The Danger of Hiding Yourselt

0:12When I was young, I prided myself as a nonconformistin the conservative U.S. state I live in, Kansas.I didn't follow along with the crowd.I wasn't afraid to try weird clothing trends or hairstyles.I was outspoken and extremely social.Even these pictures and postcards of my London semester abroad 16 years agoshow that I obviously didn't care if I was perceived as weird or different.(Laughter)

0:45But that same year I was in London, 16 years ago,I realized something about myself that actually was somewhat unique,and that changed everything.I became the opposite of who I thought I once was.I stayed in my room instead of socializing.I stopped engaging in clubs and leadership activities.I didn't want to stand out in the crowd anymore.I told myself it was because I was growing up and maturing,not that I was suddenly looking for acceptance.I had always assumed I was immune to needing acceptance.After all, I was a bit unconventional.But I realize nowthat the moment I realized something was different about mewas the exact same moment that I began conforming and hiding.

1:40Hiding is a progressive habit,and once you start hiding,it becomes harder and harder to step forward and speak out.In fact, even now,when I was talking to people about what this talk was about,I made up a cover storyand I even hid the truth about my TED Talk.So it is fitting and scarythat I have returned to this city 16 years laterand I have chosen this stage to finally stop hiding.What have I been hiding for 16 years?I am a lesbian.

2:28(Applause)

2:44Thank you.

2:47I've struggled to say those words,because I didn't want to be defined by them.Every time I would think about coming out in the past,I would think to myself, but I just want to be known as Morgana,uniquely Morgana,but not "my lesbian friend Morgana," or "my gay coworker Morgana."Just Morgana.

3:09For those of you from large metropolitan areas,this may not seem like a big deal to you.It may seem strange that I have suppressed the truthand hidden this for so long.But I was paralyzed by my fear of not being accepted.And I'm not alone, of course.A 2013 Deloitte study found that a surprisingly large number of peoplehide aspects of their identity.Of all the employees they surveyed,61 percent reported changing an aspect of their behavior or their appearancein order to fit in at work.Of all the gay, lesbian and bisexual employees,83 percent admitted to changing some aspects of themselvesso they would not appear at work "too gay."The study found that even in companieswith diversity policies and inclusion programs,employees struggle to be themselves at workbecause they believe conformity is criticalto their long-term career advancement.And while I was surprised that so many people just like mewaste so much energy trying to hide themselves,I was scared when I discovered that my silencehas life-or-death consequences and long-term social repercussions.

4:40Twelve years:the length by which life expectancy is shortenedfor gay, lesbian and bisexual people in highly anti-gay communitiescompared to accepting communities.Twelve years reduced life expectancy.When I read that in The Advocate magazine this year,I realized I could no longer afford to keep silent.The effects of personal stress and social stigmas are a deadly combination.The study found that gays in anti-gay communitieshad higher rates of heart disease, violence and suicide.What I once thought was simply a personal matterI realized had a ripple effectthat went into the workplace and out into the communityfor every story just like mine.My choice to hide and not share who I really ammay have inadvertently contributed to this exact same environmentand atmosphere of discrimination.

5:47I'd always told myself there's no reason to share that I was gay,but the idea that my silence has social consequenceswas really driven home this year when I missed an opportunityto change the atmosphere of discrimination in my own home state of Kansas.

6:07In February, the Kansas House of Representatives brought up a bill for votethat would have essentially allowed businessesto use religious freedom as a reason to deny gays services.A former coworker and friend of minehas a father who serves in the Kansas House of Representatives.He voted in favor of the bill,in favor of a law that would allow businesses to not serve me.

6:45How does my friend feelabout lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and questioning people?How does her father feel?I don't know, because I was never honest with them about who I am.And that shakes me to the core.What if I had told her my story years ago?Could she have told her father my experience?Could I have ultimately helped change his vote?I will never know,and that made me realize I had done nothingto try to make a difference.

