It's Gonna Be a Long Trip

He walks around the house, twice, and when he comes back to the front door, the summer has already been very hot. He feels the sweat on his collar, and the noise of a fan, rolling inside the house. These feelings seem to remind him of the mosquitos and bright sunshine over his head. He stands in front of this house, for a little while, and becomes extremely thirsty. It is as if all the colors inside his heart all at once explode mercilessly, and what left on his tongue is but thick layers of gray pigments. He hesitates for a long time, but finally makes up his mind. He comes to the door, and knocks on it with his knuckles, for exactly three times.

she does not answer it. He smiles, but with his eyes full of emptiness. About one minute has passed, finally, she breaks the silence. He hears the friction between her slippers and the wood floor, but when she actually opens the door, without any hesitation, he steps back with the shrink of his shoulders, almost instinctively.

"I have told you, we are done." She says. She is hollow-eyes, with purple bruises around her eyes, and her sunken cheeks are covered up by her withered golden hair. However, she has no tears now. He can only see her head from this angle, but he is sure that she is clenching her fists: she used to say that it was the only way for her to remain rational when she was on the edge of breakdowns. When he thinks of it, he feels the pain, as if someone is piercing his chest with needles.

he is crestfallen, like he is a child who waits for the punishments from his mother for what he has done; but she stands in silence, and her eyes are on him, like a beam with sunshine without any temperature.

he wets his lips:" I'm sorry."

"No, you are not." She raises her head. He pulls open his mouth, suddenly does not know whether he should cry or smile. Endless streams of force converge at his arms, and all of sudden he reaches her with his hands, trying to bend his arms into an awkward embrace. This time the repulsion overflows her eyes, so she steps forward and pushes him back with all her might, and slams the door. The pounding awakens his deepest desperation. "Please! This is the last time!" He begs her, and he almost kneels on the floor, "I just want to have a look at it for the last time, and maybe have some water. Please..."

She speaks nothing at first. Later on, she finally opens the door. "Come on in." She says. ?He looks into her eyes, which have bored by tiredness, and trembles as he walks into the house. Nothing has changed inside, and every corner is crowded with heavy sweetness and memories. Dark shadows of the shutter are projected on the white wall, and an old photo, which has not faded yet, is also hung on the wall. There are three people in the photo: she, in her yellow dress; a girl with stumpy plaits, who stands on her left hand side; and of course he, whose brown eyes are not polluted by the black melancholy in his soul. He stares at this photo, tells himself that once she was also young and fair, and finally utters a silent cry. There used to be a stained glass ashtray on the table, and maybe a few books, piled up randomly. Now they are all gone, without the need to show him how they have disappeared.

She walks out from the kitchen, with a glass of water on her hands, and it was he who bought the glass a few years ago. He says:" Thank you." And sits on the sofa. He has been putting great efforts to prevent himself from falling.

He pauses for a few seconds, asking her:" How's Linda recently?"

"She's fine." Her voice is coarse, "She transferred to another school."

"What? Another school?" He exclaims with amazement.

"Yes. You know, she doesn't wanna see you."

Yes, he understands. He has brought this family with pains, derangement, sticky tears and leaden blood. Now he is gone, the days of tortures come to an end.

"Why didn't she tell me about it?" His voice trembles.

"She's already eighteen. She can make her own decisions now."

"When was it?"

"A few weeks ago. She got admitted by a private college."

"...What about the tuition?"

"I said to you once, I could raise her up. Without you I could still make it." She seems annoyed, though he does not understand why.

"How tall is she now?" He feels he has nothing left except for a dead sense of peace.

"Maybe six inches, maybe less." She sighs, "I haven't seen her for a while either."

"I will still send the money to you from time to time..."

"I said, I could raise her up!" She emphasized on the last three words on purpose.

Now, they again fall into silence. He may have a thousand sentences to tell her, but they just dissolve into the water, the water inside the glass he is holding, and he gulps them back to his stomach. Sunshine from the outside roasted his heart cold. He smiles, see her in red T-shirt turn around, and her wizened back cut the humid and hot air into pieces. He thinks she is more beautiful now, more beautiful than any time in her life. He wants to say to her, that how he loves her countenance now, "devastated", as it is written in a novel. However, he has long lost the ability to tell her about it. "She hates me." He says to himself, "She will hate me for the rest of her life."

Even though, he still desires to touch her, softly and gently, for the last time. He wants to embrace her with all his tenderness, as what he used to do. He cannot suppress this desire so he runs to her, but it scares her. She jumps back and cries out:" Don't touch me!" She is like a kitten with its fur stuck out.

