[Scene Central Perk, everyone's there.]

Monica:?What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it.

Joey:?Yeah, right!.......Y'serious?

Phoebe:?Oh, yeah!

Rachel:?Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.

Monica:?Absolutely.

Chandler:?Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through (v. 一直挺到結(jié)束；耐著性子看完)?before Pink Floyd comes out.

Ross:?Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that... that's not why we bought the ticket.

Chandler:?The problem is, though, aftert he concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian?([k?'mid??n] a.?professional performer who tells jokes and performs comical acts) again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay awake.

Rachel:?Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone.

Joey:?(pause)....Are we still talking about sex?

Opening Credits

[Scene: Museum of Prehistoric History, Ross and a co-worker (Marsha) are setting up an exhibit which includes some mannequins of cave people.]

Ross:?No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- mm- doesn't she seem a little angry?

Marsha:?Well, she has issues.

Ross:?Does she钝诚？

Marsha:?He's out banging [b??]other women over the head ?with a club (指在跟別的女人鬼混), while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon?['m?st?,dɑn]乳齒象 smell out of the carpet（['kɑrp?t]vt. 在…上鋪地毯：n. 地毯）!去除味道

Ross:?Marsha, these are cave people. Okay? They have issues like 'Gee（[d?i]int. 向右论矾！前進熄攘！快３瓜）, that glacier's getting kinda close（那座冰川越來越近了）.' See?

Marsha:?Speaking of issues, isn't that your ex-wife?

(Carol, Ross's ex-wife, has entered behind them and is standing outstide the exhibit.)

Ross:?(trying to ignore her) No. No.

Marsha:?Yes, it is. Carol! Hi!

Ross:?Okay, okay, yes, it is. (waves) How about I'll, uh, catch up with you in the Ice Age.

(Marsha extis and Ross waves Carol into the exhibit.)

Ross:Hi.

Carol: So.

Ross:?You look great. I, uh... I hate that.

Carol:?Sorry. You look good too.

Ross:?Ah, well, in here, anyone who... stands erect（[?'r?kt]adj?upright in position or posture）... So what's new? Still, uh...

Carol:?A lesbian?

Ross:?Well... you never know. How's, um.. how's the family?

Carol:?Marty's still totally paranoid（?n./v. ['p?r?n??d]??suspicious袍祖；has an irrational and obsessive distrust of others）. Oh, and, uh-

Ross:?Why- why are you here, Carol?

Carol:?I'm pregnant.

Ross:?Pregnant?!

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are watching Three's Company.]

Chandler:?Oh, I think this is the episode（['?p?sod] n. a happening that is distinctive in a series of related events） of Three's Company where there's some kind of misunderstanding（n. putting the wrong interpretation on）.

Phoebe:...Then I've already seen this one! (Turns off the TV.)

Monica:?(taking a drink from Joey) Are you through with that?(are you okay)

Joey:?Yeah, sorry, the swallowing(n. [生理] 吞咽)?slowed me down.(v. cause to proceed more slowly)?They?also?help?people who?want?to?modify?accents?or?who have?swallowing?difficulties

Monica:?Whose little ball of paper 小紙團is this?!

Chandler:?Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, and then I realised I didn't need it, so I balled it up（make a mess of, destroy or ruin） and... (sees that Monica is glaring at him) ...now I wish I was dead.

(Monica starts to fluff a pillow.)

Phoebe:?She's already fluffed that pillow... Monica, you know, you've already fluffed that- (Monica glares at her.) -but, it's fine!

Monica:?Look , I'm sorry, guys, I just don't wanna give them any more ammunition（n. information that can be used to attack or defend a claim or argument or viewpoint） than they already have.

Chandler:?Yes, and we all know how cruel(?adj. (of persons or their actions) able or disposed to inflict 給予（打擊等) pain or suffering?) a parent can be about the flatness (?['fl?tn?s]n. the property of having little or no contrast; lacking highlights or gloss)?of a child's pillow.

Phoebe:?Monica- Hi! Um, Monica, you're scaring me. I mean, you're like, you're like all chaotic （[ke'ɑt?k]?adj?lacking a visible order or organization）and twirly（twirl?v?turn in a twisting or spinning motion）. And not-not in a good way.

Joey:?Yeah, calm down. You don't see Ross getting all chaotic and twirly every time they come.

Monica:?That's because as far as my parents are concerned, Ross can do no wrong. Y'see, he's the Prince. Apparently（ad?[?'p?r?ntli]?adv?from appearances alone）they had some（[s?m;s?m]） big ceremony before I was born.

