Loneliness is everywhere in the world of psychology these days – the subject of so many studies, articles and talks that you sometimes wish the loneliness researchers would go away, so you could just get some damn time to yourself. Perhaps you knew that loneliness can be lethal: it's linked to heart disease, insomnia and depression, and is a better predictor than obesity of an early death.
如今波桩，心理領(lǐng)域充斥著孤獨(dú)這一話題粪狼。許許多多的研究腮介、文章和講話都圍繞著孤獨(dú)，有時(shí)候婴程，你多么希望這些研究人員都走開，給自己留些時(shí)間清靜一下。你可能也知道，孤獨(dú)具有致命的危險(xiǎn)：心臟病委乌、失眠和抑郁癥均與孤獨(dú)有關(guān)，孤獨(dú)比肥胖癥能更有效地預(yù)示壽命的縮短荣回。
But the new spin on loneliness is that we ought to welcome it, in modest doses. “As long as we then do what we should do – reconnect with people – then loneliness is a good thing,” the German psychologist Maike Luhmann said. “This is a sign from our psychological systems that there's something off.” It's a “biological warning system” that evolved over millennia, alerting us to potentially dangerous levels of isolation. True, isolation isn't so dangerous today: a friendless Londoner is less likely to starve, or be eaten, than a friendless prehistoric hunter-gatherer. But there's a reason the pang of loneliness hurts so much.
但是關(guān)于孤獨(dú)的一個(gè)新觀點(diǎn)是遭贸，我們應(yīng)該適度地接受孤獨(dú)⌒娜恚“只要我們?cè)诟械焦陋?dú)后采取積極的方式應(yīng)對(duì)壕吹，即重新和他人保持聯(lián)絡(luò)，那么孤獨(dú)就是一件好事情删铃《幔”德國(guó)心理學(xué)家邁克·盧曼說(shuō)道×匝洌“這是心理機(jī)制產(chǎn)生的信號(hào)咒劲，告訴我們某些地方出現(xiàn)了問(wèn)題。”這個(gè)“生物警告機(jī)制”經(jīng)過(guò)幾千年演化而形成腐魂，旨在告誡我們小心嚴(yán)重程度上的孤立帐偎。誠(chéng)然，孤立在當(dāng)今社會(huì)沒有過(guò)去那么的危險(xiǎn)：同一個(gè)孤身一人的史前狩獵采集者相比蛔屹，一個(gè)孤獨(dú)的倫敦人被餓死或者被野獸吃掉的可能性遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)小得多削樊。但毋庸置疑，孤獨(dú)所帶來(lái)的痛苦也是刻骨銘心的判导。
This notion gets greeted with surprise – loneliness, a good thing? – but the surprising thing is that we ever imagined otherwise. Why would we have developed this response to isolation if it didn't serve some purpose? This becomes obvious if you consider physical pain. A throbbing ache in your abdomen isn't pleasant, but it's a “good thing” if it prompts you to head to the doctor's and address whatever's causing it. In programming parlance, pain isn't a bug; it's a feature.
這一觀點(diǎn)引來(lái)許多質(zhì)疑——孤獨(dú)怎么會(huì)是一件好事情嫉父？但令我納悶的是，為什么以往我們會(huì)認(rèn)為孤獨(dú)是一件壞事情眼刃。如果孤獨(dú)沒有起任何作用的話绕辖，那為什么我們會(huì)逐漸形成這種對(duì)孤立的反應(yīng)呢？如果我們考慮一下身體上的疼痛擂红，答案就顯而易見了仪际。腹部一陣抽痛自然令人不悅，但這若使你去看醫(yī)生昵骤，明白疼痛的原因并為之采取措施树碱，那么疼痛未嘗不是件“好事情”。用編程的語(yǔ)言來(lái)說(shuō)变秦，疼痛不是個(gè)故障成榜，而是種功能。
If we tend to resist thinking about emotions in this way – as warning bells – that's probably because it sounds like dispensing blame. Telling lonely people they ought to get out more seems to imply it's their fault they're lonely. Likewise, some forms of depression are a rational response to a bad situation you need to address: maybe it's time to leave a relationship, or confront an inner conflict. But we'd rather not hear that; blaming a “chemical imbalance” seems less daunting. We treat depression as the problem, when it's often better thought of as a symptom.
如果我們通常不以這種思路去看待情緒蹦玫，不把情緒作為一種警鈴赎婚，那可能是由于他人的建議聽上去像是責(zé)備。跟孤獨(dú)的人說(shuō)樱溉，你們應(yīng)該多出去走走跟他人交流挣输，這似乎是在暗示，孤獨(dú)是他們自己的錯(cuò)福贞。同樣撩嚼，一些抑郁癥是對(duì)糟糕現(xiàn)狀的理性回應(yīng)，提醒你行動(dòng)起來(lái)應(yīng)對(duì)當(dāng)下的情況：可能是時(shí)候結(jié)束這段戀情了挖帘，或者是時(shí)候面對(duì)自己內(nèi)心沖突了完丽。但是我們不希望聽到這種解釋；把問(wèn)題歸咎于“化學(xué)失衡”似乎讓人不那么害怕拇舀。我們把抑郁癥作為問(wèn)題來(lái)看待逻族，卻不知將它作為一種癥狀來(lái)看通常會(huì)產(chǎn)生更好的結(jié)果。
The nasty twist in this is that loneliness, like depression, can turn chronic. A vicious circle begins. You come to see your surroundings as hostile – they're making you feel bad, after all – so you respond to others in unfriendly ways, or avoid contact altogether. This kind of loneliness demands a skilful response: you need to heed the warning bell, while not heeding the thoughts to which it gives rise, telling you to pull away. Reach out, even if it feels unappealing. Once again, the analogy with physical pain is helpful. Surgery's rarely appealing, either, but sometimes it's exactly what you need.
需要擔(dān)心的是你稚，孤獨(dú)像抑郁癥一樣瓷耙，可能會(huì)發(fā)展為長(zhǎng)期性的，引發(fā)惡性循環(huán)刁赖。你慢慢地覺得搁痛，你的周圍對(duì)你持?jǐn)骋晳B(tài)度——總之，他們令你不舒服宇弛，所以你對(duì)他們也不友好鸡典，或者干脆就不與他們接觸了。這時(shí)候就要求你巧妙地應(yīng)對(duì)了：你需要注意到孤獨(dú)這一警鈴枪芒，勇敢地走出去彻况，與他人交流接觸，而不是聽從這警鈴誘發(fā)的想法——回避逃離舅踪。走出去同他人交流纽甘，你可能不想這樣做，那就再拿身體上的疼痛做個(gè)類比吧抽碌。當(dāng)身體不舒服時(shí)悍赢，你可能也不想去做手術(shù)，但有時(shí)這恰恰就是你所需要的货徙。