Her eyes are full of tears now, and again, turns red. Her arms cross in front of her chest, and her hands grip her shoulders, tightly, as a way of self-defense. His breath is stopped, and he is petrified into a statue. His takes back his right hand, which tries to touch her face, and puts it on his forehead. Orange light runs over his fingers, and paints his hair white, as if all the ages just make a turn and stop on his head. He suddenly feels tired, like an elderly, who is drunk with dizziness, so he walks backwards to the sofa, and sits down, with his eyes closed.

She watches him from a distance. His profile is blurred and faded into colors of the summer. "What's your job now?" She asked and pretends not to care about him. She snaps fetches out a cigarette from the pocket, igniting it with a lighter. Smoke arises and builds a wall between them. She used to hate smoking that much, but now it is all changed. She shakes off the dust on her fingers, says:" I am fine, both now and then. I'm good."

"I find another job. I'm good, too." He finds it so hard to talk, so he sips some water.

"Still drink alcohol?"

"No. That has become a history."

A bitter smile appears across her face. She blows some heavy smoke rings into the air, so they rise upwards in the dimmed light. "I happened to walk past our house, no, I mean, your house, so I decide to come in and have a look. For the last time." His eyes skim across the room, the room he is so familiar with, but finally he steads his sight on her face, "I am totally changed now. I always think, I am sorry. I owe you this."

"...You still know how to say sorry." All of sudden she bursts into tears, so she turns her face aside, with her head raised. He can barely see her forehead. "You just walk away, and that's it." She complains, which makes his life meaningful again.

"I thought you didn't want to see me." He shakes his head and looks down at the glass. Half of the water is left, and he sees his colorful but twisted reflection on the glass. She laughs coldly, walking to the window directly, opening it, and throwing the cigarette outside. "Are you finished?" She frowns. He ignores her question, and mumbles:

"I think I need to go away for a while."

"To where?"

"I don't know. I just wanna get out of this city."

"When will you come back?"

"I don't know. It's gonna be a long trip."

"How long?"

"I don't know." He is satisfied. "She cares about me." He says to himself silently, "and that's enough. Even too much."

"What are you going to do?"

"No, nothing. Good, that's enough. Good. Great." He stands up and heads to the door, "Thank you. Thank you for the water and for letting me in. I guess now it's enough. Thanks, I gotta go. I gotta go. Bye... Goodbye my..." He opens the door and looks back at her face, for the last sight. He does not wait for her to have any reaction, and closes the door.

He runs away, following the path outside the house. He is afraid to turn around, afraid that she will get out and chase after him, as what they did when they first got married. However, she doesn't, for this time. When they first got married they belonged to each other, but now it is different. They are two kites, high up in the sky, flying separately. When he runs out of his breath, he starts to walk, and walks for a long time without any pause. Suddenly, he realizes he has come to the railroad, and the whistling of a train is approaching. From her house to this railroad, it has been a long trip.

He smiles, this time without desperation. He lies down on the railroad, and finally finishes his sentence:

"Goodbye, my darling."

The train rolls over his body. Now he forgets everything, including her name.

at night she walks into her bedroom, as usual. When she turns off the light, the smell of summertime spreads out in the air, which makes her feel safe. She does not look outside tonight. She just closes her eyes, and goes into sleep again.