Chandler:?(looking out the window) Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew!

Monica:?What?

Chandler:?Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster!美腿器

All:?Eeaagh!

(Rachel enters from her room.)

Rachel:?Has anybody seen my engagement （?[?n'ɡed?m?nt]?n?a mutual promise to marry）ring?

Phoebe:?Yeah, it's beautiful.

Rachel:?Oh God, oh God, oh God oh God oh God oh God.... (Starts to look under the couch cushions.)

Phoebe:?No, look, don't touch that!別動他們

Rachel:?Oh, like I wasn't dreading?（[dr?d]?v?be afraid or scared of; be frightened of）tomorrow enough, having to give it back to him... 'Hi Barry! Remember me? I'm the girl in the veil（?[vel]?n?a garment that covers the head and face） who stomped（?[stɑmp]?v?walk heavily） on跺腳怖辆，踐踏，重踏 your heart in front of 當著…的面your entire family!' Oh God and now I'm gonna have to return the ring, without the ring, which makes it so much harder...in the front of?在前部

Monica:?Easy Rach, we'll find it. (To all) Won't we!

Chandler and Joey: Oh! Yeah!

Joey:?Alright, when'd'ya have it on last?

Phoebe:?Doy!（What a stupid question!The answer is obvious） Probably right before she lost it!

Chandler:?You don't get a lot of 'doy' these days...

Rachel:?I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with...

Chandler:?...Dinah?面條

Rachel:?(looks at the lasagne and realizes something) Ohhhhh, don't be mad...

Monica:?You didn't.

Rachel:?Oh, I am sorry...

Monica:?I gave you one job!我就給了你一件差事你還干成這樣裕菠！?(Starts to examin the lasagne through the bottom of the glass pan.)

Rachel:?Oh, but look how straight those noodles are!

Chandler:?Now, Monica, you know that's not how you look for an engagement ring in a lasagne（?[l??sɑnj?]?n?baked dish of layers of lasagna?烤寬面條 pasta with sauce and cheese and meat or vegetables）...

Monica:?(puts down the lasagne) I just... can't do it.

Chandler:?Boys? We're going in.

(Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe start to pick through the lasagne as there's a knock on the door which Monica answers.)

Ross:?(standing outside the door).....Hi.

Monica:?Wow. That is not a happy hi.

Ross:?Carol's pregnant.

Phoebe:?(while everyone else is stunned) Ooh! I found it!

Monica:?W-w-wh-... wha-... w-w-w-...

Ross:?Yeah. Do that for another two hours, you might be where I am right about now. (He enters.)我現(xiàn)在這樣

Chandler:?Kinda puts that whole pillow thing in perspective 正確地, huh, Mon?

Rachel:?Well now, how-how do you fit into適應 this whole thing?

Ross:?Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved, but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved?basically(advin essence; at bottom or by one's (or its) very nature) it's totally up to me.

Phoebe:?She is so great! I miss her.

Monica:?What does she mean by 'involved'?

Chandler:?I mean presumably([pr?'zum?bli]?adv?by reasonable assumption), the biggest part of your job is done.

Ross:?Anyway, they want me to go down (?vmove downward and lower, but not necessarily all the way) to?this- sonogram(['sɑn?ɡr?m]nan image of a structure that is produced by ultrasonography (reflections of high-frequency sound waves); used to observe fetal growth or to study bodily organs0 thing with them tomorrow.

Rachel:?So what are you gonna do?

Ross:?I have no idea. No matter what I do, though, I'm still gonna be a father.

(Joey starts to eat the rest of the lasagne and everyone turns and stares at him.)

Joey:?.....Well, this is still ruined, right?

[Scene, Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Ross are pouring wine for their parents.]

Mrs. Geller:?Oh, Martha Ludwin's daughter is gonna call you. (Tastes a snack) Mmm! What's that curry(?['k?i]n(East Indian cookery) a pungent dish of vegetables or meats flavored with curry powder and usually eaten with rice) taste?

Monica:?Curry.

Mrs. Geller: Mmmm!

Ross:?I- I think they're great! I, I really do.

Mr. Geller:?(To Ross) Do you remember the Ludwins? The big one had a thing for you,對……有強烈的好感 didn't she?

Mrs. Geller:?They all had a thing for him.

Ross:?Aw, Mom...

Monica:?I'm sorry, why is this girl going to call me?

