如果你還在糾結(jié)“老媽和女朋友掉水里先救誰”這種問題褐隆，那你真的是上一個(gè)時(shí)代的人了。
現(xiàn)在剖踊，流行掉水里的是輔導(dǎo)員好嗎庶弃？
“如果你的輔導(dǎo)員掉進(jìn)了水里，那你的專業(yè)能干些什么德澈？”一起看看這些神回答吧歇攻，笑哭……
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Economics
?當(dāng)然是讓市場這只看不見的手拉他一把呀。
Use Market the Invisible Hand to pull him up, of course.
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Simultaneous Interpretation
輔導(dǎo)員：救命鞍鹪臁缴守！
我：Help!
輔導(dǎo)員：誰來救救我啊镇辉？
我：Can anybody help me?
輔導(dǎo)員：我不會(huì)游泳屡穗！
我：I can't swim!
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Fashion Design
把這悲傷的記憶做到下一季的靈感板里面。
Put this sad memory on next season's mood board.
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Graphic Design
打開PS忽肛，使用魔棒工具選擇水中的輔導(dǎo)員村砂，用 ctrl 和 alt 兩個(gè)快捷鍵調(diào)整輔導(dǎo)員的細(xì)節(jié)，新建一張干爽的地面屹逛，新建一個(gè)復(fù)制圖層础废。
Open Photoshop. Use Wand tool to select the counselor. Use the hot keys Ctrl and Alt to alter the details of him. Create a new layer with dry ground in it. Make a copy layer.
嗯，這是最快的辦法煎源，雖然輔導(dǎo)員會(huì)掉不少頭發(fā)色迂，不過他現(xiàn)在上岸了。
Right, this is the fastest way. Although he'll lose a lot of hair, he is on the land now, safe and sound.
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Tourism Management
各位游客大家好手销。我們走近看一下歇僧，這里是我們輔導(dǎo)員落水的地方，大家可以拿出手機(jī)和相機(jī)拍照，10塊錢一張诈悍，記得在后面排隊(duì)哦祸轮。
Attention guys. Let's have a closer look here. This is where the counselor fell into water. You can take out your phones or your cameras to take some photos. The price for each shot is 10 RMB. Please stay in a queue.
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Media Studies
幫學(xué)校辟謠〗那“我們并沒有這個(gè)輔導(dǎo)員适袜。”
Help the school deny it. "There was no such a counselor here."
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Animation
導(dǎo)員兒跋隙帷苦酱！你看我渲染的這個(gè)水面，和你看到的是不是一樣案疫萤？你看你看，還支持水花呢敢伸！
Mr. Counselor! Look at this water surface that I just rendered. Is it the same of what you see there? Look! It even supports the spray effect!
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Clinical Psychology
如果他會(huì)游泳扯饶，等他上岸了給他做個(gè)PTSD心理疏導(dǎo)。
If he can swim, I'll wait for him to get on the land again and do a PTSD counseling with him.?
如果他不會(huì)游泳池颈，那就去給他的家人做心理疏導(dǎo)好了尾序。
If he cannot swim, I guess I can go and do a PTSD counseling with his family.
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Biological Engineering
加入大量乙醚，利用溶解性和密度的差異把輔導(dǎo)員萃取出來躯砰。
Add a lot of diethyl ether, extract the counselor out by manipulating the difference of solubleness and density.
如果輔導(dǎo)員掉在河里找不見了每币，可以減壓蒸餾減少一下河水的量。
If I already can't see him in the river, I can do a reduced pressure distillation to get rid of some water.
也可以先做個(gè)核磁弃揽，看看這是不是我的輔導(dǎo)員脯爪，他可能發(fā)生了分子內(nèi)重排。
Or maybe we should do MR scanning first to see if he is still my counselor since he may have experienced intramolecular rearrangement.
其實(shí)我也不介意直接在加了輔導(dǎo)員的河水里開個(gè)反應(yīng)矿微，他可能可以當(dāng)催化劑痕慢。
Of course, I won't mind to just start a reaction in the water in which the counselor has been added. He may work as a catalyst.
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Elementary Education
小朋友們，輔導(dǎo)員老師掉到水里了涌矢，太危險(xiǎn)了掖举！我趕快來想想辦法吧！我們可以找大象哥哥來幫忙娜庇，他可以把輔導(dǎo)員撈上來塔次。我們也可以找河馬叔叔來幫忙，他可以把輔導(dǎo)員拖上來名秀。大家快開動(dòng)自己的小腦袋瓜励负，想想我們還能用什么辦法把輔導(dǎo)員老師救上來吧是鬼。
Attention, kids!?Mr. Counselor has just fallen into the river.?This is very, very dangerous.?Let's find a way to save him.?We can ask Mr. Elephant to salvage him.?We can also ask Uncle Hippo to pull him up.?Now, use your little brains. Do we have other ways to save Mr. Counselor from drowning?
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Human Resource Management
招聘人來撈他饺蔑。
Hire people to salvage him.?
培訓(xùn)撈他的人。
Train these people.?
給撈他的人打績效袖外，給錢激勵(lì)那些努力撈的人，辭退撈不著的人略吨。
Manage their performance.?Use extra money to motivate those who work hard.?Fire those who failed to salvage him.?
按照掉河規(guī)律制定打撈用人規(guī)劃集币。
Do some human resource planning for the salvage job based on his regularity of falling.
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Computer Science
重新定義一個(gè)輔導(dǎo)員。
Redefine Counselor.
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Chinese Language and Literature
遂著《撈師表》翠忠。
Write an article called Memorial on Salvaging the Counselor.
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Philosophy
首先我們要回答一個(gè)問題：輔導(dǎo)員的本質(zhì)是什么鞠苟？
First, we need to answer a question: What is the essence of a counselor?
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Information Safety
屏蔽附近所有的通訊設(shè)備，阻止有人報(bào)警秽之。
Screen all the communication equipments in this area. Prevent anyone from calling the police.
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Finance
估算一下他的剩余價(jià)值和可變現(xiàn)凈值当娱。
Estimate his surplus value and net realizable value.
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Painting
給他畫個(gè)像吧。但是一切發(fā)生得太快了考榨，可能只能畫出印象派的趾访。
Paint a portrait for him. But this is happening too fast. I guess I can only make it in the impressionistic way.
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Software Engineering
讓他再重現(xiàn)一次掉落過程，我好找bug董虱。
Let him reproduce the process of falling into water, so that I can find where the bug is.
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Water Supply and Sewerage Engineering
你算是問對(duì)人了。當(dāng)然是把水處理得干凈一點(diǎn)呀申鱼。
Yeah, you're asking the right person. I'll surely make the water cleaner.
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Physics
輔導(dǎo)員不會(huì)憑空產(chǎn)生愤诱，也不會(huì)憑空消失，只能從一種形式的輔導(dǎo)員轉(zhuǎn)換為另一種形式的輔導(dǎo)員捐友。其過程中淫半，輔導(dǎo)員的總量保持不變。
A counselor cannot be created or destroyed. It just switches from one form of existence to another. The total amount of counselors stays the same in this process.
同學(xué)們匣砖，考驗(yàn)?zāi)銈儗I(yè)水平的時(shí)候到了科吭！
面對(duì)落水的輔導(dǎo)員同志，你們還能做些什么猴鲫？
