本文作者Darlene Lancer

了解更多關(guān)于作者的信息回右，請(qǐng)移步：http://www.whatiscodependency.com/https://www.facebook.com/darlene.lancer?fref=nf

Intimacy requires self-esteem

親密關(guān)系需要自尊

We all have needs for both separateness and individuality as well as for being close and connected. Autonomy requires self-esteem – both necessary in relationships. It’s an ability to stand on your own and trust and motivate yourself. But when you don’t like yourself, you’re in miserable company spending time alone. It takes courage to communicate assertively in an intimate relationship—courage that comes with self-acceptance, which enables you to value and honor your feelings and needs and risk criticism or rejection in voicing them. This also means you feel deserving of love and are comfortable receiving it. You wouldn’t waste your time pursuing someone unavailable or push away someone who loved you and met your needs.

我們都需要分離和個(gè)性以及親密和連接境钟。自治需要自尊-在人際關(guān)系里這兩個(gè)都需要令花。它是一種堅(jiān)持依靠自身和相信并激勵(lì)自己的能力阻桅。但是當(dāng)你不喜歡你自己，你就在痛苦的陪伴中孤獨(dú)地花時(shí)間兼都。在親密關(guān)系中堅(jiān)定而自信地交流是需要勇氣的-勇氣來(lái)自自我接納嫂沉，這使你能夠評(píng)價(jià)和尊榮你的感受和需求以及在表述它們的時(shí)候能面對(duì)有風(fēng)險(xiǎn)的批評(píng)或者拒絕。這也意味著你感受到愛(ài)是值得的并且是樂(lè)意接受愛(ài)的扮碧。你不會(huì)浪費(fèi)你的時(shí)間去追逐某個(gè)你得不到的人或者推開(kāi)某個(gè)愛(ài)你并且已滿足你需求的人趟章。

SOLUTIONS

解決方案

Healing toxic shame from childhood takes working with a skilled therapist; however, shame can be diminished, self-esteem raised, and attachment style changed by altering the way you interact with yourself and others. In fact, self-esteem is learned, which is why I wrote10 Steps to Self-EsteemandConquering Shame and Codependency.Both books contain lots of self-help exercises. Sharing at 12-Step meetings is also very beneficial. Because assertiveness can be learned and also raises self-esteem, I wroteHow to Speak Your Mind – Become Assertive and Set Limits,?which guides you in learning those skills.

Couples therapy is an ideal way to achieve greater relationship satisfaction. When one partner refuses to participate, it’s nonetheless helpful if one willing partner does. Research confirms that the improved self-esteem of one partner increases relationship satisfaction for both.[3]Often, when only one person enters therapy, the relationship changes for the better and happiness increases for the couple. If not, the client’s mood improves and he or she is more able to accept the status quo or leave the relationship.

醫(yī)治源于童年的有毒的羞恥羞愧心需要一個(gè)有經(jīng)驗(yàn)技巧的治療師來(lái)做醫(yī)治工作；然而羞恥心能被減弱慎王，自尊心提升了蚓土，變更你與你自己和其他人打交道的方式，依戀附著類(lèi)型就會(huì)改變柬祠。實(shí)際上自尊是被獲悉的北戏。這就是為何我寫(xiě)了“自尊的10個(gè)步驟”和“征服羞恥心和互相依賴”，這兩本書(shū)都包含了許多自我?guī)椭木毩?xí)漫蛔。分享12步驟會(huì)議也同樣非常有獲益嗜愈。因?yàn)閳?jiān)定自信是能被學(xué)習(xí)的，同時(shí)也能提升自尊心莽龟。我寫(xiě)了“如何表達(dá)你的想法-變得堅(jiān)定自信和設(shè)置界限”一書(shū)蠕嫁，這本書(shū)能指導(dǎo)你學(xué)習(xí)那些技能。

夫妻療法是達(dá)到更大的關(guān)系滿意度的理想方式毯盈，當(dāng)一個(gè)同伴拒絕參與剃毒，一個(gè)有意愿參與的同伴還是有用的。研究確認(rèn)在一個(gè)同伴身上得到改善的自尊增加了雙方關(guān)系的滿意度。通常地當(dāng)只有一個(gè)人進(jìn)入治療的時(shí)候赘阀，雙方關(guān)系會(huì)變得更好益缠，夫妻之間的幸福感也提升了。不然的話基公，客戶的情緒改善了幅慌，他/她更加能接受現(xiàn)狀或者離開(kāi)這段關(guān)系。

?Darlene Lancer 2016

達(dá)琳藍(lán)瑟于2016