7:26How ironic that I work in human resources,a profession that works to welcome,connect and encourage the development of employees,a profession that advocates that the diversity of societyshould be reflected in the workplace,and yet I have done nothing to advocate for diversity.When I came to this company one year ago,I thought to myself, this company has anti-discrimination policiesthat protect gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people.Their commitment to diversity is evident through their global inclusion programs.When I walk through the doors of this company, I will finally come out.But I didn't.Instead of taking advantage of the opportunity,I did nothing.

8:30(Applause)

8:38When I was looking through my London journal and scrapbookfrom my London semester abroad 16 years ago,I came across this modified quote from Toni Morrison's book, "Paradise.""There are more scary things inside than outside."And then I wrote a note to myself at the bottom:"Remember this."I'm sure I was trying to encourage myself to get out and explore London,but the message I missed was the need to start exploring and embracing myself.What I didn't realize until all these years lateris that the biggest obstacles I will ever have to overcomeare my own fears and insecurities.I believe that by facing my fears inside, I will be able to change reality outside.I made a choice todayto reveal a part of myself that I have hidden for too long.I hope that this means I will never hide again,and I hope that by coming out today, I can do something to change the dataand also to help others who feel different be more themselves and more fulfilledin both their professional and personal lives.Thank you.(Applause)

最后編輯于
?著作權(quán)歸作者所有,轉(zhuǎn)載或內(nèi)容合作請(qǐng)聯(lián)系作者
  • 序言:七十年代末烧栋,一起剝皮案震驚了整個(gè)濱河市,隨后出現(xiàn)的幾起案子耳标,更是在濱河造成了極大的恐慌邑跪,老刑警劉巖,帶你破解...
    沈念sama閱讀 219,039評(píng)論 6 508
  • 序言:濱河連續(xù)發(fā)生了三起死亡事件砸琅,死亡現(xiàn)場離奇詭異轴踱,居然都是意外死亡,警方通過查閱死者的電腦和手機(jī)淫僻,發(fā)現(xiàn)死者居然都...
    沈念sama閱讀 93,426評(píng)論 3 395
  • 文/潘曉璐 我一進(jìn)店門雳灵,熙熙樓的掌柜王于貴愁眉苦臉地迎上來棕所,“玉大人,你說我怎么就攤上這事琳省《阕” “怎么了?”我有些...
    開封第一講書人閱讀 165,417評(píng)論 0 356
