什么是關(guān)鍵性對(duì)話萧诫？誰(shuí)會(huì)在乎蒿秦？
? “溝通中發(fā)生的最大的問(wèn)題乃是錯(cuò)覺(jué)的產(chǎn)生辩昆。”
--------喬治·蕭伯納
當(dāng)人們第一次聽(tīng)到“關(guān)鍵性對(duì)話”這個(gè)詞時(shí)框全，可能很多人腦海中聯(lián)想到的是總統(tǒng)察绷，君主，總理們圍坐在一個(gè)大桌子旁邊津辩，討論著未來(lái)拆撼。當(dāng)然這是事實(shí)，這樣的討論有著廣泛性的影響喘沿，但這不是我們要說(shuō)的闸度。我們所說(shuō)的關(guān)鍵性對(duì)話指的是發(fā)生在每個(gè)人身上的交互過(guò)程，是影響你日常生活的那些交談蚜印。
? 那么莺禁，什么會(huì)讓一個(gè)談話成為關(guān)鍵性談話而不是普通的一般性談話？首先窄赋，人的看法是不同的哟冬。你和你的老板談升職的時(shí)候，她可能認(rèn)為你還不具備條件忆绰，而你認(rèn)為恰恰相反浩峡。其次，風(fēng)險(xiǎn)是很高的错敢。你和四個(gè)同事一起開(kāi)會(huì)翰灾，你們想選擇一個(gè)新的市場(chǎng)策略，你們必須做出一些改變否則公司不能達(dá)成年度目標(biāo)。第三纸淮，強(qiáng)烈的感情平斩。你和你的配偶在進(jìn)行一個(gè)隨意的日常討論，她或者他卻說(shuō)起了昨天社區(qū)派對(duì)上發(fā)生的一件“丑陋事件”萎馅。顯然双戳，根據(jù)你的配偶所說(shuō)，你不僅在派對(duì)上和別人調(diào)情糜芳，而且 “你們實(shí)際上是在親熱∑切疲”而你記不起有調(diào)情的事情峭竣，只記得彼此間禮貌和友好。你的配偶惱怒地離開(kāi)了晃虫。
而說(shuō)起社區(qū)派對(duì)皆撩，有一段時(shí)間，你和一個(gè)有點(diǎn)怪異的但總是有趣的鄰居說(shuō)了一會(huì)兒話哲银。當(dāng)他說(shuō)扛吞，“說(shuō)起你正在新建的圍欄…”，從那一刻起你們的談話就在進(jìn)入了一個(gè)激烈的爭(zhēng)論階段——關(guān)于把柵欄移動(dòng)三英寸或者其他方法荆责。三英寸滥比！他最后威脅說(shuō)要付諸法律訴訟，而你也強(qiáng)調(diào)了你的觀點(diǎn)做院，提醒說(shuō)他并沒(méi)有完全意識(shí)到后院和側(cè)墻之間的區(qū)別盲泛。感情迸發(fā)的很強(qiáng)烈。
什么讓這每一個(gè)對(duì)話都如此的關(guān)鍵——不是簡(jiǎn)單的挑戰(zhàn)键耕、沮喪寺滚、恐懼或者煩惱——而是對(duì)你的生活質(zhì)量有重大影響的結(jié)果。每一例子中屈雄，你日常生活中的一些元素能夠永遠(yuǎn)地變得更好或更壞村视。很明顯升職會(huì)帶來(lái)很大的不同。公司的成功影響著你和與你一起工作的每個(gè)人酒奶。你和配偶的關(guān)系影響著你生活的方方面面蚁孔。即使瑣碎如一個(gè)關(guān)于房產(chǎn)界限的爭(zhēng)論也會(huì)影響到你和鄰居之間如何相處。
盡管關(guān)鍵性對(duì)話很重要讥蟆，但我們常常逃避它勒虾，因?yàn)槲覀儞?dān)心會(huì)讓事情更糟。我們變成了逃避關(guān)鍵性對(duì)話的能手瘸彤。同事之間本可以走到會(huì)議室坦率地面對(duì)面溝通修然，但卻只是彼此間發(fā)送一份電子郵件。老板留下了一個(gè)語(yǔ)音郵件而不是與直接的匯報(bào)者開(kāi)會(huì)。當(dāng)一個(gè)話題變得尖銳時(shí)愕宋，家里會(huì)有人改變?cè)掝}玻靡。我（作者）有一個(gè)朋友通過(guò)語(yǔ)音郵件得知他的妻子正在與他離婚。我們千方百計(jì)逃避棘手的問(wèn)題中贝。
（未完待續(xù)）
What’s Crucial Conversation?
? And Who Cares?
“The? single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken? place.”
--------GEOGER BERNARD SHAW
?When people first hear the term “crucial conversation,” many conjure up images of presidents, emperors, and prime ministers seated around a massive table while they debate the future. Although it’s true that such discussions have a wide-sweeping impact, they’re not the kind we have in mind. The crucial conversations we’re referring to are interactions that happen to everyone. They’re the day-to-day conversations that? affect your life.
Now, what makes one of your conversations crucial as opposed to plain vanilla? First, opinions vary. For example, you’re talking with your boss about a ?possible promotion. She thinks you’re not ready; you think you are. Second, stakes are high. You’re in a meeting with four coworkers and you’re trying to pick a new marketing strategy. You’ve got to do something different or your company isn’t going to hit its annual goals. Third, emotions run strong. You’re in the middle of a casual discussion with your spouse and he or ?she brings up an “ugly incident”that took place at yesterday’s neighborhood block party. Apparently not only did you flirt with someone at the party, but according to your ?spouse, “You were practically making out.” You don’t remember flirting. You simply remember being? polite and friendly. Your spouse walks off in a huff.
?And speaking of the block party, at one point you’re making small talk with your somewhat crotchety and always colorfulneighbor about his shrinking kidneys when he says, “Speaking of the new fence you’re building . . .”From that moment on you end up in a? heated debate over placing the new fence—three inches one way or the other. Three inches! He finishes by threatening you with a lawsuit, and you punctuate your points by mentioning that he’s not completely aware of the difference between his hind part and? his elbow. Emotions run really strong.
What makes each of these conversations crucial—and not simply challenging, frustrating, frightening, or annoying—is that the results could have a huge ?impact on the quality of your life. In each case, some element of your daily routine could be forever altered for better or worse. Clearly a promotion could make a big difference. Your company’s success affects you and everyone you work with.? Your relationship with your spouse influences? every aspect of your life. Even something as trivial as a debate over a? property line affects how you get along with your neighbor. Despite ?the importance of crucial conversations, we often back away from them because ?we fear we’ll make matters worse. We’ve become masters at avoiding tough conversations.? Coworkers send e-mail to each other when they should walk down the hall and? talk turkey. Bosses leave voice mail in lieu of meeting with their direct? reports. Family members change the subject when an issue gets too risky. We? (the authors) have a friend who learned through a voice-mail message that his? wife was divorcing him. We use all kinds of tactics to dodge touchy issues.
（To be continued）
,??????