最后編輯于
?著作權歸作者所有,轉載或內容合作請聯(lián)系作者
  • 序言:七十年代末,一起剝皮案震驚了整個濱河市抱冷,隨后出現(xiàn)的幾起案子往踢,更是在濱河造成了極大的恐慌,老刑警劉巖徘层,帶你破解...
    沈念sama閱讀 218,284評論 6 506
  • 序言:濱河連續(xù)發(fā)生了三起死亡事件峻呕,死亡現(xiàn)場離奇詭異,居然都是意外死亡趣效,警方通過查閱死者的電腦和手機瘦癌,發(fā)現(xiàn)死者居然都...
    沈念sama閱讀 93,115評論 3 395
  • 文/潘曉璐 我一進店門,熙熙樓的掌柜王于貴愁眉苦臉地迎上來跷敬,“玉大人讯私,你說我怎么就攤上這事∥骺” “怎么了斤寇?”我有些...
    開封第一講書人閱讀 164,614評論 0 354
  • 文/不壞的土叔 我叫張陵,是天一觀的道長拥褂。 經(jīng)常有香客問我娘锁,道長,這世上最難降的妖魔是什么饺鹃? 我笑而不...
    開封第一講書人閱讀 58,671評論 1 293
  • 正文 為了忘掉前任莫秆,我火速辦了婚禮间雀,結果婚禮上,老公的妹妹穿的比我還像新娘镊屎。我一直安慰自己惹挟,他們只是感情好,可當我...
    茶點故事閱讀 67,699評論 6 392
  • 文/花漫 我一把揭開白布缝驳。 她就那樣靜靜地躺著连锯,像睡著了一般。 火紅的嫁衣襯著肌膚如雪用狱。 梳的紋絲不亂的頭發(fā)上运怖,一...
    開封第一講書人閱讀 51,562評論 1 305
  • 那天,我揣著相機與錄音齿拂,去河邊找鬼。 笑死肴敛,一個胖子當著我的面吹牛署海,可吹牛的內容都是我干的。 我是一名探鬼主播医男,決...
    沈念sama閱讀 40,309評論 3 418
  • 文/蒼蘭香墨 我猛地睜開眼砸狞,長吁一口氣:“原來是場噩夢啊……” “哼!你這毒婦竟也來了镀梭?” 一聲冷哼從身側響起刀森,我...
    開封第一講書人閱讀 39,223評論 0 276
  • 序言:老撾萬榮一對情侶失蹤,失蹤者是張志新(化名)和其女友劉穎报账,沒想到半個月后研底,有當?shù)厝嗽跇淞掷锇l(fā)現(xiàn)了一具尸體,經(jīng)...
    沈念sama閱讀 45,668評論 1 314
  • 正文 獨居荒郊野嶺守林人離奇死亡透罢,尸身上長有42處帶血的膿包…… 初始之章·張勛 以下內容為張勛視角 年9月15日...
    茶點故事閱讀 37,859評論 3 336
  • 正文 我和宋清朗相戀三年榜晦,在試婚紗的時候發(fā)現(xiàn)自己被綠了。 大學時的朋友給我發(fā)了我未婚夫和他白月光在一起吃飯的照片羽圃。...
    茶點故事閱讀 39,981評論 1 348
  • 序言:一個原本活蹦亂跳的男人離奇死亡乾胶,死狀恐怖,靈堂內的尸體忽然破棺而出朽寞,到底是詐尸還是另有隱情识窿,我是刑警寧澤,帶...
    沈念sama閱讀 35,705評論 5 347
  • 正文 年R本政府宣布脑融,位于F島的核電站喻频,受9級特大地震影響,放射性物質發(fā)生泄漏肘迎。R本人自食惡果不足惜半抱,卻給世界環(huán)境...
    茶點故事閱讀 41,310評論 3 330
  • 文/蒙蒙 一脓恕、第九天 我趴在偏房一處隱蔽的房頂上張望。 院中可真熱鬧窿侈,春花似錦炼幔、人聲如沸。這莊子的主人今日做“春日...
    開封第一講書人閱讀 31,904評論 0 22
  • 文/蒼蘭香墨 我抬頭看了看天上的太陽。三九已至圆兵,卻和暖如春跺讯,著一層夾襖步出監(jiān)牢的瞬間,已是汗流浹背殉农。 一陣腳步聲響...
    開封第一講書人閱讀 33,023評論 1 270
  • 我被黑心中介騙來泰國打工刀脏, 沒想到剛下飛機就差點兒被人妖公主榨干…… 1. 我叫王不留,地道東北人超凳。 一個月前我還...
    沈念sama閱讀 48,146評論 3 370
  • 正文 我出身青樓愈污,卻偏偏與公主長得像,于是被迫代替她去往敵國和親轮傍。 傳聞我的和親對象是個殘疾皇子暂雹,可洞房花燭夜當晚...
    茶點故事閱讀 44,933評論 2 355

推薦閱讀更多精彩內容

  • **2014真題Directions:Read the following text. Choose the be...
    又是夜半驚坐起閱讀 9,505評論 0 23
  • Chapter 1 – Northern Spiritual AcademyThe scorching sun w...
    溪上閱讀 2,986評論 0 4
  • 一、以下五種看似簡單的策略能極為有效地幫助人們實現(xiàn)每日的“高效兩小時”创夜。 1.意識到你的抉擇點杭跪。 只要你開始一項任...
    everfight閱讀 283評論 0 0
  • 學校舉辦了一個活動,給父母做一餐美食驰吓,作為六一節(jié)反饋給父母的一種感恩涧尿。兒子接到老師的通知后躍躍欲試,對我說:媽...
    鄧啟旭鄧君浩媽媽閱讀 270評論 0 1
  • 算算消化得差不多了檬贰,我便換裝下樓準備跑步现斋。小區(qū)里人不是很多,車也不是很多偎蘸,沒有路燈庄蹋,只有路兩邊的住戶和偶爾來過...
    木荇閱讀 176評論 0 0