I'm coming back. Not back to China yet, but back to the real life, to the society.
Having been staying in the UK for almost a year, I don't bother by work anymore (no more reports to make, no more responsibility to shoulder as a colleague, no more worries about buying a house or a car, no more comparison between co-workers in terms of wages). I was sick of these when I quitted my job and headed for the UK.
However, these awful things are coming in the near future when I'm back to China. All the things mentioned above kinda freak me out.?
?I hand in the master's thesis on 10 August which is more than two weeks ago and nearly three weeks. Life seems pointless since then. What's the meaning of my surviving. Nevertheless, when I write things down, I feel so stupid about these questions cuz of course I'm there for some reasons. At least my existence brings glory to my family especially my grandma.
I'm addicted to my phone and waste a significant amount of time scrolling on my mobile phone while feeling bad about it. The whole week I just feel awful for not doing somethings. At the same time, I unconsciously pay much more attention to my bf as I was quite free and have no idea what to do. Yet, he was busy on make the poster thus I turned irritated at him for not paying much attention on me. It is not his fault tho. It is just due to my empty heart. To fill the hole, something should be done. That why I start writing something on the internet, but this second post on this platform instead of WeChat because I always feel cringey at what I've written and said. That's the reason why I switch the place to post my text and decide to keep it to myself.
Writing appears to lift my mood which I cannot explain the reason. Perhaps it offers opportunities for me to talk to myself cuz I usually am a listener. I might be a bad listener before but right not some progress have been made.
To be continued...