Mrs. Geller:?Oh, she just graduated, and she wants to be something in cooking, or food, or.... I don't know. Anyway, I told her you had a restaurant-

Monica:?No Mom, I don't have a restaurant, I work in a restaurant.

Mrs. Geller:?Well, they don't have to know that... (She starts to fluff the same pillow Monica fluffed multiple times earlier.)

Monica:?Ross, could you come and help me with the spaghetti(?[sp?'ɡ?ti]nspaghetti served with a tomato sauce), please?

Ross:?Yeah. (They go to the kitchen.)

Mrs. Geller:?Oh, we're having spaghetti! That's.... easy.

?Monica:?I know this is going to sound unbelievably selfish, but, were you planning on(vt. 打算咬清，計劃?)bringing up(If you?bring up?a particular subject, you introduce it into a discussion or conversation) the whole baby/lesbian thing? Because I think it might take some of the heat off me.減輕一點我的壓力。

[Time Lapse, everyone is now eating.]

Mrs. Geller:?What that Rachel did to her life.... We ran into?(If you?run into?someone, you meet them unexpectedly)her parents at the club, they were not playing very well.

Mr. Geller:?I'm not gonna tell you what they spent on that wedding... but forty thousand dollars is a lot of money!

Mrs. Geller:?Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar（?['?lt?]n?a raised structure on which gifts or sacrifices to a god are made）...

Monica:?What's that supposed to mean?

Mrs. Geller:?Nothing! It's an expression.

Monica:?No it's not.

Mr. Geller:?Don't listen to your mother. You're independent, and you always have been! Even when you were a kid... and you were chubby（?['t??bi] a.?slightly fat in a way that looks healthy and attractive）, and you had no friends, you were just fine! And you would read alone in your room, and your puzzles([p?zls]?n?a game that tests your ingenuity)...

[Time Lapse.]

Mr. Geller:?Look, there are people like Ross who need to shoot for (shoot at, v?have an ambitious plan or a lofty goal)the stars設立遠大目標, with his museum, and his papers getting published（表達很好）. Other people are satisfied with staying where they are安于現(xiàn)狀- I'm telling you, these are the people who never get cancer.

[Time Lapse.]

Mr. Geller:?...And I read about（read of奴潘，閱讀關(guān)于…的文章(或書籍)）?these women trying to have it all（adj. 全部的旧烧；adv. 全然地；越發(fā)萤彩；n. 全部粪滤；pron. 全部）, and I thank God 'Our Little Harmonica' doesn't seem to have that problem.

Monica:?(trying desperately to change the subject) So, Ross, what's going on with you? Any stories? (Digs her elbow into his hand.) No news, no little anecdotes（['?n?k,dot] n.A short, amusing true story?） to share with the folks(?[fok]?n. people descended from a common ancestor)?

Ross:?(pulls his hand away) Okay! Okay. (To his parents) Look, I, uh- I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me, and, so, well, here's the deal你看這樣行不行. Carol's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Susan. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Susan are going to raise the baby.

(Stunned silence ensues.)

Mrs. Geller:?(To Monica) And you knew about this?!

Commercial Break

[Scene: Central Park, everyone's there.]

Joey:?Your folks are really that bad, huh?

Ross:?Well, y'know, these people are pros（n?an athlete who plays for pay）. They know what they're doing, they take their time, they get the job done.

Monica:?Boy, I know they say you can't change your parents,... boy, if you could- (To Ross) -I'd want yours.

Ross:?Must pee. (Goes to pee.)

Phoebe:?Y'know, it's even worse when you're twins.

Rachel:?You're twins?

Phoebe:?Yeah. We don't speak. She's like this high-powered（a. vigorously energetic or forceful）, driven career type.一心追求事業(yè)的人

Chandler:?What does she do?

Phoebe:?She's a waitress.?

Rachel:?All right, you guys, I kinda gotta clean up (vput (things or places) in order)?now. (They all start to leave.)

Monica:?Chandler, you're an only child, right?你是獨子？ You don't have any of this.

Chandler:?Well, no, although I did have an imaginary?（?[?'m?d??n?ri]adj?not based on fact; unreal）friend, who... my parents actually preferred.

Rachel:?The lights, please..

(Joey turns off the lights, and they all leave as Rachel starts to clean up.? Ross enters from the bathroom.)

Ross:?...How long was I in there?

Rachel:?I'm just cleaning up.

Ross:?D'ya.. uh.. Do you?need any help?

