my name is alice yang when you read this morning's paper you may come across an article about the unusual day I had last week, normally there's never anything newworthy about my life , but that all changed last thursday
of course everything seemed quite normal at first
I made breakfast for my family
I performed my chores
I completed my projects
I ran my errands
In truth I spent the days as I spent every other day
quietly polishing the routine of my life util it gleamed with perfection
that's why it was so astonishing when I decided to go to my hallway closet and retrieve a revolver that had never been used

my body was dicovered by my neighbor mrs Martha huber who'd been startled by a strange poping sound , her curiosity aroused , mrs huber tried to think of reason for dropping in on me unannounced
after some initial hesitation she decided to return the blender she had borrowed from me six monthes before
it's my neighbor
I think she's been shot
there's blood everywhere
you've got to send an ambulance
you've got to send one right now
and for a moment mrs huber stood motionless in her kitchen grief-stricken by this senseless tragedy but only for a moment if there was one thing mrs huber was known for , it was her ability to look on the bright sight

I was laid to rest on a monday, after the funeral ,
all the residents of wisteria lane came to pay their respects and as people do in these situations ,
they brought food , lynette scavo brought fried chicken , lynette had a great family recipe for fried chicken , of course she didn't cook much while she was moving up the corporate ladder , she didn't have the time, but when her doctor announced lynette was pregnant her husband Tom had an idea,
why not quit your job , kids do better with stay-at-home moms , it would be so much less stressful,
but this was not the case , in fact lynette's life had become so hectic , she was now forced to get her fried chicken from fast-food restaurant, lynette would have appreciated the irony if she stopped to think about it , but she couldn't she didn't have the time ,stop it stop it stop it , but mom , no you are going to behave today , I am not gonna be humiliated in front of the entire neighborhood and just so you know how serious I am , what's that
santa's cell-phone number how'd you get that I know someone who knows someone who knows an elf, and if any of you acts up ,so help me , I will call santa and I will tell him you want socks for chrismas, are you willing to rish that , OK let's get this over with