educational computer games, all these limited benefits come at a huge cost.
On the one hand if kids spend too much time surfing the internet or play video games, they are very likely to become addicted to the virtual world and ignore their study and their obligation in the real life. On the other hand, their eyesight and health may also deteriorate because of lack of rear and physical exercises. Worst of all their ability to properly interact with their family members and friends may also be negatively affected and even don’t know how to talk to other people with simple words!
To conclude, modern digital technologies exert more harms than benefits to children.? ? We adults should give suitable guidance to kids about their internet usage and help them to keep a healthy balance between internet using and real life experience and growth.
這篇初稿是我一口氣完成的命黔，沒有查一次詞典也沒有看過任何別人的資料呜呐。我個人認(rèn)為這篇文章寫的還是很不成熟和滿意。接下來我打算參考一下他人的同主題作文來對自己的這篇初稿做一些充分悍募、深入和全面的修改蘑辑。
三、修改稿及評點
In our modern life, it is not difficult to notice that our life is very much affected by the progress of advanced technologies like the internet, smart phones, cashless payment to name only a few. The same also holds true for the way children spend their spare time. In the past kids engaged in more outdoor activities while they live a more sedentary life playing with their digital gadgets.? In my view, the drawbacks of the current technological innovations much outweigh the benefits.
As far as I am concerned, despite the strengths such as the greater convenience, volume and faster speed to access information, wider range of entertainment sources and social networking with virtual friends regardless of time or space,? too much indulgence in the digital world takes a significant toll on youngsters' health and academic performance. For one thing if kids spend too much time surfing the internet or playing video games, they are very likely to suffer from damaged eyesight, obesity and other health disorders such as high blood pressure or diabetes due to lack of? physical exercises. For another, internet addiction may also result in the adolecents' failure to pay attention in class, ignorance of their schoolwork and poor score in? their course evaluation.
What's more,? too much time spent in the cyber space of young people may deprive them of their acutal interpersonal skill to connect and bond with their real life peers and family members and develop some mental issues like depression and anxiety. A typical case in point is a kid in UK who is a social network addict and nearly could only communicate with her parents with text messages instead of using spoken words in the normal manner according to a recent BBC news report.
To conclude, modern digital technologies exert more harms than benefits to children.? We adults should give appropriate guidance to kids about their disciplined and intelligent internet browsing and help them to keep a healthy balance between internet surfing and real life obligations and growth.
這篇修改稿改動還是很大坠宴，因為在我回頭讀了幾遍自己的一稿并對照了網(wǎng)上幾篇同題目的文章后我發(fā)現(xiàn)一稿在文章的結(jié)構(gòu)以躯、論述的充分和語言的準(zhǔn)確和多樣性方面都有很大的提升空間。我的這次創(chuàng)作和改稿的經(jīng)歷表明：虛心和認(rèn)真借鑒他人的作品非常重要，同時好的忧设、自己滿意的作品不是寫出來的而是改出來的。