Rachel:?Uh.. okay, sure! Thanks! (She hands him the broom and sits down.)

Ross:?Anyway.. um.. (Starts to sweep.) So, you- uh- you nervous about Barry tomorrow?

Rachel:?Oh.. a little..

Ross:?Mm-hmm..

Rachel:?A lot.

Ross:?Mm.

Rachel:?So, got any advice? Y'know, as someone who's recently been- dumped（v?sever斷絕 all ties with, usually unceremoniously隨便地 or irresponsibly）?

Ross:?Well, you may wanna steer(v?direct (oneself) somewhere)?clear of?避開 the word 'dumped'. Chances（n?a possibility due to a favorable combination of circumstances） are he's gonna be this, this broken shell貝殼 of a man痛不欲生, y'know, so you should try not to look too terrific（[t?'r?f?k]?adj?extraordinarily good or great ; used especially as intensifiers）, I know it'll be hard. Or, y'know, uh, hey!, I'll go down there, and I'll give Barry back his ring, and you can go with Carol and Susan to the OB/GYN...

Rachel:?Oh, you've got Carol tomorrow.. When did it get so complicated?

Ross:?Got me.

Rachel:?Remember when we were in high school together?

Ross:?Yeah.

Rachel:?I mean, didn't you think you were just gonna meet somone, fall in love- and that'd be it? (Ross gazes at her.) ..Ross?

Ross:?Yes, yes!

Rachel:?Oh! Man, I never thought I'd be here.. (She leans back onto his hand.)

Ross:?Me either... (He pulls up a stool so that he doesn't have to move his hand.)

[Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, Carol is waiting.]

Ross:?(entering) Sorry I'm late, I was stuck（a.?something that's frozen or fixed in one place and can't be moved.?）?at work. There was this big dinosaur?[?da?n??s?r].. thing.. anyway.

(Susan enters holding a drink.)

Susan: Hi.

Carol:?Ross, you remember Susan.

Ross:?How could I forget?

Susan:?Ross.

Ross:?(they shake hands) Hello, Susan. (To Carol) Good shake. Good shake. So, uh, we're just waiting for...?

Carol:?Dr. Oberman.

Ross:?..Dr. Oberman. Okay. And is he-

Susan:?She.

Ross:?-she, of course, she- uh- familiar with our.. special situation?

Carol:?Yes, and she's very supportive.

Ross:?Okay, that's great. (Susan gives her drink to Carol.) No, I'm- Oh.?

Carol:?Thanks.

Ross:?(picks up a surgical instrament and mimes a duck with it) Quack, quack..

Carol:?Ross? That opens my cervix. (He drops it in horror.)

[Scene Barry's office, Barry is working on patient, Robbie, as Rachel enters.]

Rachel:?Barry?

Barry:?Come?in.

Rachel:?(hesitates) Are you sure?

Barry:?Yeah! It's fine, it's fine. Robbie's gonna be here for hours.

Robbie:?Huh?!

Barry:?So, how ya doin?

Rachel:?I'm- uh- I'm okay... You look great!

Barry:?Yeah, well..

Bernice:?(over intercom) Dr. Farber, Jason Greenstein's gagging.

Barry:?(answering the intercom) Be right there. (To Robbie and Rachel) Be back in a sec.

(As Barry exits Robbie stares at Rachel.)

Rachel:?I dumped him.

Robbie:?Okay.

[Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, they're talking about how this is going to work.]

Ross:?So, um- so how's this, uh, how's this gonna work? Y'know, with us? Y'know, when, like, important decisions have to be made?

Carol:?Give me a 'for instance'.

Ross:?Well, uh, uh, I don't know, okay, okay, how about with the, uh, with the baby's name?

Carol:?Marlon-

Ross:?Marlon?!

Carol:?-if it's a boy, Minnie if it's a girl.

Ross:?...As in Mouse?

Carol:?As in my grandmother.

Ross:?Still, you- you say Minnie, you hear Mouse. Um, how about, um.. how about Julia?

Carol:?Julia..

Susan:?We agreed on Minnie.

Ross:?'S'funny, um, uh, we agreed we'd spend the rest of our lives together. Things change, roll with the punches. I believe Julia's on the table..?

[Scene: Barry's office, Rachel is doing her makeup in the mirror on Barry's lamp as Barry enters.]

Barry:?Sorry about that. So. What have you been up to?

Rachel:?Oh, not much. I-I got a job.

Barry:?Oh, that's great.

Rachel:?Why are- why are you so tanned?

