There was once a boy, who I thought I was kind of falling in love with.

Really?

Yes, I wouldn’t say no.

So, did you like him?

Yes, but no, not in the way you think of. It was just like that I feel not bad to hang out with him, you know, go for a walk or dinner, sometimes, talk about something.

Just like these?

Yes, just like these. We didn’t have too much time or spend too much time together, so that’s almost all.

Ok, so what about the boy, how do you get to know each other?

Well, he is, how to say that, a normal person. Just like anyone on the street or stranger you passed by. He is not tall, not strong, not handsome at all, well, maybe just like your classmate next to you, who you wouldn’t get notice at all.

Then…?

You know, last month, I asked him out to grab a meal, for the favor him did. And we happened meet some lovely kids. They were singing songs in that restaurant, that’s really interesting! So, I just couldn’t help to joining the singing line, and got fully relaxed during the rest time of the night. That was when we started to talk, a lot.

Lying on the floor makes me feel really good, and I can feel the hardness of the floor, the cold air from the air conditioner, and the light changing from the outside through the window.

My friend, Vikie, is lying next to me, and waiting for me to tell the story.

So, what did you talk about?

I don’t remember too much, seriously. I usually wouldn’t talk my personal life with someone I am not familiar with, but it was strange that we did talk some personal topics, and share some personal opinions.

Like what?

Like how did you get into this place, how was your work, and how do you feel about your faith, some life experiences like that.

Wow....

Yes, it was nothing much. But I feel it has been a long time since I talked to people like this last time.

Yeh...

Well, he also talked about his love stories, which were so interesting that I just could hold the laugh back, hahaha..

Then?

well, that’s basically everything. Later, we had a few times to talk, walk and eat, just like old friends. And that made me feel surprised too.

Yes, so why did you say you think you were kind of falling in love with him?

Well, I don’t know how much do you what to know, and I also don’t know to extent I could explain to you. But maybe I can have a try. One time, when I talked about the dog, I just burst into tears, and he tapped me on my shoulder, very gently. It lasted just a very short time, but somehow, I can still feel the heat on my shoulder, very hot, like burning hot, and I can even still feel the shape of the hand.

Wow, that’s…

Yeh, strange, right? I was scared at the moment I realize I have the feeling of missing the heat. So, I started to observe him, you know, try to figure out what’s the matter with me or with him?

So, any discoveries?

Oh, please! show me some sympathy!

Ok, ok, go on please...

Well, he is quite a simple person, I mean, not mentally, as I didn’t know him well, but in life. He seemed own few personal stuffs, which is good. And he is almost pay all his time and effort on working and studying, which is also not bad. He seemed like an innocent person, you know, the kind of person who is not chasing for fame, money or love, well, maybe exclude love. He is, how to say that, firm, yes, though no one knows the reason or the destination. And, sometimes, you can tell the awkward behaviors on him, but which just made him much cuter than usual.

Firm and cute?

Yes, firm, but somehow cute too. And sometimes when he was wearing a white T-shirt, he was even a little good-looking or clean, you know, something like that. Once you gazed him carefully, you can feel touched by something, like his simple smile, or something you choose to see, which maybe from your deep inner peace or reflections from the outside. I don’t know...

Were there any details?

I know, it’s really hard to describe or explain, as I still have no idea of how did I come out all these feelings or ideas, like there were somewhere all the time, but just happen to spring up. You know, loving someone is a thing need to learn. I used to believe people only date with people who are better or beautiful. But he just inspired me that it shouldn’t have to be like that. Guess, when you are young and poor, does that means you can’t fall in love with the girl or boy you met? I don’t think so. Maybe this person can make you laugh, can make you feel relaxed, or feel whole, something like that. Won’t that be good enough for you to feel loved or get into love?

That seems make sense...

Yes, I think people just forget what is love, it’s not always about decent job or background. And when you are loved by someone, you should feel tender, yeh, a tender pity for the person, just don’t be too mean or selfish. It’s really hard to know when you will love someone or someone will desire for your love.

Yeh, that’s really hard to say. So, were you gonna to be together with him at that time?

No, I mean, maybe yes, but not in the reality. You know, just have some visions about the future life. Like we can live close, we can share food, go to places like parks, museums or theaters, do exercise and study together, have a daily chat from time to time, just like others.

Hmmm, that sounds not bad. But does it have to be this person, it’s like any friend or family member of you can do these things with you.

Exactly yes! So, maybe it’s wrong to say that I am falling in love with him. You know, maybe it’s just a dream, like only happen in summer, and for only once.

So, maybe a crush?

Well, I wouldn’t call it a crush, as I would prefer it as a dream, an illusion, or Ignorance. It happened in some way, but nothing happened in the reality, just some changes of the location, daily routines, opinions and desires. Somehow, I desire to get closer look at my inner sense, what do I want to do or what do I want to be, or what do I need to do to be myself.

Emmm...

It’s kind of queer, right?

Yep. It’s like you were loving someone in your imagination, from the start to the end.

That sounds odd, but yes, right. I can still remember the feelings and changes in every thought in my mind, but I just lack the ability to analyse or organize them. Why would I pay so much attention to this person, I mean, no offense, but did he deserve that so much? Was I am infatuated by something else, something I still can’t tell apart.

I have no idea...

Yes, I can feel that the answers are in my mind too, but I just don’t know which one is true, as there are so many ideas and thoughts, like or hate, desire or loneness, sympathy or puzzle, trick or honesty, truth or lie. And it’s also hard to put different weight on all these ideas, as everything may start or end just in a little idea.

Yeh...so, there was an ending?

Yeh, you can say it in that way, the dog it was that died.

What?!

Somehow, this sentence just came out as the complimentary close, or subhead. Like someone said, the story always goes like this, unexpected occurred and lie scentless and dead.

So, is that everything?

No, I wouldn’t say it’s everything, but instead some chapters in this story in one of my perspectives. But maybe one day, the way I thought about it may changes, and the sentences or words change, too, then maybe in someone else’s mind, it was totally a different story. I wouldn’t say this story is totally 100% true or fully described, as you know, the sentences and words are actually limitations and illusory.

Yes, probably you are right.

The sun light is disappeared and the shadow fell across the floor.

The cat is lying somewhere in the house, sharing the same space with us.

what do we have for dinner?

Good question, let’s check if the restaurant is opening now.