兩個(gè)完全陌生的人，只要通過相互問36個(gè)問題将谊，就可以快速建立親密關(guān)系冷溶。你相信嗎？
這就是美國心理學(xué)家亞瑟·阿倫曾經(jīng)做過一項(xiàng)研究尊浓，他設(shè)計(jì)出來一些問題逞频，請(qǐng)參與者互相詢問對(duì)方，來測(cè)試彼此關(guān)系的增進(jìn)程度栋齿。這些問題具有持續(xù)性苗胀、不斷深入性、雙向性以及自我人格剖析的特點(diǎn)瓦堵。實(shí)驗(yàn)證明基协，這些問題確實(shí)讓參與者們明顯感覺互相之間的親密關(guān)系增強(qiáng)了。
后來菇用，有人又組織陌生單身男女一起澜驮，用這36個(gè)問題，測(cè)試兩個(gè)陌生人是不是可以迅速地愛上對(duì)方惋鸥。
活動(dòng)結(jié)果顯示杂穷，效果驚人。美國的一位專欄作者參加了這個(gè)活動(dòng)卦绣，親歷了兩個(gè)陌生人輪流問對(duì)方36個(gè)問題亭畜，隨著問題越來越私人化，兩個(gè)人四目相對(duì)迎卤，一言不發(fā)地對(duì)視了4分鐘--結(jié)局是兩個(gè)人相愛了拴鸵！
你是不是很急切的想要知道這36個(gè)問題呢？不要急蜗搔，后面會(huì)有詳細(xì)的中英對(duì)照版劲藐。
亞瑟·阿倫的36個(gè)問題背后的心理學(xué)原理也很經(jīng)典：自我暴露理論。
跟一個(gè)人的關(guān)系從陌生到親密樟凄，是從建立“共情”開始的聘芜，簡(jiǎn)言之，就是能夠從對(duì)方的角度看到并理解這個(gè)世界缝龄，共情能讓彼此產(chǎn)生信任汰现，如果你確信對(duì)方理解你你也能理解對(duì)方的心聲挂谍，自然會(huì)有一種“知己”的感覺。
而日常生活中瞎饲，我們是很難有這樣的機(jī)會(huì)來表達(dá)和暴露這些問題的口叙。
通過這些問題中大量的引導(dǎo)表達(dá)觀點(diǎn)和表達(dá)感受，從而引導(dǎo)兩個(gè)人更高效的自我暴露嗅战，達(dá)成親密關(guān)系妄田。不過在日常生活中，我們很難信任一個(gè)陌生人而去和對(duì)方溝通這36個(gè)問題驮捍。
所以這個(gè)問題也是有個(gè)前提條件的疟呐。如果彼此都不認(rèn)真回答問題，那么也很難充分暴露彼此东且，就更談不上親密關(guān)系了启具。
下面附上詳細(xì)的問題清單。
亞瑟阿倫的三十六個(gè)問題
? 1. 如果你能在全世界任選一個(gè)人和你共進(jìn)晚餐珊泳，你會(huì)選誰鲁冯？
2. 你想出名嗎？在哪一方面旨椒？
3. 打電話前，你會(huì)預(yù)演你即將要說的話嗎堵漱？為什么综慎？
4. 對(duì)你來說，“完美”的一天是什么樣的勤庐？
5.上一次一個(gè)人唱歌是什么時(shí)候示惊？和別人一起是什么時(shí)候？
6. 如果你能夠活到90歲愉镰，并且你可以選擇讓你的心智或身體在后60年一直停留在30歲米罚，你會(huì)選擇哪個(gè)？
7. 關(guān)于未來你會(huì)怎么離開這個(gè)世界丈探，你有自己的預(yù)感嗎录择？
8. 說出3個(gè)你和對(duì)方共同擁有的特征。
9. 你人生中最感恩的事情是什么碗降？
10. 如果你可以改變自己的成長過程中的任何事隘竭，你希望有哪些改變？
11. 用4分鐘盡可能詳細(xì)地告訴對(duì)方你的人生故事讼渊。
12. 如果明天醒來你可以獲得一個(gè)特質(zhì)或一種能力动看，你希望是什么？
13. 如果有顆水晶球能向你揭示關(guān)于你自己爪幻、你的生活菱皆、你的未來须误，或是其他任何事情的真相，你想知道些什么仇轻？
14. 你有沒有一直夢(mèng)想要做的事情京痢？為什么沒有做呢?
15. 你人生中最大的成就是什么？
16. 一段友情中拯田，你最重視哪一個(gè)部分历造？
17. 你最珍貴的一段回憶是什么？
18. 記憶中最可怕的事情是什么船庇？
19. 如果你知道一年后你會(huì)突然離世吭产，你會(huì)改變現(xiàn)在的生活方式嗎？為什么鸭轮？
20. 朋友對(duì)你來說意味著什么臣淤？
21. 戀愛和感情在你的生活中扮演著什么樣的角色？
22. 逐個(gè)列出對(duì)方好的一面窃爷，共列舉5個(gè)邑蒋。
23. 你的家庭成員彼此親密嗎？氛圍溫馨嗎按厘？你覺得你的童年比大部分人都開心嗎医吊？
24. 你和母親的關(guān)系如何？
25. 用“我們”組3個(gè)基于現(xiàn)有場(chǎng)景的句子逮京，比如卿堂，我們現(xiàn)在都在這個(gè)房間里……
26. 把這個(gè)句子補(bǔ)充完整：“我希望有個(gè)人能跟我分享……”
27. 如果你想和對(duì)方成為親密的朋友，有什么事情是需要TA知道的懒棉。
28. 告訴對(duì)方你喜歡TA的什么地方草描，這一次你要非常誠懇，說一些你平常不會(huì)跟剛認(rèn)識(shí)的人說的話策严。
29. 和對(duì)方分享人生中最尷尬的時(shí)刻穗慕。
30. 上一次你在他人面前哭是什么時(shí)候？
31. 告訴對(duì)方你已經(jīng)喜歡TA很久了妻导。
32. 有沒有什么事情是絕對(duì)不能開玩笑的逛绵？
33. 假如你今晚會(huì)離世，并且沒有機(jī)會(huì)跟任何人交流倔韭，你最后悔沒有對(duì)誰吐露心聲暑脆？為什么到現(xiàn)在還沒有對(duì)這個(gè)人說出想說的話？
34. 你的房子著火了狐肢，所有的財(cái)產(chǎn)都在里面添吗。救出了親人和寵物之后，如果你還有時(shí)間最后努力一次份名，并且安全地挽救任何一件物品碟联，你會(huì)選擇什么妓美？為什么？
35. 如果有家庭成員去世鲤孵，你認(rèn)為誰的離開對(duì)你的打擊最大壶栋？為什么？
36. 分享一個(gè)你的個(gè)人問題并詢問對(duì)方的處理意見普监，同時(shí)也請(qǐng)對(duì)方告訴你贵试，在TA看來你對(duì)這個(gè)問題的感受是什么。
附：亞瑟·阿倫的三十六個(gè)問題英文原版
The 36 questions which can make anyone fall in love with you:
Set One
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Set Two
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Set Three
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
The last, terrifying, element of this experiment requires the two participants to stare into each other's eyes for four minutes.
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