Barry:?Oh, I, uh- I went to Aruba.

Rachel:?Oh no. You went on our honeymoon alone?

Barry:?No. I went with, uh.. Now, this may hurt.

Robbie: Me?!

Barry:?No! (To Rachel) I went with Mindy.

?

?

Rachel:?Mindy?! My maid of honour, Mindy?!

Barry:?Yeah, well, uh, we're kind of a thing now.

Rachel:?Oh! Well, um.. (Grabs his forehand) You've got plugs!

Barry:?Careful! They haven't quite taken yet.

?

Rachel:?And you've got lenses! But you hate sticking your finger in your eye!

Barry:?Not for her. Listen, I really wanted to thank you.

Rachel:?Okay..

Barry:?See, about a month ago, I wanted to hurt you. More than I've ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life. And I'm an orthodontist.

Rachel: Wow.

Barry:?You know, you were right? I mean, I thought we were happy. We weren't happy. But with Mindy, now I'm happy. Spit.

?

?

Rachel:?What?

Robbie:?Me. (Spits.)

Rachel:?Anyway, um, (Gets the ring out of her purse.) I guess this belongs to you. And thank you for giving it to me.

Barry:?Well, thank you for giving it back.

(Barry and Rachel look at each other.)

Robbie:?Hello?!

[Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, they're still arguing about what to name the baby.]

Susan:?Oh, please! What's wrong with Helen?

Ross:?Helen Geller? I don't think so.

Carol:?Hello? It's not gonna be Helen Geller.

Ross:?Thank you!

Carol:?No, I mean it's not Geller.

Ross:?What, it's gonna be Helen Willick?

Carol:?No, actually, um, we talked about Helen Willick-Bunch.

Ross:?Well, wait a minute, wha- why is she in the title?

Susan:?It's my baby too.

Ross:?Oh, 's'funny, really? Um, I don't remember you making any sperm.

Susan:?Yeah, and we all know what a challenge that is!

Carol:?All right, you two, stop it!

?

Ross:?No no no, she gets a credit, hey, I'm in there too.

Carol:?Ross. You're not actually suggesting Helen Willick-Bunch-Geller? 'Cause I think that borders on child abuse.

Ross:?Of course not, I'm... suggesting Geller-Willick-Bunch.

Susan:?Oh, no, nonononono, you see what he's doing? He knows no-one's gonna say all those names, so they'll wind up calling her Geller, then he gets his way!

?

?

Ross:?My way?! You-you think this is my way? Believe me, of all the ways I ever imagined this moment in my life being, this is not my way- y'know what? Uh, um, this is too hard. I'm not, I can't do-

Dr. Oberman:?(entering) Knock knock!How are we today? Any nausea?

All:?Yeah. Yeah. A little.

Dr. Oberman:?Well, I was just wondering about the mother-to-be, but.. thanks for sharing. (To Carol) Uh, lie back..

Ross:?You- uh- y'know what, I'm gonna go. I don't- I don't think I can be involved in this particular thing right now.

(He turns to go, but the sound of the sonogram catches hes ear.? He returns and stares at it.)

Ross:?Oh my God.

Susan:?Look at that.

Carol:?I know.

Closing Credits

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment, everyone is watching the tape of the sonogram. ? Rachel is on the phone.]

Ross:?Well? Isn't that amazing?

Joey:?What are we supposed to be seeing here?

Chandler:?I don’t know, but.. I think it's about to attack the Enterprise.

Phoebe:?You know, if you tilt your head to the left, and relax your eyes, it kinda looks like an old potato.

Ross:?Then don't do that, alright?

Phoebe:?Okay!

Ross:?(walks over to where Monica is standing)?Monica. What do you?think?

Monica:?(welling up) Mm-hmm.

Ross:?Wh- are you welling up?

Monica: No.

Ross:?You are, you're welling up.

Monica:?Am not!

Ross:?You're gonna be an aunt.

Monica:?(pushes him and starts to cry) Oh shut up!

Rachel:?(on phone) Hi, Mindy. Hi, it-it's Rachel. Yeah, I'm fine. I-I saw Barry today. Oh, yeah, yeah he-he told me. No, no, it's okay. I hope you two are very happy, I really do. Oh, oh, and Mind, y'know, if-if everything works out, and you guys end up getting married and having kids- and everything- I just hope they have his old hairline and your old nose. (Slams the phone down.) (To everyone) Okay, I know it was a cheap shot, but I feel so?much better now.