日常生活表明辜王，關(guān)系必然是痛苦不堪的。如果關(guān)系中沒有焦慮罐孝，那就不再是關(guān)系呐馆，而只是舒適的沉睡或催眠狀態(tài)——多數(shù)人對此心馳神往。在渴望舒適與面對現(xiàn)實之間莲兢，在幻相與真實之間汹来，沖突就產(chǎn)生了。如果能看清幻相怒见，那么你就能拋棄幻相俗慈，用心領(lǐng)悟關(guān)系的真相。但是遣耍，如果你想在關(guān)系中尋覓安全感，就會沉溺于舒適與幻相炮车，而關(guān)系的重大意義恰恰在于它的不安全舵变。如果在關(guān)系中尋覓安全，那么你在阻礙關(guān)系的功能瘦穆，從而產(chǎn)生乖張的行為纪隙，并招致災(zāi)難。
無疑扛或，關(guān)系的功能是揭示人的整體生存狀態(tài)绵咱。關(guān)系，是自我呈現(xiàn)熙兔、自我認知的過程悲伶，這種自我展現(xiàn)是充滿痛苦的艾恼，需要你的思維與情感具有柔性，進行持續(xù)調(diào)整麸锉。這是一場痛苦的奮爭钠绍，點綴著覺悟的寧靜。
但花沉，多數(shù)人都逃避或拋棄關(guān)系中的焦慮柳爽，喜歡在心理依賴中享受滿足，在毫無挑戰(zhàn)的安全感碱屁、歸宿感中尋覓輕松與愜意磷脯。這樣，家庭和其他關(guān)系就變成了庇護的港灣娩脾，無思無慮的避難所赵誓。
對關(guān)系的依賴，不可避免地被不安全感吞噬晦雨，此時你就會放棄這份關(guān)系架曹，轉(zhuǎn)而抓緊另一個新關(guān)系，夢想從中發(fā)現(xiàn)更持久的安全感闹瞧。但绑雄，關(guān)系中根本沒有安全感，依賴心只能滋生恐懼奥邮。如果你不能理解安全感與恐懼感的心理機制万牺，那么關(guān)系就會變成一種束縛、障礙和無明洽腺。那樣的話脚粟，生活的全部就成了掙扎與痛苦，除了回歸正思維蘸朋，沒有解脫之路核无，而正思維萌發(fā)于自知之明。
——克里希那穆提《生命書：365觀心日課》（The Book of Life: Daily Meditations with Krishnamurti）
The Function of Relationship
Relationship is inevitably painful, which is shown in our everyday existence. If in relationship there is no tension, it ceases to be relationship and merely becomes a comfortable sleep-state, an opiate—which most people want and prefer. Conflict is between this craving for comfort and the factual, between illusion and actuality. If you recognize the illusion then you can, by putting it aside, give your attention to the understanding of relationship. But if you seek security in relationship, it becomes an investment in comfort, in illusion—and the greatness of relationship is its very insecurity. By seeking security in relationship you are hindering its function, which brings its own peculiar actions and misfortunes.
Surely, the function of relationship is to reveal the state of one’s whole being. Relationship is a process of self-revelation, of self-knowledge. This self-revelation is painful, demanding constant adjustment, pliability of thought-emotion. It is a painful struggle, with periods of enlightened peace …
But most of us avoid or put aside the tension in relationship, preferring the ease and comfort of satisfying dependency, an unchallenged security, a safe anchorage. Then family and other relationships become a refuge, the refuge of the thoughtless.
When insecurity creeps into dependency, as it inevitably does, then that particular relationship is cast aside and a new one taken on in the hope of finding lasting security; but there is no security in relationship, and dependency only breeds fear. Without understanding the process of security and fear, relationship becomes a binding hindrance, a way of ignorance. Then all existence is struggle and pain, and there is no way out of it save in right thinking, which comes through self-knowledge.
MARCH 16