  • 文/不壞的土叔 我叫張陵桦他,是天一觀的道長谆棱。 經(jīng)常有香客問我,道長础锐,這世上最難降的妖魔是什么? 我笑而不...
    開封第一講書人閱讀 58,868評(píng)論 1 295
  • 正文 為了忘掉前任拦宣,我火速辦了婚禮,結(jié)果婚禮上绸罗,老公的妹妹穿的比我還像新娘。我一直安慰自己珊蟀,他們只是感情好外驱,可當(dāng)我...
    茶點(diǎn)故事閱讀 67,892評(píng)論 6 392
  • 文/花漫 我一把揭開白布。 她就那樣靜靜地躺著磅崭,像睡著了一般瓦哎。 火紅的嫁衣襯著肌膚如雪。 梳的紋絲不亂的頭發(fā)上蒋譬,一...
    開封第一講書人閱讀 51,692評(píng)論 1 305
  • 那天犯助,我揣著相機(jī)與錄音,去河邊找鬼也切。 笑死腰湾,一個(gè)胖子當(dāng)著我的面吹牛,可吹牛的內(nèi)容都是我干的费坊。 我是一名探鬼主播,決...
    沈念sama閱讀 40,416評(píng)論 3 419
  • 文/蒼蘭香墨 我猛地睜開眼讨越,長吁一口氣:“原來是場噩夢(mèng)啊……” “哼永毅!你這毒婦竟也來了?” 一聲冷哼從身側(cè)響起着逐,我...
    開封第一講書人閱讀 39,326評(píng)論 0 276
  • 序言:老撾萬榮一對(duì)情侶失蹤,失蹤者是張志新(化名)和其女友劉穎耸别,沒想到半個(gè)月后,有當(dāng)?shù)厝嗽跇淞掷锇l(fā)現(xiàn)了一具尸體慈迈,經(jīng)...
    沈念sama閱讀 45,782評(píng)論 1 316
  • 正文 獨(dú)居荒郊野嶺守林人離奇死亡省有,尸身上長有42處帶血的膿包…… 初始之章·張勛 以下內(nèi)容為張勛視角 年9月15日...
    茶點(diǎn)故事閱讀 37,957評(píng)論 3 337
  • 正文 我和宋清朗相戀三年蠢沿,在試婚紗的時(shí)候發(fā)現(xiàn)自己被綠了。 大學(xué)時(shí)的朋友給我發(fā)了我未婚夫和他白月光在一起吃飯的照片搏予。...
    茶點(diǎn)故事閱讀 40,102評(píng)論 1 350
  • 序言:一個(gè)原本活蹦亂跳的男人離奇死亡雪侥,死狀恐怖碗殷,靈堂內(nèi)的尸體忽然破棺而出,到底是詐尸還是另有隱情锌妻,我是刑警寧澤旬牲,帶...
    沈念sama閱讀 35,790評(píng)論 5 346
  • 正文 年R本政府宣布,位于F島的核電站原茅,受9級(jí)特大地震影響,放射性物質(zhì)發(fā)生泄漏晌区。R本人自食惡果不足惜通贞,卻給世界環(huán)境...
    茶點(diǎn)故事閱讀 41,442評(píng)論 3 331
  • 文/蒙蒙 一、第九天 我趴在偏房一處隱蔽的房頂上張望哭懈。 院中可真熱鬧,春花似錦遣总、人聲如沸。這莊子的主人今日做“春日...
    開封第一講書人閱讀 31,996評(píng)論 0 22
  • 文/蒼蘭香墨 我抬頭看了看天上的太陽董饰。三九已至圆米,卻和暖如春,著一層夾襖步出監(jiān)牢的瞬間娄帖,已是汗流浹背。 一陣腳步聲響...
    開封第一講書人閱讀 33,113評(píng)論 1 272
  • 我被黑心中介騙來泰國打工诈嘿, 沒想到剛下飛機(jī)就差點(diǎn)兒被人妖公主榨干…… 1. 我叫王不留削葱,地道東北人。 一個(gè)月前我還...
    沈念sama閱讀 48,332評(píng)論 3 373
  • 正文 我出身青樓昔字,卻偏偏與公主長得像,于是被迫代替她去往敵國和親作郭。 傳聞我的和親對(duì)象是個(gè)殘疾皇子弦疮,可洞房花燭夜當(dāng)晚...
    茶點(diǎn)故事閱讀 45,044評(píng)論 2 355

推薦閱讀更多精彩內(nèi)容

  • **2014真題Directions:Read the following text. Choose the be...
    又是夜半驚坐起閱讀 9,511評(píng)論 0 23
  • 有種失落挂捅,即使你我之間零距離,你也無法領(lǐng)略我滿心的欣喜闲先! 有種欣喜无蜂,即使你我相隔千萬里,你也能感同身受我戰(zhàn)栗的歡愉斥季!
    藍(lán)璇_閱讀 177評(píng)論 0 0
  • 在朋友圈看到有關(guān)奧南朵的一些推介,然后買了她的書《對(duì)生命說是》舵揭。 必須承認(rèn),首先吸引我的是奧南朵的笑容午绳,其次才是她...
    風(fēng)行水上96閱讀 2,032評(píng)論 2 2
  • 鬼節(jié)拦焚,十五夜蜡坊。 小西在狼寶寶窩點(diǎn)一盤餃子赎败,慢悠悠的吃著。小西吃餃子和別人不一樣僵刮,她蘸番茄醬。領(lǐng)座是一位老饕若河,看到她...
    Quelle_Xiao閱讀 261評(píng)論 0 0